Illuminatus Trilogy: The Movie

[Apikoros II]

OK.... So I was writing a post for my blog about the Trilogy (Been reading it again and as you might see from my post in Principia Discussion, it has been on my mind) and I had an idea. So again, if been done, yah yah I shoulda searched the post but I am a rather lazy man.... Here goes.... Lets cast Illuminatus Trilogy:The Movie... A few from my head, love to see what others think... from the Major Characters to the most minor---(Oh, so you all know, if Hollywood ever did do this, I am confident they'd fuck it up but what the hell)

Padre Pederastia----John Waters (who also directs)
Joe Malik---- Gary Sinise
Simon Moon---- Johnny Depp
Markoff Chaney---The Angry Little Person that Will Ferrell fights in Elf or Warwick Davis
Hagbard Celine---It's a stretch but I believe in him: Artie Lange
Squirrel in Beginning and End---The one with the big nuts from fark.com
Howard----Flipper or Pauly Shore (Shore has range)
AMA---Green Day? That's a toughie
Saul Goodman---Judd Hirsch
Barney Muldoon----Dennis Leary

Well, I gotta go to bed but that should be a good start

[Faust]

tom green should totally play hagbard.

[hooplala]

Strangely enough, I had also thought of John Waters as the Padre.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

excuse me. i think you meant to say,

Padre Pederastia----Tom Cruise
Joe Malik---- Tom Cruise
Simon Moon---- Tom Cruise
Markoff Chaney---Tom Cruise
Hagbard Celine---Tom Cruise
Squirrel in Beginning and End---Tom Cruise
Howard----Tom Cruise
AMA---Tom Cruise
Saul Goodman---Tom Cruise
Barney Muldoon----Tom Cruise

[Cainad (dec.)]

excuse me. i think you meant to say,

Padre Pederastia----Tom Cruise
Joe Malik---- Tom Cruise
Simon Moon---- Tom Cruise
Markoff Chaney---Tom Cruise
Hagbard Celine---Tom Cruise
Squirrel in Beginning and End---Tom Cruise
Howard----Tom Cruise
AMA---Tom Cruise
Saul Goodman---Tom Cruise
Barney Muldoon----Tom Cruise

Are we looking for ways to maximize Tom Cruise's ability to make us sick of him?

[Cain]

Tom Cruise is now second in command of the CoS.

Allegedly.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Tom Cruise is now second in command of the CoS.

Allegedly.

That rumor is spread by rogue Thetans. By attempting to propogate this lie, you are displaying an inward desire to be cleansed of these Thetans, restrained by your uncooperative conscious mind. Please step into the Dislocation Chamber.

[Triple Zero]

hagbard should be george clooney.

[LMNO]

You should all die a slow, painful death.

[Apikoros II]

All I know is that we are all going to die but I do prefer quick and painless, hopefully eaten by Cthulu, Sharks or Jenna Jameson. She's a cannibal.

[AFK]

Have you seen her lately?  I'd choose the sharks, seriously. 

[Cain]

Sadly yes, and even more sadly, I agree.

[Cramulus]

Padre Pederastia----John Waters (who also directs)
Joe Malik---- Gary Sinise
Simon Moon---- Johnny Depp
Markoff Chaney---The Angry Little Person that Will Ferrell fights in Elf or Warwick Davis
Hagbard Celine---It's a stretch but I believe in him: Artie Lange
Squirrel in Beginning and End---The one with the big nuts from fark.com
Howard----Flipper or Pauly Shore (Shore has range)
AMA---Green Day? That's a toughie
Saul Goodman---Judd Hirsch
Barney Muldoon----Dennis Leary

I think these are pretty dead on actually. Except in my imagination, Hagbard Celine is played by the sea captain from the Simpsons.

Since Celine is a metaphor for RAW himself, I also picture RAW as the sea captain from the Simpsons.

I'd cast the voice of Howard with oh let's say David Hyde Pierce. Pauly would be okay but I'd have trouble listening to him recite dolphin epic poetry. Maybe that's the point?

Green Day could do the AMA if they got really cleaned up. They've got that mainstream-rebel look. But isn't there a chick in the AMA?

And as Harry Coin - how about Benicio Del Toro?


              Arrrr, don't be mistaken
              tha map for tha territory ARRRRR
                                                     /

[Suu]

NB4 Roger...


UNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

[Apikoros II]

No, for Howard, I want to paint Pauly Shore Blue and CGI Fins onto him... not just the voice.