Exploding Asparagus Soup (yum!)

[Verbal Mike]

spontaneously invented this one last night. do not try in the presence of young children. 

INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 pounds fresh asparagus, trimmed and peeled
1 leek, sliced
6 cups water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 onion, chopped
Salt to taste

DIRECTIONS
1.   Gather the ingredient absentmindedly while doing other things. Start cooking late (you'll need the stress in step 5)
2.   In a large stockpot, combine the water or stock, asparagus and separated leek greens. Heat over as quickly as possible (see step 1) then allow to simmer while you hastily prepare the rest of the ingredients.
3.   In a medium saute pan, heat the butter and oil. Add the leek 'whites' and onion and cook until the onion begins to color (about 8 minutes). You may be too busy doing other things to notice when the time is right, but it shouldn't matter much. When you notice the onion is almost burning, add 1 cup of the warm stock and cook 10 more minutes.
4.   Strain the stock of the asparagus and leek ends. Fill the pot with fresh water, heat as quickly as possible. Add the contents of the saute pan to the boiling water along with the asparagus middles and partially cover the pot. Cook 12 more minutes.
5.   Transfer soup to a blender and puree. Take a pot cover and hold it down on the opening as tight as you can. When the pressure inside the blender causes the top to fly off and, turn off the blender and tend to your burns. Depending on their severity you may want to stop cooking and find medical attention as soon as possible.
6.   Once your burns are under control, strain any puree remaining in the blender back into the stockpot. Add salt, microwave the soup if you were away so long that it's gotten cold. Serve the soup with bread. Take care to keep the hot soup away from your burns.

When all was said and done it *was* delicious. We originally planned to make this recipe but we were too original to do that. And only I needed to go to the emergency room, my girlfriend was only mildly burned on one arm and her 3-year-old babysitee was thankfully unharmed.

-Verb,
sad but true

[hooplala]

Asparagus can be peeled?

[Jasper]

Anything can be peeled.

Sounds yummy.

[East Coast Hustle]

I'm with Hoops on this one.

Who ever heard of peeling asparagus?

Next you'll be trying to tell us that your GF burned her coochie with hot butter while trying to do a home bikini wax job.

[Verbal Mike]

Well, the Germans told her to peel them, so she peeled them. Germans know their shit when it comes to asparagus!

[East Coast Hustle]

Germans know their shit

fixed for brevity and more basic troof.

[Jasper]

I might peel it if I felt like practically pre-chewing for someone as a favor.

The skin does make asparagus hard to chew though, sometimes I look stupid trying.

[Triple Zero]

perhaps you get different asparagus in the USA? but of course you peel them.

the outer layer is nearly like wooden strings sometimes.

depending on what kind though, i think you can eat the green asparagii without peeling.

[hooplala]

perhaps you get different asparagus in the USA? but of course you peel them.

the outer layer is nearly like wooden strings sometimes.

We have this funny thing we do in North America called "cooking" and it tends to fix that problem.

I'm sure it will catch on in Europe when fire is invented there.

[trippinprincezz13]

Eh, I occassionally peel or cut off the bottom of the asparagus stalks depending on how thick they are, as they stay a lot tougher than the rest of the stalk.

[hooplala]

Only a dipshit wouldn't break the ends off... I just don't understand the peeling.  It would be like peeling broccoli.

[trippinprincezz13]

That's just what I assumed when he said peel (the bottoms).  Wouldn't peel the whole thing.

[Jasper]

Only a dipshit wouldn't break the ends off... I just don't understand the peeling.  It would be like peeling broccoli.

Which is just retarded, and leads to peeling all kinds of vegetables, like potatoes, carrots, onions...  Ghastly thing, really.

[hooplala]

Your sarcasm has no power here.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

V - I'm glad you and your gf are ok!!

Depending on the size of the asparagus is kind of where the peel determination comes.  When I get the large stalks I will cut the ends and sort of scrape along the stalks.  This helps them cook a bit faster without ending up with the invariable chewy mush you get when.  After they get so big, they have this stringy like outer coating.

I have only had to do this though with ones I have picked 'in the wild' so to speak.  You will see them on the side of the road here in the country and those can get really stringy and tuff.

Another thing that will help with the tuff stringy issues is cooking in wine.  If they are truly bad, I jus pickle them for salads, then they just fall apart!