Very Short Stories (3 sentences)

[Richter]

"EAT PORK!", I roared, towering over the crowd of listeners.  The fools bought my book.  The fools asked me how to improve their lives.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

It was one man against a thousand. He was out of friends, out of ammo and out of his mind, but he had determination and zeal. He lost... really, really badly.

[fomenter]

it was (as all times are wont to be) the worst of times and though his efforts to make a bad situation worse yielded result, we found ourselves amused by it all and therefor the times seemed somehow better.

[Richter]

SHIT.
FUCK.
DAMN.

[Triple Zero]

The outward push from the deepest caves of her intestines built up more and more pressure, fecal matter not quite managing to mold around the unwanted intruder, shit. With a jolt, further inside it went, somewhat out, in, out and once more in again as he felt something rupture, fuck. After the world went black for what seemed to be an eternity, she opened her eyes to a firey landscape and a huge red grinning devil, "Sorry babe, rape or no rape, sodomy is still a sin!", damn.

[Iron Sulfide]

His mind was of a singular focus and as he looked around the room, he thought, "There has to be something smooth and round about." After a Himalayan heartbeat, his eyes met the seductive contours of a pint-sized mason jar, and he set it on its end. Hovering, and then lowering like a suspension crane, his proudly worn prolapse enveloped the mason jar in pleasant, if ordinary, tradition when, suddenly,  he was forced to contemplate a silly question: "Why, oh why Gods WHY did I lean back on the mason jar!?!?"

[this will be a fun exercise- i have a creative writing class this next semester...]

[Richter]

"Say some young punk tried to get your for your auto.  Would you call the one time and play the role model? NO, I think you play like a thug."
-Cypress Hill

[LMNO]

"Say some young punk tried to get your for your auto.  Would you call the one time and play the role model? NO, I think you play like a thug."
-Cypress Hill

[LHX]

possibly the best thread i have ever read in the history of everything

[Cramulus]

"It's almost February, Hank, and high time to take down the holiday decorations."

"Tell me, Helen, when exactly does the lawn-covered-with-continually-burning-garbage season end? According to my calculations, it's just beginning."

[Sheered Völva]

Little Georgie lived with his Mommy and Daddy in a magical country where everybody was good and pure and wholesome and owned guns. Little Georgie loved sports, lots and lots of sports, and loved hunting with his family and friends and doing lots of good stuff with the good people. Then one day Little Georgie was elected president and oversaw the killing of lots and lots of people in another country and ignored the Geneva Convention and approved torture and declared war on a country with no real evidence and oversaw the killing of lots of lots more people including his own citizens and fought to keep a winless war that made many many many people homeless and vetoed stem cell research which could cure many serious and even fatal disorders and authorized illegal spying on his own citizens and the ripping away of their rights and held people in prison where they were locked up without bail and without an attorney and without even being charged and where they were mistreated and humiliated and tortured and then Little Georgie retired happily and got a really nice pension The End.

[Quercus]

Sweet jesus, holy mother of god, why is there a fish swimming around my head?

They huddled around their keeper, strewn on the ground, watching as he lay before their tank.

[Iason Ouabache]

Wait, I fixed the other problem with the radio by hitting it really hard. 

WHAM!

EUREKA!!!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Broken?

You are fucking SHITTING me.

Motherfucker, I will fix you with a goddamn fucking AXE.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I was surrounded by angry Apache.  I had only 2 bullets left, when all 50 of them finally charged.

Obviously, they killed me.