Intermittens #5

[hooplala]

Also, something Enrico wrote should have been truly abominable.  We can vaguely refer to topics like cannibalism, matricide, incest, ritualistic murder, black magic, gourmet cooking, and poetry.  Or something of that order.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Yeah, but only in the vaguest of vague ways.


Dear editor,

The occult practices described on page 5 of Intermittens #4 were... innovative to say
the least. Let's just say I agree with the decision to pull the issue and I have dutifully
burned my copy and flushed the ashes.

-Al Crow


Oy, editor!

I don't care who you think you are; you don't know jack shit about cooking, or about
human sexuality! Issue #4 was an utter load of crap and I think you should let it be
republished just so people can see how full of baloney you losers are.

Yours untruly,
Disillusioned Reader


Dear Intermittens Staff:

As a student of both English and Arabic literature, I found Intermittens #4 to be not
merely offensive, but downright obscene. My friends who study Philosophy likewise were
perplexed and dismayed with the content in said issue. Please refrain from publishing
such offal in the future.

Thank you,
Steven


Dear editor

The insights expressed in issue #4 have changed my life drastically. I never knew that
the works of Chaucer could be interpreted that way, and needless to say I was not at
all prepared for what came next. Looking back, perhaps I ought never to have opened
that infamous issue, but there's no changing the past. At least now there's never a dull
moment in my life, ha ha!

HA HA HA!
Hahahaha Heehehehe...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I like both ideas actually.  Can they be combined?

color me bland, but I'd prefer the issues to be numbered sequentially. It will be much less confusing down the line, especially when we have over 10 issues. Is it really much of a mindfuck to confuse ourselves by having randomly numbered issues or a bunch of issue 5s? Keep it Simple!

For the most part I agree, however:

Would it be amusing to skip an issue and yet pretend it actually existed?  We could make fake letters to the editor complaining about how offensive the issue was, etc.

This idea amuses me greatly. A "letters to the editor" section filled with damning criticisms of how horrible the (nonexistent) issue #4 was could be pretty funny.


Dear Editor,

While I was generally pleased with the content of Intermittens issues 1 through 3,
I'm afraid that issue number 4 was a shameful stain on this publication's young
reputation. Neither I nor any of my friends are easily offended, as we are all
fun-loving people, but the "humor" in that issue was simply atrocious and should
not have been made public. I don't know what other sick ideas you people have in
those twisted minds of yours, but please, keep them to yourselves and let's have
Intermittens be a generally enjoyable and thought-provoking magazine once again.

Sincerely,
Robert W.



Yo, magazine people!

All I have to say is: what the hell is WRONG with you?! I mean, I liked your
magazine up until now, but damn... At the very least, I think future issues
could do without any more content like that on page 6 of issue #4.

-Jerry



Dear editor,

Wow! Intermittens #4 was the best one yet! I got kicked out of class when I
burst out laughing at the centerfold (genius, by the way!) and my math teacher
saw it, but I still think it's great. More issues like that one, please!

-Alice D.



ATTN EDITOR

YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.

-An0nymous4Chr1st

This is fucking brilliant.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Thanks

I'm having a blast writing these.


Dear Mr. or Ms. Intermittens Editor:

Don't do that ever again. We have a lawyer who is pretty sure he can nail
a precedent-setting case against you for 'that issue.' Consider this a warning.

Sincerely,
Dr. Amir Buladowitz, M.D. and Mrs. Leslie Buladowitz

Alright, enough threadjack

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"Dear" Editor,

As a Discordian for the last 20+ years and an active participant in the movement both online and off, I have to say I was utterly unprepared for, among other things, the article on recycling in your Intermittens #4 issue. Are you fucking kidding me? I think your writers are severely misguided... to say the least. I consider myself an extremely irreverent person with an ability to poke fun at a lot of issues, but there was nothing funny, nothing irreverent, nothing Discordian in your treatment of that subject. It was, in fact, utterly reprehensible, and I think that if this is the kind of material the new guard is considering "Discordian", it's no wonder Discordianism is being grouped in with dangerous cults and subversive hate groups by contemporary media. I'm about ready to tear up my Pope card and join the Pastafarians, if I see any more of this nauseating bullshit.

With loathing,

-Pope Traffic Cone

[CynicalCichilid]

I've been working on a front cover for the banned issue 4 so it can be included with all the letters of complaints, Click here to view it --NSFW. I've made it how Uday would want it to be. Twisted.

I'll finish it off later if it isn't too nasty to be put into print. Uday needs sunglasses.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That's BEAUTIFUL.

[Cramulus]

  this is the most hilarious issue we've never released

[Cain]

Dear "I'm too chickenshit to face an 'angry mob' and so I didn't publish your article" Editor

You dirty shyster bastard!  You know how long I spent on that article, right?  And you go and spike it because "the public might be upset"?  Fuck the public, buncha whining little crybabies.  If they're not upset, then I'm not doing my job right.  So they see a little blood and guts on their computer screen, so what?  If it offends them that much, they should probably stop reading the internet.  And pluck out their eyes, just in case.  Oh, and fuck the advertisers too, those milquetoast jackoffs.  Like anyone would actually write anything near the truth if they had anything to do with it.

Try to censor me again, and I'll make sure the next letter of complaint get's thrown through your window wrapped around a grenade instead of a brick.

Yours
Cain

[hooplala]

I've been working on a front cover for the banned issue 4 so it can be included with all the letters of complaints, Click here to view it --NSFW. I've made it how Uday would want it to be. Twisted.

I'll finish it off later if it isn't too nasty to be put into print. Uday needs sunglasses.

Fucking beautiful.

[hooplala]

Dear "I'm too chickenshit to face an 'angry mob' and so I didn't publish your article" Editor

You dirty shyster bastard!  You know how long I spent on that article, right?  And you go and spike it because "the public might be upset"?  Fuck the public, buncha whining little crybabies.  If they're not upset, then I'm not doing my job right.  So they see a little blood and guts on their computer screen, so what?  If it offends them that much, they should probably stop reading the internet.  And pluck out their eyes, just in case.  Oh, and fuck the advertisers too, those milquetoast jackoffs.  Like anyone would actually write anything near the truth if they had anything to do with it.

Try to censor me again, and I'll make sure the next letter of complaint get's thrown through your window wrapped around a grenade instead of a brick.

Yours
Cain

Hee!

[CynicalCichilid]

I think this is finished: http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1229699122028842800.png (NSFW)

Requiem pointed out the lack of body hair on Uday. Fixed.

[LMNO]

A Cease and Desist Court Order from the Federal Government.

That is all.

[hooplala]

That should have been the issue where we exposed all the TRUE SECRETS™ of the Illuminati.

[Manta Obscura]

I love this Intermittens 4 idea. The cover and the letters are great!