Renamed: GOD. DAMN. IT.

[Freeky]

So the ex has the monkey tonight. Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep. We didn't talk long, my feet were beginning to freeze, but he said that he wasn't going to implement babysitters until I gave the ok, because he isn't "that big an ass."

The thing is, I feel like I ought to tell him in the morning, "I'm not going to work right away, I'm going to school first. Go ahead and file for custody, I think I'll get him anyway," only I'm not so sure. Not unsure of getting the monkey, unsure that I should tell him to file custody, because he might try and keep him after that until the courts decide.

Confused AFRAID. 

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

He's not legally allowed to "keep" him on days that he isn't assigned visitation.
That's called kidnapping, you can call the police, press charges, he will go to jail.
Then who wins a custody lawsuit?

I don't think you really need to tell him what your personal plans for the future are. As long as they include providing food, clothing, shelter, health and happiness for your child, what say does he have in anything you do.
If you're not out partying, drinking and/or doing drugs and spending valuable time raising your child properly then who the hell does he think he is to pry into your business.
Your business is your own. You're not property of anyone's.

Please, do as Nigel suggests. Get the assistance you need and go to school. Whatever custody obstacles get in the way, just overcome them. Many of us have had to do it. It's a pain in the ass but as long as you do your research, use teh GOOGLE for things you don't understand and stand firm on what is best for your son, you'll persevere and be fine.

I know it sounds cheesy and stupid but it will work out in the end. As long as you stay strong and don't get flustered.

[Freeky]

He's not legally allowed to "keep" him on days that he isn't assigned visitation.
That's called kidnapping, you can call the police, press charges, he will go to jail.
Then who wins a custody lawsuit?

I don't think you really need to tell him what your personal plans for the future are. As long as they include providing food, clothing, shelter, health and happiness for your child, what say does he have in anything you do.
If you're not out partying, drinking and/or doing drugs and spending valuable time raising your child properly then who the hell does he think he is to pry into your business.
Your business is your own. You're not property of anyone's.

Please, do as Nigel suggests. Get the assistance you need and go to school. Whatever custody obstacles get in the way, just overcome them. Many of us have had to do it. It's a pain in the ass but as long as you do your research, use teh GOOGLE for things you don't understand and stand firm on what is best for your son, you'll persevere and be fine.

I know it sounds cheesy and stupid but it will work out in the end. As long as you stay strong and don't get flustered.

Thanks for the encouragin words.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

He's not legally allowed to "keep" him on days that he isn't assigned visitation.
That's called kidnapping, you can call the police, press charges, he will go to jail.
Then who wins a custody lawsuit?

I don't think you really need to tell him what your personal plans for the future are. As long as they include providing food, clothing, shelter, health and happiness for your child, what say does he have in anything you do.
If you're not out partying, drinking and/or doing drugs and spending valuable time raising your child properly then who the hell does he think he is to pry into your business.
Your business is your own. You're not property of anyone's.

Please, do as Nigel suggests. Get the assistance you need and go to school. Whatever custody obstacles get in the way, just overcome them. Many of us have had to do it. It's a pain in the ass but as long as you do your research, use teh GOOGLE for things you don't understand and stand firm on what is best for your son, you'll persevere and be fine.

I know it sounds cheesy and stupid but it will work out in the end. As long as you stay strong and don't get flustered.

Freeky spends just about every waking moment with her kid, at least as far as I have seen.  She's a hell of a mom.

The ex isn't an evil guy, just insanely self-centered.  He doesn't even want custody (as evidenced by the string of "coincidences" which keep him from taking the kid when he agreed to...he just doesn't want to pay child support, above the pitiful amount he considers "reasonable".

[Freeky]

College is going to have to go on hold anyway, because my parents are conspiring against me.

But I'm going to go apply at the Sears Call Center today, because they are hiring now. Maybe i'll be able to keep it for a couple of months if I get the job.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

DO NOT tell him your long-term plans. Whether you work or go to school are none of his business and he will only use that knowledge to try to bully you.

You need to establish a legal parenting/custody plan. Do whatever it takes to get that established. He CANNOT have you stripped of custody for anything short of child abuse, so don't worry about that. If he tries, the court will determine him to be an "unreasonable parent" and will award you custody.

Do not, ever, deny him access to the kid, or the court will deem you to be an "unreasonable parent".

GET YOUR ASS SOME STATE ASSISTANCE. You need childcare whether you go to work or go to school, so get it started ASAP. It will take time, but you need to get independent from your toxic parents and if you don't start, it won't happen.

Stop listening to people who don't have your best interests in mind, ie. your ex and your mom. They are not trying to help you. Assume that everything they tell you is self-serving bullshit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

DO NOT tell him your long-term plans. Whether you work or go to school are none of his business and he will only use that knowledge to try to bully you.

You need to establish a legal parenting/custody plan. Do whatever it takes to get that established. He CANNOT have you stripped of custody for anything short of child abuse, so don't worry about that. If he tries, the court will determine him to be an "unreasonable parent" and will award you custody.

Do not, ever, deny him access to the kid, or the court will deem you to be an "unreasonable parent".

GET YOUR ASS SOME STATE ASSISTANCE. You need childcare whether you go to work or go to school, so get it started ASAP. It will take time, but you need to get independent from your toxic parents and if you don't start, it won't happen.

Stop listening to people who don't have your best interests in mind, ie. your ex and your mom. They are not trying to help you. Assume that everything they tell you is self-serving bullshit.

Actually, her mother is acting out of malice, not self-interest. 

[Freeky]

After a long think, I think I have to move back in with my ex. He's not abusive, it's 1 vs 1 instead of 2 vs 1, and I will have leverageg against him.

I'm going to enjoy my weekend first, though, and talk to him tomorrow about to hammer out the details.

[LMNO]

wut

[Jenne]

After a long think, I think I have to move back in with my ex. He's not abusive, it's 1 vs 1 instead of 2 vs 1, and I will have leverageg against him.

I'm going to enjoy my weekend first, though, and talk to him tomorrow about to hammer out the details.

Oh Freeky.  There go your goals. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

After a long think, I think I have to move back in with my ex. He's not abusive, it's 1 vs 1 instead of 2 vs 1, and I will have leverageg against him.

I'm going to enjoy my weekend first, though, and talk to him tomorrow about to hammer out the details.

That is a terrible idea. He's proven himself to be controlling. What you NEED to do is get some State assistance, get your own place, and go back to school.

I get the impression that you have grown so accustomed to other people controlling you that you don't really know how to steer your own ship. It's a good time to learn.

[Freeky]

After a long think, I think I have to move back in with my ex. He's not abusive, it's 1 vs 1 instead of 2 vs 1, and I will have leverageg against him.

I'm going to enjoy my weekend first, though, and talk to him tomorrow about to hammer out the details.

That is a terrible idea. He's proven himself to be controlling. What you NEED to do is get some State assistance, get your own place, and go  back to school.

I get the impression that you have grown so accustomed to other people controlling you that you don't really know how to steer your own ship. It's a good time to learn.

Yeah, I know... I don't like this idea either, but but I got this advice from Roger and other people. He may be controlling, but its out of self absorbtion, instead of malice (like what my mom does). I'm really trying to get shit done, but my case worker is a total cunt and I never use that word. She uses all the red tape she can to be a horrendous person. She didn't even see me in her cubicle when I went there last, but put me in and interviewd me in a storage room. She wanted to put my parents on the paperwork because I lived with them, even though I'm over 22 and isn't required or something. But that's a different rant all together.

This whole thing is aggravating as hell, because there are NO choices that are the right choices, at least none that are feasible at this point in time.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

After a long think, I think I have to move back in with my ex. He's not abusive, it's 1 vs 1 instead of 2 vs 1, and I will have leverageg against him.

I'm going to enjoy my weekend first, though, and talk to him tomorrow about to hammer out the details.

That is a terrible idea. He's proven himself to be controlling. What you NEED to do is get some State assistance, get your own place, and go  back to school.

I get the impression that you have grown so accustomed to other people controlling you that you don't really know how to steer your own ship. It's a good time to learn.

Yeah, I know... I don't like this idea either, but but I got this advice from Roger and other people. He may be controlling, but its out of self absorbtion, instead of malice (like what my mom does). I'm really trying to get shit done, but my case worker is a total cunt and I never use that word. She uses all the red tape she can to be a horrendous person. She didn't even see me in her cubicle when I went there last, but put me in and interviewd me in a storage room. She wanted to put my parents on the paperwork because I lived with them, even though I'm over 22 and isn't required or something. But that's a different rant all together.

This whole thing is aggravating as hell, because there are NO choices that are the right choices, at least none that are feasible at this point in time.

I guess if it gets you a step closer to independence, moving back in with him isn't the worst thing you could do. I just worry that i t'll end up being a trap.

[Jenne]

Can you change case workers?  Request another one, I mean?

Also, somehow the idea that your last hope is moving in with a guy who threatens you with taking your child away with lies and deceit sounds just utterly sad and a bit defeating.

Anyway, like Nigel, I hope it's a stepping stone, though it really does sound like another say for him to get you back under his thumb.  You may be leaving the frying pan and leaping into the fire, so to speak.

[Freeky]

I don't know about changing case workers. But we're going to work out - in writing - the rules and such, so that it won't be like, "well, what are we doing here?" and stuff. Or something. I do appreciate the concern, though, from everyone.