The moth of awkwardness

[Sepia]

I am a moth of awkwardness. You are my lightbulbs and I will circle you until the day I die and I will vivisect your souls and hearts, I will see through the evidence of memory but all I shall find will be the awkward situations. You are probably a wonderful man in other ways, father, but when I see you there, chowing down sloppy westernized indian food complaining it's too hot before asking your daughter where she sits what she wants for christmas and it's like the 19th and she replies I wan a pair of converse and you reply with so you're into hiphop

The misunderstandings is the place I call home, it is my shelter, it is my cave. In defended ignorance I live my days as I peer at you, so strange it should be you to provide me with my definition. I always thought I was special, that god would find some task for me in madness or in clarity but I was much younger then when I believed all men could become god and if this revealation happened when I was younger, it would have fit, the most glorious of gods had given me the most daunting of tasks but now I know I'm just dependent.

I always thought I should have been my friends so the shoe fits, the signs were already there back when and back then. Did I learn it from a book like most of what I picked up then? Was I told and accepted with gullibility? We became what we hated though, we all become what we hate or fear the most or what we don't want to be, we're always there because it's all always changing and only the best of men don't learn from what they hate for they know what they love.

The world is random, partly run on synchronicity as peoples beliefs regarding hope still stands and it casts a violent light that has its own reflections and that is the hardness of our newfound hyper reality. The RNG becomes a new god in this place where old ones die and are seldomly born and the masses and multitudes (now) of nerds to the lonesome basement dwelling d&d nerds picking out their favourite die before impaling the evil wizard in his tower with a marlinspike where a tortured virgin once hang. What we did for shits and giggles while high or just wanting to do something else than drink back then became e—sports and the countries we inhabited when we were in college, so familiar from those days where we held the dice, these countries became bigger than most other countries and the world changed in the blink of an eye and we understood it retrospectively because at the time we didn't care, we were too busy having enough money to buy books, drink occasionally and a few joints while watching futurama and farming for hours on end in our country, not for insight but for the biggest dragon that there was.

Nietzsche once said something about the interesting always lies in examining or dissecting the normal but I never saw the normal. I never saw normal people except when I read about them or saw a movie or a play about them. They were usually never present in the opera too often and none of them sat in those seats. I know. You can't label people, stuff them into boxes etc but it is what we do, perhaps not a mental label but more of a mental arranging where they all sit like around the tables in your wedding.

I'll love you till the day you begin to live i told her, disappearing into the noise far behind us, coloured like players of chess, dreams undaunted on this perfect backdrop, this scheme so well fitting for a stage we'd only seen in our minds and it was the day we stopped condoning drugs as a means of self-discovery or self anything because we'd been taking it to seriously lately. The story is true though but we lied through our teeth when we proclaimed eachother into these heavenly dreams but they were not our last words, there was no fog rising save from our mouths, we were out in the cold and we didn't tell eachother that we had this feeling but I had it and you had it and I've grown like that, I used to hate it but now I'm it and all my memories seem so past.


You feel it, don't you?

[Storebrand]

This resonated. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I like this. Nice metaphor.