The Early History of Discordian Alchemy

[phi]

As the Principia Discordia teaches us, all materials are built of the 5 elements; boom, prickle, orange, pungent, and sweet. In the 1300s (Or the 3rd century of the CE, if you follow that silly joke calendar), Demoraticus, in his Mystica et Discordia, expounded upon the implications of this fact. He theorized that, since all materials consist of these basic building blocks, you can, given the right quantities and processes, make anything you damn well please. Being the greedy fuck that he was, he set out to turn lead into gold.

He achieved a half success. To him what started out to be lead sounded, felt, looked, smelled, and tasted like gold. However, when he went to cash in the fruits of his "Great Work" (he was kind of full of himself and insisted that it so be called and capitalized) he discovered that no one else heard, felt, saw, smelled, or tasted what he did. And they thought he was kind of a douche bag. He later went crazy... possibly because of lead poisoning.

[phi]

Okay, I plan to write more of this for my own amusement. Would people here be interested in me posting it?

[Reginald Ret]

sure, knock yourself out.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's kind of BIP-ish and seems like it has promise.

[phi]

The plan is to build a Discordian alchemical system by anachronistically detailing an "historical" account. The aim of Discordian Alchemy would not be the experience of Gnosis, but of Chaos. The touchstone would be a little tare in the fabric of a person's reality. I love the concept, whether it exists purely as a construct for mental masturbation or actually has a practical use beyond just "getting off."