Confession Time, (Or diggin' the dirt)

[BadBeast]

ITT, You can unburden yourself in complete confidence, of all your deepest, dirtiest secrets. Things you could never tell anyone IRL, for fear of Peasants with pitchforks & flaming brands. So come on, tell your Uncle Beasty all about it. If your transgression is worthy, you may be given some token penance to perform, before being absolved, so lets have it, don't hold back, nothing is too shameful for this thread. 

You may think there is nothing too shameful for this thread, but the hideous confession which I am about to make may well change your opinion on that matter:


I once earned my living as an advertising copywriter
 



(I'm actually kinda excited about the whole penance thing. I have a lot of pent up guilt, you know?)

Eartha, this pent up guilt has nothing to do with your Job in advertising. It's an Australian thing, because you are all descended from bloody Convicts. As a penance, you have to apply for British Citizenship, then, if you are successful, turn it down, because you Aussies still have to finish your 300 years of probation.

[BadBeast]

I confess to having a hot girlfriend. And liking bugs more than is healthy.

Kai, as a penance, (for boasting) you have to post pictures of this "hot" girlfriend, and then submit to general consensus as to whether you are right or not. If you are deemed to be wrong, there will be another penance, involving bugs.

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Twid, I really expected better of you. Your obsession with coffee, has obviously taken over your life, to the extent that you can no longer face the day, without guzzling a quart of this new world muck! As a penance, you have to go cold turkey with the coffee, and drink nothing but English Breakfast Tea, until you are fit once more, for polite company. I'm not angry about the whisky thing, just very disappointed.

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

Dok, what you call "English Whiskey" is in fact Gin, an acquired taste, obviously undiscernable to your uncultured, seditious palette. Try it with Schweppes tonic water instead of that vile Coca Cola stuff you septics call a "mixer". (Hope this helps)

[BadBeast]

My mole is fake. 

Dear Rod, as a penance for this act of deception, you have to publically admit that your finest work was with The Faces, and apologise wholeheartedly for "Mull of Kintyre".

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

[BadBeast]

there is only one appropriate response.

tears.

RB, I refer you to the above response, hope this helps you get over the tears.

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

He'd share his whiskey with you. He'd be a bit more upset if you knocked off his speed.
English speed is good.

Like you colonials could tell good amphetamines from a hole in the ground!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

Fortunately I didn't. For me it's Jameson of GTFO (what kind of pseudo-Irishman would I be otherwise?). Besides, I don't drink that Confederate traitor hooch. I gave it to some kid, who paid me $40 for it. I will put this $40 to a worthy cause... my eventual lung cancer. I'll give you $20 as a reward for tricking me, but, joke's on you, it's only 10 quid in Queen's paper.

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

Fortunately I didn't. For me it's Jameson of GTFO (what kind of pseudo-Irishman would I be otherwise?). Besides, I don't drink that Confederate traitor hooch. I gave it to some kid, who paid me $40 for it. I will put this $40 to a worthy cause... my eventual lung cancer. I'll give you $20 as a reward for tricking me, but, joke's on you, it's only 10 quid in Queen's paper.

Fortunately
the kid you sold it to, can shoplift me bottles of Jamesons, for £5 a bottle. But thanks anyway, it's the thought that counts.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

Fortunately I didn't. For me it's Jameson of GTFO (what kind of pseudo-Irishman would I be otherwise?). Besides, I don't drink that Confederate traitor hooch. I gave it to some kid, who paid me $40 for it. I will put this $40 to a worthy cause... my eventual lung cancer. I'll give you $20 as a reward for tricking me, but, joke's on you, it's only 10 quid in Queen's paper.

Fortunately
the kid you sold it to, can shoplift me bottles of Jamesons, for £5 a bottle. But thanks anyway, it's the thought that counts.

Seriously? Fuck, I have to visit England again....

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

Fortunately I didn't. For me it's Jameson of GTFO (what kind of pseudo-Irishman would I be otherwise?). Besides, I don't drink that Confederate traitor hooch. I gave it to some kid, who paid me $40 for it. I will put this $40 to a worthy cause... my eventual lung cancer. I'll give you $20 as a reward for tricking me, but, joke's on you, it's only 10 quid in Queen's paper.

Fortunately
the kid you sold it to, can shoplift me bottles of Jamesons, for £5 a bottle. But thanks anyway, it's the thought that counts.

Seriously? Fuck, I have to visit England again....

Don't you have shoplifters in Canada, or America, or wherever it is?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

Fortunately I didn't. For me it's Jameson of GTFO (what kind of pseudo-Irishman would I be otherwise?). Besides, I don't drink that Confederate traitor hooch. I gave it to some kid, who paid me $40 for it. I will put this $40 to a worthy cause... my eventual lung cancer. I'll give you $20 as a reward for tricking me, but, joke's on you, it's only 10 quid in Queen's paper.

Fortunately
the kid you sold it to, can shoplift me bottles of Jamesons, for £5 a bottle. But thanks anyway, it's the thought that counts.

Seriously? Fuck, I have to visit England again....

Don't you have shoplifters in Canada, or America, or wherever it is?

Yeah, I just don't know any. Boston's not in C-eh-N-eh-D-eh, BTWeh. We're in that place what you sent your unwanted Puritans to. Which is why liquor stores were closed on Sunday and blasphemy against Christianity was technically punishable by a year in prison or $300 fine up until literally a couple of years ago.

[BadBeast]

I confess that I was the one who broke into BadBeast's place and stole all of his whiskey, and replaced it with day old coffee.

Like he'd notice.  English whiskey is piss.

we make up for it by drinking scottish whiskey.

Actually, it was BB's Jack Daniels.

Actually Twid, that was actually urine in the Jack Daniels bottle, I hope you didn't drink it. (Not that your coffee addled tastebuds would have been able to taste the difference)

Fortunately I didn't. For me it's Jameson of GTFO (what kind of pseudo-Irishman would I be otherwise?). Besides, I don't drink that Confederate traitor hooch. I gave it to some kid, who paid me $40 for it. I will put this $40 to a worthy cause... my eventual lung cancer. I'll give you $20 as a reward for tricking me, but, joke's on you, it's only 10 quid in Queen's paper.

Fortunately
the kid you sold it to, can shoplift me bottles of Jamesons, for £5 a bottle. But thanks anyway, it's the thought that counts.

Seriously? Fuck, I have to visit England again....

Don't you have shoplifters in Canada, or America, or wherever it is?

Yeah, I just don't know any. Boston's not in C-eh-N-eh-D-eh, BTWeh. We're in that place what you sent your unwanted Puritans to. Which is why liquor stores were closed on Sunday and blasphemy against Christianity was technically punishable by a year in prison or $300 fine up until literally a couple of years ago.

That's barbaric. (Unlucky) So how come they let people of good Catholic stock settle there?

[Thurnez Isa]

I confess that I actually watch wrestling

and complain for hours about it to myself afterwords