PD: The Movie: First Draft completed!

[Triple Zero]

Can we also has pun about the Mook Synthesizer?

[BabylonHoruv]

23 spags and a Forum?  (as a possible name)

[President Television]

SPAGGRUMP: THE MOVIE

[LMNO]

TWILIGHT: ORIGINS.








You know, just to fuck with people.

[Suu]

Also, you should add Church Militant to Suu's tropes. Battle nuns and all that.

[Adios]

Also, you should add Church Militant to Suu's tropes. Battle nuns and all that.

HAWT!

[Placid Dingo]

SCENE TWENTY ONE

Rain is pouring down. There is a brief montage of the water rising over roads and entering homes.

CUT TO a shot of CRAM's mansion. It is at the base of a hill and is being rapidly flooded.

We see CRAM'S pocketwatch. The needle has passed 'Sweet Merciful Fuck' and is approaching 'HIT THE RED BUTTON'. Pan out to CRAM'S full face. His look of concentration becomes a look of surprise and he ducks as a pair of underwaer and flower petals fly over his head. He begins to walks through the mass of people,, signifficantly more ordered than others.  The two MEN fighting before are sitting either side of JEANNE.

Man 1: When you said that stuff about my mother it really hurt me man. I felt wounded. That's why I stabbed you in the head.

Jeanne: And how did it make you feel when he stabbed you in the head?

Man 2: Bad, man. Like my opinion wasn't being valued.

CRAM continues, passing a BLACKSMITH hammering a horseshoe. A WOMAN paints over the anarchy symbol on the wall. CRAM arrives at RATATOSK.

Ratatosk: I think we're seeing a positive trend here.

Cram: I agree. (Continues walking and musing to self) Everything seems to be getting better and better. I feel as though nothing could go wrong.

CRAM turns, and comes face to face with PAYNE.

Cram (to the audience): Logically, I don't believe in jinxes. And yet I feel as though I only have myself to blame. (To Payne) Payne! Good to see you.

Payne: There's two double agents about to come down and throw you in prison for conspiracy and you'd better have a hell of a good reason why I shouldn't just let them.

*BEAT*

Cram: So you know then. That I'm secretly a government employee posing as a Discordian. You have to know Payne, I've never given any names or details. I only ever gave them enough to prevent myself being recalled. I like this world. I don't want to go back. I recognised the Pterodactyl Handler's style the moment he struck; I sent you in groups to find information because I though you could get the answers you needed without blowing my cover.

Payne: Then you lied to us! To all of us! It's all a lie!

In a moment of anger he tears off CRAM'S moustache. CRAM is clearly shocked. He grabs PAYNE and slams him against the wall.

Cram: Yeah! I lied. But in case you hadn't noticed, the truth is pretty fucked up right about now! Nobody wants raids and hate and Biblical style flooding! But that's what we've got, and if you can face that reality without wanting to impale your own head on a pike, then more power to you, but the rest of us need to develop narratives that make life worth living. That's why I get to be a doctor, Rodger gets to be a Reverend and Hustle gets to pretend that being the mayor makes any kind of difference. Don't you get all high and mighty. Everyone's living a lie.

Payne: I'm not.

Cram: The fuck you aren't! Adriana's in hiding is she? She mysteriously escaped the raiders?

Payne: Don't you dare...

Cram: She's dead Payne! Or at least I hope to fuck she is, because I can't think of a lot of likely alternatives that sound any better!

Payne: So that's your big justification huh? I get set up so you can play Discord?

Cram: What?

Payne: Don't you dare play dumb; you set the raiders on us!

Cram: Raiders?

Payne: Yeah. Wait. If it's not you... We have to contact the others.

CRAM pulls out two phones, gives one to PAYNE.

Cram: I'll call Faust. You call Suu.

CUT TO a shot of FAUST and RWHN both tied to a pole in the church. The church is flooding and the water is up to their chests. A mobile phone floats on a pice of wood that used to be the barstool. It rings.

CUT TO SUU, RICHTER, DR JAMES, LMNO and SQUID chained up in a dungeon. SUU'S phone begins to ring.

CUT TO PAYNE and CRAM holding phones.

Cram: No answer.

Payne: Me neither.

Cram: There's a mole amongst us.

A door slams. NIGEL and 000 have entered the room.

Nigel: You're under arrest Charles Ramulus.

Cram: Actually, we've seceded and are a completely autonomous Anarchist society, so I'm afraid you have no authority here. Are you really secret agents?

000: Yes.

Cram: Really truly?

Nigel: Yes.

Cram: Truly really?

000: Yes.

Cram: Cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?

000 & Nigel: Yes.

Cram: Oh, well there's no secret agents allowed here, it says so on the community charter.

RATATOSK calls out from out in the background.

Ratatosk: Volunteer forces! Put these two in holding please.

JEANNE and another ANARCHIST seize 000 and NIGEL and drag them off. PAYNE turns to CRAM who is checking his pocketwatch. He opens his mouth to speak. As he does CRAM begins to stride away briskly.

Cram: Follow me! It's nearly time to hit the button!

[Payne]

I just got round to reading this.

Question: Who is this Adriana?

Suggestion: Change to "Pixie", it's hella more accurate. 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

SCENE 1.

PAYNE is sitting by the seaside, beside ADRIANA.

She comes in, here.

[Payne]

SCENE 1.

PAYNE is sitting by the seaside, beside ADRIANA.

She comes in, here.

Yeah, I caught that.

I'm just thinking that in a PD movie, populated by PD'ers, and trying to stay true(ish) to our personalities and such..... My girlfriend might as well be my real girlfriend and fellow PD'er, Pixie.

It's not like our relationship is a secret after all.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

I also would like my rain goddess powers, low alcohol tolerance and my total lack of fear.

[Placid Dingo]

Ahh, of course.

I honestly didn't know about that. I invented Adriana because I didn't want to give anyone awkward romantic pairings.

Provided Pixie doesn't object to the lack of clarity over her fate?

The reason I added that character was 1 - fleshing out a back story for Payne. 2 - using the opening dream sequence to forshadow the brainwashing we see in Dr James's scene and 3, for that last conversation with Cram to emphasise the idea that everyone constructs a narrative about their life that is in some sense a fictional interpretation of reality.

An Extra note: becasue this is really aimed at being a movie script it's going to suffer heavily from the fact that it is COMPRESSED to the max. But if anyone who can draw is interested in working this into a large comic project, obviously rewrites can extend on all characters personalties, back-stories etc.


---

SCENE TWENTY TWO.

CRAM runs into a small room and puts open a panel, reveling a large red button. He checks his pocket-watch repeatedly. PAYNE runs in afters him.

Cram: C'mon c'mon c'mon.

Payne: Who do you think it is?

Cram: Who the what why now?

Payne: Who do you think it is? The mole?

Cram: I don't know.

Payne: Who do you think it could be though?

Cram: Suu.

Payne: Really? Why?

Cram: First name in my head. C'mon, tick tock!

Payne: What about LMNO? He's been spotted acting suspiciously before, he's always quoting Maccieveili...

Cram: Yeah sure, I guess that's as good as my idea.

Payne: As good? My reasoning was ten times as good as yours.

Cram: No, you're reason was the same as mine; it just popped into your head. But yes, your rationalisation was much more convincing.

Payne: What'll happen to Nigel and Trip?

Cram: Oh, I'll let them go a bit later.

Payne: What?

Cram: I'll release them soon. There's no sense keeping then chained up, we need their help. Every secret group on this planet is filled with informants; some of them nearly exclusively. You'd be hard pressed to find informants in any other group who've worked with the caution and integrity; risking their own lives for the protection of the people they investigate; as Trip and Nigel have. They're more part of us than they think they are.

Payne: The hell they are. Leave them locked up. Let them rot.

Cram: Payne, I like you. So know that what I now say, I say with love.

CRAM licks both his palms, then slaps PAYNE on both cheecks. PAYNE is too shocked to respond.

Cram: Wake the fuck up man! We don't have a lot of allies to choose from, and that's partly our fault. People talk about the Freak Wars like it was something everyone else did, but I remember it; we were jackasses to the Furries, to the Scientologists, to the Twihards! We were monstrous to the Flower Pagans! I remember someone took a shit in Mystic Wolf's Cauldron. We drove people away, good people, people like us. We can't afford to do that any more! (checks watch) Button time!

CRAM hits the button with great enthusiasm. The room begins to shake.

CUT TO ECH in the kitchen with a rolling pin. He is wearing a chef's hat and an apron and is whistling cheerfully. The kitchen begins to vibrate and his whistling slows, then stops. He stares at the bench, which seems to be expanding.

CUT TO a shot of the house from outside. It is obviously transforming. Several shots show the house from different angles. Eventually we see that the house has now become a ship. 'TiCramic' is written on the side.

[Nurse Enabler]

Ambassador Klok Kaos needs to be some kind of villain or foil. 

And I want to be played by Weird Al Yankovic, which would be something considering he's like 20 years older than me. 

I like weird al yankovic. He is so funny.His movie uhf was great.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

If this goes anywhere, I think you should have an entirely Discordian scored soundtrack.

Blight, is a musician, as is Alphapance and Cuddlefish, on top of countless others.