Author Topic: CDGASM  (Read 45487 times)

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #90 on: January 27, 2011, 06:46:10 am »
Suggestion: Write on the CD "TOP SECRET" or "CONFIDENTIAL". Then leave it lying around. Guaranteed to spark someones curiosity.
Lies, not to be a dick but.....why the fuck do you think I created a bunch of mock "TOP SECRET" labels?

Sorry, if you posted them in here, I didn't see them, I just read the first page and then went "Fuck reading everything else I just wanna post my idea" and did it.

So you know, small minds think alike.

I am going to immolate you until your life functions cease functioning you fucking bastard. :lulz:
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20451
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #93 on: January 28, 2011, 01:05:18 am »
I had to look up what Fire and Brimstone preaching sounds like.  :lulz: Just to make sure it was what I thought it was. Now Ah think Ah might be ABLE to DELIVER unto you all Mah speechifying.

Total noob moment, but where do I upload my rants after I record them since they are voice only.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2011, 01:16:10 am by Canis latrans eques »
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #94 on: January 28, 2011, 05:36:15 am »
I am thinking someone needs to read aloud a recipe for some kind of baked good.
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20451
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #95 on: January 28, 2011, 06:20:56 am »
Just got back from the bar. Rants/Sermons incoming once I get my thoughts together.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20451
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #96 on: January 28, 2011, 07:02:49 am »
The Apocalypse, according to some asshole (feel free to skip to paragraph 2, since the first one is directly from the Bible):

And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, Come. And I saw, and behold, a white horse, and he that sat thereon had a bow; and there was given unto him a crown: and he came forth conquering, and to conquer. And when he opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature saying, Come. And another came forth, a red horse: and to him that sat thereon it was given to take peace from the earth, and that they should slay one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.
 And when he opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, Come. And I saw, and behold, a black horse; and he that sat thereon had a balance in his hand. And I heard as it were a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying, A measure of wheat for a shilling, and three measures of barley for a shilling; and the oil and the wine hurt thou not. And when he opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, Come. And I saw, and behold, a pale horse: and he that sat upon him, his name was Death; and Hades followed with him. And there was given unto them authority over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with famine, and with death, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

And then I said unto the angel, “Is there no one to stop the Lamb from opening the seals?” And the angel said, “What the fuck are you talking about?” I responded, “The Lamb! The Lamb is visiting these terrible things upon us! Will no one save us from his wrath?” The angel looked sad, and said, “It is not his wrath, but merely the counting.” “What the fuck are you talking about?!?” The angel attempted to Enlighten me. “He’s counting. There are seven seals. Seven things to count. He is not doing this to you.” “But he is breaking open the seals, which is causing the four horsemen to come!”

“No. He’s counting. He breaks the seal when something is about to happen.  Look!” And the angel handed me a pair of binoculars and slowed down time. And there, where once I saw a shifting mass, I saw the faces of the Horsemen in detail. It was the face of everyone who ever lived, with pleading hands.

I saw faces in anger, with hands wielding swords. I saw faces in anguish, shielding their faces from swords. I saw faces in ecstasy, some of which I could not see their hands. “Behold,” said the angel, “There is you!” And on one of the horsemen, I saw a pimple that was my own face, hands in an expression, of WTF?!”

“I don’t get it, what the hell is this?” The angel, growing weary said, “The Lamb is merely counting your dooms. He is not doing it.” And I saw, some of the hands were hacking at the pimples. Some of the pimples were falling off into the ground, in a large pool of pus and blood. “Why is the Lamb counting on seals on a scroll?” The angel looked incredulous. “You only have 5 fingers on each hand. When you start counting, you have to go to 5 or 10. Do you know how ridiculous it looks when you just count to seven on your fingers?”

“Then who can stop this madness?” The angel said, “You, plural, can. You, singular, cannot. Here. Take this.” And it handed me some candle and wax. “What is this for?” inquired I. “To seal up the four seals already broken. Maybe it’s too late. Maybe not. Give it a shot. Also don’t let this go to your head, you’re not special. You’re just some dude we picked off the street.”

I nodded, took the candle and the wax. Then I asked, “What does it say on the scroll?” And the angel laughed, and said, “John of Patmos never had the sense to ask that question. It’s a simple message. It says, ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ and it is signed with 7 billion signatures.” I looked, and saw the pimple that bore my resemblance throw one of its hands to its forehead.


This revelation is an allegory. I’m not schizophrenic, nor am I on hallucinogens, nor is it an endorsement of any particular religion that I really don't believe in. Make of it what you will. Just know that the End IS nigh. But we can change that.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2011, 07:31:24 am by Doktor Blight »
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20451
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #97 on: January 28, 2011, 07:26:17 am »
Might be too preachy. Feel free to suggest edits:

Let’s talk about something unpleasant, shall we?

You’re going to die. You can’t change that, but feel free to blame your parents. They are, after all, responsible for giving you a disease with a 100% fatality rate: life.

They say that there are only two certain things in life. Death and Taxes. Well, they’re right. You’re going to die (and you’re going to pay The Machine for the duration of your life). What happens after that is anyone’s guess. Maybe the Christians are right and you go to Heaven or Hell. Maybe the Hindus are right and you just come back. Maybe the atheists are right and you turn into dirt and that’s it. Who the hell knows?

Here’s what’s important. If you believe in Heaven or Hell, then what you do here on Earth while you are alive is somehow important, and determines your final destination. Do you want your God to look at you and say, “whatsoever you do to the least of your brothers, that you do unto me,” to which you will invariably respond, “Oh Lord, I treated everyone right while I was alive! Spare me!” Of course you do. Here’s the thing, he might say, “yeah, cool, but you fucked over your grandchildren right proper! Into the fire!”

If you believe in reincarnation, do you really want to come back to an even worse mess because you didn’t clean it up in the first place? Maintenance cuts out a lot of binge cleaning. If you believe you’re just going to die, are you going to feel comfortable that your only legacy was that you were part of the problem by not doing a godlessdamn thing and just watched TV?

No, I don’t think you want any of these.

I’m not asking you to save the world. If that were possible, someone would have done it already. The only thing I’m asking is that you make this world a better place for everyone. While you’re doing this, don’t forget that life without fun might as well be death.

And that is the unpleasant thing. Not that you’re going to die. You’re a person, and you know it’s going to happen. The unpleasant thing is that you have to get off your ass and make your otherwise humdrum experience worth something. No one said it was easy. But you can certainly make it fun.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #98 on: January 28, 2011, 03:32:37 pm »
Unless you plan on reading the last part of the first rant super fast like one of those announcers detailing the side-effects of a drug I would axe it.
But I like them.
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20451
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #99 on: January 28, 2011, 05:53:27 pm »
Unless you plan on reading the last part of the first rant super fast like one of those announcers detailing the side-effects of a drug I would axe it.
But I like them.

Good point. But that would be kinda funny.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #100 on: January 28, 2011, 05:55:20 pm »
Unless you plan on reading the last part of the first rant super fast like one of those announcers detailing the side-effects of a drug I would axe it.
But I like them.

Good point. But that would be kinda funny.

Which means you should do it. After a five second pause.
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Triple Zero

  • DO NOT ABUSE EXCEPT FOR URGENT FURNITURE MOVING EMERGENCIES
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 25403
  • Horrible and Sexy Queen of Cheese
    • View Profile
    • Random BIP
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #101 on: January 31, 2011, 10:51:58 pm »
the one that reads "This medium is IS A LIE" has "is" twice, and needs moar word-spacing between "IS A LIE" cause I had to blink before I saw it as ISALIE.
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #102 on: February 01, 2011, 01:18:26 am »
the one that reads "This medium is IS A LIE" has "is" twice, and needs moar word-spacing between "IS A LIE" cause I had to blink before I saw it as ISALIE.

Thanks Trip.
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10338
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #103 on: February 04, 2011, 11:02:31 pm »
I need 8 more labels to fill the sheet. 3 red/secret and 5 green/unclass. Ideas would be awesome, or I can reuse a few of the more popular ones. In which case, tell me which ones are awesome enough to be double(triple) printed.


ETA: I am also going to use these labels for my own mini-mindfuck for the area.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2011, 11:07:51 pm by Canis latrans eques »
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 20451
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: CDGASM
« Reply #104 on: February 05, 2011, 01:52:36 am »
I need 8 more labels to fill the sheet. 3 red/secret and 5 green/unclass. Ideas would be awesome, or I can reuse a few of the more popular ones. In which case, tell me which ones are awesome enough to be double(triple) printed.


ETA: I am also going to use these labels for my own mini-mindfuck for the area.

I'll see what I can think of.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS