I am no longer here

[Sepia]

I haven't been here for a while. I tell myself it's because of the work, I work too much now and the spare time I want for myself, with nothing seething in, a holy paradise, like the life I live inbetween, twixt the cracks and the desires where I survive on the hubris of others. I never really wrote anything discordian here, I was never really someone who participated and I'll never be. I want to say I'm growing older but I'm not, there's still more of my life left than what my death will hold.

Doktor Howl sent me a message and it was kind of him. He asked me why I didn't stroll to the other boards, something I some times did before but never often. I told him I stopped because of work and because the drama is never interesting and it's enough with my life, really, to keep track on who I can invite to this party and who I'll have to invite next time and to keep afloat on that in the internet is something I have no knack for, nor do I have it in my normal life so I'm sorry but I can't and I won't.

I was young when I discovered the apple, perhaps like most of you. I imagine it's not something you stumble over when you get too old unless you get in with the people and I think it was East Coast Hustle that said he just found people that had the same outlook as him and I that's still what this is. A shared silent belief. I don't know what discordia means to you, I never asked but I should have and there was a time I thought I'd write the decent book on this movement, the almost serious one but the most important part would be the ending for I never read a good ending, it might be that there isn't one and it ain't the point but that would be sheer beauty in itself, I never read a book because I wanted to read an acid trip.

Discordia, for me, is utopia. I'm used to utopia for if it is another belief I carry with me, it's that about anarchism. They share common things and are both beautiful. I think I love them because they are not human, they are not possible for humanity as a whole, they are part of the fringe and I was born there and I embraced it but I still don't know why I'm still here. On the edge, on the very edge burroughs described. Why are we here on this edge, why don't we turn to something else and why don't I preach to someone else than the choir?

I know I've always been a slow learner and the older I get the more I learn about my lack of quickness and mental agility. Discordia for me is a conversation to be held in the highest of regards, a speech you should listen to. It's something interesting, potentially life-changing. Why are we here, what is this discordia you speak of?

Speak and speak loud for this isn't the choir anymore. I'm Ralph Cifaretto sitting in the father's office and I ask why god would do this and I walk out angrily, telling him there's no more money in the god racket, not from me. I don't know who you are, you can choose that for yourself.

[The Johnny]

God-speed Sepia!

[Faust]

I don't think I've seen write as frankly with your message, I really like how you describe what Discordia is to you.

The last paragraph has me worried, I don't get the reference but I hope you aren't leaving. And if you are that you will come back.

[Doktor Howl]

Sepia, could you explain that last bit, please?

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Sepia,

I have always found your writing to be among the most inspired by the Golden Apple.... your ordering and disordering of ideas, thoughts and prose have been among the creme de la creme of PD.com. If you are leaving, I am sad to see you go. However, if you must...

Then may you continue to hold the knowledge of a sage and the wisdom of a child.

Hail Eris!

Ratatosk

[Jasper]

You'll be missed, Sepia.

[LMNO]

I hope this doesn't mean we've lost another one of the PD.com greats.


:re-reads:



Well, fuck.

[eighteen buddha strike]

Hmm, for starters, I'd like to state that your writing is specifically one of the things that has kept me invested in this community over the years. When I first read them, I felt a kind of odd congruence, because your style of writing (the approach) seemed extremely similar to mine... so much so, indeed, that I chose not to share many of my writings with this board. Perhaps I was a bit intimidated, but also worried that anything I did would be too derivative, I had a schtick and you do it better than I do. What I have done since then, and why I do not write, will become clear when I share my perception of discordia in the following paragraph. Forgive me if this is unwarranted, but I do feel you are asking us specifically to speak up, so I will do so as candidly as possible.

but this turned out to be way to long... so I will post in in a different thread.

Self Expression

[Sepia]

Ralph Cifaretto (of Sopranos) sits in the priest's office. His son has just been hit with an arrow in the chest and the reason why Ralph is there is because he's donated lots of money to the church and he demands to know why god did it.

Rereading I see it as a sorts of goodbye but it's been something else, not you. I'll stick around but I haven't really been here lately , my heart hasn't been in it, it's been a reflex. eighteen buddha strike nailed it, quite perfectly. In a way, this was me thinking and arguing with myself about who I was when I came here because a digital collection of my works, which all have been posted here, is soon done. It's done in my head and I'm moving on, trying to move onto something else, I dunno, I can feel it in my bones but there might just be an Obituaries 2. While I've been here, I've written enough shit for two collections, half of it I've taken because I liked it or because it was good and having been able to do that is fucking cool in my eyes. Your enabling, I'll call it that, of me is the reason that there's anything worth to collect anyhow, I'm just saying I'm getting tired of writing within what I define as a "rant" and it's totally on me, bro.

I'm starting to think it was Paulie instead of Ralph, but yeah. Go watch Sopranos anyhow, it's worth it.

What I really wanted was buddha's reply, I wanted that story, I wanted to reaffirm that I wasn't the only one that was lolomg23pineaglandlolol when we began here. I also apologize for not replying to threads but yeah

[Doktor Howl]

Ralph Cifaretto (of Sopranos) sits in the priest's office. His son has just been hit with an arrow in the chest and the reason why Ralph is there is because he's donated lots of money to the church and he demands to know why god did it.

Rereading I see it as a sorts of goodbye but it's been something else, not you. I'll stick around but I haven't really been here lately , my heart hasn't been in it, it's been a reflex. eighteen buddha strike nailed it, quite perfectly. In a way, this was me thinking and arguing with myself about who I was when I came here because a digital collection of my works, which all have been posted here, is soon done. It's done in my head and I'm moving on, trying to move onto something else, I dunno, I can feel it in my bones but there might just be an Obituaries 2. While I've been here, I've written enough shit for two collections, half of it I've taken because I liked it or because it was good and having been able to do that is fucking cool in my eyes. Your enabling, I'll call it that, of me is the reason that there's anything worth to collect anyhow, I'm just saying I'm getting tired of writing within what I define as a "rant" and it's totally on me, bro.

I'm starting to think it was Paulie instead of Ralph, but yeah. Go watch Sopranos anyhow, it's worth it.

What I really wanted was buddha's reply, I wanted that story, I wanted to reaffirm that I wasn't the only one that was lolomg23pineaglandlolol when we began here. I also apologize for not replying to threads but yeah

Well, if you ran out of rant, you ran out of rant.  It will come back.

But in the meantime, you should stop by.  Frequently.

[East Coast Hustle]

Shit yeah. You are definitely not the only one that was all "lolomg23pinealfnord" when you got here. Hell, check out some of my oldest posts. But your writing has always been a strong and welcome contribution to this community, regardless of whether you post anything else or not, and I hope we have not seen the last of it.

If we have, please PM me a way to get in touch with you because there's a very good chance that my job will have me in Norway for a month this coming summer, and we should kill a beer or two.

[Payne]

When I started here, my problem was less defined than the zomgEris phenomenon often seen here. I began hungry to learn what these guys (you guys) are all about.

My problem, often, is keeping myself in that permanant n00bish state.

Socially, I feel I've advanced within the PD forum tribe. I certainly have fun here. I think I have a cosy little niche here that isn't terribly detrimental. But I don't really know how much I'm learning anymore - I know I'm probably still learning a lot but I don't know how much I am or if it really is that much.

But then, that's what I want, isn't it? The ability to continue saying "I just don't know", and the ability to do something about that ignorance...

I wish I could write like you Sepia, I wish I could construct arguments like Howl or LMNO or Cain, I wish I was a lot of things a lot of the people here on PD are. Then I would maybe be able to more accurately let people know what I'm thinking or feeling. What wonder and horror lies beneath.

Anyway: I leave here with every post, but I come back evolved with the next.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I feel like I learn a fuck of a lot here. This place is better than any news site as a clearinghouse for the most fucked-up current events, plus the opinions and arguments help keep me sharp. Everyone has their own take on Discordia, and I appreciate that. I'm really not at all in a creative writing phase right now, which is kind of a bummer I suppose, but it comes and goes. Right now I'm more interested in observing the world going to hell and pondering what can be done to make the eventual outcome a positive one, even if only in the sense of a bright new aftermath.

[Payne]

Well, I don't really doubt I learn things here. I do feel more ignorant by the day though...

And yeah, my creative input has pretty much totally dried up. As minimal as it was to begin with.

[Triple Zero]

Well I love seeing you post anyway, cause the avatar still makes me giggle every time I see it