Welcome to the USA

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nigel and I would like to welcome you all to America, even if you've lived here your whole life.  Why?  Because we know America, and you don't.  We were there when they let people like Reagan and Richard Nixon run loose, and we saw the last moments of American glory that ended with the demise of the Apollo program.  We saw the rules change, we understand the nuts and bolts of America, we've read the schematic and helped write the operating manual.

Not that anyone read it, of course, or even changed the oil.  This is of course why we can't have nice things.

I mean, you don't think we've bunkered-in in places like Portland and Tucson for nothing, right?  They are horrible towns that want us all dead, but - maybe because of that, these towns still know how to have a good time.  From these safe havens, we watched our enemies grow strong on what we'd left behind.

But what of it?  It's really hard to be happy without a fight, and picking on the hapless dems and their glassy-eyed followers was like punting a retarded child.   Makes a horrible noise, and just isn't a challenge.

But now the yahoos are back, and I love them.  They spazz out at the drop of a hat...Or, for that matter, the drop of the enormous butt-lumber I left on their local office door stoop last night, in a frenzy of joy.  I had eaten turkey meatloaf, and the embedded bits of corn and peas made my offering look appropriately festive.

You should love them, too, in the same way a U-Boat commander loved to see a merchantman drop out of a convoy with engine trouble.  It's hard to explain the predatory grin that remains plastered on my face at all times.  You can actually see my molars.  All of them.

Nigel and some of the other older generation here will know precisely what I mean.  We loved Richard Nixon in his retirement, and we loved to hate him.  He was at the same time a monster and a warrior.  He knew why we hated him, and he didn't care, unlike this weak creature that we have now.  Nixon did what HE thought was right, and we wound up with things like clean air and water, OSHA, and that Watergate thing.  He wasn't really an evil man, just paranoid.  Some people said he just loved too much, and I suspect they might be right.

He also set the stage for the architect of modern America, Ronald Reagan.  Reagan was a hideous old man, and everything he did was filthy and wrong, and he left a trail of slime on the rug that caused the White House cleaning staff to call a hazmat team...But he did teach us not to trust the government, though - true to form - the American public mis-applied the lesson and now we have Sarah Palin humping our legs.  In this morning's meeting, all the other supervisors were gushing about how she'd "be ready in 2016".  

Horrible, horrible.

George Bush (41) knew that Reagan was nuttier than a shithouse rat (The same opinion he's offered on the teabaggers), but he got distracted by Desert Storm and Operation Just BeCause, and never really did much about it.  Clinton and Bush (43) basically continued Reagan's demented policies, and Obama...Well, Obama just grins a lot, as if he knows the punch line and you don't.  And now the teabaggers.

Can anyone blame me for expressing my admiration in a scatological manner?  I merely wished to convey my respect for them as an enemy.  

And this new America that the teabaggers promise us...Why, it's going to be the most fertile ground to recruit new freaks that we've seen since George 43 publicly castrated himself in the summer of 2008.  Are we ready to take advantage of this?  We'd better be...If we can't make this the funniest period in American history (with the exception of HUAC), then we should just admit that we're Facebook for Nerds and be done with it.

So I say unto you:  In the next 60 days, each of you should try to recruit 2 new Discordians.  It doesn't matter if they come to PD or not, just get them active.  That will keep YOU active.  Then try to get THEM to recruit 2 new people, while you go on to recruit one additional person per 2-3 months.  

Then DO STUFF.  Go nuts with propaganda, try to photobomb rallies, try to get in the local news, wrench up your local government.  Post your exploits as "ideas" to keep in line with the KYFMS rule.

There's no time to sit still and post observations about the stupid monkeys that surround us.  We must ACT, we must PUNISH THE MONKEYS.  WE MUST ALL DO SOMETHING GROTESQUE BEFORE WE DIE!  ERIS DEMANDS IT!

AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Or Kill Me.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

2 Discordians, 2 months. I'm in.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Actually, quick question-

Do they actually have to become 2 Discordians, or do they have to be people willing to help me out with Discordian projects?

[Epimetheus]

Fuck, man. You sure can inspire (negatively and positively). I'm in.

Do they actually have to become 2 Discordians, or do they have to be people willing to help me out with Discordian projects?

I don't think there's any important difference. Except that they gotta go on and do their own shit too.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Then, I probably already have convert 1 just waiting- my drummer.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Fuck, man. You sure can inspire (negatively and positively). I'm in.

There's a time to stick apart, and a time to glob up in a big ball of wrath and go stompin'.

It's fucking Friday, right?  There's no time like the present.  Go chat people up (I will post some suggested methods, but that part is really on you.  You're going to fail more often that succeed...It's a matter of numbers).  

Then you need to spend a week dreaming up things to do.  Then spend next weekend DOING THEM.  I realize that not everyone can afford to burn 1500 color copies on crack n peel paper, but sharpies are cheap, and easier to explain than spray cans or paint sticks.

IMPROVE things.  Look at the advertisements and signage around you, and ask yourself "How could I tighten that up just a bit?".

Find your local teabaggers, American Legion, etc, and find ways to fuck with them.  Join up, for that matter, and try to subvert them (Note:  Leave the Moose Lodge alone.  They run orphanages and never bother anyone.)

2 Discordians, 2 months.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Fuck, man. You sure can inspire (negatively and positively). I am so down.

Do they actually have to become 2 Discordians, or do they have to be people willing to help me out with Discordian projects?

I don't think there's any important difference. Except that they gotta go on and do their own shit too.

This.

If they're willing to go do shit, then they ARE Discordians.

The best part about selling Discordianism is that we don't demand that anyone actually worship anything.  You can be a Christian and still be a Discordian.  I bill it as "The AFLAK of religions".  Christians, etc, worry about what happens to you when you die, we worry about what happens to you while you're here.

[Cramulus]

Fuck, man. You sure can inspire (negatively and positively). I'm in.

There's a time to stick apart, and a time to glob up in a big ball of wrath and go stompin'.

It's fucking Friday, right?  There's no time like the present.  Go chat people up (I will post some suggested methods, but that part is really on you.  You're going to fail more often that succeed...It's a matter of numbers).  

Then you need to spend a week dreaming up things to do.  Then spend next weekend DOING THEM.  I realize that not everyone can afford to burn 1500 color copies on crack n peel paper, but sharpies are cheap, and easier to explain than spray cans or paint sticks.

IMPROVE things.  Look at the advertisements and signage around you, and ask yourself "How could I tighten that up just a bit?".

Find your local teabaggers, American Legion, etc, and find ways to fuck with them.  Join up, for that matter, and try to subvert them (Note:  Leave the Moose Lodge alone.  They run orphanages and never bother anyone.)

2 Discordians, 2 months.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

You realize that in trying to covert them I out myself and will be busted for untold incidents of hilarity which may have only been funny to me.....  

On another note, I have one potential convert I have been working on all football season, I'll have to step up my game.

[Richter]

Mission Accepted.

[Cuddlefish]

I can do this.

[Cuddlefish]

There's a time to stick apart, and a time to glob up in a big ball of wrath and go stompin'.

I've been feeling this.

Mission Accepted.

We have a presence here. In RI alone, there's a handful of us. I have other friends that would probably lend a hand if the concept was good. And hell, we also have people like EoC and Cram practicaly right around the corner. We have no excuses. We should be on the news within two months.

-dimo-
to the fucking wall

[The Good Reverend Roger]

There's a time to stick apart, and a time to glob up in a big ball of wrath and go stompin'.

I've been feeling this.

Mission Accepted.

We have a presence here. In RI alone, there's a handful of us. I have other friends that would probably lend a hand if the concept was good. And hell, we also have people like EoC and Cram practicaly right around the corner. We have no excuses. We should be on the news within two months.

-dimo-
to the fucking wall

Remember, though:  It's hard to have a good time in jail.  Have fun, but be careful.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Fuck, man. You sure can inspire (negatively and positively). I am so down.

Do they actually have to become 2 Discordians, or do they have to be people willing to help me out with Discordian projects?

I don't think there's any important difference. Except that they gotta go on and do their own shit too.

This.

If they're willing to go do shit, then they ARE Discordians.

The best part about selling Discordianism is that we don't demand that anyone actually worship anything.  You can be a Christian and still be a Discordian.  I bill it as "The AFLAK of religions".  Christians, etc, worry about what happens to you when you die, we worry about what happens to you while you're here.

Gotcha- Buttons seems a bit uninterested in things that have religious trappings. Though, that said, he became a minister in one of those hand out minister credentials like candy websites for the fuck of it, and I'm sure he'll get a huge kick out of being a card carrying Pope. Actually, Pope cards might be a good in for some people I know. They'll find it amusing and accept them, but will likely ask about them.

He's always up for a bit of mischief and fun though, so he's a good target. He and the rest of my band helped me out with an EggGASM at a St. Paddy's party, mostly for shits and giggles. He found some really good hiding places. I'm wondering if they're still finding eggs, though the humor was lost on the hosts (one of them suggested that whoever wrote them was either gay or a woman due to the neatness of handwriting).

[Cuddlefish]

There's a time to stick apart, and a time to glob up in a big ball of wrath and go stompin'.

I've been feeling this.

Mission Accepted.

We have a presence here. In RI alone, there's a handful of us. I have other friends that would probably lend a hand if the concept was good. And hell, we also have people like EoC and Cram practicaly right around the corner. We have no excuses. We should be on the news within two months.

-dimo-
to the fucking wall

Remember, though:  It's hard to have a good time in jail.  Have fun, but be careful.

True, and agreed. However, I'd be willing to take the trip if it was worth it. We could use a martyr or two.