Why I oppose Canadian Marriage.

[Remington]

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

You have the right to marry...A non-Canadian.  Just like everyone else.

But who would I marry?

1. Americans are American
2. Europeans smell too much
3. I can't understand Asian people most of the time

The only places left are Australia, and everything is fucking poisonous there. Why would the women be different?

Greenland.

Granted, the pickings are probably a bit slim.  But think of all the available ocean front property.  

Greenlanders would be even hairier.

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

And your shitty beer, your funny accents, and your moose riding police force. Plus, you allow French to be spoken in your country. It must be stopped.

Only in Quebec, and Quebec never, ever counts.

Unacceptable. You have not let them secede. Civil War in Canada! I demand it!

We held a referendum, they voted against separation. Problem?

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

And your shitty beer, your funny accents, and your moose riding police force. Plus, you allow French to be spoken in your country. It must be stopped.

Only in Quebec, and Quebec never, ever counts.

Unacceptable. You have not let them secede. Civil War in Canada! I demand it!

They tried that with the Meech Lake Accords, but it occurred to them that someone might get hurt, so they went ice fishing instead.

It also dawned on them that they would lose the 9 gazillion dollars/year they get from provincial equalization payments and Federal Bloc Quebecois favours.

[AFK]

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French. 

They owe it to the world to secede!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

And your shitty beer, your funny accents, and your moose riding police force. Plus, you allow French to be spoken in your country. It must be stopped.

Only in Quebec, and Quebec never, ever counts.

Unacceptable. You have not let them secede. Civil War in Canada! I demand it!

We held a referendum, they voted against separation. Problem?

Sure, it's very easy to move a bunch of Ottowans and Torontoids into Montreal and have them register to vote in time for the referendum.
Besides, you English speaking Canucks should initiate a civil war to kick them OUT of Canada.

[Remington]

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

You have the right to marry...A non-Canadian.  Just like everyone else.

But who would I marry?

1. Americans are American

This is not necessarily true.  There are those who America doesn't really want but can't come up with a good enough reason to kick them out.

It's too late. The America^TM has them, and the decontamination process is prohibitively expensive.

IT'S ADAM AND EVE, NOT DARREN AND COLLEEN.  

ADAM AND STEVE, NOT JAMES AND MARY

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French. 

They owe it to the world to secede!

IT WOULD MAKE OUR MAPS LOOK FUNNY 



The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

[Remington]

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

And your shitty beer, your funny accents, and your moose riding police force. Plus, you allow French to be spoken in your country. It must be stopped.

Only in Quebec, and Quebec never, ever counts.

Unacceptable. You have not let them secede. Civil War in Canada! I demand it!

We held a referendum, they voted against separation. Problem?

Sure, it's very easy to move a bunch of Ottowans and Torontoids into Montreal and have them register to vote in time for the referendum.
Besides, you English speaking Canucks should initiate a civil war to kick them OUT of Canada.

Nah. The whole bilingual thing helps differentiate us from the Americans.

[East Coast Hustle]

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

And your shitty beer, your funny accents, and your moose riding police force. Plus, you allow French to be spoken in your country. It must be stopped.

Only in Quebec, and Quebec never, ever counts.

Couldn't agree more. Quebec never counts as Canada because it is vastly superior.

[AFK]

The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

That's okay.  New Brunswick and Nova Scotia have far more in common with Maine than they do Quebec anyway.  I'll take it one step further.  TRONE (The Rest of New England) should break away from the U.S., join the Maritime provinces and become our own nation of win and awesome.  We can call it, MariTrone.  

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You hate our freedoms! And our healthcare!

And your shitty beer, your funny accents, and your moose riding police force. Plus, you allow French to be spoken in your country. It must be stopped.

Only in Quebec, and Quebec never, ever counts.

Unacceptable. You have not let them secede. Civil War in Canada! I demand it!

We held a referendum, they voted against separation. Problem?

Sure, it's very easy to move a bunch of Ottowans and Torontoids into Montreal and have them register to vote in time for the referendum.
Besides, you English speaking Canucks should initiate a civil war to kick them OUT of Canada.

Nah. The whole bilingual thing helps differentiate us from the Americans.

Not necessary.  We can tell by your teeth being ground down by chewing on seal skins.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French. 

They owe it to the world to secede!

IT WOULD MAKE OUR MAPS LOOK FUNNY 



The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

Kinda like what you do with Us and Alaska?

The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

That's okay.  New Brunswick and Nova Scotia have far more in common with Maine than they do Quebec anyway.  I'll take it one step further.  TRONE (The Rest of New England) should break away from the U.S., join the Maritime provinces and become our own nation of win and awesome.  We can call it, MariTrone. 

You can have Vermont, we keep New Hampshire.

[Remington]

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French. 

They owe it to the world to secede!

IT WOULD MAKE OUR MAPS LOOK FUNNY 



The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

Kinda like what you do with Us and Alaska?

Well, give us Alaska then. Keep the Palins.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French. 

They owe it to the world to secede!

IT WOULD MAKE OUR MAPS LOOK FUNNY 



The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

Kinda like what you do with Us and Alaska?

Well, give us Alaska then. Keep the Palins.

No deal. Give us that thing there north of Washington.

[AFK]

No, no, no forget Alaska and Washington, we're talking about making a new East Coast powerhouse here.  We don't want no fish mongers or pipeline huggers. 

[Remington]

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French.  

They owe it to the world to secede!

IT WOULD MAKE OUR MAPS LOOK FUNNY  



The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

Kinda like what you do with Us and Alaska?

Well, give us Alaska then. Keep the Palins.

No deal. Give us that thing there north of Washington.

What, BC? Fuck no.

That's the nicest part of Canada: powered almost entirely by hydro, absolutely beautiful scenery, a 10-month growing season. Vancouver Island, where I intend to move.

You people would fuck it up, bad.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

No, no, no forget Alaska and Washington, we're talking about making a new East Coast powerhouse here.  We don't want no fish mongers or pipeline huggers. 

Alright, how about the colonies from Pennsylvania and up, including Vermont and Maine, plus the maritimes and Greenland. From there we flex our muscle and show the world what's what by forcibly annexing Iceland. And we'll do that with longboats just for shits and giggles.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yes, but they ignore the greater good which is the sheer hilarity of having an independent country split another country into two.  And also setting up a French nation on USA's doorstep, and we all know how much America hates the French. 

They owe it to the world to secede!

IT WOULD MAKE OUR MAPS LOOK FUNNY 



The Maritimes would be completely cut off, at the mercy of the French and the New Englanders.

Kinda like what you do with Us and Alaska?

Well, give us Alaska then. Keep the Palins.

No deal. Give us that thing there north of Washington.

What, BC? Fuck no.

That's the nicest part of Canada: powered almost entirely by hydro, absolutely beautiful scenery, a 10-month growing season. The pot.

You people would fuck it up, bad.

If you say it's British Columbia we'll have to take your word for it. Americans have more important things to do than remember your political subdivisions. We have enough trouble with our own maps.