American Holiday Traditions

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Fuck you if you don't like Christmas!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ysfQjKKi70

[Jenne]

I've decided that since it's my dad's first Xmas out of the clink, I'm going to behave myself (while he's in front of me), at least for a little while.  He looked at me askance when I described the neighbors who had their Xmas lights out and up BEFORE December 1st as "crackheads."  As we tooled around the neighborhood on the way home, I'd just say, "Another crackhead! ...and ANOTHER!"    Seriously--they spend the days after Turkey Day fucking pulling out lights and stringing them up as if it was their religion or something.

And I KNOWS it ain't in the Bible you have to put the damned things up before December 1st.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I've decided that since it's my dad's first Xmas out of the clink, I'm going to behave myself (while he's in front of me), at least for a little while.  He looked at me askance when I described the neighbors who had their Xmas lights out and up BEFORE December 1st as "crackheads."  As we tooled around the neighborhood on the way home, I'd just say, "Another crackhead! ...and ANOTHER!"    Seriously--they spend the days after Turkey Day fucking pulling out lights and stringing them up as if it was their religion or something.

And I KNOWS it ain't in the Bible you have to put the damned things up before December 1st.

At least they're waiting until Thanksgiving.

[Eater of Clowns]

Jenne, does that have something to do with his Christmas spirit or has he had some negative interactions with actual crackheads while in jail?

[Jenne]

Jenne, does that have something to do with his Christmas spirit or has he had some negative interactions with actual crackheads while in jail?

No, he just doesn't get modern nomenclature for idjits yet.    But he did entertain us with stories of "what ends up on the black market in prison came from some guy's asshole."  Fr rls.  Butthash, is smoked in the yard.  For $1(jail) each.  And the how's of their manufacture will blow your mind.

I'm going to have some FUN shit to share with you all.  Sort of like my husband's proctology rotation story from medical school we dine out on...

[Jenne]

I've decided that since it's my dad's first Xmas out of the clink, I'm going to behave myself (while he's in front of me), at least for a little while.  He looked at me askance when I described the neighbors who had their Xmas lights out and up BEFORE December 1st as "crackheads."  As we tooled around the neighborhood on the way home, I'd just say, "Another crackhead! ...and ANOTHER!"    Seriously--they spend the days after Turkey Day fucking pulling out lights and stringing them up as if it was their religion or something.

And I KNOWS it ain't in the Bible you have to put the damned things up before December 1st.

At least they're waiting until Thanksgiving.

Bah.  And humbug.  Fucknuts, I tell you!  Absolute fuckingNUTS.

[Eater of Clowns]

Jenne, does that have something to do with his Christmas spirit or has he had some negative interactions with actual crackheads while in jail?

No, he just doesn't get modern nomenclature for idjits yet.    But he did entertain us with stories of "what ends up on the black market in prison came from some guy's asshole."  Fr rls.  Butthash, is smoked in the yard.  For $1(jail) each.  And the how's of their manufacture will blow your mind.

I'm going to have some FUN shit to share with you all.  Sort of like my husband's proctology rotation story from medical school we dine out on...

Toilet hooch FTW.

[Jenne]

Jenne, does that have something to do with his Christmas spirit or has he had some negative interactions with actual crackheads while in jail?

No, he just doesn't get modern nomenclature for idjits yet.    But he did entertain us with stories of "what ends up on the black market in prison came from some guy's asshole."  Fr rls.  Butthash, is smoked in the yard.  For $1(jail) each.  And the how's of their manufacture will blow your mind.

I'm going to have some FUN shit to share with you all.  Sort of like my husband's proctology rotation story from medical school we dine out on...

Toilet hooch FTW.

Yeah, it goes WAY beyond the toilet hooch.  Which they apparently now make out of Halls cough drops.  Yeah.  Never mind the little packets of jelly and whatnot.  No no no.  Anything with sugar.  ANY THING.

No, it's odd what the human body can do...when you will it.  And what the mind will overcome when it wants something badly enough.  So when you use a cellphone that was smuggled (along with its charger and a roll of tabacco?) up someone's ass...and you don't care...that's some awesome power you have over your visceral reactions...

[Don Coyote]

Yeah, it goes WAY beyond the toilet hooch.  Which they apparently now make out of Halls cough drops.  Yeah.  Never mind the little packets of jelly and whatnot.  No no no.  Anything with sugar.  ANY THING.

I've heard lots of ketchup is used. Been tempted for YEARS to see what fermented and watered down ketchup would taste like. Never had the intestinal fortitude to attempt it.

[-Kel-]

I'd only participate in black Friday if it was like this....

http://www.hulu.com/watch/194723/saturday-night-live-black-friday

[Cuddlefish]

I'd only participate in black Friday if it was like this....

http://www.hulu.com/watch/194723/saturday-night-live-black-friday

heh, close enough.

[Triple Zero]

No, he just doesn't get modern nomenclature for idjits yet.    But he did entertain us with stories of "what ends up on the black market in prison came from some guy's asshole."  Fr rls.  Butthash, is smoked in the yard.  For $1(jail) each.  And the how's of their manufacture will blow your mind.

Butthash in this context is actual hashish smuggled via the butt, not Jenkem, right?

And, what do you mean by $1(jail) ? Jail dollars are different?

I'm going to have some FUN shit to share with you all.

Looking forward to it!! But first, take your time to reunite with your dad (I'm still happy for you!!).

[Triple Zero]

I've heard lots of ketchup is used. Been tempted for YEARS to see what fermented and watered down ketchup would taste like. Never had the intestinal fortitude to attempt it.

Jenne might correct me but, I read in a "recipe" that the ketchup is not used for its sugar contents but rather disguising flavours and something with the preservatives.

[Jenne]

No, he just doesn't get modern nomenclature for idjits yet.    But he did entertain us with stories of "what ends up on the black market in prison came from some guy's asshole."  Fr rls.  Butthash, is smoked in the yard.  For $1(jail) each.  And the how's of their manufacture will blow your mind.

Butthash in this context is actual hashish smuggled via the butt, not Jenkem, right?

And, what do you mean by $1(jail) ? Jail dollars are different?

I'm going to have some FUN shit to share with you all.

Looking forward to it!! But first, take your time to reunite with your dad (I'm still happy for you!!).

Butthash is not jenkem, no, I was making a play on words.    And yeah, cons aren't allowed to handle money, actual REAL-LIFE dollars, on the yard.  Or when you visit.  So they are given jail dollars.  And those they can use in the commissary to buy stuff--razors, deoderant, snacks, etc.  They are traded on the black market as well, though--you can "steal" food from the kitchen if you work there, sell the food for the jail bucks, and buy actual items from the commissary with those jail dollars...

[Cain]

I bet your dad will be great whenever you forget to take your house or car keys, though.