UNKLE ENRICO'S STORYTIME HOUR!

[LMNO]

Unkle Enrico!  Unkle Enrico! 


Tell us a story!  Tell us!


Tell us about the time Pongo tried to brush his teeth!


Pleeeeeeeezzzze?

[Enrico Salazar]

Was Pogo, not Pongo.  Pongo was disgraced Salazorian television star, originator of Match Game, which was ruthlessly steal by Gene Rayburn here in USA years later... bless his perverted scab of a soul.  And bless Pongo too.

But, little boy, you ask about Pogo and how he attempt to brush his teeth one day...


First, is important to know that in Salazore is capital crime to attempt to brush teeth.  It go back to famous Salazorian, Ubu "Mad Dog" Guacamole, who was famous philosophisor and he claim that if it necessary for peoples to brush and clean teeth our mouth holes would come with built in electric toothbrush, which was strange and prophetic thing to say, since he die in 1872.  Guacamole was very influential, and many of his vague ideas and fancies were made into State Law.  For instance, the law about childrens be neither seen NOR hear was base on something Guacamole say one time at dinner party with Prince Albert... was institute as law after die, and for many year childrens were kept in dark rooms and not taught to speak until age of 35.  Kasper Hauser was a Salizorian child.  Those were the good old day.

But, about teeth brushing.  Yes, is true, is capital offense to brush one's teeth in Enrico's homeland.  But, one day when Enrico was still in command he make proclamation about Daylight Saving time which his son, Pogo, did not like.  He think that time of day should change twice a year to save moneys in light.  Is stupid.  Time is time, and was hand down from great tortoise... is not to be fuck with by peoples just to save a measley guido.

To spite Enrico, when the Generalissimo make televised Fireside Chat about this heinous idea, Pogo was hide inside skin of Enrico's favorite doberman Suzie, who he had kill and skinned earlier in the day and make "beef" stroganoff for Enrico.  Was only good thing he do that day.  Was very tasty.  Suzie was good, Enrico will miss him.  

While Enrico talk, Pogo leap out from skin of Suzie, were he had been laying near fireplace pretend to chew on orphan ankles like Suzie always do, to delight of tv viewers everywhere except Berkley California.  He jump up onto Enrico's lap with toothbrush in hand, and shriek traditional Salizorian insubordination jingle... but was just after Spaghetti Revolution, so Enrico was still perhap overly cautious about junta be performed and was wear full switchblade suit.  Was beautiful suit, make by Edith Head.  Very expensive, very leather, very sweaty, and smell VERY good.  Pogo was pierced 575 time on back, tushie, and leg.  He only have one leg, or might have be almost 600 pierces!  

On top of this, Enrico's camera crew is always fully arm and ready for junta as well, so they all open fire on Pogo - even though he is sit on Generalissimo.  Is fortunate that Pogo always wear kevlar pajama, or Enrico may not be here today to tell this charming anecdote.  As well, Diabo was there, and she cut off Pogo's head; not because she think he is junta, she follow him onto set... she was very angry he had make better stroganoff than she ever make.  She cut off his head on purpose.

It was Enrico's most highest rate Fireside Chat.

Luckily Enrico was able to have Pogo's head reattach.  Not to his body, it was destroy by switchblade suit and open fire, but Salazore have many orphans run around who make good candidate for body take over.

Story has happy ending!  All other orphans were all the time cry cry cry that they never have ball for to play football in the razor fields, but after orphan have give up his body, what we have?  One extra head!  It make perfect ball once it has been boiled... and with the boiling Diabo once again gained favor for her cooking.  All is well that end well, is true?

[Cramulus]

 

[LMNO]

Well, yes, but what about the electric cantalope?  Why was this not used?

[Richter]

I have holiday spirit now.  The heartwarming, bloodthirsty kind.

[Cramulus]

that's whiskey, dude

[Richter]

Hey, it's not the holidays unless your breath smells like the booze - pickled souls of 3 chainsmoking guerilla warfare vets. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

that's whiskey, dude

No, that's girly whiskey.

The real stuff comes in white labeled bottles that simply say "Whiskey" ("Contents:  Whiskey"), and tastes like red hot fish hooks ripping your trachea out.  None of this "warm" bullshit.

[Richter]

That actually describes the spiced everclear concoction I made perfectly.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

That actually describes the spiced everclear concoction I made perfectly.

Does your mouth taste like a rat pissed in it an hour after you have one?

[Richter]

It feels like a surly crew of state roadways contractors jsut ran an asphalting machine over your tongue.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Mental note- if going to the Meetrack, bring mouthwash.

[Requia ☣]

Mental note- if going to the Meetrack, bring mouthwash.

To wash the taste out, or to drink?

[Don Coyote]

Mental note- if going to the Meetrack, bring mouthwash.

To wash the taste out, or to drink?

Probably be safer to drink it than the whiskey.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

A little bit of both. To start off so I'm numb to the taste, and to finish off to destank.