The Horrible Creep of Christmas

[Cuddlefish]

Thanks all, and please use "Wantmonster".  I like anything that digs at the truth of things like th charity industry.

Maybe you could write an entry in "Modern Mythological Creatures" on the Wantmonster.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I thought I was the horrible creep of Christmas. 

[President Television]

I thought I was the horrible creep of Christmas. 

Don't be sad, there's still Easter!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I thought I was the horrible creep of Christmas. 

Don't be sad, there's still Easter!

[Richter]

Thanks all, and please use "Wantmonster".  I like anything that digs at the truth of things like th charity industry.

Maybe you could write an entry in "Modern Mythological Creatures" on the Wantmonster.

By Khorne, it shall be done!

I thought I was the horrible creep of Christmas. 

Nigel, it jsut wouldn't be christmas eve without yourface pressed against the glass, condensation attesting to your heavy breathing as our guests scream in panic. 

I have to say, creep or not, dropping a severed reindeer head onto that girl's windshield as she tried to escape by car was a MASTERSTROKE.  (If she couldn't laugh at that, I didn't want to date her anyways, so no hard feelings.)

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thanks all, and please use "Wantmonster".  I like anything that digs at the truth of things like th charity industry.

Maybe you could write an entry in "Modern Mythological Creatures" on the Wantmonster.

By Khorne, it shall be done!

I thought I was the horrible creep of Christmas. 

Nigel, it jsut wouldn't be christmas eve without yourface pressed against the glass, condensation attesting to your heavy breathing as our guests scream in panic. 

I have to say, creep or not, dropping a severed reindeer head onto that girl's windshield as she tried to escape by car was a MASTERSTROKE.  (If she couldn't laugh at that, I didn't want to date her anyways, so no hard feelings.)

I'm glad you don't mind, Richter. Anyway, if you'd continued seeing her I had a special holiday treat planned for you two that would have been a lot more expensive... the Japanese have driven the price of dolphin penis through the roof! So the fact that you never heard from her again saved me a pretty penny, not to mention buying off the delivery driver.

[Richter]

Yeah, fun is fun, and I've have been flattered, but the expense is too much.  What does one do with porpoise peen anyways? 

In my case, call a few taxidermy inclined folks I know and have it cured.  A pizzle whip is a NASTY tool, but would have ben fun to have around.  (Though your previous exploits saved me that "Would you like to try this honey?" chat with the lady.)

Dolphin dong nonwithstanding, the reason I can't really complain about any of this aberrant and horrifying behavior, is that it's a fair retort.  My acts in stocking that bowling alley's ball return with elephant testicles and "Love, Nigel" notes on Testicular Cancer Support Night was both silly and borderline libelous.  I now remove my credit cards to a lockbox whenever I am drunk and on the internet.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That was sheer inspiration, Richter, and helped pave the way for that delightful sea-urchin batting-cage interlude set to Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. Furthermore, were it not for the decaying bovine embryos you had left in my office that one spectacular Valentine's Day, I would never have had the idea to deliver 30 live, moistened, shivering koalas sprinkled in glitter and rose petals to my would-be paramour later that evening. Unfortunately, he rejected my love-gift by calling Animal Control and the local police, not realizing the futility of his evasive actions. I still have the dear boy, and I have you to thank for that. Also, thanks for the livestock shipping cages, they've really come in handy for housing recalcitrant lovers.

[Richter]

There's the joy of the gross act, but the fun and refinement is always in the details.  Like the fact that you used MOISTENED koalas.  Some people just don't think about these things. 

"Don't run!", I try to warn them, "She'll take you down all the same, and she'll be HORNY."

Enjoy the cages, but please empty them before sending any back.  The last one still had someone in it.  I forwarded it to Enrico as a present for Salazorian Festivale, so the evidence should be taken care of.  He sent me 3 chocolate covered emu as a thank you.  Still alive they stampeded out and ate the noisy neighbor kids before RUINING a local boutique.  The pictures are a hoot, especially the smille on Dani the Rat's face when he brought one down and dragged it into the ktichen of the local indian food join for preperation.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wow, talk about a silver lining!

[Richter]

If you can't finagle a silver lining in a neighborhood full of food perverts of every nationality you jsut aren't TRYING to dispose of a body.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Fucking koala bears are a Goddamn menace, and ought to be wiped out, always attacking tourists and gnawing on their bits...And in broad daylight, in the presence of children and stupid people.

I hate those little fuckers.  Moist or dry, they're almost as bad as those horrible fucking chinchillas.  If I had MY way, we'd take the 6th fleet down to Australia and teach those pouch-bellied, beer-swilling dingos to keep their Goddamn wildlife under control.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Fucking koala bears are a Goddamn menace, and ought to be wiped out, always attacking tourists and gnawing on their bits...And in broad daylight, in the presence of children and stupid people.

I hate those little fuckers.  Moist or dry, they're almost as bad as those horrible fucking chinchillas.  If I had MY way, we'd take the 6th fleet down to Australia and teach those pouch-bellied, beer-swilling dingos to keep their Goddamn wildlife under control.

I sense a battle to the death coming on... koalas vs. chinchillas, last animal standing wins.

[Richter]

BUMP to prove what kind of people we're dealing with here.

[Luna]

Nice.