ATTN MORTALS: Post ITT for a quest to make you more Holy™.

[Jenne]

I take my Holiness seriously.  What can the whale's vagi--I mean San Diego do for you?

...and I cringe at doing anything having to do with military bases...

Yours is interesting.  There's no timeline, and no proof required.  Strictly honor system.

The next time your inlaws dump on you, you will call them on it, on the spot, in no uncertain terms.

See?  Holy™ AND fun!   

Shit.  And you KNEW they were coming to the house tomorrow, didn't you?  For a reading of the Koran at a mosque followed by dinner at said mosque then dessert HERE, chez Jenne!

There's a certain evil to your madness, Your Holiness...

You're going to enjoy it so much, you may never stop.   

I did this.  Sat down after I said it an laughed.  It was a smallish put down but they were pissed at my husband and taking it out on me.  They proceeded to splutter and then left.



This was in front of witnesses, and all said, "No one wanted them here anyway!"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I did this.  Sat down after I said it an laughed.  It was a smallish put down but they were pissed at my husband and taking it out on me.  They proceeded to splutter and then left.



This was in front of witnesses, and all said, "No one wanted them here anyway!"

Feel better now, doncha?

[BabylonHoruv]

Khara:  Quest completed.  

LMNO:  You will arrange a meeting of no less than 6 Discordians, in darkest Providence.  You will attend this meeting, and bring back pics to be posted.  This meeting may be for any purpose, but should probably involve beating on Dimo til he agrees to write real punk music for that lounge act he's in.

Dr Blight:  You will assist LMNO, as he will need all the help he can get.  You will restrain Dimo as needed.  You will also issue dire threats to Richter, in furtherance of him sending my HST book back.

Sexecutioner:  You will antagonize the most virulent Christian Conservative church in town, via flyers, sidewalk chalk, etc.  This should run for 4 consective weeks.  Record results via pics, and any response.

Planeswalker:  You will go out of your way to meet 6 new people in the next 7 days.  Record the weirdest one in any manner you choose.  Everyone is fucking weird, you just have to decide which one strikes you as the weirdest.

Hovercat:  You will make a WOMP for me, celebrating 30 years of Reaganism.

Cainad:  You will cause a ruckus and record it.  This should not involve violence, of course, but should be funny and/or surreal.

Payne:  You will go without any mind/mood altering substances for a week.  Tobacco is not included, but caffeine IS.  Record your more murderous thoughts.

Babylon Horuv:  You will go to TCC and pick a fight with C_A and Lilpinkbunny.  You will screen shot the funny bits, and report back when they ban you.

Quest received and will be acted on.  I haven't seen lilpinkbunny out lately, but then I hadn't been looking.

[Jenne]

I did this.  Sat down after I said it an laughed.  It was a smallish put down but they were pissed at my husband and taking it out on me.  They proceeded to splutter and then left.



This was in front of witnesses, and all said, "No one wanted them here anyway!"

Feel better now, doncha?

I was hungover as FUCK and I think that helped.  I just didn't care.  Didn't want them in my house, and it showed.  Wow.  I'm almost amazed at myself.  Almost.  And it was all too easy once I figured I just didn't care how they saw me at that point in time.  I also refused to have brunch with them the next day.    Insult + injury.

One of these days, I'll write up what I did on Saturday...I basically woke up still drunk and went to an Afghan mosque all day. 

Most BIZARRE DAY EVER.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I did this.  Sat down after I said it an laughed.  It was a smallish put down but they were pissed at my husband and taking it out on me.  They proceeded to splutter and then left.



This was in front of witnesses, and all said, "No one wanted them here anyway!"

Feel better now, doncha?

I was hungover as FUCK and I think that helped.  I just didn't care.  Didn't want them in my house, and it showed.  Wow.  I'm almost amazed at myself.  Almost.  And it was all too easy once I figured I just didn't care how they saw me at that point in time.  I also refused to have brunch with them the next day.    Insult + injury.

One of these days, I'll write up what I did on Saturday...I basically woke up still drunk and went to an Afghan mosque all day. 

Most BIZARRE DAY EVER.

This is awesome.

You got to rage out, plus you let them know whose house it is.

[Jenne]

It felt very freeing.  And the fact everyone else just seemed to think it was their due was awesome.

[Eater of Clowns]

Dear Reverend Roger:

I come to you asking for penance as the results of my Holy Quest this weekend ended in abject failure.

You see, in an effort to make everything pretty and shiny they have removed most of the "East St. Louis" signs and replaced them with simple street named signs and signs for every other burg imaginable.  This is done, we observed, in an attempt to ease the fear in people as they exit that highway.  I mean who is scared of a place called Cahokia?  Or Dupo?  They sound so simple and in no way induce the fear into the hearts of those drivers.  WHY?  It's a trap.  Because to get to these sweet sounding little towns you have to drive thru East St. Louis.

So here is how the adventure went. 

We were naturally looking for a sign that specifically said "East St. Louis." As the quest was for a picture of a sign saying as much.  We were almost to Collinsville, IL when we realized there was no East St. Louis sign.  So we turned around and thought we'd get a pic heading west.  Again, no such luck, but we did have enough forethought to go ahead and get off the highway at the Casino Queen exit. 

Here is where we hit gold.  Instead of taking the beautiful tree lined avenue that leads to the Casino we turned left.  Driving down the street we noticed we certainly weren't in Missouri anymore. 

Now I am looking for any sign that says East St. Louis, the kids are not helping, they are too distracted by the woman on the corner that weighed 300 if she weighed a pound.  The back boobs may have put my youngest son off women for life.  But we all agreed it was very nice for that man to pick her up and give her a ride, especially since she must have been tired so she laid down in the front seat for a nap.  It was a touching scene of the goodness in humanity. 

It's a beautiful Sunday morning, you can hear the church bells echoing from across the river.  Older people with grandchildren in their Sunday bests running from the bus stop to the church doors.  It was strange as they seem to be experiencing abdominal pain, they all run hunched over. 

Then there are all the joggers. Very thin joggers racing down the sidewalk.  Most must have hit a swarm of gnats or something because almost every jogger we saw was scratching like they'd come down with the chicken pox.  They may have considering the scabs that covered them where you could see skin.  This part of town is certainly working towards a healthier life. 

Then we see it.  The last East St. Louis sign.  It stood there on its rusted pole, the reflective tape peeling, the green background chipped and scarred.  Like a beacon calling for the downtrodden, the hungry, those in need....

We stopped about 20 feet back from the sign in order to get a really good picture.  I must have been looking especially great because there were at least 4 drivers who slowed down and called out for my attention.  The sign was over my head, so I was going to stand just beneath it for a picture.  Just as I got to the sign a nice police officer pulled in behind my car.  He must have mistaken me for someone else because he called out to me as if he knew me "Lady are you ^$#@(*$%  (edited for the children) crazy?"

I responded in the only way I knew how.  "Why no officer, I'm not mentally impaired at all. Is there a problem?"

Now I notice during this conversation, the people passing have stopped calling out greetings to me and are now slowing down and looking at me, the car, the kids....  It was really nice how they wanted to make sure no one was being hurt.

The officer walked up to me, it was odd Reverend, he didn't leave his car running and he brought a shotgun with him to talk to me.

"Lady, do you realize that the only thing that has kept you from getting shot is because everyone driving by thinks you must be insane?"

"Why officer, I need a picture of this sign.  I just want to.....  Officer, I really don't think there is a need to.....  Why are you pulling me towards my car?

Directed to my son by the officer "Get in the ^$%#@$@ car kid and get your mother the hell out of here is she insane?"

From my son, the ungrateful little shit. "Yes officer she is, we just try to stay with her and keep her out of trouble.  It's the Alzheimer's you see....."

Now at this point Reverend, not only has the officer walked me back to the car, opened the door and practically shoved me in the car, he's now acting as if my insane children are the sane ones...

Back in the car, the officer is talking to my oldest, who I mistakenly brought with me and let drive and he is explaining how to get back on the highway.  He is also saying terrible terrible things about the people in the neighborhood we are in.  It seems they aren't as health conscious as I first thought.   They also are very bashful it seems because the officer told the oldest that we should turn around and never look back.

As we made a quick u-turn and head back towards the highway the nice people in the area send us off with what sounded like firecrackers.  It was really very nice of them.  And that nice officer, he followed us all the way to the bridge as we headed back into Missouri.  They have very a very nice police force over there.

So I come to you, head held down in shame, I have failed, but I truly hope you will allow me another opportunity for extra Holy credit.

Khara

This was really, really awesome Khara.   

[Juana]

Hovercat:  You will make a WOMP for me, celebrating 30 years of Reaganism.

By Sunday, sir. I just have to find a picture of the scary-as-hell bust of him from my high school library.

[pH]

I am near Ft. Lauderdale, FL.
I'm 17, no car/license, minimal money.
I need a quest.
Also, I have a mildly impressive collection of bladed weapons, can speak in a near perfect British accent, and once proposed to a woman I didn't know in a mall food court.
Have at it.

[Sexecutioner Chao Tight]

Sexecutioner:  You will antagonize the most virulent Christian Conservative church in town, via flyers, sidewalk chalk, etc.  This should run for 4 consective weeks.  Record results via pics, and any response.

Determining which Church to target may take a bit of research.  I tend to group all of them as the same damn thing.  LDS is fair game, right?

Now if I hadn't alienated the folks that I work for when they chose to play the Christian (not)Rock station all day forever amen hallelujah, maybe I could find out where they get their directives from.  Why oh why did I have to throw that fit that now prevents me from finding out what church they are part of?  And anyhow, who the fuck thinks their choice of music can in any way be part of a Silent Ministry^TM?

Will do research when I go into town tomorrow.

[Don Coyote]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So far I am failing at my quest. I cannot track down a single Josh Mills that is Infantry, let alone at Ft Lewis. But I am not yet beaten. I shall curry favor with the minor demons that run personnel.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Determining which Church to target may take a bit of research.  I tend to group all of them as the same damn thing.  LDS is fair game, right?

Sure, if you're a completely amoral shitstain that wants to go to prison for a decade or six.

Get the fuck out of my thread.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So far I am failing at my quest. I cannot track down a single Josh Mills that is Infantry, let alone at Ft Lewis. But I am not yet beaten. I shall curry favor with the minor demons that run personnel.

Or you could use facebook.   

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am near Ft. Lauderdale, FL.
I'm 17, no car/license, minimal money.
I need a quest.
Also, I have a mildly impressive collection of bladed weapons, can speak in a near perfect British accent, and once proposed to a woman I didn't know in a mall food court.
Have at it.

I got nothing.

[Don Coyote]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So far I am failing at my quest. I cannot track down a single Josh Mills that is Infantry, let alone at Ft Lewis. But I am not yet beaten. I shall curry favor with the minor demons that run personnel.

Or you could use facebook.   

I am going to sepuku  now.