The MAN Laws. A silly listing.

[Richter]

Men must never admit to consuming Parfait, Smoothie, blush wines, wines coolers, fruited beer, quiche, salad, wrapped sandwiches, or brunch.  Any man who needs consume these in cases of extremis must refer to them as "cereal", "Shake", "Booze", "punch", "Beer", "pie", "garnish", "sammich" or "chow", and silently cry in shame in the dark later.  Violations of this only accrue thee shame.

At least one urinal must be maintained between men urinating at all times.  If no nonadjacent urinal is free, use a stall.  Rest stops and cases of extremis are partial exceptions, but any violation accrues the violator some shame or douchebaggery.

Men are not to converse at the urinal.  They must stand under a vow of silence, and only break this once they are done.  Do not address another silent man at the urinal.  Violations of this add to the vioaltor's douchebaggery.

Conversation between toilet stalls is double douchebaggery.

Men are not to allow anyone to bump them in a crowd, pass them while driving, cut them in line, or opperate a vehicle poorly or slowly in their presence without admonishing them "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE".  Failure to do so will surely bring shame.

Men are not to order a vegetarian or chicken dish at a restaurant when a less-manly cohort is ordring a more manly meal of steak or pork, lest shame be accrued.  Choose wisely.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Men must never admit to consuming Parfait, Smoothie, blush wines, wines coolers, fruited beer, quiche, salad, wrapped sandwiches, or brunch.  Any man who needs consume these in cases of extremis must refer to them as "cereal", "Shake", "Booze", "punch", "Beer", "pie", "garnish", "sammich" or "chow", and silently cry in shame in the dark later.  Violations of this only accrue thee shame.

At least one urinal must be maintained between men urinating at all times.  If no nonadjacent urinal is free, use a stall.  Rest stops and cases of extremis are partial exceptions, but any violation accrues the violator some shame or douchebaggery.

Men are not to converse at the urinal.  They must stand under a vow of silence, and only break this once they are done.  Do not address another silent man at the urinal.  Violations of this add to the vioaltor's douchebaggery.

Conversation between toilet stalls is double douchebaggery.

Men are not to allow anyone to bump them in a crowd, pass them while driving, cut them in line, or opperate a vehicle poorly or slowly in their presence without admonishing them "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE".  Failure to do so will surely bring shame.

Men are not to order a vegetarian or chicken dish at a restaurant when a less-manly cohort is ordring a more manly meal of steak or pork, lest shame be accrued.  Choose wisely.

My boss violated this one with me. It was.... weird and awkward...

[Jenne]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

[Luna]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

Women go to the can in groups in order to talk about men.  How often do you see men go in groups?

[Suu]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

We have the Law of the Pee Buddy. That's why.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

Probably the sense of "my penis is exposed. This person, also with his penis exposed, is talking to me."

Eye contact is also verboten and trying to sneak a peek is very poor form. Eyes to the wall, mouth shut. Probably also because it's such a quick process, there really isn't anything urgent enough that needs to be discussed while peeing.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

We have the Law of the Pee Buddy. That's why.

This concept is strange and frightening.

[LMNO]

Methinks these rules do not apply at THE GAY BAR.

[Jenne]

Methinks these rules do not apply at THE GAY BAR.

  AGREED!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Methinks these rules do not apply at THE GAY BAR.

Yeah probably not.

[Jenne]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

We have the Law of the Pee Buddy. That's why.

This concept is strange and frightening.

Yeah, I can see how it would be if men have all these "no talking" b.s. rules about peeing.  I mean, not MUCH of the dong is actually visible when you're streaming, is it?

I think women sometimes talk to cover the noise of the stream and the grunts you hear.  Distracting yourself from the noises and smells is much better than sitting and well, STEWING in it.

[Suu]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

We have the Law of the Pee Buddy. That's why.

This concept is strange and frightening.

Even if you do not go pee when asked to play the role of the Pee Buddy, it's important that you stay with the one who designated you. You go to the bathroom with her, you talk with her while she is in the stall, usually about someone else, make sure she's not getting sick, make sure you have a tampon or pad if needed, meet her at the sink, and then exit.

it's just...a rule.

[Richter]

You see, men, have to sit there stoically enduring the horrible fate.  It's very Wagnerian.  In fact, reciting wagner out loud or mentally is one of few allowed distractions.

A manager once broke the urinal rule to request I not kill anyone.  This was not out of turn since he didn't know my dry sense of humor yet.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

It is however, acceptable to speak to whoever is in the restroom with you, provided that you are now both at the sink and washing your hands. Until both parties are at the sink, towel dispenser or door, conversation cannot happen.

Can't tell you if much is visible or not (eyes to the wall!). Also, urinals are usually pretty quiet unless you get that guy who pees directly into the water, usually with as much force applied to his bladder to make the sound as deep and resonant as possible, which I also think is weird.

[Jenne]

Women talk while they pee in the next stall over all the time.  Wonder why this is not verboten universally?

We have the Law of the Pee Buddy. That's why.

This concept is strange and frightening.

Even if you do not go pee when asked to play the role of the Pee Buddy, it's important that you stay with the one who designated you. You go to the bathroom with her, you talk with her while she is in the stall, usually about someone else, make sure she's not getting sick, make sure you have a tampon or pad if needed, meet her at the sink, and then exit.

it's just...a rule.

Unless it's hella fucking crowded, then I just wait in the damned doorway or hall.  No fucking way am I cramming into a peehole for 5 other women to stand on top of me if there's no room or nothing to move around or talk.  I'm too old.  Or something. 

Oh  these little microbehaviors we have.