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Humans: A Brief Note About Your Recent Behavior, part 1

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, May 09, 2011, 06:10:59 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

May 09, 2011, 06:10:59 PM Last Edit: May 09, 2011, 06:13:48 PM by The Good Reverend Roger
Listen up, you bastards, because I'm only gonna spew this once!  You fuckers have been getting up my ass with your Goddamn secular humanist Keep "Bob" Out of the Classroom shit, and your incessant monkey breeding and your piss-poor driving.

Deny it all you like, but it was YOU that cut me off in the fast lane, and then drove a mere 65MPH.  THE SPEED LIMIT IS FOR THE RIGHT TWO LANES.  And it's YOU strolling around in the mall, groaning like zombies and clogging the fucking place up.  I'm just here for the fucking bookstore, and you need to GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY.

I can't get away from you fucks, no matter how fast you get yourselves killed in stupid ways.  It's shoulder to fucking shoulder, primates wall to wall, and there needs to be about 5 billion less of you, at the least.  WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM, ALL OF YOU.  24 hours a day.  It's the only way to be safe.  

Oh, I think you know who I'm talking about, Mister "I was doing this before it was cool" SIR!  Ms "We need to censor Youtube for the children", MA'AM!  Mister "Sorry for reporting you to the HOA, but there was A weed in your front yard", SIR!  Goddammit, I hate you all.  I've had it with your shit...and I'm going to kill you all, one fine day.  Soon.

It's not that I WANT to...I mean, that's a lot of work.  I would have to kill 200 people a minute, just to break even.  But it's not like you've given me much choice, is it?  No, you insist on spousal battery, letting your brats run loose, and Taylor fucking Swift.  If it were up to me, it would be legal to kick unattended children into traffic, and Taylor Swift would be fed into a laundry-folding machine, feet first.

I hate your music, I hate your awful TV programming, I hate you talking about your TV programming, I hate your fucking Earth Day, your Quiverful bastards that insist on pumping out 18 fucking children, I hate your inability to do YOUR job, and stop worrying about MINE.  I most especially hate your STINKING FACES, mister fucking subhuman slack-jawed, no-chin, "White supremacy" inbred little fuckwads.  The fact that God didn't reach down and tear your mother's uterus out is just more proof that he's not really all that benevolent, isn't it?

So stop coming up to me, whimpering about "fursecution", before you I bludgeon you.  Nobody in America is being persecuted right now, by any previous standards of persecution.  Not the Muslims, not the Gays, NOBODY.  Sure, you're being shat on, everyone can see that, but that's not "persecution".  Ask the Polish Jews in 1939 what "persecution" is...And besides, who's putting up with the little rabbit pellets of poop dropping on your head?  Oh, yeah, YOU.  If you want sympathy, look in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"...When you start kicking peoples' teeth in for messing with you, THEN you'll have my sympathy.

And it's not just America.  England, you better get your shit straight.  Why are you putting up with CCTV everywhere you fucking go?  Why are you putting up with laws that throw you in the fucking can for speaking your mind anywhere near the parliament building?   Why are you putting up with Belgians running around loose just a stone's throw away?  What the hell is WRONG with you?  Last time I checked, the English chopped off peoples' heads for that sort of shit.  Remember King Charles?  Remember when you'd make a fucker's eyes bleed, just for leaning on you?

And those backscatter devices.  Oh, yeah.  That's America, leaking all over your Europe, and there you are with your thumb up your arse, putting up with it.  It's bad enough that you accepted McDonalds and WalMart and Microsoft, but now you have to walk through the pervert machine just to get on a plane.  It will be trains and busses, too, you just watch.

What the fucking hell is wrong with you?  All of you!  America, England, Europe, EVERYONE!  Get off your fucking asses and stop whining about "persecution", and DO something about it.  You'll never see a Yeti whining about persecution, because a Yeti will put a Phelpstien choke-hold on anyone who fucking thinks about putting the arm on us.

WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT?

Why do you put up with what passes for "politics", these days?  Why do you put up with your governments TORTURING people for "your safety"?  If they do it for a GOOD reason, then one day they'll do it for a BAD reason, and when they're pulling your son's fingernails off to get him to give up the guy that sold him a joint, don't come crying to me.  Why do you put up with THEIR religion creeping into YOUR government?  Hell, "creeping" isn't the word, is it?  No, it's more like "stomping around your government like a rabid buffalo", right?  And there you sit, with your face buried in a pail of junk food, watching that Goddamn Celebrity Apprentice.

I fucking hate you.  I hate you all.  Oh, Goddammit.

Just shut up.  All of you.

Or Kill Me
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Payne

#1
May 09, 2011, 06:15:22 PM
HOLY SHIT!

Roger, bringing it back OLD SCHOOL!

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
May 09, 2011, 06:16:34 PM
Yeah, well, I got that rage gland blockage thing worked out.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Payne

#3
May 09, 2011, 06:17:42 PM
I see the rage is 10% more visceral now too. Did you get it upgraded?

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
May 09, 2011, 06:19:40 PM
Quote from: Payne on May 09, 2011, 06:17:42 PM
I see the rage is 10% more visceral now too. Did you get it upgraded?

No, I think that's just the effect of the blockage coming loose.  It's like when someone gets an intestinal blockage...Fix the problem, drown in poop.

Also, I've been under a bit of stress, recently.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#5
May 09, 2011, 06:20:53 PM
Yes fucking yes fucking yes. "Bob" bless you, Roger.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Payne

#6
May 09, 2011, 06:20:57 PM
There was a somewhat terrifying holding-onto-the-handlebars-of-an-out-of-control-Ducati edge to this that I haven't seen in a little while.

I enjoyed it immensly.

Roaring Biscuit!

#7
May 09, 2011, 06:22:40 PM
Awesome sauce!

QuoteWEAR A FUCKING CONDOM, ALL OF YOU.  24 hours a day.  It's the only way to be safe.

This is the best thing I've read all day :D

LMNO

#8
May 09, 2011, 06:23:57 PM
AH OBJEKT TAH YR TONE OF VOICE, SAH!
            /
:redneck2:

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
May 09, 2011, 06:25:37 PM
Quote from: Payne on May 09, 2011, 06:20:57 PM
There was a somewhat terrifying holding-onto-the-handlebars-of-an-out-of-control-Ducati edge to this that I haven't seen in a little while.

I enjoyed it immensly.

Yeah, well, I had a lot of time to build up.  And it builds up faster than it did in the 34 years before I tripped across PD.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
May 09, 2011, 06:26:27 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on May 09, 2011, 06:23:57 PM
AH OBJEKT TAH YR TONE OF VOICE, SAH!
            /
:redneck2:

Heh.

Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerOr Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
May 09, 2011, 06:27:23 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 09, 2011, 06:20:53 PM
Yes fucking yes fucking yes. "Bob" bless you, Roger.

Ouch.

"Bob's" blessings come in 55 gallon barrels, and he usually can't be arsed to take 'em out before he showers them down on you.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Suu

#12
May 09, 2011, 06:27:50 PM
I JUST GOT A WARM FUZZY FEELING OF NOSTALGIA.


AND THEN I REALIZED I PISSED MYSELF.



:mittens:
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Luna

#13
May 09, 2011, 06:29:10 PM
Yes.

(Except I LIKE Taylor Swift.  Fuck ya, I can like her if I want to, my fuckhead ex doesn't get to decide what I listen to, neither do y'all.)
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

AFK

#14
May 09, 2011, 06:31:21 PM
TGRR voices what I've been feeling but could never convey with such forceful eloquence. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.
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