Can I interrupt your very important business for just one second?

[Doktor Howl]

What's the matter, Bunky?  You say life landed on you like a ton of bricks?  When didn't it?  You say you left your Slack™ in the bottom of a long neck bottle in some scummy bar, and that fiendish bar back took it away while you weren't looking?  You say you wanted to go fuck with someone, but someone had to mind the fort?

Too tired, too lazy, too busy blearily hitting the refresh button and the "read new posts" button to say howdy?  Boy, it's a good thing this hasn't turned into another form of television, right?  Ho ho!  At least THAT can't happen here! 

It seems The Spider IS everywhere, because we brought him, because like I said before, The Spider isn't some faceless corporation, the fucking Spider is in your head.  And because he's in your head, he's everywhere, and he's even turned Discordianism into a reason to become mostly comatose.  I'll respond to that when I can think of something to say.  I'll start my diet tomorrow.  It's all hopeless anyway, so why get excited right this minute?

What's that you say?  You're busy?   Not too busy to BE here, but too busy to say anything, to write anything, to make a fucker laugh until his guts bleed, just for the hell of it.  Where have all the cheap yuks gone?  Was it finally actually too much?  Too much Slack™, too much Horrormirth, too much bad signal on the TV.  Too many crooked politicians, the game is rigged, the fix is in, why bother?

Forgive me if I lose my shit here, but THIS IS WHAT DISCORDIANISM IS ALL ABOUT!  Just as the first amendment exists to protect unpopular speech (popular speech doesn't need protecting), Discordianism is all about getting our cheap laughs in when things get bad!  ANY DAMN FOOL can laugh when things are merely funny!  It takes a special kind of idiot to giggle when the flood waters reach your bottom lip.  I am that kind of idiot, and I hope YOU are, too.

But tell Dirty Old Uncle Howl all about the reasons you can sit "viewing" all day, with nothing to say.  Tell me why, tell me your stories of woe, and I shall hold your hand and dry your tears.  Tell me all about how they've sewn your mouth shut, how You Must Shit And Have No Ass.  Tell me also how you've become too discouraged to give a shit, how they finally shoved your face into the mud and you're just too weary to lift it back out, and anyway this mud isn't too bad, is it? 

Well, I have news for you, kiddos...That's the same mud that everyone else is slurping up, and it isn't mud.  You are partaking of the shit sandwich that the rest of Western civilization has learned to love, and boy howdy, aren't you glad you aren't like them?  Aren't you glad that it's temporary in your case, that you're just resting for a few days or months or years until you get your breath back?

Shut the fuck up.  EVERYONE says that.  Who do you think the yahoos are?  What do you think THEY say?  "I'll be rich one day, I just know it.  But not today, because I have to wax my toes."  They say this, because the only happiness THEY understand comes on little green rectangular paper once every two weeks.  They're saying THE SAME THING you're saying, only they're using a different brass ring.

SAY SOMETHING!  Prove to yourself that you're really there, that you are still YOU.  Rant your fucking guts up.  Do it NOW.  It's not just entertaining, it's also the easiest way to STAY YOU.  You aren't ranting to me, you're ranting at the endless pile of horseshit and electronic toys that they're trying to smother you in!

Or not.  You could just read this, and chuckle to yourself about what an excitable type that Dok is, how he's always bitching about something.  Then you can go back to the riveting activity of "viewing" a forum or a post or your navel, while you're supposed to be working.  If you respond to this, if you can even break your lassitude long enough to do that, be sure to include your excuse for why your face is missing, why you have that Goddamn feeding tube where your mouth used to be...And rest assured, I will read it and absolve you of your lack of sins. 

Because I'm a nice guy that way.

Okay for whenever,
Dok

[Cramulus]

I'm kicking it in 360 degrees at once

I post here when I have something to say

[Doktor Howl]

I'm kicking it in 360 degrees at once

I post here when I have something to say

As I mentioned to Agent Garbo, smart people tend to keep the noise/signal ratio low.  This means that most of the signal in the world is generated by stupid people.  This can have negative consequences.

[LMNO]

Ah, damn.  Thought you wouldn't notice.  Everything you're saying is right, of course.  If you have time to look at the screen, you have time to type out some clever thought.

Unless you don't have clever thoughts.  But even that's a poor excuse.  Sometimes, I think the difference between "good" fluff and "bad" fluff is the amount of thought that goes into it.  And I have to be honest, a lot of what I've been posting on here lately is knee-jerk, instinctive pabulum.  Any wit shown has generally been recycled from other places.  Not too much effort has been put into it.

And sure, I could make excuses.  I've been given all the responsibilities of being a manager without being given the time or money to do it right; my dad died; I'm now in two bands IRL; I have to write dad's eulogy; Mrs LMNO and I are going on vacation; I'm drunk; I haven't had a good idea since 30 Days of Eris.

But I know all of that is bullshit.  It's inertia, plain and simple.  If you stop doing it, you stop doing it.  I used to get up at 5:00am just in order to have some time where nothing else is required of me so I can work on my music.  Now, I hit the snooze button.  I used to write furiously in 10-minute spurts when I got the chance at work, in order to finish off the narration for the day's round of Spiders, or to piggyback on the Nessie thread, or to drill down on an aspect of the BIP or Chao te Ching.  Now, I just hope Cain or Howl or Kai or anyone else will post something interesting, so I can pass the time reading it and clicking the Mittens emote.

F=ma, but a=F/m, and right now, I'm just not moving forward.  And I only need to look in the mirror to see who's to blame.

[Doktor Howl]

Ah, damn.  Thought you wouldn't notice.  Everything you're saying is right, of course.  If you have time to look at the screen, you have time to type out some clever thought.

Unless you don't have clever thoughts.  But even that's a poor excuse.  Sometimes, I think the difference between "good" fluff and "bad" fluff is the amount of thought that goes into it.  And I have to be honest, a lot of what I've been posting on here lately is knee-jerk, instinctive pabulum.  Any wit shown has generally been recycled from other places.  Not too much effort has been put into it.

And sure, I could make excuses.  I've been given all the responsibilities of being a manager without being given the time or money to do it right; my dad died; I'm now in two bands IRL; I have to write dad's eulogy; Mrs LMNO and I are going on vacation; I'm drunk; I haven't had a good idea since 30 Days of Eris.

But I know all of that is bullshit.  It's inertia, plain and simple.  If you stop doing it, you stop doing it.  I used to get up at 5:00am just in order to have some time where nothing else is required of me so I can work on my music.  Now, I hit the snooze button.  I used to write furiously in 10-minute spurts when I got the chance at work, in order to finish off the narration for the day's round of Spiders, or to piggyback on the Nessie thread, or to drill down on an aspect of the BIP or Chao te Ching.  Now, I just hope Cain or Howl or Kai or anyone else will post something interesting, so I can pass the time reading it and clicking the Mittens emote.

F=ma, but a=F/m, and right now, I'm just not moving forward.  And I only need to look in the mirror to see who's to blame.

Ah.  Well, fortunately, the Doktor is IN.

By the time I wrote the above piece, I was basically not giving a shit about this board, Discordianism, or anything else other than how insanely bored I have become.  Caught myself at it, and wrote the above.

Remember what we used to say about writing?  That you learn to write by writing, and that the best way to keep writing is to, well, write?  Speaking only for myself, I'm really not that interested in the latest outrageous news link, or the next Worst Video Ever.  I can get that ANYWHERE.  What I'm interested in is reading the thoughts of the smartest group of jackasses I've ever found on the internet, ESPECIALLY when they have to force it.

WOMP is all about Wrath™, and quality means nothing.  Likewise, I'm here - the only reason I'm here - is to read what you brainiacs have to say, and I'm not terribly worried if what you have to say isn't polished like a fucking diamond.

Spend a day, find something weird (even if the weirdness is just how banal it is), and write it.  Not everything is War & Peace, and not everyone is the next F Scott Fitzgerald, but that's not what ranting is about.  Ranting is about reminding yourself that you possess thumbs.

[LMNO]

Yeah.  I think I'm going to resolve to post a thought, a rant, or something that took more than five minutes to come up with every day* for as long as I can keep it up.  That includes when I'm on vacation (this week, I'll be in NY for dad's memorial from Thursday to Tuesday), though those might be confined to the best I can do on my iPhone.

If I'm clogged, I'm gonna be jamming my own finger up my ass.  You can keep your hands clean, thanks.












*Or every work day.  Heh.  Slipping already.

[Doktor Howl]

If I'm clogged, I'm gonna be jamming my own finger up my ass.  You can keep your hands clean, thanks.

I've been using my head.   

[Luna]

I need to stomp on the "wow, what I wrote is utter shit, delete that before someone SEES it" reflex.

[Doktor Howl]

I need to stomp on the "wow, what I wrote is utter shit, delete that before someone SEES it" reflex.

YES.

You don't rant til your guts bleed in search of perfection.

[MC McAwesome]

I'm too busy with my career too rant.

Though I appreciate the amount of effort and down time to create this story.

Thank you.

[Doktor Howl]

I'm too busy with my career too rant.

Sorry to hear that.

[LMNO]

I'm too busy with my career too rant.

Sorry to hear that.

Those ferrets aren't gonna grease themselves, you know.

[Doktor Howl]

I'm too busy with my career too rant.

Sorry to hear that.

Those ferrets aren't gonna grease themselves, you know.

And the proper use of the "pink glove" takes unceasing practice.

[Luna]

I need to stomp on the "wow, what I wrote is utter shit, delete that before someone SEES it" reflex.

YES.

You don't rant til your guts bleed in search of perfection.

Got a little something in my head, I will see about spitting it out tonight, once I beat it into something like a recognizable shape.

Some of it, for me, is that tossing up what bits I can do is fucking intimidating once I read what the "big boys" can do.  Something else I need to get over.

[Adjective Noun]

Too tired, too lazy, too busy blearily hitting the refresh button and the "read new posts" button to say howdy?  Boy, it's a good thing this hasn't turned into another form of television, right?  Ho ho!  At least THAT can't happen here!  

Damn, that was a nasty wake up call. Just what I needed.
Time to find the Slack.
Thanks, Dok!

(Lurked here for ages, probably posted once or twice)