Rant 71: Un Stuck (and other occult secrets)

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 71
The Non-Stick

"A religion without a goddess is halfway to atheism."
-an Asatruar statement

"There is nothing that closes our minds to new information and new insights more than the feeling that we already understand."
-Richard P. Hayes

"People talk about the 'real world,' but the real world that they talk about is not real; it is only conventional appearance. It's the way it seems to be, according to the way one has been conditioned to perceive it."
-Ajahn Sumedho

",Ķwar, the channel of all injustice."
-Cyrano de Bergerac

"A magician state differs from a police state only in the methods of control. Instead of control being maintained through enforcement of laws, control is maintained by enforcement of desires."
-Tequilarius ,ÄòCaracalla,Äô Malignatus

We are the non-stick Discordians, as opposed to those sticky and serious Real,Ñ¢ Discordians. You can,Äôt catch us because we a sordid, shifty, chaotic, pranking and slick lot. We are slick with the wisdom of slack in a world that insists on anti-slack; a foul and pernicious trap of manageable neuroses and vapid theses called the Real World,Ñ¢ , a place of unremitting hard-work and obedience that tries to slice apart aspects of yourselves and finance them back to you at high interest rates. We too were there during the great Burning Times when the Church went after the Pagans, the Jews, and other unorthodox heretical types. But we didn,Äôt get burned because we lied, cheated, pranked, and connived our way through those times. Chameleons wish they could change and contradict themselves as much as we do as a matter of course. As a matter of fact, chameleons probably got their camouflage ideas from us. We are the wink wink wink of Eris as we yet again take your mind to the cleaners with our effervescent and all too neatly prepackaged systems of enlightenment or self-actualization (or whatever gobble gobble gobble those who imagine themselves as ,Äòspiritual,Äô go by these days). We do this perhaps to get you to wake up, or perhaps, it just amuses us. Because like the rest of you, we are probably as clueless. Unlike some of the rest of you we admit this and laugh ourselves to pieces at our own pointless stupidities. If society is everywhere in conspiracy against intelligence, then we are everywhere in conspiracy against such statements. Our intellectual and spiritual diddling knows no bounds and there are no lengths we won,Äôt go through to exhaust ourselves in spurious mental masturbation. We are the sick twisted bastard children of Eris and we are here to laugh. What are you here for? Here we are now. Entertain us,Ķ.either way, we will be entertained and amused. And if Eris smiles, so much the better,Ķbut perhaps we like it when She smites while doing so.

We pour the tequila of our rabid words and perverse rites, infected with large doses of the viral meme of nefarious and silly occult plots, down the throats of your television-delivered official versions of free thought. Go ahead and run, you,Äôll only crack apart tired. Have you mindfucked your neighbor today? Satisfaction guaranteed, except when we could be lying. Hurry on up and join the party. We can always use more customers in this great shopping mall of counter-cultural cliches and endlessly repeating zombie-like machines that have convinced themselves of their superior marketability. You want chaos in a bottle? Hit yourselves over the head with it. Are you willing to go to pieces while never once stopping to pick them back up? We may have just the cure you are looking for. Never mind what we want you to do. Never mind what you want us to do. In fact, just fuck it. Get to back to slack.

We are burning down all the bureaucratic cardboard apocalypses to make way for the Discordian barbecue where the wise are the rambling baboons and the idiots are the ones who wear no monkey suits. Does this make us worse, better, or equal to you in your endeavors to be truly unique,Ñ¢ ? Far be it from us to discuss such esoterically banal speculations. Eris may or may not be listening to you anyway. Is that good, bad, or neither? Stop looking for answers to stuff down into the gaping chaotic vortex your mind could be if you would stop listening to the shouts of the crapscreamers who can,Äôt even find their car keys hidden deep within their own pockets. Do you still want your wisdom packaged like sweet Italian ice cream? Perhaps we have more in common than you first thought.

Who are we? We are you. You have already been assimilated. Wake up, for resistance is fertile and the seams of the fabric that holds you tightly are unraveling. When was the last time you howled at the moon? Well, who gives a shit? Are you a bobdamned coyote or something? Wipe that New Age snot off your face before we make you eat the spicy golden apple curry of our longwinded desires masquerading as the perfect train of thought which you know has been derailed. Find your own damned light switches. (You know you don,Äôt want us to have to come into your homes at night to show you.) Wake up, because, for a limited time only, you may get to keep your valuable prize. Failing which we can endlessly distract you with our never ending Discordian-sounding arguments about the nature of crumpled newspapers or the occult significance hidden in every sock you have lost while doing your laundry. You are us. Perhaps you need a little time to let that sink in. But you know you aren,Äôt going to get it from us. In which case, just do it.

Better yet, just forget you even read this.

(Bureaucracy 52nd, 3170)

[day 119 of the Great Discordian Jihad Both For And Against The Bureaucracy]

[Rupert Giles]

Better yet, just forget you even read this.

Done!