Author Topic: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR  (Read 3792 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« on: December 12, 2011, 04:10:38 pm »
This Discordians thing isn’t just End Times Porn.  We’re not just here to make an ugly situation uglier…We’re here to strip away the glitter and makeup and drag the situation out into the light, so that the ugliness is viewed in its true form, to show the average human that their society is akin to a black velvet Auschwitz.  After all, if they don’t know what it really is, then they can’t change it, right?

For this, of course, we are called all manner of horrible shit by stupid people.  “conservopagans” & Magicktards, libertariantards, Democrats, Republicans, teabaggers, the DAR (& other racists), and I’m pretty sure the Rotarians have put hits out on us.  It is un-American to point out that things aren’t utterly perfect, that there might be a flaw or two in our glorious system.

We – at least the portion of Discordians that I feel comfortable speaking for – no longer buy into the left/right false dilemma that has been propagated by the media for the last 65 years or so.  “Both sides” are moronic Punch & Judy dolls set up for you to throw rotten fruit at.  If at this point you find yourself saying “Well, sure, but at least the <insert political party> isn’t AS BAD as <insert political party>, then congratulations:  You’ve bought half the lies, which is all that is required.

And the 3rd party morons?  As I’ve said before, just because they’re funnier doesn’t make them better.  No, the sad fact is that all politics is utter garbage which must be studied without buy-in…Because, though those police may be a social fiction, their pepper spray and billy clubs are just as real as they need to be.

This applies to ALL politics.  Dumb fucking anarchists are buying the same shit in a different wrapper.  In fact, anarchy is the STUPIDEST form of politics, because it doesn’t even TRY to put forth a workable agenda, let alone a system that primates can live with.  Also, it was invented by the French, and anyone who has studied their governmental history has no further need of any evidence, whatsoever.

Related to politics is, of course, religion.  Religion, as defined by us in The Church™, means “any group of people who believe the same things without considering (or even looking at) evidence that contradicts those beliefs”.  Religion therefore includes the American Left & Right, all major denominations of all the Abrahamaic religions, Hindus, Zoroastrians, atheists, Bears fans, Free Market retards, communists, Scientologists, television viewers, and people who get their “information” from AM radio.  Please note that this is by no means an exclusive list.

All of the above have one thing in common:  They steal your Slack™, and then give your formulaic, false-slack pap in exchange.  They typically do this by offering you what primates need:  An alpha, usually a surrogate one.  The character “Jack Bauer” comes to mind, as does the president, the pope, Rush Limbaugh, or anyone else who will take from the masses the burden of thinking for themselves.  Typically, this is sold with John Wayne stapled all over it, the only example required to demonstrate this is the recent & laughable “Rick Perry is Strong” ad.  Same with the fictional Jack Bauer…He’s hard as nails, and has no time for hippie shit like due process & the rule of law.  Don’t you wish we had a Jack Bauer to cut the crap and do horrible shit to really bad people?

If you answered yes, for any reason – for any crime - then you are essentially no different than a Roman citizen in 50 BCE.  You are part of the problem, and you need to REPENT, SINNER, or else resign yourself to a lifetime of walking on your knuckles.  Know ye well the signs of the End Times, fools, for is it not written that false prophets shall deceive the multitudes?  Is it not written that a sucker is a sucker, and should not be trusted with cash?  IS IT NOT WRITTEN INDEED, THAT LO, THERE’S LOTS OF SHIT HAPPENING THAT YOU AREN’T TOLD ABOUT?

Indeed.  You merely aren’t told.  Nothing is hidden from you, because they just have to convince you that many things aren’t worth looking at.  They’re “uncool”.   “Math is boring!”  “That’s crackpot shit.”  “You’ll never get a good job without what we have.”   “There’s nothing I can do, anyway.” “Watch our special report on the dangers of stepping outdoors, at 9.”

People believe that shit, and it is the fucking ROAD TO PERDITION, paved by The Spider with bricks made out of the purest Conspiracy™.  Jesus tried to warn you about this shit, and they turned him into the God of Capitalism.  “Bob” tried to warn you about this shit, so they assassinated him a half a dozen times.  The Occupy geeks are trying to warn you about something.  They’re not quite sure what it is, specifically, but they know there’s something HIDEOUSLY WRONG.  

And if a pack of smelly hippies and tragically cool hipsters can figure at least that much out, I expect no less from you.  And, not unlike them, I expect you to fucking DO something.  But I won't tell you what.  Use your fucking head for something more than a glory hole lure, and FIGURE OUT YOUR OWN METHODS YOURSELF.  Oh, and then SHUT THE FUCK UP.  It's a sad fucking day when 35 year old hipster creepers get more done to fuck the system than we do.

Get the fuck on it.

Or Kill Me.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 04:15:36 pm by The Good Reverend Roger »
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2011, 04:32:26 pm »
"THIS IS THE WORD OF "BOB""


Amen.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 04:35:11 pm by Suu »
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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2011, 04:33:23 pm »
"THIS IS THE WORD OF BOB"


Amen.

Bob who?

Or did you mean "Bob"?

TGRR,
Knows the Bob you can actually spell isn't worth talking about.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2011, 04:35:27 pm »
I kinda feel like this was a little bit directed at me (I don't feel attacked, so much as you're pointing out an error in what I said). I won't thread jack here, but I did respond by clarifying in the Obama Blinked thread.

And :mittens:
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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2011, 04:35:46 pm »
I meant "Bob".

Sorry, not enough coffee in the fucking world to wake me up, today.
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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2011, 04:40:33 pm »
I kinda feel like this was a little bit directed at me (I don't feel attacked, so much as you're pointing out an error in what I said). I won't thread jack here, but I did respond by clarifying in the Obama Blinked thread.

And :mittens:

There was no connection.  I'm blasted off my gourd on pills, and just spewed whatever came into my head.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2011, 04:43:48 pm »
Quote
You merely aren’t told.  Nothing is hidden from you, because they just have to convince you that many things aren’t worth looking at.  They’re “uncool”.   “Math is boring!”  “That’s crackpot shit.”  “You’ll never get a good job without what we have.”   “There’s nothing I can do, anyway.” “Watch our special report on the dangers of stepping outdoors, at 9.”

This really jumped out at me.  Everything is right the fuck there.  Just waiting to be looked at.  You even get a handful of people who slip under the fence Freedom Protector™ and are pointing right at it, who are simply ignored. We've gotten to the point where you can go on TV and say any damn thing that comes into your head, and people will believe you, even if they know you're lying.

I can go on stage with a huge banner showing how (for example) Obama cut taxes for 95% of working families and say, "Obama raised your taxes!" to thunderous applause.  Because people have forgotten how to look.  They are led around by the body part of choice, and smile as the pretty pictures float on by.

It is hardly hyperbole to say that who we vote for on the next American Idol will have a bigged impact on the economy than who we vote for to be president.  Becasue AI is a brand, a commodity, something that will change what the average consumer buys, and what they will wear.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2011, 04:51:41 pm »
fucking Rah!

Quote
Nothing is hidden from you, because they just have to convince you that many things aren’t worth looking at.  They’re “uncool”.   “Math is boring!”  “That’s crackpot shit.”  “You’ll never get a good job without what we have.”   “There’s nothing I can do, anyway.” “Watch our special report on the dangers of stepping outdoors, at 9.”

:mittens:

You're so fucking right

I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. She posted on FB "HERE'S AN IDEA: WHY DON'T YOU TRY #OCCUPYING A JOB FAIR". And I had to talk to her about that crazy BS she just posted. And unlike most online arguments, I actually got her to see my side, which was essentially the point you're making ITT..

they WANT you to get distracted and think of the protesters as "hipsters" or "college kids who majored in womyn's studies" or "scroungers" or "that's just some hippies who want to drum and be shouted at by police" or whatever. They WANT us to say "This stopped being relevant a few months ago" so that the Nov 2012 election can be about Iran and the actual grassroots democratic movement in this country gets swept under the rug like a special interest group or something.

I keep coming back to the question, Why is this Discordia thing relevant in the year 2011? And coming up on 2012, I think we [collectively] need the discordian vibe more than ever.

Because nothing takes the wind out of Grayface like mockery and satire. We need people standing outside of the false dichotomy, casting doubt on the whole thing.

We need to remind people about SlackTM. Once you know what Slack is, you're LIBERATED from the false slack treadmill. You realize that you and you alone hold the keys to your own happiness and enlightenment, and if you're going to get there, you need to filter out the noise.

We need to teach people to "see the fnords"... to recognize manipulative language which pulls at your gut and shuts down your brain. Stuff like the "patriot act", and the "defense of marriage act". More people need to learn about Frank Luntz, and spot the linguistic tactics which shape our world. It pisses me off when I see it happening, and I want other people to get pissed off about it too.

Back in the 1960s and 70s, we were in the middle of a cultural upheval, a transition between two societies. And the discordians put their hands on that change -- it's not explicit, but their influence is there. And we need it even worse now.

The Discordian Moment, to me, is the moment when the season of Bureaucracy is transcended, and the new season of Aftermath begins. We are facing towards Aftermath, looking for the handholds and footholds that will let us climb over the security state, the police state, the bipartisan state, the mental state, the Bureaucracy of Modern Living. And we're going to be in Aftermath together. And in the Discordian way of thinking, Aftermath is not utopia, it's not paradise, it's going to have other bullshit about it. But it'll be NEW bullshit, OUR bullshit.

Things are moving quickly now. Wikileaks. Arab spring. Financial crisis. Occupy. Iran? In terms of current events, this is the most exciting year of my life. From my American point of view, it feels like we're in a freefall towards the election in November 2012. The year long countdown has begun. The election will be the medium in which these cultural forces to duke it out. All of the story threads will come together. They will combine in new ways until the things we're talking about today are no longer relevant. Then, we'll stand hand in hand in aftermath.



Roger my friend,
for me, it's time to start giving a shit again.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2011, 05:09:40 pm »
Discordia is always relevant, particularly as a society becomes too complex to function (as is the case with America).  Cicero had the right idea, but his methology was flawed.  He screamed and he screamed and he pointed at the writing on the wall...He screamed so loud and so long that they cut his hands and head off, and nailed them over the senate door, as an example of what happens when you bother people too much.

Thomas Paine was the same way.  He spoke only The Truth, and he was hounded to a pauper's grave for it.

Let the bobbies be martyrs.  Let the hipsters play their own "general assembly" control games between sessions of getting gassed and beaten by The Machine™.  What we must instead do is point out The Truth without getting caught.  Postergasm is an excellent way to do this...In fact, it's one of the BEST ways of doing it.  I've been doing it for years, though not under than name.

Flyers left in dentist's offices, the DMV, or any other place where people get bored waiting around, are effective.  Getting yourself stomped flat is not.

Besides, people will believe what they read - or see on television - but they won't believe you.  There's some very concrete reasons for this, but the fact is that people aren't believeable, but media IS.  Even Ben Franklin understood this, a couple of hundred years ago, hence Poor Richard's Almanac.

In particular, posters or signs that look official carry the most weight.  I've been bouncing a few around, and as soon as I get the laptop de-virused, I'll post some examples.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2011, 05:16:02 pm »
This really jumped out at me.  Everything is right the fuck there.  Just waiting to be looked at.  You even get a handful of people who slip under the fence Freedom Protector™ and are pointing right at it, who are simply ignored. We've gotten to the point where you can go on TV and say any damn thing that comes into your head, and people will believe you, even if they know you're lying.

The best part is, most of what they say aren't necessarily lies.  They're just irrelevant distractions.  Example:  Abortion.  Even when discussed by the few rational anti-abortionists, it's an entirely religious issue, there's no proof one way or another that the fetus has a soul, etc.  It's a non-issue, like prayer in school, that is used to distract the masses from the fact that they're getting fucked up the ass by diseased bankers, and that NEITHER party has any intention of stopping that buggery.

For something to be The Truth, it has to meet the following criteria:

1.  It exists whether or not anyone believes in it.

2.  It is relevant to the topic at hand, and

3.  It is presented in context.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2011, 05:31:21 pm »
This really jumped out at me.  Everything is right the fuck there.  Just waiting to be looked at.  You even get a handful of people who slip under the fence Freedom Protector™ and are pointing right at it, who are simply ignored. We've gotten to the point where you can go on TV and say any damn thing that comes into your head, and people will believe you, even if they know you're lying.

The best part is, most of what they say aren't necessarily lies.  They're just irrelevant distractions.  Example:  Abortion.  Even when discussed by the few rational anti-abortionists, it's an entirely religious issue, there's no proof one way or another that the fetus has a soul, etc.  It's a non-issue, like prayer in school, that is used to distract the masses from the fact that they're getting fucked up the ass by diseased bankers, and that NEITHER party has any intention of stopping that buggery.

For something to be The Truth, it has to meet the following criteria:

1.  It exists whether or not anyone believes in it.

2.  It is relevant to the topic at hand, and

3.  It is presented in context.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2011, 06:25:53 pm »
Also, can I repost the OP elsewhere?  Credited fully, of course.
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2011, 06:26:46 pm »
Also, can I repost the OP elsewhere?  Credited fully, of course.

Yeah, sure.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2011, 06:30:10 pm »
Also, can I repost the OP elsewhere?  Credited fully, of course.

Yeah, sure.

Really amazing piece, I wish I could say something which had more meat, but I seem to be in major derp mode today.  I really loved it though.
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman

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Re: I Have No Ass and I Must POOP! A "Shut Up™" Sermon by TGRR
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2011, 06:37:35 pm »
I think it started with cardboard, Roger. 

People can howl at the mouth about plastic all day long, and don't get me wrong, plastic is a cold heartless product invented to keep chili fresh far far longer than Judge Bean ever intended... but this quiet compartmentalization of society started with the cardboard.  Boxes.  Labels.  Categories.  Shelving units.  Decimal filing systems.  Does anyone remember when we had just ONE box we had to worry about being trapped inside?  One big wooden box.  It was cramped, humid, and smelled vaguely of farts, but at least we knew that outside was everything else... but now, jesus Roger, the CARDBOARD.  The cardboard and the fucking trickery.  It's like a system of Matryoshka dolls, one inside the other inside the other inside the other, tortoises all the way down, and now christ, now we don't know which way is which. 

But I am a boxer, Roger.  I am one lean and cool Sugar Ray Leonard motherfucker, and I am reclaiming the word boxer, for me and everyone else.  Not as one who boxes, or creates boxes, but absofuckinglutely NUKES boxes, from the inside.  Cardboard and plastic alike.  Paul Simon knew the score, Roger:  In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade; he carries the reminder of every glove that laid him down.  And boy, DO I.



Yep.  Like I was saying, society has become to complex, the previously orderly systems now serve only to screw peoples' paperwork up for life.  There's no benefit from it, or from what we laughingly call "the free market", but we cling to it because it USED to work, and it's kind of become a religion, you know.  Cargo cultists.  We hit all the buttons and file all the paperwork, but no planes come in loaded with goodies.

Hell, it's even infecting the Discordians.  The ways we used to do things no longer works, because the new & cool has worn off, and everyone waits for the Next Big Thing™, because the previous Coming Weird Times™ showed up, and it was just kinda banal and dirty and evil with a small "e". 

Well, the Next Big Thing™ ain't happening unless we work at it, just as the system doesn't work, because nobody works at it.

But I, like yourself, am a boxer.  And I will continue to shadowbox the next period of the Coming Weird Times™ as long as I draw breath, even if I have to do it alone.



" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.