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It'd probably be a relief...

Started by Oysters Rockefeller, February 15, 2012, 06:03:57 PM

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Oysters Rockefeller

February 15, 2012, 06:03:57 PM
Howdy, folks. First time poster, here. I got an idea for flyers I want to put on windsheilds, or potentially in envelops with "To You (yes, you)" written on them. On words like "failed" "Weirder" and "hallucinations" I changed the font to represent the conecept, but it might not show up. Any ideas to better it?
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Don't worry!


   Six years ago you were bitten by the Arachnid Decouvrez, a spider whose poison can cause powerful, long-lasting hallucinations.
   But...you knew something seemed off, right? Luckily, we've engineered a cure! Any minute now you should wake up, and start your life. It might be a few hours, at most.
   Until then, please resume your current existence as closely as possible to how you have been. Watch American Idol™, listen to your iPod™, and eat your Mcdonalds™. Any moment now, real life should kick in and you can live in the world as it really is. No crime, no hate, no immorality, no lying politicians, no wars, no crummy job. Every spouse is a supermodel and every friend is your best friend. Any second now...
   One quick thing, though. Things might get a lot weirder before they get better. Like receiving strange notes, being accosted by cabbages, or being introduced to modern day Discordians. If any two of these things happen, the serum may have failed, and you could be forced to try and change your current life for the better.
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
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I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
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Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

The Good Reverend Roger

#1
February 15, 2012, 06:37:09 PM
Hello, Friend.

Have you ever noticed that all TV programming seems to sort of blur together?  Like it's all the same, with only minor differences?  Have you ever, in fact, noticed that all fast food really tastes the same?  The texture may be different between a Wendy's hamburger and a Quarter Pounder, but there's no actual difference in flavor?

And it's not just that, is it?  Most music in the top 40 sounds the same.  Every strip mall you pass is virtually identical to the last one.  Most housing developments have a grant total of 4 different blueprints, and almost every home built in the last 60 years has been in one of these developments.

Why, it's almost like our entire culture is mass-produced!

Imagine yourself at the end of a conveyor belt, and all of these things are slowly rolling toward your open mouth.  They expect you to swallow this pap, and then tell them how wonderful it all is!

Shocking, isn't it?

Now, this begs the obvious question, "Who are They?"  Well, there's an unpleasant answer for that.  Look around you.  Look at the people in your town.  Look at your friends, your family...Hell, look in the mirror.  "They" is "Us".

I mean, if we didn't like this banal crap, we wouldn't pay for it.

Thank you.  You may now return to your Supersized Life™.  Forever.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
February 15, 2012, 06:51:26 PM
There's nothing wrong with yours, of course.  I may very well steal it.  It's what we'd call a Cramulan Flyer, whereas the counter-example I wrote would be Richterian.  The Cramulus strives to wake people up, to energize them, give them hope, that sort of thing.  The Richter would rather beat them stupid with an example of the horrible trap they've allowed themselves to fall in, and then maybe laugh at them while the EMTs shovel them into the back of the ambulance.

Most Discordians fall into one camp or the other, at least most of the time1.  There are a great many good things to be said from each approach, but the good things said by the NON-misanthropes are of course foul perversions of The Truth, and serve only to muddy the waters concerning the eventual inevitable fate of the monkeys in question.

We here in the best of the One True Churches know that the humans wouldn't have things any other way, and they'll kill you if you get between them and their daily bucket of lard2.  "Waking the humans up" is a foolish proposition at best, as you'd have to stuff cotton in your ears to save your hearing from their unending screams.

No, best to leave them to play in their own filth.  It's just kinder that way.

1  This is an observation, it's anecdotal.  It is not SCIENTIFICALLY proven.  We are not in a LAB somewhere, testing and measuring and recording results (Except for the late Doktor Howl, but he's dead so doesn't do it anymore, either).  But we are HOLY MEN AND WOMEN™, and we have an instinctive FEEL for this sort of thing.
2  This bucket of lard may be their food, their religion, or their silly-assed "political" beliefs.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Oysters Rockefeller

#3
February 15, 2012, 07:02:59 PM
Man, I learn somethin' new every day. Very interesting.
The idea that cynicism is the kind approach is fairly hilarious (fair-larious?). Also, potentially accurate (pot-accuate?)
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
----------------------
I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
----------------------
Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

Nephew Twiddleton

#4
February 15, 2012, 07:04:04 PM
Wat.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
February 15, 2012, 07:12:48 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on February 15, 2012, 07:04:04 PM
Wat.

No worries.  In Nigel's absence, I can handle the translation:

Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on February 15, 2012, 07:02:59 PM
Man, I learn somethin' new every day. Very interesting.
The idea that cynicism is the kind approach is fairly hilarious (fair-larious?). Also, potentially accurate (pot-accuate?)

QuoteI posted in ebonics.  And Whitey's On The Moon.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#6
February 15, 2012, 07:17:00 PM
This is NEW DISCORDIA™.  All is not Rainbows and Positive Thinking and Silly.

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
February 15, 2012, 07:19:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on February 15, 2012, 07:17:00 PM
This is NEW DISCORDIA™.  All is not Rainbows and Positive Thinking and Silly.

Positive Thinking™ is the reason most lifeboats left the Titanic more than half-empty.

All the cynics got picked up by other ships1, and all the Positive Thinkers became decorative ice cubes.




1  Well, except the steering-class ones, of course.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#8
February 15, 2012, 07:52:40 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 15, 2012, 07:12:48 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on February 15, 2012, 07:04:04 PM
Wat.

No worries.  In Nigel's absence, I can handle the translation:

Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on February 15, 2012, 07:02:59 PM
Man, I learn somethin' new every day. Very interesting.
The idea that cynicism is the kind approach is fairly hilarious (fair-larious?). Also, potentially accurate (pot-accuate?)

QuoteI posted in ebonics.  And Whitey's On The Moon.

:lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Oysters Rockefeller

#9
February 15, 2012, 08:02:25 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 15, 2012, 07:12:48 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on February 15, 2012, 07:04:04 PM
Wat.

No worries.  In Nigel's absence, I can handle the translation:

Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on February 15, 2012, 07:02:59 PM
Man, I learn somethin' new every day. Very interesting.
The idea that cynicism is the kind approach is fairly hilarious (fair-larious?). Also, potentially accurate (pot-accuate?)

QuoteI posted in ebonics.  And Whitey's On The Moon.

wha-hahaha? That wasn't really intended to be ebonics, but I can dig it anyways.
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
----------------------
I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
----------------------
Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
February 15, 2012, 08:15:03 PM
:regret:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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