Run Portland

[Salty]

Yeah.  Either they look like they're twelve, which ruins the whole thing for everyone or you can see VD scabs and meth sores.

And they have that meth face, you know, where the top and bottom of their face fold together like a hide-a-bed.

Ah yes.  I don't know how I didn't remember that.

When confronted with enough Tucson, the mind blanks it out to protect itself.

For example, Nigel probably doesn't remember the food riot when she was here, and Alty has apparently forgotten the naughty Santa guy with the gun and the exploding dildo.

That was a naughty Santa? I remember a very jolly santa, no gun, but there was a large candy cane?

[Freeky]

And then what happened?  Try and remember.

[Doktor Howl]

And then what happened?  Try and remember.

No, it's better if he doesn't.  We had to strap him to the hood of the Jeep and run him through the carwash just to get the rentboy bits off of him, and the nuns still throw shit at me when I drive past St Xavier's.

Does he really need to know?

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

EDIT: I see far too many people who have some kind of political allegiance they treat with the same amount of rationality I approach my "THE DENVER NUGGETS ARE THE GREATEST BASKETBALL TEAM EVARRR!"

Yeah.  Both are retarded, but at least your hobby doesn't ruin the country, I suppose.

I come from the home of Balloon Boy. Better to know your stupid is dumb, I think.

[East Coast Hustle]

It's worth noting that we're also the strip club capital of America, which in my mind goes hand-in-hand with being the beer capital of America.

Is that in absolute numbers of strip clubs, or in strip clubs per population?

Because Tucson has a shitload of strip clubs.  Mostly we pay the dancers (male/female) NOT to undress.

Both, I'm pretty sure. Definitely the most per capita, and I'm pretty sure just the most period. We have 56 strip clubs and that's not including the places that do "private lingerie shows". Thing is, though there are still the scuzzy clubs with the tweeker chicks dancing, there are alot of nicer joints and the strippers in PDx get PAID. I think they even have a union, but that's just hearsay. But it's definitely a "destination" for top strippers, like Vegas or Windsor, so there are actually a lot of smoking hot girls with natural boobs and clear skin and a brand new Mercedes SLK parked out back.

[Doktor Howl]

It's worth noting that we're also the strip club capital of America, which in my mind goes hand-in-hand with being the beer capital of America.

Is that in absolute numbers of strip clubs, or in strip clubs per population?

Because Tucson has a shitload of strip clubs.  Mostly we pay the dancers (male/female) NOT to undress.

Both, I'm pretty sure. Definitely the most per capita, and I'm pretty sure just the most period. We have 56 strip clubs and that's not including the places that do "private lingerie shows". Thing is, though there are still the scuzzy clubs with the tweeker chicks dancing, there are alot of nicer joints and the strippers in PDx get PAID. I think they even have a union, but that's just hearsay. But it's definitely a "destination" for top strippers, like Vegas or Windsor, so there are actually a lot of smoking hot girls with natural boobs and clear skin and a brand new Mercedes SLK parked out back.

Ours have cars out back, too. 

We have a few dozen strip joints, but there's maybe ONE that isn't actually some horrible sideshow.  Actually, I gather it is, too, but it has nicer looking attractions, but somehow still has the same level of sleaze oozing out under the door.

[East Coast Hustle]

We have several strip clubs that you can take your girlfriend to for a nice night out (and I do, as one of them is walking distance from my pad and has fire dancers. FIRE DANCERS!)

And a few that also have awesome food, including the legendary Acropolis, where you can get a badass ribeye steak for under $10 since the guy who owns it also owns a cattle ranch.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah.  Either they look like they're twelve, which ruins the whole thing for everyone or you can see VD scabs and meth sores.

And they have that meth face, you know, where the top and bottom of their face fold together like a hide-a-bed.

Ah yes.  I don't know how I didn't remember that.

When confronted with enough Tucson, the mind blanks it out to protect itself.

For example, Nigel probably doesn't remember the food riot when she was here, and Alty has apparently forgotten the naughty Santa guy with the gun and the exploding dildo.

WAIT WHAT

Zach was there??

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The pissing-contest shit is only funny to me when it's ridiculously over the top and about things that don't make any sense.

I seriously wasn't trying to one-up about the microbrews, just saying you have nothing to worry about. There are breweries every few blocks, like espresso shops.

Thought I was kind of going over the top when I referred to every place outside of New Belgium as "the rabble".

Seriously, New Belgium as a company is held in HUGE regard here. They are, by all accounts, an amazingly progressive business model. But their product isn't generally regarded as among the best Fort Collins, much less Colorado, has to offer. Their reputation as God's Gift to Beer is a point of much mirth amongst the locals. That was underlying my entire "Beer??? I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT BEER!!!"

...and as to culture--in this neck of the woods, we ain't too keen on that shit. You musta been thinkin a' them hippies up at that neuro-europa up there in the People's Republic of Boulder! We're kind enough to give you till sundown to find Diagonal Highway, but we ain't gonna let no culture disturb the peace round here! Once 5-points was gentrified in Denver, culture just became a word my fellow community-theatre participants began using because "fucking around", didn't win many endowments.

I hadn't really established my tongue-in-cheek affinity for Fort Collins, so I could see where it would be easy to take me seriously. With the exception of leaving my Son and most of the rest of my family here, there is NOTHING about this move that I'm not looking forward to. I'll probably start another thread on it because there's been a lot of bitter-sweet in "leaving home", but that's something I'd rather sort out in the rear-view.

Well, do it better next time.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's worth noting that we're also the strip club capital of America, which in my mind goes hand-in-hand with being the beer capital of America.

Is that in absolute numbers of strip clubs, or in strip clubs per population?

Because Tucson has a shitload of strip clubs.  Mostly we pay the dancers (male/female) NOT to undress.

Both, I'm pretty sure. Definitely the most per capita, and I'm pretty sure just the most period. We have 56 strip clubs and that's not including the places that do "private lingerie shows". Thing is, though there are still the scuzzy clubs with the tweeker chicks dancing, there are alot of nicer joints and the strippers in PDx get PAID. I think they even have a union, but that's just hearsay. But it's definitely a "destination" for top strippers, like Vegas or Windsor, so there are actually a lot of smoking hot girls with natural boobs and clear skin and a brand new Mercedes SLK parked out back.

A girl I dated got bored of being a legal assistant and started stripping because the pay is better and the work is more fun. She could climb a pole with no hands.

Ahhh. Those were the days!

Eventually she got bored and went back to school, which, all things considered, is a good thing.

[hirley0]

9 CAUAC
OPB HAS announced it will cover the race at 9 Mon in town? at A table?/?

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

I roll tomorrow. There is not an emoticon.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

SLC is soooo fucking beautiful...from the outside. Then you get off the interstate, and assuming your random sequence of completely random lefts and rights allows you to make your way out of some shitty under-the-bridge neighborhood that looks just like every other shitty under-the-bridge neighborhood in every shitty major city in America, you make your way downtown. I don't follow the logic. Super sparkling clean, magnificently ginormous, as if they want people to have a completely unobstructed view of what is seriously the most unappealing architecture man has yet produced. I get the impression that they are fond of right angles...REALLY fond of right angles. To be fair, they do mix it up though. These buildings have rectangles, really huge rectangles, slightly less huge rectangles, protruding rectangles, recessed rectangles, they really do make use of the whole rectangle pallet.

On the plus side, it's also St. Paddy's day, so my GPS, dutifully navigates me to various destinations rendered inaccessible by the parade route and the broods...and I do mean BROODS...gathered along it.

Oh..and for the win allow me to introduce you to the SLC Jah Mon head shop. The entire store front a painted collage, Rasta Mon, green and black and red and yellow, Big Up the Irie vibe, respect...right below Bob Marley's chin...white sign, black and red text, could read it from the road...ATTENTION: NO PANHANDLING, NO LOITERING, NO SOLICITING, ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED. Even the conquering lion of Judah himself would feel the love.

I was a bit unsure about tacking on an extra 7-hours to route through San Francisco. Bucket list city or not, it's an absolute must now. I need to burn the red state taint out of my soul.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Just about out of Utah. Road hypnosis and 40 mph cross winds steered me into this rest stop for a spell. About 20 miles back I went through this wicked thick fog bank. Seemed pretty weird to run into fog as hot as it was. My windshield didn't get wet either. 10, maybe 15 foot visibility, I would have expected to need my wipers. Instead I needed to roll down my window cause I was roasting without a baster.

That fog...it was fucking SALT. I could tell because it didn't taste at all when it whipped across my face, and it was a lot sharper to boot.

That would be the second weirdest thing I witnessed out here amongst the tumbleweeds and golden tablets. Raise your hand if you've ever seen sextuplets in real life...Anybody? No? Well I guess you can't relate then. Stopped to get gas on my way out SLC and next pump over an SUV with another brood. Six? Impressive. Oh nevermind, he must be babysitting--they're all in car-seats. Cute little shit, that one...and that other one. Oh and isn't she a cutie too. And the one in the--WAIT...

It was a whole lot of cute...the same, exact, cute. I heart cute, but God bless that dad, cause he's operating way outside my cute wrangling capacity.

Listening to the radio mumble something about the evil of the progressives, divinely inspired strategies for combatting it, and such. Nap time now. I got shit to process.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Taco Time, Elko, NV.

This is uncanny. I swear I know every single one of these kids working here. Can't remember from where, but had to been 15-20 years ago. Weird. All this time, they haven't aged a day. Never knew the big dude was gay though. Remember him being just that effeminate, but guess back in '94 he wasn't as comfortable talking about the Celine Dion concert in Salt Lake.

Fuuuck, so much road to cover yet. Ain't even out of Nevada. Ah...but look at that. Trip gauge says I've come 786 miles so far. Making progress. Guess I best just push on through.