Dear Discordians

[Doktor Howl]

First of all, everything you did in the past week implicitly belittles, insults, and ridicules everyone who ate breakfast at McDonalds, drove a car to a slave job, and ate pizza for dinner while watching American Idol, because you obviously feel your way of life is just SO much superior to theirs.  If you DIDN'T, you'd sit on the sofa, too.

And some people here post too much.  It makes those who don't feel like posting feel resentful. 

And some people go on hikes and adventures and dates and shit.  This also makes regular people feel inferior.  It makes them feel like you think you're better than them.

What's more, some of you cook real food, instead of cramming fast food into your face like normal people.  This leads you to be in somewhat decent shape, which makes the fat people around you feel all bad inside.

Lastly, some people here are getting laid, which makes the 400 pound 40 year old virgin set very, very sad.

So I wish you'd all be just a little more sensitive.  Sit at home, eat various forms of lard, and watch television, so you don't make the scooter queens at Walmart feel inadequate.  And stop posting so much.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

But, Dok! I have a burning urge to feel superior to people who are probably remarkably like myself! Plus, if I need a way to pretend like I don't do a lot of the shit I hate!

Also, that burning might be something else.

EDIT: In retrospect, this post seems entirely too ironic.

[navkat]

Harumph!

[LMNO]

If everyone simply lived up to the Lowest Common Denominator, we'd all be much happier.


Still no word on if we'd SHINE™, though.

[Doktor Howl]

If everyone simply lived up to the Lowest Common Denominator, we'd all be much happier.


Still no word on if we'd SHINE™, though.

The shine from our sweaty, glistening faces even when at complete rest would be blinding.  We'd shine, hell, we'd have the sort of sheen you get when cooking fat starts to congeal.

[Cain]

I apologize for nothing.  My only regret is that I did not take it to the wall at twice the speed I actually did.

[navkat]

The problem with being a pack (a pod?) of uber-smart, wild jackasses is that you only get a finite number of attribute points to spend on character creation and so being intellectually superior to the drooling masses usually means we've got some gaping holes elsewhere that can't be fixed by rolling a d20.

I think this very post demonstrates this exquisitely, in fact.

[Doktor Howl]

The problem with being a pack (a pod?) of uber-smart, wild jackasses is that you only get a finite number of attribute points to spend on character creation and so being intellectually superior to the drooling masses usually means we've got some gaping holes elsewhere that can't be fixed by rolling a d20.

I think this very post demonstrates this exquisitely, in fact.

I spent all my BP on "asshat". 

[Phox]

Doktor, I think you are quite correct. I have spent a great deal of time recently associating with these "normal people", and I have come to the conclusion that many of these Discordians, *and most especially that horrible, horrible LMNO character*, do not take the feelings of these people into consideration when they are belittling them (or in LMNO's case, shrinking them to the size of an insect to ac as his eyes and ears for his unlicensed proctology practice).

[Doktor Howl]

Doktor, I think you are quite correct. I have spent a great deal of time recently associating with these "normal people", and I have come to the conclusion that many of these Discordians, *and most especially that horrible, horrible LMNO character*, do not take the feelings of these people into consideration when they are belittling them (or in LMNO's case, shrinking them to the size of an insect to ac as his eyes and ears for his unlicensed proctology practice).

LMNO is a prime offender.  He enjoys his job, married a pretty & smart woman, goes berserk on the weekend with fabulous characters, and occasionally comes out West to ride horses & shit.

Can't he see how this makes many people feel inadequate, as if their couch time wasn't as valid as what he does?

[Phox]

Doktor, I think you are quite correct. I have spent a great deal of time recently associating with these "normal people", and I have come to the conclusion that many of these Discordians, *and most especially that horrible, horrible LMNO character*, do not take the feelings of these people into consideration when they are belittling them (or in LMNO's case, shrinking them to the size of an insect to ac as his eyes and ears for his unlicensed proctology practice).

LMNO is a prime offender.  He enjoys his job, married a pretty & smart woman, goes berserk on the weekend with fabulous characters, and occasionally comes out West to ride horses & shit.

Can't he see how this makes many people feel inadequate, as if their couch time wasn't as valid as what he does?

Precisely. I believe you should author some sort of sensitivity-training tract. I feel that it would do a world of good.

[Doktor Howl]

I apologize for nothing.  My only regret is that I did not take it to the wall at twice the speed I actually did.

And YOU, sir...People in Manchester are supposed to STAY there, eating a high-starch diet and counting the hours until they die.  How are they supposed to feel, seeing you run off and get an education?  Who do you think you are, to be making them feel so under-appreciated?  Their self-esteem may never recover.  I hope you're happy.

[Doktor Howl]

Doktor, I think you are quite correct. I have spent a great deal of time recently associating with these "normal people", and I have come to the conclusion that many of these Discordians, *and most especially that horrible, horrible LMNO character*, do not take the feelings of these people into consideration when they are belittling them (or in LMNO's case, shrinking them to the size of an insect to ac as his eyes and ears for his unlicensed proctology practice).

LMNO is a prime offender.  He enjoys his job, married a pretty & smart woman, goes berserk on the weekend with fabulous characters, and occasionally comes out West to ride horses & shit.

Can't he see how this makes many people feel inadequate, as if their couch time wasn't as valid as what he does?

Precisely. I believe you should author some sort of sensitivity-training tract. I feel that it would do a world of good.

hoohoooheeeheeee

[Phox]

Doktor, I think you are quite correct. I have spent a great deal of time recently associating with these "normal people", and I have come to the conclusion that many of these Discordians, *and most especially that horrible, horrible LMNO character*, do not take the feelings of these people into consideration when they are belittling them (or in LMNO's case, shrinking them to the size of an insect to ac as his eyes and ears for his unlicensed proctology practice).

LMNO is a prime offender.  He enjoys his job, married a pretty & smart woman, goes berserk on the weekend with fabulous characters, and occasionally comes out West to ride horses & shit.

Can't he see how this makes many people feel inadequate, as if their couch time wasn't as valid as what he does?

Precisely. I believe you should author some sort of sensitivity-training tract. I feel that it would do a world of good.

hoohoooheeeheeee

There is only one proper response to this response: 

[Cain]

I sometimes pop up on Facebook to remind them I'm living in an area of London with some of the best bars, clubs, theatres and art exhibitions for free, and that they're scratching around Somewherestone, Somethingshire, having already reached the dizzying height of their career as assistant supervisor for shelf-stacking.

It would be rude to bring up my dating life as well.