Learning to Dance the SCIENCE Way

[Doktor Howl]

I hear it all the time..."I can't dance, I look like an idiot when I try".

Well, part of dancing IS looking like an idiot.  In fact, if you look "cool" when you dance, there's something wrong with you.  Unless you're possessed of a body that would look hot while having an epileptic fit (hang on, Dok...Deep breaths, sip some coffee, git yerself under control).

But the other part is learning to move.  We are not a particularly graceful species, and most of the time we lurch.  For those of us with gigantic feet & hands, this is an even bigger problem...But not an insurmountable one.

If you can't move like Shakira, you can at least twitch.  Contrary to popular belief, this does not actually require the use of meth or nerve agent.  Instead, when you get on the dance floor, recite in your head a few memorized mantras, such as:

"Sarah Palin will be ready in 2016."

"There are other, equally valid theories."

"To save the village, we had to destroy it."

"Civil rights do not imply political rights."

or even

"Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, killed JFK."

This will get you moving, at least for the first part of the song.  As the song's tempo increases, though, stronger action may be required to keep your involuntary twitching up to a matching speed.  At this point, you should consider deeper issues, such as:

1.  Obesity is now a disability, allowing the obese person the use of a handicapped plate, meaning they can get even LESS exercise on their way into WalMart to buy their next gross of powdered donuts.

2.  There are more than 7 Bn people on the planet, but you can't turn on the TV without seeing an ad for a drug to make your dick hard (granted, this may be partially in response to item #1, and the people married to them).

3.  Food and rent are not included when inflation numbers are calculated.

4.  It's 2012, and people can still be considered legally Black.

5.  The divorce rate in America is astronomical, but Gays can't marry in most states because it would "ruin the sanctity of marriage".

6.  They're making ANOTHER Transformers movie.

If you really think about these things, you should by now be flopping around with the best of them.  You may in fact be a hazard to your fellow dancers. 

But, judging from the slow shuffle they exhibit, they're not serious about having a good time, anyway.

Okay for now,
Dok
 

[Phox]

  <--- This is how Phox is dancing right now.

[Doktor Howl]

<--- This is how Phox is dancing right now.

That's a good start.

Then think about the fact that we cancelled the manned space program, but we have money to play Where's Waldo over in Pakistan, with unmanned drones.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

You know what...it's all worth it. Because now I can finally get funky.

Thanks Sarah Palin! (That hurt a little...)

[Doktor Howl]

You know what...it's all worth it. Because now I can finally get funky.

Thanks Sarah Palin! (That hurt a little...)

The advanced dancing lessons will cover what really happened with TARP, and why NASCAR fans think they'll be rich one day, too.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

<--- This is how Phox is dancing right now.

That's a good start.

Then think about the fact that we cancelled the manned space program, but we have money to play Where's Waldo over in Pakistan, with unmanned drones.

Yep that one got me moving more.

[navkat]

"Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, killed JFK."

"The History Channel did a show with the Zapruder film and all these experts proved it."

[Doktor Howl]

"Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, killed JFK."

"The History Channel did a show with the Zapruder film and all these experts proved it."

Oh, good one.

How about..."The History Channel is doing another all-day bigfoot marathon."

or  "The Discovery Channel proudly presents Ghosts of the Midwest."

[Nephew Twiddleton]

"Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, killed JFK."

"The History Channel did a show with the Zapruder film and all these experts proved it."

Oh, good one.

How about..."The History Channel is doing another all-day bigfoot marathon."

or  "The Discovery Channel proudly presents Ghosts of the Midwest."

Now there's some hopping involved in my moves.

[Doktor Howl]

"Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, killed JFK."

"The History Channel did a show with the Zapruder film and all these experts proved it."

Oh, good one.

How about..."The History Channel is doing another all-day bigfoot marathon."

or  "The Discovery Channel proudly presents Ghosts of the Midwest."

Now there's some hopping involved in my moves.

Avoid stairs and windows, and think about how much you deserve that "certified, pre-owned" Lexus.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Hahaha. I love how they NEVER find anything, but don't care.

Well, we only ever see things fall over, and hear things we don't quite hear. And discerning words from those tapes is a lot like hearing satanic verse in backwards led zeppelin songs...and that's more than good enough!

[Doktor Howl]

Hahaha. I love how they NEVER find anything, but don't care.

Well, we only ever see things fall over, and hear things we don't quite hear. And discerning words from those tapes is a lot like hearing satanic verse in backwards led zeppelin songs...and that's more than good enough!

Not the point.  They show it, because it brings in ratings.  Real history & science doesn't.

Welcome to America™.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Hahaha. I love how they NEVER find anything, but don't care.

Well, we only ever see things fall over, and hear things we don't quite hear. And discerning words from those tapes is a lot like hearing satanic verse in backwards led zeppelin songs...and that's more than good enough!

Not the point.  They show it, because it brings in ratings.  Real history & science doesn't.

Welcome to America™.

That's sorta kinda what I was getting at. It doesn't matter even remotely if the evidence doesn't match the conclusion, because the conclusion is so mouth-watering.
Which is an interesting way to describe the search for dead people and monsters.

[navkat]

Hahaha. I love how they NEVER find anything, but don't care.

Well, we only ever see things fall over, and hear things we don't quite hear. And discerning words from those tapes is a lot like hearing satanic verse in backwards led zeppelin songs...and that's more than good enough!

Not the point.  They show it, because it brings in ratings.  Real history & science doesn't.

Welcome to America™ where it's not whistleblowing if they're allowed to lie.

Dancing with a partner.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This whole thread is making me giggle madly, which I kind of assume is not the desired effect.