Dear Doktor Howl:

[LMNO]

My rant gland seems to be jammed.  I can't get a reaction more intense than "weary eye-roll", even at the thought of President Santorum. 

Please advise.

[AFK]

I dunno about anyone else but I get myself a gleeful little chortle when I think about President Santorum.

That shit would be awesome!!!

[Doktor Howl]

My rant gland seems to be jammed.  I can't get a reaction more intense than "weary eye-roll", even at the thought of President Santorum. 

Please advise.

There's no cure.  You have to live with this vicious handicap.  The Rant Gland gets blocked up when people have indulged in Slack™ abuse for more than 90 days or so, and once it's blocked up, it bloats right the fuck up, and puts pressure on the rage gland.  This causes you to suffer from outrage deficiency, and in it's terminal phase, you take up golf & spend more time at the office.  On the Johnson account.  While hitting refresh.

Fortunately, they make a pill for that.  It's the little red ones, and while they don't cure you, you won't care.  Side effects may include an increase in television watching, brain hemmorage, impotence, and a complacent acceptance of evil.  As your doctor about it.  If he won't prescribe it, he doesn't care enough about your well-being.

[LMNO]

What if I only get a little bit mad, and drink plenty of water?  Wouldn't the resulting homeopathy hateopathy have a notciable effect?

[Doktor Howl]

What if I only get a little bit mad, and drink plenty of water?  Wouldn't the resulting homeopathy hateopathy have a notciable effect?

No.

But if I got mad and peed in a jug, and had a trucker hurl it at you out of his truck's driver-side window, all of your problems would be solved.

But let me ask you:  When you go out on the weekend, do you truly wallow in the FABULOUS, or are you just going through the motions?

[LMNO]

"Going through the motions"?  Surely not! 


But that's not the same as an inability to rant, is it?

[Doktor Howl]

"Going through the motions"?  Surely not! 


But that's not the same as an inability to rant, is it?

No, I was just asking questions for diagnostic purposes.  I am relieved to hear you haven't fallen prey to ennui.  The problem is, you East coast spags have too much cool shit around you.  It ain't good for you.  Look at Stella...She lives in a town that I found has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO, and she blasts out weirdness at a pressure not normally permitted by OSHA.

Maybe the rant thing is a product of 8 years of ranting.  Maybe you've blown an o-ring, and the pressure just bleeds off, instead of building up for a classic hate-shitting.

Or maybe you just stopped looking around.  I mean, why rant about Santorum - who is NOT going to be president, btw - when there's Pinks and Greys and all manner of mind-numbing stupidity all around you?  And that IS the purpose of ranting, of course...To prevent your mind from going numb.

I mean, hell...I've been ranting for decades, and I don't stop because I CAN'T stop.  If I stopped for even a minute, Arizona would have me firmly in its clutches, and I'd probably join the Rotarians.  Horrible, horrible.

But I'm STILL mad, and I'm still ranting, and I'm still SHITTING HATE on account of these fuckers around me have never gotten weird enough for me, and on account of I'M. STILL. HERE.

[Doktor Howl]

You know, I once wrote a rant - in 2009, I believe - at Kai's request, about logging on to a dead carrier.

And here we are.

[LMNO]

Hmm.

I think I'll go stare at a blank screen until drops of blood appear on my forehead.

[Doktor Howl]

Hmm.

I think I'll go stare at a blank screen until drops of blood appear on my forehead.

That usually works for me.

[Doktor Howl]

Nobody ever said keeping your sense of outrage was gonna be easy.  Discordianism is not something that gets delivered to you via your monitor.  It is not something you can order as a pre-packaged, shrink-wrapped product (when it is, cancel Christmas, cause it's OVER).  It is not something you READ.  It is something you PARTICIPATE in.

Or not.  Maybe it's just the next phase of the interbutts, sort of like how TV became "reality TV", and suddenly Kim Kardashian is someone whose marriage matters to everyone. 

I cringe at the very notion.  I'd rather blow up in glorious fuckbattery, as some members have recently done, than to suddenly find myself Viewing the board index of Principia Discordia. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I remember the Dead Carrier Wave, Dok. And thank you!   

I remember the East Coast having lots of rage-inducing shit, in spite of the cool shit. Like when the plows would come and push six foot piles of snow on the sidewalk and I'd have to walk in traffic. In sandy slush that was still pretty slippery. With a baby stroller.

I mean, it ALL sucks, right?

[LMNO]

Truth be told, New England had a beautiful winter, unseasonably warm.  I think the only major snowstorm was on Halloween, and I was in New Orleans that day.

[AFK]

It's been an awesome winter!  I didn't have to get on the roof once.  Never lost power. 

It's hard to get worked up over shit I can't control these days.  So I, personally, have been channeling my energy into shit I can control, or at least have some significant sway.  It may not be posting on the internet.  But it also isn't doing nothing. 

*shrug*

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I don't know what to do with the Winter, or the Spring, or with my life.


usually, I decide, and something happens

what do? At loose ends. Maybe, oh maybe. Places to go.