Lancing the Gland; a far overdue series of rants (with preface)

[Freeky]

Rage Gland Backup, I has it.  Not only am I having trouble ranting, I'm having problems just working up the give-a-shit-o-meter, or writing anything.  So I'm going to try writing out the things that piss me off, without censoring myself in any way (which may mean a lot of whining and/or generalized TMI, so best to just exit now if it doesn't sound like fun to read), and I'm gonna post in this thread here. 

Last chance to ignore this thread, right here.

[Freeky]

Yanno, I sometimes think that people seriously underrate the impact of the strength of someone's libido.

Take for instance this one internet dating site I ran across recently.  They have a common question on there, "How often do you like to have sex?"  Pretty basic.  They have formulated answers for the question, and one of those is "I'm insatiable.  Think you can keep up with me?"  Like it's some sort of fucking game.  Like it's a thing that, once it gets annoying and starts impeding your ability to function without even mentioning sex at all for five god damned minutes, you can just turn it the fuck off.   Fucking asshats, the lot of them. 

Meet up with some dude or chick sometime, and they're all like "Hey, me too!  Sex is great, I'm the best evar, let's be SO." and you FUCK LIKE BUNNIES for a solid month.  And after that month they're like "okay, can we turn it down now?"  And you're all like WTF you said you were insatiable?  And they're like yeah, but only once a week.  Or maybe a week and a half.  The rest of the time though you should just leave me alone.  But if you're ever not feeling in the mood, you should still get in the mood because I want to fuck, but even if its been a week and you're in dire straights and I'm not into it, like I said you should just shut up.

So you do shut up, and you're fucking MISERABLE.  I mean, the constant aching, horrible twinges, unable to sit comfortable (girls get that problem too).  And on some level you know and believe and are okay with not having sex all the time, but JESUS CHRIST you never ever stop thinking about it, which makes it harder to chill out, which makes it impossible to even function.

After a while they're all looking at other bodies, and you're like WTF IM RIGHT FUCKING HERE AND WAY SEXIER THAN THAT METH WHORE PROSTITUTE.  And then they leave you for some other piece of ass, eventually.  Or make you leave with nastiness and cruelty. 

  And down the line somewhere you come to terms with the fact that you will never ever find someone who can understand that you really, honestly can't get through the day without at least being fondled, so you start broadening your horizons, right.  Accepting of new options you didn't want before, simply because through necessity you can't, I said fucking CAN'T, live with the alternative. 

But lo!  Hypocrites and lonely fools abound, and you don't know jack shit about meeting people anyway (unless you do, in which case go to hell you bastard), and EVERY LAST FUCKER who looks halfway interesting and attractive turns out to be some sort of douchebag on closer inspection and interaction.  Oh, not everyone, just the ones that you are attracted to.   

Eventually it starts getting to you, gets disheartening.  And people everywhere are at least getting dates here and there, but not you, oh no.  Because there's something wrong with you.  If there weren't, someone might look your way once in a while, even if it is only for five minutes, and five minutes would be enough, if there were enough five minute looks. 

But who the hell wants to hear about feelings on that sort of thing?  It's not important to other people like it is to you.  People don't get it, think you're overreacting, being a drama queen.  What started out as a good day, you got to call your ex a dishonest pigfucker AND you got your first probably real date in over two years, now you just want to take half a bottle of sleeping pills and go to bed until things look positive again.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I hear you. They all say they want a lot of sex, until you actually want a lot of sex. Then it turns out that they're LIARS.

[Freeky]

I hear you. They all say they want a lot of sex, until you actually want a lot of sex. Then it turns out that they're LIARS.

THEY'RE ALL FUCKING LIARS

(sometimes)

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I hear you. They all say they want a lot of sex, until you actually want a lot of sex. Then it turns out that they're LIARS.

THEY'RE ALL FUCKING LIARS

(sometimes)

Ain't found one yet who isn't. I'm sure due to lack of looking.

[Freeky]

Now I will attempt to dissect this thing.  I never get these right, anyway, so best to analyze and get my meaning clear.


1.  It isn't actually about me not getting laid since dinosaurs were rotting in tar pits and I'm bitter about it. (partially true, and SEXAY)

2.  It isn't about "guys are dicks and it's all their fault I can't get laid." and Im bitter about it (probably true)

3.  It's about how some people can look at something someone has a problem with and saying "That's not an issue." when, for the person dealing with it, it is a big issue.  (???????????)

I guess that looks right. I dunno.  I'm shit thought provoking, anyway.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah, that's something that bothers me too. People assuming something isn't a big deal to someone else because they think it wouldn't bother THEM. The "you're making too big a deal of it" crew.

[Cain]

Amazingly, I don't want sex all the time.  I want to sleep in.  Go away and leave me alone.  I'm trying to read on the Kindle...oh, OK, that works, so long as I can rest it on your head.  Little too much bobbing, lets try something else.

[Freeky]

Yeah, that's something that bothers me too. People assuming something isn't a big deal to someone else period because they think it wouldn't bother THEM. The "you're making too big a deal of it" crew.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Amazingly, I don't want sex all the time.  I want to sleep in.  Go away and leave me alone.  I'm trying to read on the Kindle...oh, OK, that works, so long as I can rest it on your head.  Little too much bobbing, lets try something else.

You, sir, are a genuine and bonafide gentleman.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Amazingly, I don't want sex all the time.  I want to sleep in.  Go away and leave me alone.  I'm trying to read on the Kindle...oh, OK, that works, so long as I can rest it on your head.  Little too much bobbing, lets try something else.

You, sir, are a genuine and bonafide gentleman.

What's wrong with wanting sex all the time?

[Freeky]

FTR, I would like to say that not wanting sex all the time is perfectly fine, too, and people who don't go on at great length about their appetite and then can't put up are not the people I was talking about when I said "THEY'RE ALL LIARS."

Just so we're clear.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

FTR, I would like to say that not wanting sex all the time is perfectly fine, too, and people who don't go on at great length about their appetite and then can't put up are not the people I was talking about when I said "THEY'RE ALL LIARS."

Just so we're clear.

Right. Because they're not lying.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Amazingly, I don't want sex all the time.  I want to sleep in.  Go away and leave me alone.  I'm trying to read on the Kindle...oh, OK, that works, so long as I can rest it on your head.  Little too much bobbing, lets try something else.

You, sir, are a genuine and bonafide gentleman.

What's wrong with wanting sex all the time?

I was being facetious.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Amazingly, I don't want sex all the time.  I want to sleep in.  Go away and leave me alone.  I'm trying to read on the Kindle...oh, OK, that works, so long as I can rest it on your head.  Little too much bobbing, lets try something else.

You, sir, are a genuine and bonafide gentleman.

What's wrong with wanting sex all the time?

I was being facetious.

As was I.