TELL ME WHEN THE WHISTLE BLOWS

[Phox]

Dok, I can't say I know the runaway train feeling, but I gotta admit that those "life happens" assholes get all up IN my business.

No job, no prospects, and an eviction notice gets your neighbor to pop out his head and say "Ah, tough luck, kid. But that's life."

That French asshole who works at  the convenience store you pulled into when your transmission just fucking exploded only clicks his tongue and says "C'est la vie."

Worst of all, when your best friend gets turned into one of those sausage monsters in an incident involving two drunk drivers and running stop signs, and no one gets prosecuted, the best those churchy people down the street can give you is "He's in a better place."

Well, what the fuck is so much better about having your face poorly reconstructed for an open casket wake, and then you get dropped in a dark whole in the ground and chill for the next forever? Why the fuck does life go around blowing up transmissions, and kicking college kids out of their apartments for no good reason aside from the landlord deciding not to extend their lease?

Life is the biggest dick of them all.


Either that, or those people need a good dose of what they call "life".

Love and kisses,
Doktor Phox

[Doktor Howl]

No job, no prospects, and an eviction notice gets your neighbor to pop out his head and say "Ah, tough luck, kid. But that's life."

"AND HERE'S A FUCKING KICK IN WHAT USED TO BE YOUR GODDAMN TEEF, ASSHOLE!  OH, WELL, FUCK...I GUESS LIFE JUST HAPPENS, RIGHT, YOU GODDAMN PIGFUCKER?"

[Phox]

No job, no prospects, and an eviction notice gets your neighbor to pop out his head and say "Ah, tough luck, kid. But that's life."

"AND HERE'S A FUCKING KICK IN WHAT USED TO BE YOUR GODDAMN TEEF, ASSHOLE!  OH, WELL, FUCK...I GUESS LIFE JUST HAPPENS, RIGHT, YOU GODDAMN PIGFUCKER?"

This is the correct response, of course. 

ETA: Stupid comma.

[Doktor Howl]

It just occurred to me that my rants have become boring.

Sorry, folks.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It just occurred to me that my rants have become boring.

Sorry, folks.

.....???

[Reginald Ret]

It is when you just want to send the entire department away for two weeks so you can make the improvements needed but you can't because there is quota to consider.
It is when you know where investments need to be made and it would cost less than is made in a day to be set for years but they won't because apparantly more pallet jacks is a ridiculous solution when compared to just throwing more untrained and untrainable labor at it.
It is when replacing the department head is considered a joke to the workers, because we all know why the previous guy left and none of those capable actually want the job.
It is when the three most capable and trustworthy workers are: 1 worker previously removed to another dept. for incompetence,  1 zero-hour contract worker and 1 temp.
When you realize that Dok Howl's rants are the monkeybuggering truth and too painfully accurate to be boring.

[Richter]

The days go fast now.  Wasn't always that way.  Used to be slow, brain bendingly banal and repetitive.  Another stale joke over the water cooler about FRiday not comign fast enough, or almost quitting time.

Now when we get in to start the day it's a minor miracle.  FOr the first week or so it was like some fucking charity walk, all hugs and sincerely glad that we didn;t loose anyone to the roads, the roving gangs of crazies, or those fucking wolves (this time).  SIncere sad and a moment of silence at break for anyone who didn't make it.  OF course that was a month ago.  HA, a damn AGE by comparison.  Hearing suzie got nipped off by a snipper, or Jose had his Jeep rolled by a land mine got savaged by the coyotes and is trying to call around to get moeny for them to sew the leg they found back on, and we jsut grumble. 
Shit, down one more person.....

The clock ticks away the time we're all in a secured position.  cement walls, bulletproof windows, and kevlar stapled over the cubilce walls.  Then someone found a leopard in the dissused first floor.  It got up into the sales department before anyone could do anything.  PEggy and Julie each whined over who's turn it was to put an irreplacable 30.06 round through it, until Mike got fed up and poleaxed the thing.  Oh, HR had words with him, somethign about a mandatory firearms policy they forgot to tell us about.

Anyways, almost time to go back out.  We're down a person in out usual group to make the parking lot run.  Bobcats on the roof in ambush, and the wolves know our pattern.  TRying not to focus on it or I'll yark again.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/whistle_past_the_graveyard

Enter: my new favorite phrase.

[navkat]

Look, you fuckers, you gotta wear comfortable shoes, and practice deep breathing.  Oxygenate that blood...So when Tucson comes for YOU, you can outrun all your buddies.  It's your only hope.  It probably won't save you, but at least it will get you last.

And smile.  All the time.  It goes for the ones that have forgotten their Happy Thoughts™.

I don't have to outrun ALL my buddies, just one of them.

[navkat]

No job, no prospects, and an eviction notice gets your neighbor to pop out his head and say "Ah, tough luck, kid. But that's life."

"AND HERE'S A FUCKING KICK IN WHAT USED TO BE YOUR GODDAMN TEEF, ASSHOLE!  OH, WELL, FUCK...I GUESS LIFE JUST HAPPENS, RIGHT, YOU GODDAMN PIGFUCKER?"

This is the correct response, of course. 

ETA: Stupid comma.

Funny how life never seems to just "happen" to those who are responsible for life "happening" to others.

Also: Phox, you should call me, girl! I can't make it stop but we can cry together!

[Doktor Howl]

It just occurred to me that my rants have become boring.

Sorry, folks.

.....???

I've been preaching when I need to be doktoring.

[Doktor Howl]

The days go fast now.  Wasn't always that way.  Used to be slow, brain bendingly banal and repetitive.  Another stale joke over the water cooler about FRiday not comign fast enough, or almost quitting time.

Now when we get in to start the day it's a minor miracle.  FOr the first week or so it was like some fucking charity walk, all hugs and sincerely glad that we didn;t loose anyone to the roads, the roving gangs of crazies, or those fucking wolves (this time).  SIncere sad and a moment of silence at break for anyone who didn't make it.  OF course that was a month ago.  HA, a damn AGE by comparison.  Hearing suzie got nipped off by a snipper, or Jose had his Jeep rolled by a land mine got savaged by the coyotes and is trying to call around to get moeny for them to sew the leg they found back on, and we jsut grumble. 
Shit, down one more person.....

The clock ticks away the time we're all in a secured position.  cement walls, bulletproof windows, and kevlar stapled over the cubilce walls.  Then someone found a leopard in the dissused first floor.  It got up into the sales department before anyone could do anything.  PEggy and Julie each whined over who's turn it was to put an irreplacable 30.06 round through it, until Mike got fed up and poleaxed the thing.  Oh, HR had words with him, somethign about a mandatory firearms policy they forgot to tell us about.

Anyways, almost time to go back out.  We're down a person in out usual group to make the parking lot run.  Bobcats on the roof in ambush, and the wolves know our pattern.  TRying not to focus on it or I'll yark again.

The fact that I don't get to live in YOUR universe fills me with rage.

[Doktor Howl]

Future jabberings will be in Horrorology, where they won't get in the way of things.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

In the way of what? */rhetorical*

[Doktor Howl]

In the way of what? */rhetorical*

DECI4 threads, Hollis Increase threads, and Ain't It Awful.   

In all seriousness, Doktoring belongs down there.  Apple Talk is more like television, these days.