Excuse me while I vomit.- Trigger Warning for Rape and Rape Culture.

[Pope Lecherous]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

Getting to know someone is not a process for getting laid. It's getting to know someone. I know it's counterintuitive and everything but, believe it or not, sometimes that can be its own reward.

That's what makes the sex, you know, extra special.

[Pope Lecherous]

My previous post was edited besides the tags.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I NEVER go out to bars and such alone and prefer to go with at least one other female if I can help it.

I watch my drinks at all times and only accept them from a friend or a bar tender.
-- If I need to leave briefly and I don't have someone I trust to watch my drink, I'll dump it and buy another if necessary

I keep my receipts and stash them in pockets rather than a purse so that if something does happen, they have a starting place.

I park as close as possible to the place I'm going to.

The names and numbers of everyone I go out with regularly are written on a sheet of paper and kept on my desk (even though I sorely resent that I have to tell people where I'm going all the time and who with)

When selecting clothing for the evening, my thoughts run along the lines of: "what if something bad happens?" This is not solely "can I run in these jeans?" but also "will I be blamed if I wear that shirt?" (although not in so many words)

When going to my car from a bar, etc., I either call someone or pretend to, if it's too late at night. If there was someone who creeped me out that night, I will make a male friend walk me to my car in return for a ride back or to his car, if we're leaving at the same time.

I'm investing in a CS gas keychain when I have the money.

I check my car for stow-aways before sliding in (I was really excited that my phone came with a flashlight app), no matter where I am - my house, a friend's house, a bar, it doesn't matter.

Even when I had a beeper for the car, I chose to use the key to unlock my door because the beeper unlocked all the car doors.

I have mastered the art of locking the car door as I close it after me and, at this point, it's an ingrained habit.

For whatever reason, I rarely have to deal with street harassment (I can think of like, three instances in the last five years), but I go on as if I hadn't actually heard what was said to me on the blue moon someone cat calls me. I haven't had anyone confront me over being ignored or chase after me to make sure I heard the comment, and I don't know what I'll do if it happens (which, gentlemen, it does; I've just been lucky apparently).

I'm NIGEL. Plus, I'm dead; it's amazing how much less guys hit on dead girls.

But seriously, after the brush-with-rape I had a couple years ago, I am ruder, more aggressive, and less likely to leave a bar alone. I will have a friend walk me to my car, and I don't walk or ride my bike home alone as I used to. I will tell guys to fuck off, and I will aggressively fuck with them and creep them out if they bother me.

THIS. They want the ones they can intimidate, somebody who's scared to be loud and rude.

You have to be ready to say/yell it loud enough to draw attention:

"DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME/GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME."

also:

"I'M NOT A FUCKING HOOKER" (to the ones that drive alongside you real slow while you're walking - it's fun to watch them speed away, they're always married  )

If I go somewhere other than the corner store or the library, somebody always knows where I went and when I intend to come home. That way if I don't come back, they KNOW something's wrong.

I keep dogs. Loud, mean, protective dogs. There's a dog in my room at night. If I'm sitting on the porch, there's a dog with me. There's dogs behind the house where people might otherwise be tempted to creep around.

I stay on lit streets and away from isolated areas.

I usually carry something that can be used as a weapon if it comes down to that. Even if it's just a pocketknife (much prefer CS gas). Be ready with it but don't let them see it, the element of surprise is what you need. If for any reason I don't have anything, I'm in the habit of spotting things that can be used in a pinch. Bottles are good, you can break them on people and then stick them. Metal folding chairs are great.

Cell phone at all times.

Creepy people are cut off. I just don't have anything to do with them at all once they say or do something creepy.

If a man comes by for a card reading, I do it on the front porch. No exceptions.

I walk like I know where I'm going and have a definite place I'm headed, even if I don't. I don't hurry (makes you look scared) but don't shuffle aimlessly either. I don't allow people to engage me. If somebody's "not right", I make eye contact - not in a challenging way, but enough not to look submissive and to let them know I'm watching them.

I don't wear gold or diamonds or anything that would make me worth grabbing for financial reasons. All of my jewelry is silver and wouldn't fetch five dollars in a pawnshop.

None of this is foolproof, but it's worked for me a long time, knock wood.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

I think it's trying to IMPRESS you, Nigel. 

[Pope Lecherous]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

...That's what we do when we explain things to others...?  Some people are not as swift as others, as evidenced in this thread.  If someone has ever told you something that made you say,"I never thought of it that way before" someone has made a connection for you.

ETA:  Analogies, similies, metaphors

There.  a connection was made for you

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

...That's what we do when we explain things to others...?  Some people are not as swift as others, as evidenced in this thread.  If someone has ever told you something that made you say,"I never thought of it that way before" someone has made a connection for you.

ETA:  Analogies, similies, metaphors
There.  a connection was made for you

3, 2, 1... 

[Pope Lecherous]

3, 2, 1... 

Hey, it's not exclusively a result of stupidity or being slow.  Sometimes ideas have similarities that have never occurred to us before

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

3, 2, 1... 

Hey, it's not exclusively a result of stupidity or being slow.  Sometimes ideas have similarities that have never occurred to us before

/

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I NEVER go out to bars and such alone and prefer to go with at least one other female if I can help it.

I watch my drinks at all times and only accept them from a friend or a bar tender.
-- If I need to leave briefly and I don't have someone I trust to watch my drink, I'll dump it and buy another if necessary

I keep my receipts and stash them in pockets rather than a purse so that if something does happen, they have a starting place.

I park as close as possible to the place I'm going to.

The names and numbers of everyone I go out with regularly are written on a sheet of paper and kept on my desk (even though I sorely resent that I have to tell people where I'm going all the time and who with)

When selecting clothing for the evening, my thoughts run along the lines of: "what if something bad happens?" This is not solely "can I run in these jeans?" but also "will I be blamed if I wear that shirt?" (although not in so many words)

When going to my car from a bar, etc., I either call someone or pretend to, if it's too late at night. If there was someone who creeped me out that night, I will make a male friend walk me to my car in return for a ride back or to his car, if we're leaving at the same time.

I'm investing in a CS gas keychain when I have the money.

I check my car for stow-aways before sliding in (I was really excited that my phone came with a flashlight app), no matter where I am - my house, a friend's house, a bar, it doesn't matter.

Even when I had a beeper for the car, I chose to use the key to unlock my door because the beeper unlocked all the car doors.

I have mastered the art of locking the car door as I close it after me and, at this point, it's an ingrained habit.

For whatever reason, I rarely have to deal with street harassment (I can think of like, three instances in the last five years), but I go on as if I hadn't actually heard what was said to me on the blue moon someone cat calls me. I haven't had anyone confront me over being ignored or chase after me to make sure I heard the comment, and I don't know what I'll do if it happens (which, gentlemen, it does; I've just been lucky apparently).

I'm NIGEL. Plus, I'm dead; it's amazing how much less guys hit on dead girls.

But seriously, after the brush-with-rape I had a couple years ago, I am ruder, more aggressive, and less likely to leave a bar alone. I will have a friend walk me to my car, and I don't walk or ride my bike home alone as I used to. I will tell guys to fuck off, and I will aggressively fuck with them and creep them out if they bother me.

THIS. They want the ones they can intimidate, somebody who's scared to be loud and rude.

You have to be ready to say/yell it loud enough to draw attention:

"DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME/GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME."

also:

"I'M NOT A FUCKING HOOKER" (to the ones that drive alongside you real slow while you're walking - it's fun to watch them speed away, they're always married  )

If I go somewhere other than the corner store or the library, somebody always knows where I went and when I intend to come home. That way if I don't come back, they KNOW something's wrong.

I keep dogs. Loud, mean, protective dogs. There's a dog in my room at night. If I'm sitting on the porch, there's a dog with me. There's dogs behind the house where people might otherwise be tempted to creep around.

I stay on lit streets and away from isolated areas.

I usually carry something that can be used as a weapon if it comes down to that. Even if it's just a pocketknife (much prefer CS gas). Be ready with it but don't let them see it, the element of surprise is what you need. If for any reason I don't have anything, I'm in the habit of spotting things that can be used in a pinch. Bottles are good, you can break them on people and then stick them. Metal folding chairs are great.

Cell phone at all times.

Creepy people are cut off. I just don't have anything to do with them at all once they say or do something creepy.

If a man comes by for a card reading, I do it on the front porch. No exceptions.

I walk like I know where I'm going and have a definite place I'm headed, even if I don't. I don't hurry (makes you look scared) but don't shuffle aimlessly either. I don't allow people to engage me. If somebody's "not right", I make eye contact - not in a challenging way, but enough not to look submissive and to let them know I'm watching them.

I don't wear gold or diamonds or anything that would make me worth grabbing for financial reasons. All of my jewelry is silver and wouldn't fetch five dollars in a pawnshop.

None of this is foolproof, but it's worked for me a long time, knock wood.

Yep. ALL of this... and yes, it does suck that we have the need to live this way.

Dog is woman's best friend. I have never been without one, as long as I've been an adult, because when it comes down to it a good dog is a better deterrent than a gun. I also have a gun. Or four.

Being willing to be LOUD, make eye contact, and confidence are crucial. It's funny, because a lot of people think that black, Hispanic, and indian women are "just obnoxious". No, asshole, when you are brown and poor and live in a shitty part of town, being vocal is a HUGE survival tactic. White attackers, especially well-off ones, tend to see brown women as easy victims they won't be prosecuted for. If I am broadcasting to all and sundry that I will yell the fuck out, creepers and opportunists are more likely to leave me the fuck alone. Did you really think that it was just coincidence that poor women are loud and brash? It's just goddamn self-preservation.

Being aware of potential weapons is always critical. When I walk into a room I have already located the first three things at hand I could potentially kill someone with. That's just training; "boom, boom boom, when you walk into a room". Thank god my dad was a career killer, most women don't get that training.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

I think it's trying to IMPRESS you, Nigel. 

I don't think so. I think he has simply not quite (and hopefully a "yet" will go in there) fully realized that other people's feelings, and their desires, motivations, and boundaries are equally important to his own. I am guessing/hoping that he is  still quite young, and that his experiences are still limited enough to explain his limited understanding of other people as authentic autonomous beings.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

...That's what we do when we explain things to others...?  Some people are not as swift as others, as evidenced in this thread.  If someone has ever told you something that made you say,"I never thought of it that way before" someone has made a connection for you.

ETA:  Analogies, similies, metaphors

There.  a connection was made for you

AHAHHHAHHHHAAAAAA

OK, never mind. It's a self-absorbed narcissistic retard.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Funnily enough, I AM in the business of making connections with people

Not with. FOR

Well, that is good to hear.

Making connections "for" people? What does that mean? The closest thing I can think of is facilitating a connection between one person and another person... you can't make connections "for" another person.

If you are trying to make a connection with another person and you meet resistance, and you want to progress the level of intimacy so that you no longer meet resistance, the only ethical thing to do is work WITH their boundaries and develop intimacy until the boundary no longer applies to your relationship with them.

I'd like to point out that your incessant use of passive voice is really offputting.

read as "Mental connections between ideas and concepts."  That should put the original quote in a whole new light for you.

I guess I'm doing it wrong, I've never thought of women as a puzzle box I'm supposed to fuck with until they become "opened for me."

That is the funnest and most rewarding part for me is the process of learning how and why a person thinks the way they do and in turn who they are, interesting people at least.  Sex usually just happens after this and it's great.  Even greater is that it never really ends.  It's so difficult to understand the depths of a person that it can go and go until a married couple has 200 years between them.

Admittedly I'm terrible at playing the game, but I've always failed when I made my objective sex. I tend to have more success when my objective is making a connection with a person.

That's where the whole game concept comes in, as distasteful as it sounds.  The process of courting, learning... whatever you want to call it.

The idea that you can "make mental connections between ideas and concepts" FOR another person is unbelievably egotistical and condescending. 

I think it's trying to IMPRESS you, Nigel. 

I don't think so. I think he has simply not quite (and hopefully a "yet" will go in there) fully realized that other people's feelings, and their desires, motivations, and boundaries are equally important to his own. I am guessing/hoping that he is  still quite young, and that his experiences are still limited enough to explain his limited understanding of other people as authentic autonomous beings.

Yeah. If he's fourteen, it's easier to overlook a lot of it.

I didn't know that about your dad. Holy fuck.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

3, 2, 1... 

Hey, it's not exclusively a result of stupidity or being slow.  Sometimes ideas have similarities that have never occurred to us before

And sometimes, as in your case, someone is just actually so slow that they can't comprehend the elemental difference between the already-explained "facilitating" a connection for another person, and "making" a connection. Gotta write you off, kid; you're a hopeless case of swollen monkey-butt. Or maybe you're just drunk. Either way.