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The Richter Rules: A Survival Guide

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, August 01, 2012, 02:48:35 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

August 01, 2012, 02:48:35 AM
1.  Do not sneak up on or surprise The Richter (Dimo, I'm talking to you).

2.  Do not get between The Richter and his food (which can be defined as "anything made out of meat".  This may include you.)

3.  When feeding The Richter, do not cup your hand.  Instead, use your hand to hold the 11 foot pole.

4.  Do not tap on glass or poke The Richter between the bars.

5.  Do not make faces at or otherwise tease The Richter.

6.  The Richter may accelerate to dangerous speeds with no warning.

7.  If The Richter cuts himself, do not look directly at resulting ichor.

8.  The Richter may be illegal in your state.  Visit your state's justice department or wildlife management website to learn more.

9.  The leaded glass is there for your protection.  Do not attempt to defeat the safeguards, as radiation may be present at dangerous levels.

10.  If The Richter somehow gets behind you, start over again.  This usually involves reincarnation.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#1
August 01, 2012, 03:15:03 AM
Do not puncture or incinerate.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
August 01, 2012, 03:15:48 AM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#3
August 01, 2012, 03:19:22 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on August 01, 2012, 03:15:48 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 01, 2012, 03:15:03 AM
Do not puncture or incinerate.

As if you could.

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Keep away from children and pets? Use in a well ventilated area?
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
August 01, 2012, 03:20:29 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 01, 2012, 03:19:22 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on August 01, 2012, 03:15:48 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 01, 2012, 03:15:03 AM
Do not puncture or incinerate.

As if you could.

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Keep away from children and pets? Use in a well ventilated area?

Throw children and pets at him, run away.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#5
August 01, 2012, 03:28:12 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on August 01, 2012, 03:20:29 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 01, 2012, 03:19:22 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on August 01, 2012, 03:15:48 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 01, 2012, 03:15:03 AM
Do not puncture or incinerate.

As if you could.

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Keep away from children and pets? Use in a well ventilated area?

Throw children and pets at him, run away.

Do not Richter while driving or operating machinery. Richter is known in the State of California to cause...?
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Juana

#6
August 01, 2012, 03:31:29 AM
Serious food borne illness.


Flash photography near the Richter is inadvisable. Unless you want the flash crammed down your throat and the camera in your ass.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

LMNO

#7
August 01, 2012, 01:30:17 PM
The Richter is unsafe, at any speed.

leln

#8
August 01, 2012, 08:52:59 PM
Do not expose The Richter to direct sunlight without following the recommended safety procedures.

If you choose to worship The Richter, never pray while he's eating.

In times of extreme civic unrest or natural disaster it is acceptable to open The Richter's cage and worship him as the god that will fix your shit and lead you forward.*
 
*Note: Releasing The Richter voids any and all warranties associated with his original containment. The management cannot be held responsible for where The Richter leads his followers, and urges potential worshipers to consider their own physical and mental limitations before opening the cage. 
[initially a "Rabid Wombat of the Eastern Intertubes." Now the] Glorious Peoples' Revolutionary Wombat of Wrath and Righteous Retribution.

"If you speak out of turn again, I will unscrew your neckpipe and use the resulting hole for my lavatory.  And I have one fuck of a case of the squirts today."

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
August 01, 2012, 09:00:07 PM
If you wish to consider the future under the rule of The Richter, imagine an oversized shoe descending onto a clown's face.  Forever.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Forsooth

#10
August 01, 2012, 09:04:57 PM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on August 01, 2012, 02:48:35 AM
1.  Do not sneak up on or surprise The Richter (Dimo, I'm talking to you).
a. If you do happen to startle The Richter, please keep in mind that you will not have sufficient time to pray to any god(s) or deities you may have, and that your family is prohibited from suing the company due to any 'hauntings' or other supposedly supernatural events caused by your soul not leaving the mortal plane.

Luna

#12
August 12, 2012, 08:12:51 PM
Do not read this safety guide to The Richter while he is driving an overloaded vehicle at unsafe speeds.

Oops.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

leln

#13
August 13, 2012, 01:37:26 AM
Quote from: Luna on August 12, 2012, 08:12:51 PM
Do not read this safety guide to The Richter while he is driving an overloaded vehicle at unsafe speeds.

Oops.

:lulz:

But you survived long enough to post about it, right? I suppose that's just another side effect of The Richter.


-Never leave The Richter alone with anything sharpenable. If left unsupervised, he'll put an edge on a ball of yarn. And for the record, you do not want to be there when he does
[initially a "Rabid Wombat of the Eastern Intertubes." Now the] Glorious Peoples' Revolutionary Wombat of Wrath and Righteous Retribution.

"If you speak out of turn again, I will unscrew your neckpipe and use the resulting hole for my lavatory.  And I have one fuck of a case of the squirts today."

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
August 13, 2012, 02:05:30 AM
Quote from: leln on August 13, 2012, 01:37:26 AM
If left unsupervised, he'll put an edge on a ball of yarn.

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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