What I have...

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Basically the delay in response is due to you asking the wrong question, Reverend. The real question to be asking me is "what's right with me." And well, Rog-o, I was gonna wait till we sent out the Miel family Holiday newsletter to update you on the exciting new developments around the old homestead, but, boy-howdy it seems you're forcing me to spill the beans early.

Now Judith is probably gonna kill me for letting you in on this juicy little morsel, Rogerino, but guess who's going to be spending a full week in Branson. That's right Big Rog, Aunt Lulu. Oh man, I don't think that little town's ready for her wild jokes and crazy dance moves. Can you imagine??? HAH!

Oh, and speaking of Branson, it seems Trevor met fine young lady and if our Pastor approves they may be tying the knot next Spring. We're all a bit concerned because her family's Presbytarian, and well, you know how that goes, doncha Revster, you big prowler! But she's a great cook and they're both huge fans of the NBC Thursday night line-up, so I'm pretty sure they've got enough in common to get the Lord's Blessing.

Oh, and speaking of the Lord's Blessing, Roggy, you know that eye-sore of a barn the neighbor's down the cul-de-sac insist on housing their chickens in? Yeah, seems the home-owner's association finally got serious about matters and got a court order to form a mob and torch it. Judith thinks I'm awful for saying so, but I think we're all kind of hoping that malcontent son-of-a-you-know-what makes good on his promise to chain himself to the door of that barn so we have to burn him alive.

So hey, I know you're dying to hear more there Roger-Dodger, but if I don't quit all this gushing about the fabulous things we've got going on here, people might think I'm a bit full of myself.

Anyways, good catching up. We'll have to do it again sometime.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, JUDITH!

Talk to you soon.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Basically the delay in response is due to you asking the wrong question, Reverend. The real question to be asking me is "what's right with me."

List is TOO FUCKING SHORT.

And well, Rog-o,

You'll die for that.

I was gonna wait till we sent out the Miel family Holiday newsletter to update you on the exciting new developments around the old homestead, but, boy-howdy it seems you're forcing me to spill the beans early.

Now Judith is probably gonna kill me for letting you in on this juicy little morsel, Rogerino, but guess who's going to be spending a full week in Branso. That's right Big Rog, Aunt Lulu. Oh man, I don't think that little town's ready for her wild jokes and crazy dance moves. HAH!

Branson, MO?  Is she MAD?  What am I saying?  OBVIOUSLY she's mad.

Oh, and speaking of Branson, it seems Trevor met fine young lady and if our Pastor approves they may be tying the knot next Spring. We're all a bit concerned because her family's Presbytarian, and well, you know how that goes, doncha Revster. Boy Howdy! But she's a great cook and they're both huge fans of the NBC Thursday night line-up, so I'm pretty sure they've got enough in common to get the Lord's Blessing.

The Lord only wants HIS CUT.  The preacher is lying to you.

Oh, and speaking of the Lord's Blessing, Roggy, you know that eye-sore of a barn the neighbor's down the cul-de-sac insist on housing their chickens in? Yeah, seems the home-owner's association finally got serious about matters and got a court order to form a mob and torch it. Judith thinks I'm awful for saying so, but I think we're all kind of hoping that malcontent son-of-a-you-know-what makes good on his promise to chain himself to the door of that barn so we have to burn him alive.

Your neighbors sound like my kind of people.

So hey, I know you're dying to hear more there Roger-Dodger,

Yeah, that death threat above?  Now it's gone to "mayhem".  The OLD definition.

but if I don't quit all this gushing about the fabulous things we've got going on here, people might think I'm a bit full of myself.

Anyways, good catching up. We'll have to do it again sometime.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, JUDITH!

Talk to you soon.

WHO THE FUCK IS JUDITH?  Is she one of those great big fat spinster aunts that traumatizes every underage relative by wanting a GREAT BIG KISS with her HIDEOUSLY OVER-LIPSTICKED LIPS and smells like MOTHBALLS?

[EK WAFFLR]

NOW YOU LISTEN, HERE GUV'NOR!

GROW A MUSTACHE AND DRINK SOME MOTHERFLIPPIN' EARL GREY

[Richter]

"HERESEY!"  I will not hear it out!"

"I acknowledge that, Brother Captain.  Humor me for a moment though, I was only making serious reply to our Brother Tech Marine's question."

"What possible explaination could justify such an assertion?  All of us DAMNED?  Our faith in the rightness of our course is so basic the Codex Astartes does not even see need to mention it.  It is, indeed, the heart and sould of our founding as the Empire."

"Brother Howl, however he darkened the import of his words with blasts from that.... THING he has bolted to his backplate, made a valid point though.  For all our valorous work, the Empire of man still wallows in base urges.  The Eldar are consumed either be their perversion for purity or, well everything ELSE.  The Ork have admirable spirit, but it is undirected and haphazard.  The traitor Legions are getting over the repression we ourselves hold sacred, and the Necrons have NO idea what to do once they have fulfilled their purpose."

"So tell me, Brother Librarian, why do you seek to justify the words of a man who bolts a plasma blaster to his hindquarters to punctuate his logic?"

"Because there IS hope for us all, Brother Captain..."

"So you refute him?"

"In a way.  It is just the amount of correction, to ourselves, to others, is so vast and fundamental, that I despair ever seeing it achieved."

"..."

"Indeed, the very pondering of it makes me agree with him.  Why NOT annihilate the ignorant with searing bolts from my arse?  They will hardly bring themselves round to the proper course.  I may as well enjoy the ones who will, and laugh at the expense of the others."

"Go then.  LEave me to my thoughts.

"Brother Captain"

The Librarian turned and left.  Clad in his ornate armor, bedecked with the valors of a hundred campaigns (that meant.... what exactly?), the Captain stood and pondered. 

As realization dawned he turned and howled to the battle-barge's now empty cooridor.

"FUNDAMENTAL?  ASS CANNONS?  YOU CHAOS SPAWNED PUNNER GET BACK HERE NOW!"

[Luna]

I'll tell you what's wrong with me.

I've been exposed to Richter's puns, at close range, for YEARS, now.

Do you really need more?

[Don Coyote]

I wish my phone had been tagging my posts with "Sent from my smartphone"

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have an ASS CANNON, and it's pointed DIRECTLY AT YOU, you Goddamn crap-covered bonobo reject monkey-problems!  Why, I'd rather SUCK VACUUM ON THE MOON than share real estate with your tick-infested hides, but GOD didn't GIVE ME A CHOICE!  You make the fucking HAIR in my EARS itch, with your running around and hollering about shit that both DOESN'T MATTER and MAKES ME PUKE!  And not just NORMAL puke, but that yellow stuff that looks like someone melted a LEMON MIRENGUE PIE!  Yeah, I know I spelled that wrong, but it's that sort of NIT-PICKY BULLSHIT that proves that there's an EXPRESS LANE IN HELL, and it's NUT-TO-BUTT with people like YOU!

I could go on and on in this vein, but WHAT'S THE POINT?  You'll still be Goddamn PRIMATES when I'm done, and all that will be accomplished is that the HATE AND LOATHING in my brain will make my blood pressure go up 20 points!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

TELL ME NOW, BEFORE I STOMP ON KITTENS!

Most promising thing I've seen out of humanity, really, since the domestication of celery.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Wat's rong? Ill tel u. My f4gg0t parents dint buy me an Amzn Kindl & a Nu iPhon. It cased soo much anxeity & depresed me. I trid 2 comit suic1de. They dont luv me at allllllllllllllllllllllll. I bet I dont get nuthin kewl this year eiter. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

[Dildo Argentino]

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

If you mean 'us people' as in humans, nothing. I mean, right now we seem to be heading for extinction soon rather than in a long time, but there's nothing wrong with that.

If you mean me personally, it's a long story and you wouldn't believe me anyway. Also, I think you've said you don't care to hear it.

[Don Coyote]

Wat's rong? Ill tel u. My f4gg0t parents dint buy me an Amzn Kindl & a Nu iPhon. It cased soo much anxeity & depresed me. I trid 2 comit suic1de. They dont luv me at allllllllllllllllllllllll. I bet I dont get nuthin kewl this year eiter. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

beautiful.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

NOW YOU LISTEN, HERE GUV'NOR!

GROW A MUSTACHE AND DRINK SOME MOTHERFLIPPIN' EARL GREY

I AM NOT HAVING THAT!  First, TEA is for people that can't handle a little acid reflux from COFFEE.  I hear them whining all the time "I puke up stomach acid all night, wahh!"  SACK UP, ASSHOLES!  Vomiting acid is a SMALL PRICE TO PAY for COFFEE GOODNESS and increased productivity.  I've been drinking coffee since I was 8 years old and LOOK AT ME!  I'M FINE!

Also, I can't grow a mustache or I look like a MALL COP.  A FRENCH mall cop.  So shut up.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'll tell you what's wrong with me.

I've been exposed to Richter's puns, at close range, for YEARS, now.

Do you really need more?

You get a pass.  Richter will have to be dealt with.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Most promising thing I've seen out of humanity, really, since the domestication of celery.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?  CELERY IS NOT FOOD.  IT IS WHAT YOU FEED TO FOOD.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Wat's rong? Ill tel u. My f4gg0t parents dint buy me an Amzn Kindl & a Nu iPhon. It cased soo much anxeity & depresed me. I trid 2 comit suic1de. They dont luv me at allllllllllllllllllllllll. I bet I dont get nuthin kewl this year eiter. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

If you mean me personally, it's a long story and you wouldn't believe me anyway. Also, I think you've said you don't care to hear it.

That's the first correct thing you've said since you came to PD.  Congratulations.  Let's try to keep that up, shall we?