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Suggestions to Improve Things in America

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, December 03, 2012, 05:05:04 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

December 03, 2012, 05:05:04 PM
1.   Instead of topless bars, this country needs topless coffee shops.  I mean, think about it...Instead of a roomful of drunk guys trying to paw the waitresses, you'll have a room full of hyped-up, jittery guys who are too busy looking at porn on the internet to bother the waitresses.

2.  Fire the TSA and issue everyone a hard hat and a binky before they get on the plane.  That way, those of us who aren't terrified of smudgy people don't have to get groped before we get on the plane.  Wait.  Scratch that.  It occurs to me that the grope is free.  Disregard this item.

3.  Set up Facebook so that once someone logs on the second time, they can't go ANYWHERE ELSE on the internet, EVER.  It would be like a honey trap for vapid one-line posters.

4.  Make Dick Cheney ride around in a wheelchair modeled after Captain Pike's.

5.  Make the age of eligibility for the draft begin at 35 and end at 65.  We'd never get in another war again.

6.  All speed limits should go up to 80MPH, including residential areas.  ESPECIALLY residential areas.  We need to inject a little Darwinism into our culture, and I can't think of a better way.

7.  Put shop classes back in high school.  Make home ec a mandatory class at least 3 years out of the K-12 system.

8.  Allow illegals in, throw secessionists out. 

9.  Make Nigel the secretary of health & human services.  Make me the secretary of education.  Make LMNO the secretary of THE GAY BAR.  Make ECH the secretary of the department of OH, WERE THOSE YOUR ICKLE FEEWINGS?

10.  Outlaw the making of lists.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#1
December 03, 2012, 05:08:44 PM
These actually WOULD be improvements.

OMFG, you're totally serious.  :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
December 03, 2012, 05:10:09 PM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 03, 2012, 05:08:44 PM
These actually WOULD be improvements.

OMFG, you're totally serious.  :lulz:

These are serious times.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#3
December 03, 2012, 05:13:37 PM
And they call for SERIOUS MEASURES(TM).

Wasn't Pike's wheelchair operated by brainwaves? I'm trying to wrap my head around this... :lol:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

LMNO

#4
December 03, 2012, 05:24:23 PM
Buenos Aires has topless coffee shops.  No troll.

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
December 03, 2012, 05:34:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 03, 2012, 05:24:23 PM
Buenos Aires has topless coffee shops.  No troll.

See?  We're not the world leaders in ANYTHING anymore.  Except obesity.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sita

#6
December 03, 2012, 05:34:21 PM
I like these.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 05:05:04 PM
7.  Put shop classes back in high school.  Make home ec a mandatory class at least 3 years out of the K-12 system.
Have an add for this: Make them both last at least a semester, the whole year would be better.
I had home ec and shop in 7th grade. For one 9-week period each. Barely enough time to learn anything.
:ninja:
Laugh, even if you are screaming inside. Smile, because the world doesn't care if you feel like crying.

Elder Iptuous

#7
December 03, 2012, 05:41:02 PM
put small arms training back in primary education, too.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
December 03, 2012, 05:42:41 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 03, 2012, 05:41:02 PM
put small arms training back in primary education, too.

I'd hold off until high school, but then yeah, they should have a rifle range in the basement of every high school.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Don Coyote

#9
December 03, 2012, 05:48:25 PM
and make pre mandatory. and none of that using pe time for health class. That should be another class entirely.

Elder Iptuous

#10
December 03, 2012, 05:49:20 PM
PE is no longer mandatory?!

Nephew Twiddleton

#11
December 03, 2012, 05:51:58 PM
I fucking hated pe. It was the class i hated the most.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Don Coyote

#12
December 03, 2012, 05:52:12 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 03, 2012, 05:49:20 PM
PE is no longer mandatory?!
it wasn't for my senior year.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
December 03, 2012, 06:07:34 PM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 03, 2012, 05:51:58 PM
I fucking hated pe. It was the class i hated the most.

Part of the reason for formal education is to get you used to doing shit that you don't like.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sita

#14
December 03, 2012, 06:08:45 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 03, 2012, 05:49:20 PM
PE is no longer mandatory?!
We only had to take one semester of PE when I was in high school. I took mine in 9th grade and never saw the coaches ever again.
:ninja:
Laugh, even if you are screaming inside. Smile, because the world doesn't care if you feel like crying.
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