Author Topic: "I love you"...  (Read 1741 times)

Sir Squid Diddimus

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"I love you"...
« on: February 13, 2013, 11:27:43 pm »
My husband says this to me a lot. A LOT.
Like every few miles in the car, random intervals throughout an evening, texts throughout the day, only it's just "love you". Informal.

I know I should be grateful, but it's gotten to a point where I hear it so often it's losing it's meaning. Like just blurting out "Purple!" at me. I sigh most of the time when I hear it.

Is he saying it because he can't stand silence? Doesn't know what else to say so just says it? Habit? Knows I suffer from severe depression and thinks that if he says it enough I might "snap out of it" or he fears every time he says it it might be the last time he gets to tell me cause I might off myself or something?
What would make a person say this so often? I don't understand? I know he loves me, he shows me every day in the things he does.
I just don't get it.

Am I just a complete asshole?

Junkenstein

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2013, 11:35:17 pm »
It may be he does not in fact, know he's saying it. After many years I say this reflexively in/due to a lot of situations and I hardly notice.

Probably not an asshole, but if you don't tell him it's bugging you, you would kind of be I guess.
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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2013, 11:39:48 pm »
It's hard to say without knowing his history. Maybe he has had relationships where he was accused of not voicing his affection often enough and he's trying to avoid that happening again. Personally, I can't stand constant "I love yous" because unless there's a reason to say it at that moment, it's sort of an empty substitution for actual communication. I intentionally don't say it too often, because I'd hate for it to be meaningless.
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The Half-Eaten Waffle

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2013, 11:41:51 pm »
I don't think you're an asshole at all. I do know that one can grow weary of such things.
I often find myself in the position of your hubby. I do it because, at the core, I am extremely insecure, and I say it over and over again to get confirmation from WaffleGF that she loves me too.

Not saying that this is what's going on here, though.
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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2013, 11:43:04 pm »
Is this a recent thing or something that's more or less always been?  If it's recent, it might be worth having a talk about it.  Not a "big deal" talk or anything, but just casually ask where it's coming from.  Might be just an auto-pilot habitual thing like others have said.  But you can't go wrong with communication.
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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2013, 11:53:12 pm »
I don't think you're an asshole at all. I do know that one can grow weary of such things.
I often find myself in the position of your hubby. I do it because, at the core, I am extremely insecure, and I say it over and over again to get confirmation from WaffleGF that she loves me too.

Not saying that this is what's going on here, though.

I think Waffle is onto something here with the insecurity part.  He might be low on confidence, feeling like love is the thing he most has to offer you.

I'm pretty sure having bizarre shit your partner does that drives you nuts is a healthy part of the relationship, though, so I wouldn't go beating yourself up about it. 
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Sir Squid Diddimus

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2013, 11:59:41 pm »
It's hard to say without knowing his history. Maybe he has had relationships where he was accused of not voicing his affection often enough and he's trying to avoid that happening again. Personally, I can't stand constant "I love yous" because unless there's a reason to say it at that moment, it's sort of an empty substitution for actual communication. I intentionally don't say it too often, because I'd hate for it to be meaningless.

It makes me wonder if he just doesn't have anything else to say and he thinks he HAS to talk

Is this a recent thing or something that's more or less always been?  If it's recent, it might be worth having a talk about it.  Not a "big deal" talk or anything, but just casually ask where it's coming from.  Might be just an auto-pilot habitual thing like others have said.  But you can't go wrong with communication.

Naw, it's always been.

I don't think you're an asshole at all. I do know that one can grow weary of such things.
I often find myself in the position of your hubby. I do it because, at the core, I am extremely insecure, and I say it over and over again to get confirmation from WaffleGF that she loves me too.

Not saying that this is what's going on here, though.

I think Waffle is onto something here with the insecurity part.  He might be low on confidence, feeling like love is the thing he most has to offer you.

I'm pretty sure having bizarre shit your partner does that drives you nuts is a healthy part of the relationship, though, so I wouldn't go beating yourself up about it.

I can't think of a reason he'd be insecure. He offers me plenty and I voice this often. He knows he is important.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just over thinking it and it's really nothing. It just bothers me cause it breaks the silence and I like the silence. Awe damn. What a jerk.

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2013, 12:00:40 am »
my wife and i say it A LOT, too.
depending on the context, it can have quite a few meanings.
sometimes, we catch our selves saying it as a filler.   there's worse things that can be used as a filler, i guess.
sometimes it means 'i'm not sure what you're thinking, but a reminder probably wouldn't hurt here.'
sometimes it means 'don't worry. that's not important. we have our love.'
sometimes it means 'my gratitude reminds me how much i love you.'
sometimes it means 'keep doing it exactly like that.'
sometimes it says 'good lord i'm lucky to have someone like you to put up with my dumb ass'
sometimes it says 'jesus , you're lucky to have me here to put up with your dumb ass'
sometimes it means 'this argument sucked, your totally wrong, and i'm pissed, but i still love you.'
sometimes it means 'this argument sucked, i just told you that i'm sorry, and i want you to know that my love for you makes the regret strike deeply.'

does he vary his intonation, or is it always monotone, like a stutter?
i imagine you previously responded with a reflexive 'loveyoutoo' in the beginning.  you said you sigh now sometimes.
any other responses you've tried?
what would he say to an immediate response of 'why?'.  with a smile.  not like you're grilling him, but with the expectation that he's got a really sweet reason for saying that he loves you, and you wanna hear it...

Sir Squid Diddimus

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2013, 12:05:27 am »
Well of course we have our multiple meanings like yours mentioned above, but I think it's just more of a filler when the room is silent.
I think he feels like he has to engage in conversation even when he doesn't to keep my attention and that's all he can think of to say at the moment

I don't even really know. I just like silence sometimes. Most times.

Elder Iptuous

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2013, 12:08:47 am »
huh.
if you're not paying attention to him, does he pace?

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2013, 12:24:15 am »
My husband says this to me a lot. A LOT.
Like every few miles in the car, random intervals throughout an evening, texts throughout the day, only it's just "love you". Informal.

I know I should be grateful, but it's gotten to a point where I hear it so often it's losing it's meaning. Like just blurting out "Purple!" at me. I sigh most of the time when I hear it.

Is he saying it because he can't stand silence? Doesn't know what else to say so just says it? Habit? Knows I suffer from severe depression and thinks that if he says it enough I might "snap out of it" or he fears every time he says it it might be the last time he gets to tell me cause I might off myself or something?
What would make a person say this so often? I don't understand? I know he loves me, he shows me every day in the things he does.
I just don't get it.

Am I just a complete asshole?

Maybe he just loves you a bunch, you know?  We guys always catch hell when we DON'T say it, but when we go totally nutty for you (as he seems to be, and I turn into a big Goddamn cream puff around Jenn), then we catch hell again.

There are 10 kinds of husbands.  You got one of the good kind.  He just hasn't really learned any variation in expressing it.  Send him to me, and I'll fix you right up.  You'll be getting wretched love poems by email, weird gifts that make you think you're taking crazy pills, and one day he'll accidentally fall in the oven and all his arms and legs will sort of fall off, and the police will write it off as "death by misadventure", and nobody will ever question your story.

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Sir Squid Diddimus

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2013, 12:30:59 am »
 :lol:



I don't give him hell about it though. I never show any sign of annoyance.
I know he loves me, I just don't know if he knows I love him too. I'm not very good at showing affection. He says I have the emotional depth of a Klingon.

ngungerung.  i know. boohoo.  :emo:

 :|

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2013, 01:29:52 am »
I've seen how you two are. You're in love, damnit. Deal with it.

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Sir Squid Diddimus

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2013, 01:50:50 am »
I've seen how you two are. You're in love, damnit. Deal with it.

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yeah I know.
I love him dearly. I just think it's ok to not say it too much is all.

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Re: "I love you"...
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2013, 01:55:59 am »
I've seen how you two are. You're in love, damnit. Deal with it.

-Suu
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yeah I know.
I love him dearly. I just think it's ok to not say it too much is all.

Yeah, but he knows you do. So it's okay. :)
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