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How to Win Enemies and Influence People

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, May 17, 2013, 05:22:55 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

May 17, 2013, 05:22:55 PM
So, the trip.

Tucson to Dallas:  Sat on the plane next to my congressman, both of us gabbing about the Texas explosion.  My response:  "Deregulation kills...And unenforced regulation isn't regulation."  The congressman, a democrat, brought up that "excessive regulation" strangles business.  I asked him how much business that plant in Texas is doing right now.  Congressman decided he really needed to read the sports section.

Greenville:  Opened my presentation with "deregulation kills".  It went over pretty well, as I am not alone in this way of thinking, at least in my company.  Dinner with bigwigs.  Things go horribly wrong.

The plant manager for our plant that's about 30 miles from Greenville was drunkenly crowing about HIS safety record, and asks if I want to come by "to see how it's done".  He didn't like the fact that he just sat though a lecture by someone who didn't even have a PhD, and now he's all ballsy.  What the hell?  Why not?

So I take a tour of his plant with a clipboard.  I log 26 OSHA violations in 25 minutes. Asshole now wants me out of his plant, but he shot his mouth off in front of his bosses, and they're not about to let him off the hook.  At the conclusion of the tour I've found SIXTY more violations.  My boss's boss (also this guy's boss) wants a copy of my findings, so I stay up until 3AM Wednesday night, typing them up. 

Lessons gained:

1.  If you don't want to know, don't ask.

2.  Don't try to punk a sober person out when you're drunk.

3.  Lack of accidents occurring is largely luck.  You can influence that luck through proper practices, and you can also get away with being sloppy for a random amount of time.  This is what asshole has been enjoying.

Asshole and I are now, it appears, best of friends.  And by "friends" I mean "This guy would pay money to have me flensed". 

I can live with that.  In fact, it will help keep me warm on cold desert nights.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#1
May 17, 2013, 05:30:34 PM
Fucking wonderful.

That guy must be shitting himself. Stupid drunks will never learn to SHUT UP. How many were "This is fucking BAD" standard?
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

LMNO

#2
May 17, 2013, 05:31:06 PM
Well, at least it had a happy ending. Glad to see you home, dude!

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
May 17, 2013, 05:34:05 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on May 17, 2013, 05:30:34 PM
Fucking wonderful.

That guy must be shitting himself. Stupid drunks will never learn to SHUT UP. How many were "This is fucking BAD" standard?

About 80%.  I wasn't nit-picking.  I didn't have to nit pick.

Hoists with spread hooks.  Hooks with no safety latches.  Forklifts with non-functional seatbelts (not reflected on the daily forklift "inspection", which was obviously pencil-whipped).  No hearing protection available (in areas with 100 Db ambient noise).  People wearing shorts in a heavy industrial setting.  Drums of oil stored in an MCC.  Electrical panels blocked by stacked inventory.  Poor housekeeping (to the point of being hazardous), etc.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
May 17, 2013, 05:34:40 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 17, 2013, 05:31:06 PM
Well, at least it had a happy ending. Glad to see you home, dude!

It was like going to a theme park that someone designed just for me.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#5
May 17, 2013, 05:37:33 PM
And you didn't want to go... Imagine! You would have missed a career-high Pwning!

Junkenstein

#6
May 17, 2013, 05:38:00 PM
Are you going to request to go back and full-on audit the place or something?

Because I think they'd let you. And the fury caused could be hilarious.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
May 17, 2013, 05:39:23 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 17, 2013, 05:37:33 PM
And you didn't want to go... Imagine! You would have missed a career-high Pwning!

I never want to go. I fucking hate business travel.  I hate hotels.  I hate airports.  I hate people.

And everyone in Greenville was so fucking NICE that I hate them even more now.

Also, too much nature.  Felt like the walls were closing in.  Or the trees.  And the critters didn't even attack, which always made me feel like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
May 17, 2013, 05:39:42 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on May 17, 2013, 05:38:00 PM
Are you going to request to go back and full-on audit the place or something?

Because I think they'd let you. And the fury caused could be hilarious.

No, I think my boss's boss has that well in hand.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#9
May 17, 2013, 05:50:22 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 17, 2013, 05:22:55 PM
So, the trip.

Tucson to Dallas:  Sat on the plane next to my congressman, both of us gabbing about the Texas explosion.  My response:  "Deregulation kills...And unenforced regulation isn't regulation."  The congressman, a democrat, brought up that "excessive regulation" strangles business.  I asked him how much business that plant in Texas is doing right now.  Congressman decided he really needed to read the sports section.

:awesome:

The only way that could have been more awesome is if it was Rick Perry, and somebody youtubed it.
Because he would have CRIED. :lulz:

QuoteGreenville:  Opened my presentation with "deregulation kills".  It went over pretty well, as I am not alone in this way of thinking, at least in my company.  Dinner with bigwigs.  Things go horribly wrong.

The plant manager for our plant that's about 30 miles from Greenville was drunkenly crowing about HIS safety record, and asks if I want to come by "to see how it's done".  He didn't like the fact that he just sat though a lecture by someone who didn't even have a PhD, and now he's all ballsy.  What the hell?  Why not?

So I take a tour of his plant with a clipboard.  I log 26 OSHA violations in 25 minutes. Asshole now wants me out of his plant, but he shot his mouth off in front of his bosses, and they're not about to let him off the hook.  At the conclusion of the tour I've found SIXTY more violations.  My boss's boss (also this guy's boss) wants a copy of my findings, so I stay up until 3AM Wednesday night, typing them up. 

Lessons gained:

1.  If you don't want to know, don't ask.

2.  Don't try to punk a sober person out when you're drunk.

3.  Lack of accidents occurring is largely luck.  You can influence that luck through proper practices, and you can also get away with being sloppy for a random amount of time.  This is what asshole has been enjoying.

Asshole and I are now, it appears, best of friends.  And by "friends" I mean "This guy would pay money to have me flensed". 

I can live with that.  In fact, it will help keep me warm on cold desert nights.

Also :awesome:

Makes the trip worthwhile, doesn't it?  :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#10
May 17, 2013, 05:54:08 PM
Oh wow.  :lulz:

You better be careful with that, Roger, because they might promote you and start sending you places. What if they made you something like "regional safety manager" or some shit? You'd never get to stay home.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
May 17, 2013, 05:55:30 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 17, 2013, 05:54:08 PM
Oh wow.  :lulz:

You better be careful with that, Roger, because they might promote you and start sending you places. What if they made you something like "regional safety manager" or some shit? You'd never get to stay home.

Too late.  I have to go to Ohio in October.

:walken:

I should have flubbed that.  But there won't be a promotion.  This sort of shit is in the fine print of my job description.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#12
May 17, 2013, 05:56:35 PM
Ah the bastards. Do they know that? Any chance of angling for a raise?

Make hay while the sun shines and all that.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
May 17, 2013, 05:57:37 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on May 17, 2013, 05:56:35 PM
Ah the bastards. Do they know that? Any chance of angling for a raise?

Make hay while the sun shines and all that.

Oh, I'll get a nice raise out of it in September.  But not a pay grade or anything like that.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#14
May 17, 2013, 06:07:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 17, 2013, 05:55:30 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 17, 2013, 05:54:08 PM
Oh wow.  :lulz:

You better be careful with that, Roger, because they might promote you and start sending you places. What if they made you something like "regional safety manager" or some shit? You'd never get to stay home.

Too late.  I have to go to Ohio in October.

:walken:

I should have flubbed that.  But there won't be a promotion.  This sort of shit is in the fine print of my job description.

Oh FFS.  :horrormirth:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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