HEY OREGON, WE'RE JUST AS WEIRD AS YOU ARE!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattle911/2013/10/21/man-goes-bonkers-on-house-and-tree-but-loves-america/

I just wonder what the tree said to him.

Trees are bastards.  Nobody should have to wait until they attack.  Because they're GONNA, and everyone knows it.

Those assholes. Just LOOKING at us.

Nobody gives me the fucking stink eye.  NOBODY.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattle911/2013/10/21/man-goes-bonkers-on-house-and-tree-but-loves-america/

I just wonder what the tree said to him.

Trees are bastards.  Nobody should have to wait until they attack.  Because they're GONNA, and everyone knows it.

Those assholes. Just LOOKING at us.

Nobody gives me the fucking stink eye.  NOBODY.

Your trees are mutated.  There's green shit all over them.  And I see no horrible spike-like thorns.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://blog.seattlepi.com/seattle911/2013/10/21/man-goes-bonkers-on-house-and-tree-but-loves-america/

I just wonder what the tree said to him.

Trees are bastards.  Nobody should have to wait until they attack.  Because they're GONNA, and everyone knows it.

Those assholes. Just LOOKING at us.

Nobody gives me the fucking stink eye.  NOBODY.

Your trees are mutated.  There's green shit all over them.  And I see no horrible spike-like thorns.

They are almost entirely harmless, and some of them even give us fruit. Just because.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

They are almost entirely harmless, and some of them even give us fruit. Just because.

Well, that's passive-aggressive as hell.  They talk shit about you all day, then give you some fruit.

That's the very definition of an abusive relationship.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

They are almost entirely harmless, and some of them even give us fruit. Just because.

Well, that's passive-aggressive as hell.  They talk shit about you all day, then give you some fruit.

That's the very definition of an abusive relationship.

[East Coast Hustle]

http://q13fox.com/2013/11/19/bride-bites-groom-gets-jail-time-honeymoon/

I wish they had shown a picture of her teeth. It's all radioactive mutant hill people out there so they could have been pretty gnarly.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://q13fox.com/2013/11/19/bride-bites-groom-gets-jail-time-honeymoon/

I wish they had shown a picture of her teeth. It's all radioactive mutant hill people out there so they could have been pretty gnarly.

Sweet jesus, the links from that story... 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah, you know what? I followed a couple of those links. Washington is FUCKED UP.

[East Coast Hustle]

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Police-Suspicious-person-aboard-drifting-Victoria-Clipper-233991741.html

I've nicked a couple of dinghies in my time (always returned them unharmed) but this guy stole a friggin' international ferry.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

They are almost entirely harmless, and some of them even give us fruit. Just because.

Well, that's passive-aggressive as hell.  They talk shit about you all day, then give you some fruit.

That's the very definition of an abusive relationship.

You ARE aware of what happens when you eat a bunch of fruit.

Fuckin trees.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Police-Suspicious-person-aboard-drifting-Victoria-Clipper-233991741.html

I've nicked a couple of dinghies in my time (always returned them unharmed) but this guy stole a friggin' international ferry.

That is amazing! I like how he's kind of dressed like a pirate, too.

[East Coast Hustle]

http://blogs.seattletimes.com/today/2014/02/kelso-man-recovering-after-passing-through-bark-machine/

I mean, just, jesus fuck.

[East Coast Hustle]

sadly, you really don't have to get very far from the I-5 corridor before we're Kansas with trees.

http://blogs.seattletimes.com/today/2014/02/3-days-after-he-broke-her-leg-husband-calls-911-woman-says/

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah, you guys have a whole different KIND of weird. We have Oregon weird, that makes you go "heh, who would have imagined that?". You have the kind of weird that makes me afraid to click on links.

[East Coast Hustle]

I think that falling into a machine that BREAKS UP CLUMPS OF TREE BARK WITH 7 INCH TINES counts as something that most people would not have imagined.

And, I mean, Kelso.