HUMANS

[Cain]

Because the stated purpose of being used to burn other humans alive, many humans still think that the flame-thrower is one of the coolest things ever invented.

Fixed.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

There be mileage in this here joke. Thread split?

Done.

[Reginald Ret]

This is a grenade. It is a small hand held device. When activated it is thrown at aggressors. This 'grenade' device will then explode in a chemical reaction sending shards of metal in all directions which will burn and or lacerate all organic beings in the immediate area. Humans invented this... ON PURPOSE!

This slightly bigger one has many names, we will call it the bouncing betty. It can simply be described as a tiny landmine, that is a grenade you hide in the ground, humans use these to kill playing children decades after the war ended, anyway a tiny landmine below a grenade. The tiny landmine is just big enough to put the grenade at eyelevel just to scare their enemies just before they blow them to pieces.

They have this game called 'armsrace'. They play this game before, during and after wars with their current, future and past enemies. As will be covered later, that includes everyone and many things, even some abstract concepts like terror. Yes they even declared war on terror! Try to wrap your head around that one, kids. Anyway I am getting distracted. Armsrace is a game where each nation tries to develop the most deadly weapon, often with no intent of actually ever using it (though they usually do end up doing so. See: Hiroshima) Why they think this is fun? No one learned that and stayed sane. In one of those armsraces they built something called the Mother of all Bombs that had an explosion about 80 times bigger than your house. The other side responded with the Father of all Bombs that was supposedly 4 times as powerful.

I would propose we run and keep running but they are pursuit predators so they would catch up eventually. So you see the only solution is immediate extermination. Before they leave their planet.

That is the last thing professor Xorp said before being locked up in the mental hospital for the criminally insane.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Humans live for nearly a century and females are able to produce young at a rate of up to one per year for an average of thirty years. From about two years of age up until their death, humans must spend enormous amounts of time just... walking around. They have a peculiar metabolism that requires them to expend energy constantly in order to expand their ability to store energy, so the more they expend energy, paradoxically, the more robust they become. As a result of this, they must eat constantly, and they spend much of this walking-around time looking for things to eat. They can metabolize nearly anything -- plant matter, fungus, or animal -- at nearly any stage of growth, and their first impulse upon encountering anything new is to wonder whether they can eat it.

If you encounter a human, DO NOT FLEE. You cannot run fast enough. Your best chance of surviving an encounter with one of these creatures is to remain unnoticed. Stay still, hidden or covered if possible.

[Junkenstein]

This is a Strip Mining Operation. Humans defoliate large areas of jungle and rainforest to dig small quantities of rare metals from the ground. Thousands upon thousands of tons of earth is sieved to find these metals. Methods vary from by hand using poisons that damage themselves to large mechanical equipment. Despite the values of these metals, those tasked with finding them often live in poor conditions and rarely profit from their discovery, even in exceptional quantities.

Methods determining where to mine vary from guessing to convincing others you have already guessed correctly and want a "Cut"

[Junkenstein]

This is a "Factory". Humans congregate here daily to manufacture things in great quantities for humans all over the world to consume. Many Factories produce goods that the workers will never be able to afford or own. Humans still do this nonetheless as this is frequently the only opportunity the human will have to obtain food tokens. Many humans are envious of those who work in factories which should give you an idea of the number of strata in human society.

The primary function of the Factory is to produce "profit" for the factory owner. Profit is what the Factory owners company is legally required to increase every year. Humans see no issue with sustainability in this regard and all Factory owners are expected to do this every year. Failure results in "Firing".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Humans can tell where their limbs are, even if their eyes are closed, or for some other reason they cannot see said limbs.

Humans invented the sharp stick.  To stab other humans.  Imagine what they'd do to US?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Humans have devised numerous computer simulations where they go out and essentially kill 100s of simulated enemies in an hour for entertainment purposes. They begin playing these games a mere few years after birth. Human male children are encouraged to refine their aggression with foam weaponry. Children are regularly inducted into a paramilitary organization at the age of 6 in order to get them accustomed to adapting to multiple environments and tool using.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Humans can tell where their limbs are, even if their eyes are closed, or for some other reason they cannot see said limbs.

Humans invented the sharp stick.  To stab other humans.  Imagine what they'd do to US?

Humans also use sticks to examine things that are unrecognizable to them, using a poking method. Best to play dead in these situations, unless the human looks hungry.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Humans set off fission and fusion bombs on their own planet.  The first two were at the end of a war, but then they set them off for decades afterward, presumably for entertainment.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Humans set up an organization among themselves specifically for the purpose of ending war, and then used it to start all kinds of wars.

Humans kill off millions of organisms on their planet per month, as a side effect of activities not even related directly to eating. When one of them asks whether this is an ethical thing to do (they have to ask!), that individual is immediately shunned.

[Junkenstein]

Humans have devised numerous computer simulations where they go out and essentially kill 100s of simulated enemies in an hour for entertainment purposes. They begin playing these games a mere few years after birth. Human male children are encouraged to refine their aggression with foam weaponry. Children are regularly inducted into a paramilitary organization at the age of 6 in order to get them accustomed to adapting to multiple environments and tool using.

Some humans short-cut this and draft children directly into the military. Their reproduction rate allows for almost sustainable replacements.

Adult humans have the option to join a group that allows them to transfer several of these skills to kill other humans. Alpha humans then give them "medals" which are tokens of esteem.



This is a gun. Humans have created nearly endless varieties. The primary function of the gun is to throw a small chunk of metal for some distance with the goal of killing something, often another human. Discussing guns with humans results in unpredictable reactions which makes you question why any humans are allowed access to any guns.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Many humans seem to exhibit the ability to communicate with mysterious noncorporeal creatures they call gods. These gods supposedly tell them how to behave and get along. In practice, this usually leads to humans killing each other because those gods told them to do two different things. Many humans disbelieve the existence of gods, which leads to the startling conclusion that it is possible that most humans are hallucinating on a regular basis.

[Pergamos]

Many humans seem to exhibit the ability to communicate with mysterious noncorporeal creatures they call gods. These gods supposedly tell them how to behave and get along. In practice, this usually leads to humans killing each other because those gods told them to do two different things. Many humans disbelieve the existence of gods, which leads to the startling conclusion that it is possible that most humans are hallucinating on a regular basis.

The humans who disbelieve the existence of gods have also been known to kill vast numbers of humans for believing in gods. 

Humans seem to need an excuse of some sort to kill one another, but if they cannot find one they will make one up, usually a fairly absurd one.  Aside from gods they have also killed one another over the proper ways to organize their governments and economies and which end to crack an egg (the unformed fetus of another Earth creature known as a bird)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Now an atheist thread.

/tgrr