The Kitchen Chronicles

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

You were going to. I can tell.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

You were going to. I can tell.

I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.

I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill.  I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.

Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?

[Junkenstein]

12-15 rpm should be fine.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

You were going to. I can tell.

I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.

I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill.  I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.

Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?

NO, NO, NO, AND YES.

ALL YOU NEED IS THIS:



NO POWER TOOLS.

[tarod]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

You were going to. I can tell.

I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.

I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill.  I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.

Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

You were going to. I can tell.

I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.

I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill.  I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.

Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?

Right, right.  I'll stop now.

[Reginald Ret]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.

NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION

STOP THAT.

I haven't even done it yet!   

You were going to. I can tell.

I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.

I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill.  I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.

Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?

Right, right.  I'll stop now.

Fixt, you can go on now.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The eggs didn't go well.  I don't have time at the moment to tell my sad tale, but as soon as I get back to the office, I shall explain my case.

[Reginald Ret]

The eggs didn't go well.  I don't have time at the moment to tell my sad tale, but as soon as I get back to the office, I shall explain my case.

Don't ever boil eggs and then forget about them. That way lies a burnt pan, horrible odours and eggchunks on the ceiling. I know, this has happened twice.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Have You People ever heard of "timers"?

[Reginald Ret]

Have You People ever heard of "timers"?

Yes. I recently got one. It is weird though, you are supposed to put it in the water and the color changes depending on time spent at boiling temperature. So it give you a clear signal when to take the eggs out if you want them either soft/hard boiled/green/exploding. I don't really understand how that would help me since i tend to be in a different part of the house by then.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Have You People ever heard of "timers"?

Smoke detector, right?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

"DAMN!" cried the maddened family, and echo answered SHIT;
But one scornful look from Roger and the family did sit.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Roger wouldn't fail to break the egg again.

The sneer is gone from Roger's lip, his teeth are clinched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his egg upon the plate.
And now Roger holds the egg, and now it all turns slow,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Roger's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Tucson—mighty Roger has struck out.



(Grabbed the hard boiled eggs Jenn made a day or so ago, thinking they were fresh.  Things generally went downhill from here.)