Are You Fucking....?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

dec.15.2004
Eristic Notes:

Are You Fucking Crazy?
A Recent Incident Involving Yours Truly and the DSSS.

I was recently emailed by a film student who wanted to do a documentary on Discordianism, believe it or not. She told me that she was interested in meeting up with me and talking about her project. I basically responded by saying that it sounded interesting but that she should send me more info. I wanted to know what the project was for, who the intended audience was, and what, if any, compensation would be received. (Usually at least a few copies of the finished project is standard in situations like these.) I also should add that I tend to be slightly suspicious of inquiries of this nature since that time a few years back when a bunch of pagans got conned by some film-shooting Christians, but that's a thread for another time. I also gave this would be documentarian some links to Discordian and Eristic websites I know she would not have ever found on her own, hoping that would be enough to keep her away.

Days passed and I forgot about the exchange. The life of an unemployed photographer who writes all the time and plays trumpet is enough to keep anyone busy. Add to that the paganism, the occult studies, and then the Cabal episkopos thing, all involving other people whether for good or for ill. Then there is my social life with the friends who have nothing to do with any of the above, thank all gods. Then add to that the fact that this is december, the usual time of the year when the Cabal goes nuclear with the smiting of the grey enemies...also known as "pranking with (sharp) teeth." (Not everyone with a Santa hat is to be trusted.)

Well, some time passes and this lady contacts me again. Not only me, but she also sends an email to the Cabal website address. I really don't know what anyone else knows, but I asked around and found that no other Discordian cabals or individuals I knew of had been contacted. Anyway, the gist of the situation was that she was interested in one of our gatherings as a start/lead to interviewing cabal members. She gave both me and St. K the impression that she was also doing this with other Discordian individuals, cabals, and hybrids. Knowing ourselves that that was not the case was key to what happened later on. Possibly.

Suffice it to say, I was now wondering whether it was a good idea to put the Cabal's name out there on the web. (We existed fine for three years before that happened.) Most of the the sorts of people who become members of the DSSS, known for years as the Purple Monkey Mafia/Cabal, are not the sorts of people who like strange web voyeurs even knowing they exist. Hell, most of the Discordians and other weirdos that I know don't have much use for the damned internet outside of shopping for cheap shit, and emailing far away friends. But anyway, I digress. The point is, once you get attention, you open up to the possibility of limits being imposed upon you by those who notice you, if you know what I mean. As long as the Purple Monkey Mafia was only a rumor around Chicago, then we would be free to operate with as much possibility as physics would allow.

Then I remembered what type of people were my Cabal mates, especially lately. I relaxed my apprehensions with a smile. Heh.

As episkopos, I emailed the film student lady that she could come to our next Cabal gathering, but that I would meet with her at the place, a nearby bar, before the others were supposed to show up. I gave her a specific time with no contact numbers or anything, explaining that if she didn't make it or something came up then that was that.

The night went as planned. I went to the bar and introduced myself to the lady (it was easy picking her out since there were no other people in the bar at the time besides the barman) who seemed pleasantly surprised that I didn't look like some weirdo. She had some camera with her and asked if that was okay. "You do photography," she said, as if to establish a connection based on that fact. (She had seen my website which contains some of my portfolio as it was a couple years ago.) I told her "That's up to the others." At which point we had a couple of drinks at a table as I talked with her and waited until the others came in. Personally, I found this lady to be a smart and budding free thinker, not surprising to find among those willing to do documentary films. Of course, having no reason to dislike her doesn't mean she would be exempt from any pranks or hoaxes. And, believe me, if I had thought of something beforehand, I would have shared it with the Cabal.

The others trickled in. First came St. K (St. Kallista, who is one of the founding members), then the often 'missing in action' Official stumbled in, hacking and coughing loudly as he often does. (You can always tell when Official is within two blocks due to the loud volume of his coughing. Official calls himself 'Chairman Chao' nowadays and claims that I gave him the name in the summer of 2003 when we pranked the crap out of the Roger's Park neighborhood. This claim confuses me.) Then came a couple of the newer people who joined since October. After some time had passed, there were many Purple Monkeys and supposed Purple Monkeys there and I was getting drunk. (Easily accomplished since everyone was buying me rounds and I had not slept in two days.) The film student lady was happily chatting amongst us, asking questions and such, enjoying the confusion of getting several different convincing and logical answers to her questions about Discordianism and the Cabal's take on the whole thing.

Heh. I forgot to mention that I, myself, hadn't said anything to anyone else besides St. K about this lady and her intentions. I left that in the hands of St. K, who I knew might or might not have mentioned anything to anyone else. As the drinks flowed, I decided that it wasn't really important anyway. Heh.

At some point, the lady asked, to no one in particular, if she could take a few pictures of us and proceeded to point her camera. This provoked Official to lift his pint glass, newly refilled, and throw its contents (I suspect to be Old Style draft, so no loss there) at the lady, successfully soaking her and her camera. A cheer went up. The film-student lady was still smiling but pissed off, while looking at me with some sort of "Aren't-you-gonna-say-anything-to-that-asshole?" look on her face. (What? Am I these people's caretaker? Hell no.) I responded with a shrug and a loud "Kallisti!" My Cabal mates took up the chant. The film student lady did not understand, possibly because she didn't know ancient Greek, nor did she do her homework of checking up on Discordianism beforehand. Anyway, she went after Official by throwing the contents of a full ashtray at him. Official, bless his soul, somehow snatched an almost unsmoked cigarette out of the debris as it spewed down on him. He lit it up, saying, "Thank you kindly, miss. I was just about to ask."

She responded with "Are you fucking crazy?"

To which he said, "Miss, I keep my fucking and my craziness separated, except for special occasions. But if you mean crazy about fucking, then yes I am." He started brushing the ashes and butts off of himself.

"Chairman," I said as he hacked and hawked after his next drag, "Cigarettes are clearly bad for your health." But he ignored me and went to the bar for another round. The beer-soaked film student lady put her camera away and proceeded to collect her coat and things. She mumbled an "I'll be in touch," and left with a smile so forced it looked like a forklift was needed to keep it up.

"An comhluadar a dh?©anaim (the company I keep)," I said to Pogue Mahone, a fellow Gaelic-speaking Cabal mate. He nodded and said "Lean an dea-obair (keep up the good work)."

The rest of the night was rather uneventful, though still a good time. And we did get to planning our next Xmas prank which you probably won't hear about because it will be done right.

It has been a few days. The film student lady hasn't been in touch, fortunately. I suspect she may be changing the subject matter of her project. If so, we did good that night. I feel a head cold coming on anyway. This fecking cold weather!

That is all.

-Irreverend Hugh, KSC, and White Mouse Liaison.

"Here's to 150 gees a year,
and here's to your Amstel-lite beer,
and here's to my job bouncin' yuppies, and I love it,
so you can take your motherfuckin' job and shove it."
[-Ben Stupid]

[Horab Fibslager]

i really am the only one not sleeping with crazy.

that is all.

[Guido Finucci]

That Chairman is an old-school gent. Please convey my regards via teleacoustograph.

[Zurtok Khan]

Mr. Chao ought to be awarded with a medal.  Or a Metal (I think some flimsy aluminium might work).

[Cain]

Very nicely done with the pint.  I could have not done better myself.

[Wishfarple]

She really didn't do her homework, did she?  What the hell did she think was going to happen you get a bunch of discordians in a bar?  They'd all join hands and sing Kum Ba Eris?  Or maybe she was just hoping to catch you skyclad, Hugh.

[fluffy]

...kum ba eris, my ::hic::
oops.

::tumbles over::

he he he he

[eighteen buddha strike]

Good to see that some of us can still piss people off.

Bravo!

I also like it when people are addressed as "lady".

[Hoshiko]

"Thank you kindly, miss. I was just about to ask."


Pure Brilliance.

[saint aini]

Going alone to meet the Mafia...

Pure Brilliance.

[Hoshiko]

Actually, that part wasn't brilliant at all.

That was foolish.

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

dec.15.2004
Eristic Notes:

Are You Fucking Crazy?
A Recent Incident Involving Yours Truly and the DSSS.

He lit it up, saying, "Thank you kindly, miss. I was just about to ask."

She responded with "Are you fucking crazy?"

To which he said, "Miss, I keep my fucking and my craziness separated, except for special occasions. But if you mean crazy about fucking, then yes I am." He started brushing the ashes and butts off of himself.

That is all.

-Irreverend Hugh, KSC, and White Mouse Liaison.

The only thing he forgot was this,
"Yes I am crazy, but it's OK as long as I take my medication."

Beautiful story.  Made my day.  She will learn to read up on her subject better next time.  Or learn to wear trenchcoat.

[Z³]

Actually, that part wasn't brilliant at all.

That was foolish.

I'd do it.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Actually, that part wasn't brilliant at all.

That was foolish.

I'd do it.

Hell. I do it all the time.

[Zurtok Khan]

Hugh, don't pretend.  We all know you're never alone.  You honestly thought *WE* didn't know about the voices?