Author Topic: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers  (Read 2641 times)

Cramulus

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Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« on: October 23, 2018, 07:40:04 pm »
Yo, social media is stressing me out (which is probably a sign I'm on it too much). Every single post is trash, everywhere. So here's what I want you to do. Just make a bunch of light, harmless, fun posts in this thread as if you're posting status updates from a non-fucked world. Then I'll scroll through this thread once every 5 minutes and pretend it's real life.


« Last Edit: October 23, 2018, 08:27:49 pm by Cramulus »

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, with blackjack
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2018, 08:17:26 pm »
I've got this

Doktor Howl

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, with blackjack
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2018, 08:23:07 pm »
The asteroid community just announced 80% self-sufficiency.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Cramulus

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2018, 08:46:04 pm »
also, the Nutrition community has resolved its conflicts bloodlessly--the coup was rescinded and democracy and reason reigns again.

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2018, 08:47:19 pm »
Human rights expo a smashing success. China to lead expansion of humanitarian aid to SE Asia. North and South Korea reconciliation well under way. Tibet free to be as weird as it wants. Hong Kong declared an independent state, signs trade pact bridging the Eastern and Western economic spheres. Overall a glorious 2018!
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

Cramulus

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2018, 09:00:02 pm »
its pretty cool how cats can talk now


                                                                My penis is in fine working condition!
                                                              /
                  ;,_            ,
                 _uP~"b          d"u,
                dP'   "b       ,d"  "o
               d"    , `b     d"'    "b
              l] [    " `l,  d"       lb
              Ol ?     "  "b`"=uoqo,_  "l
            ,dBb "b        "b,    `"~~TObup,_
          ,d" (db.`"         ""     "tbc,_ `~"Yuu,_
        .d" l`T'  '=                      ~     `""Yu,
      ,dO` gP,                           `u,   b,_  "b7
     d?' ,d" l,                           `"b,_ `~b  "1
   ,8i' dl   `l                 ,ggQOV",dbgq,._"  `l  lb
  .df' (O,    "             ,ggQY"~  , @@@@@d"bd~  `b "1
 .df'   `"           -=@QgpOY""     (b  @@@@P db    `Lp"b,
.d(                  _               "ko "=d_,Q`  ,_  "  "b,
Ql         .         `"qo,._          "tQo,_`""bo ;tb,    `"b,
qQ         |L           ~"QQQgggc,_.,dObc,opooO  `"~~";.   __,7,
qp         t\io,_           `~"TOOggQV""""        _,dg,_ =PIQHib.
`qp        `Q["tQQQo,_                          ,pl{QOP"'   7AFR`
  `         `tb  '""tQQQg,_             p" "b   `       .;-.`Vl'
             "Yb      `"tQOOo,__    _,edb    ` .__   /`/'|  |b;=;.__
                           `"tQQQOOOOP""`"\QV;qQObob"`-._`\_~~-._
                                """"    ._        /   | |oP"\_   ~\ ~\_~\
                                        `~"\ic,qggddOOP"|  |  ~\   `\~-._
                                          ,qP`"""|"   | `\ `;   `\   `\
                               _        _,p"     |    |   `\`;    |    |
       unknown                 "boo,._dP"       `\_  `\    `\|   `\   ;
                                 `"7tY~'            `\  `\    `|_   |
                                                      `~\  |

Doktor Howl

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2018, 09:29:40 pm »
its pretty cool how cats can talk now


                                                                My penis is in fine working condition!
                                                              /
                  ;,_            ,
                 _uP~"b          d"u,
                dP'   "b       ,d"  "o
               d"    , `b     d"'    "b
              l] [    " `l,  d"       lb
              Ol ?     "  "b`"=uoqo,_  "l
            ,dBb "b        "b,    `"~~TObup,_
          ,d" (db.`"         ""     "tbc,_ `~"Yuu,_
        .d" l`T'  '=                      ~     `""Yu,
      ,dO` gP,                           `u,   b,_  "b7
     d?' ,d" l,                           `"b,_ `~b  "1
   ,8i' dl   `l                 ,ggQOV",dbgq,._"  `l  lb
  .df' (O,    "             ,ggQY"~  , @@@@@d"bd~  `b "1
 .df'   `"           -=@QgpOY""     (b  @@@@P db    `Lp"b,
.d(                  _               "ko "=d_,Q`  ,_  "  "b,
Ql         .         `"qo,._          "tQo,_`""bo ;tb,    `"b,
qQ         |L           ~"QQQgggc,_.,dObc,opooO  `"~~";.   __,7,
qp         t\io,_           `~"TOOggQV""""        _,dg,_ =PIQHib.
`qp        `Q["tQQQo,_                          ,pl{QOP"'   7AFR`
  `         `tb  '""tQQQg,_             p" "b   `       .;-.`Vl'
             "Yb      `"tQOOo,__    _,edb    ` .__   /`/'|  |b;=;.__
                           `"tQQQOOOOP""`"\QV;qQObob"`-._`\_~~-._
                                """"    ._        /   | |oP"\_   ~\ ~\_~\
                                        `~"\ic,qggddOOP"|  |  ~\   `\~-._
                                          ,qP`"""|"   | `\ `;   `\   `\
                               _        _,p"     |    |   `\`;    |    |
       unknown                 "boo,._dP"       `\_  `\    `\|   `\   ;
                                 `"7tY~'            `\  `\    `|_   |
                                                      `~\  |


:lulz::mittens::lulz:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Faust

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2018, 11:38:06 pm »
A rare linked video of Klaus Nomi singing a cover of "I will survive". It's got novelty, but you'll never watch it again after liking this status.
Narrator: In time you will know the tragic extent of my failings

May you find your worth in the waking world.

chaotic neutral observer

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2018, 11:40:56 pm »
China has brought its third fusion reactor online, and will be shutting down another five coal-fired power plants.
"When I say 'engineering', I have unreasonable expectations.  It must - as you know - look good in PADS AND give you plenty of help ducking and weaving in meetings.  But it must also, at some distant point in time, function.  If it does not, then you must accept that you are not in fact an engineer but instead an MBA.  Hang your head in SHAME, sinner!"

Cain

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #9 on: October 24, 2018, 12:00:13 am »
This year's mandatory global cat video watching day is a huge success.  Many thanks to internet giants for putting pressure on employers and governments to make this an official holiday.

Brother Mythos

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2018, 06:03:00 am »
Space Aliens from 40 Eridani A made first contact with humanity today.

As a token of friendship, they have given us the technology to economically make unlimited quantities of food from carbon dioxide. And, the alien food tastes exactly like bacon.

Eater of Clowns

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2018, 11:45:01 am »
Cram shuffles over to the Internet in his bathrobe.

"You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go."
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Eater of Clowns

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2018, 12:31:32 pm »
"Hey Williams I heard your mom's still online."

"Yeah well someone's got to follow your mom on Insta."

"HAH! Anyway, you going to Rob's later?"
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

LMNO

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2018, 12:52:42 pm »
The proletariat just seized the means of production.






YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Faust

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Re: Let's start our own newsfeed, without blackjack or hookers
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2018, 01:24:26 pm »
Vague political outrage at something the racist hotel concierge who became president did today.
Narrator: In time you will know the tragic extent of my failings

May you find your worth in the waking world.