Author Topic: Survival Rules for 2029 CE  (Read 356 times)

Doktor Howl

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Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« on: May 19, 2019, 02:07:49 am »
1.  If my Antarctic expedition finds frozen bodies of an alien species, I will leave them where the fuck they are.  And I will leave.  And I will never tell nobody, nor will I leave a cryptic diary laying around.

2.  I will not join any research effort that involves being in a deep sea habitat.

3.  I will never, under any circumstances, investigate a derelict ship/spaceship of any kind.  I will blow it up and tell nobody.

4.  If my team reports that they have located an anomaly on the moon, I will tell the press they are crazy and arrange fatal accidents for everyone involved.

5.  If the engines involve shifting universes to bypass physics, I will have the researchers responsible shot and the records burned.

6.  Aliens are not on my side.  They're *aliens*.  Why does this have to be explained?  WTF is wrong with people?

7.  When agents from <acronym> arrive to look at the site, I will have them shot from ambush and blame it on the libertarians.

8.  When my old colleague shows up on my door after twenty years, babbling about some horror, I will call the police and have him beaten and removed.

9.  If the AI becomes self aware, I am throwing kitchen magnets on the housing until it shuts the hell up.  Also, air gaps.

10.  Why the fuck am I on a space station and there are no vacc suits?  Who the hell ordered this?
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2019, 02:19:11 am »
 I will not bring an android with my team to investigate the enigma. I will send 10 androids and no people. I am certainly not going. When they have the data, they will send it to me and then set off the nuke I sent with them.

 When shit gets spooky, I will call the fire department and tell them that there is smoke coming from where the whatzit is. Then I will observe what happens to them.

I will not collect meteorites.

If the last 3 guys went insane, I will not look, because I have pattern recognition skills.
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2019, 03:09:41 am »
I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2019, 05:45:10 am »
I will not use nuclear weapons to contain a pathogen of unknown origin until I have confirmed that it doesn't actually thrive on intense radiation.

If I discover that all but one or two members of a research or colonization mission have been killed by "mysterious forces", but that the survivors are not only unscathed, but thriving, I shall assume that the survivors are responsible for the death of the others, and act accordingly.
You will cooperate with the state, for the good of the state and your own survival. You will confess to the crimes of which you have been accused. You will be released and returned to society a productive citizen if you cooperate. Resistance will be punished. Cooperation will be rewarded.   --"Intersections in Real Time"

Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2019, 05:49:03 am »
I will not use nuclear weapons to contain a pathogen of unknown origin until I have confirmed that it doesn't actually thrive on intense radiation.

If I discover that all but one or two members of a research or colonization mission have been killed by "mysterious forces", but that the survivors are not only unscathed, but thriving, I shall assume that the survivors are responsible for the death of the others, and act accordingly.

1.  In the face of unknown pathogens, I will use unreasonably large amounts of bleach, from orbit.  It's the only way to be sure.

2.  THAT is when you use the nukes.  Never trust a healthy person in a concentration camp.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2019, 06:34:34 am »
I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

Send ONE. Just to fuck with the shifters.
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2019, 12:15:33 pm »
Randomly bashing a keyboard, really fast, with an intense look of concentration on your face is a surefire means to breaking any strong encryption system
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2019, 08:15:47 pm »
Randomly bashing a keyboard, really fast, with an intense look of concentration on your face is a surefire means to breaking any strong encryption system

I'll have you know that man has a Java certificate.
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2019, 09:46:18 pm »
I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

Send ONE. Just to fuck with the shifters.

I like this. I'm imagining the shapeshifter going, "shit, what now?"
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2019, 12:12:44 am »
1.  If my Antarctic expedition finds frozen bodies of an alien species, I will leave them where the fuck they are.  And I will leave.  And I will never tell nobody, nor will I leave a cryptic diary laying around.

2.  I will not join any research effort that involves being in a deep sea habitat.

3.  I will never, under any circumstances, investigate a derelict ship/spaceship of any kind.  I will blow it up and tell nobody.

4.  If my team reports that they have located an anomaly on the moon, I will tell the press they are crazy and arrange fatal accidents for everyone involved.

5.  If the engines involve shifting universes to bypass physics, I will have the researchers responsible shot and the records burned.

6.  Aliens are not on my side.  They're *aliens*.  Why does this have to be explained?  WTF is wrong with people?

7.  When agents from <acronym> arrive to look at the site, I will have them shot from ambush and blame it on the libertarians.

8.  When my old colleague shows up on my door after twenty years, babbling about some horror, I will call the police and have him beaten and removed.

9.  If the AI becomes self aware, I am throwing kitchen magnets on the housing until it shuts the hell up.  Also, air gaps.

10.  Why the fuck am I on a space station and there are no vacc suits?  Who the hell ordered this?

I feel like you would be really fun to play Fiasco with.
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