Author Topic: Survival Rules for 2029 CE  (Read 930 times)

Doktor Howl

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Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« on: May 19, 2019, 02:07:49 am »
1.  If my Antarctic expedition finds frozen bodies of an alien species, I will leave them where the fuck they are.  And I will leave.  And I will never tell nobody, nor will I leave a cryptic diary laying around.

2.  I will not join any research effort that involves being in a deep sea habitat.

3.  I will never, under any circumstances, investigate a derelict ship/spaceship of any kind.  I will blow it up and tell nobody.

4.  If my team reports that they have located an anomaly on the moon, I will tell the press they are crazy and arrange fatal accidents for everyone involved.

5.  If the engines involve shifting universes to bypass physics, I will have the researchers responsible shot and the records burned.

6.  Aliens are not on my side.  They're *aliens*.  Why does this have to be explained?  WTF is wrong with people?

7.  When agents from <acronym> arrive to look at the site, I will have them shot from ambush and blame it on the libertarians.

8.  When my old colleague shows up on my door after twenty years, babbling about some horror, I will call the police and have him beaten and removed.

9.  If the AI becomes self aware, I am throwing kitchen magnets on the housing until it shuts the hell up.  Also, air gaps.

10.  Why the fuck am I on a space station and there are no vacc suits?  Who the hell ordered this?
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2019, 02:19:11 am »
 I will not bring an android with my team to investigate the enigma. I will send 10 androids and no people. I am certainly not going. When they have the data, they will send it to me and then set off the nuke I sent with them.

 When shit gets spooky, I will call the fire department and tell them that there is smoke coming from where the whatzit is. Then I will observe what happens to them.

I will not collect meteorites.

If the last 3 guys went insane, I will not look, because I have pattern recognition skills.
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Cain

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2019, 03:09:41 am »
I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2019, 05:45:10 am »
I will not use nuclear weapons to contain a pathogen of unknown origin until I have confirmed that it doesn't actually thrive on intense radiation.

If I discover that all but one or two members of a research or colonization mission have been killed by "mysterious forces", but that the survivors are not only unscathed, but thriving, I shall assume that the survivors are responsible for the death of the others, and act accordingly.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2019, 05:49:03 am »
I will not use nuclear weapons to contain a pathogen of unknown origin until I have confirmed that it doesn't actually thrive on intense radiation.

If I discover that all but one or two members of a research or colonization mission have been killed by "mysterious forces", but that the survivors are not only unscathed, but thriving, I shall assume that the survivors are responsible for the death of the others, and act accordingly.

1.  In the face of unknown pathogens, I will use unreasonably large amounts of bleach, from orbit.  It's the only way to be sure.

2.  THAT is when you use the nukes.  Never trust a healthy person in a concentration camp.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2019, 06:34:34 am »
I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

Send ONE. Just to fuck with the shifters.
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2019, 12:15:33 pm »
Randomly bashing a keyboard, really fast, with an intense look of concentration on your face is a surefire means to breaking any strong encryption system
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2019, 08:15:47 pm »
Randomly bashing a keyboard, really fast, with an intense look of concentration on your face is a surefire means to breaking any strong encryption system

I'll have you know that man has a Java certificate.
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2019, 09:46:18 pm »
I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

Send ONE. Just to fuck with the shifters.

I like this. I'm imagining the shapeshifter going, "shit, what now?"
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2019, 12:12:44 am »
1.  If my Antarctic expedition finds frozen bodies of an alien species, I will leave them where the fuck they are.  And I will leave.  And I will never tell nobody, nor will I leave a cryptic diary laying around.

2.  I will not join any research effort that involves being in a deep sea habitat.

3.  I will never, under any circumstances, investigate a derelict ship/spaceship of any kind.  I will blow it up and tell nobody.

4.  If my team reports that they have located an anomaly on the moon, I will tell the press they are crazy and arrange fatal accidents for everyone involved.

5.  If the engines involve shifting universes to bypass physics, I will have the researchers responsible shot and the records burned.

6.  Aliens are not on my side.  They're *aliens*.  Why does this have to be explained?  WTF is wrong with people?

7.  When agents from <acronym> arrive to look at the site, I will have them shot from ambush and blame it on the libertarians.

8.  When my old colleague shows up on my door after twenty years, babbling about some horror, I will call the police and have him beaten and removed.

9.  If the AI becomes self aware, I am throwing kitchen magnets on the housing until it shuts the hell up.  Also, air gaps.

10.  Why the fuck am I on a space station and there are no vacc suits?  Who the hell ordered this?

I feel like you would be really fun to play Fiasco with.
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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2019, 04:42:39 am »
I will move far away if the local zoo announces they are building a genetic crossbred/cloned dinosaur habitat.

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #11 on: July 10, 2019, 08:39:35 pm »
If on vacation at the shore, I will use the hotel pool when a great white shark is sighted off the beach.

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Re: Survival Rules for 2029 CE
« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2019, 08:45:33 pm »
If on vacation at the shore, I will use the hotel pool when a great white shark is sighted off the beach.

Pool's closed due to sharks.