Survival Rules for 2029 CE

[Doktor Howl]

1.  If my Antarctic expedition finds frozen bodies of an alien species, I will leave them where the fuck they are.  And I will leave.  And I will never tell nobody, nor will I leave a cryptic diary laying around.

2.  I will not join any research effort that involves being in a deep sea habitat.

3.  I will never, under any circumstances, investigate a derelict ship/spaceship of any kind.  I will blow it up and tell nobody.

4.  If my team reports that they have located an anomaly on the moon, I will tell the press they are crazy and arrange fatal accidents for everyone involved.

5.  If the engines involve shifting universes to bypass physics, I will have the researchers responsible shot and the records burned.

6.  Aliens are not on my side.  They're *aliens*.  Why does this have to be explained?  WTF is wrong with people?

7.  When agents from <acronym> arrive to look at the site, I will have them shot from ambush and blame it on the libertarians.

8.  When my old colleague shows up on my door after twenty years, babbling about some horror, I will call the police and have him beaten and removed.

9.  If the AI becomes self aware, I am throwing kitchen magnets on the housing until it shuts the hell up.  Also, air gaps.

10.  Why the fuck am I on a space station and there are no vacc suits?  Who the hell ordered this?

[Doktor Howl]

 I will not bring an android with my team to investigate the enigma. I will send 10 androids and no people. I am certainly not going. When they have the data, they will send it to me and then set off the nuke I sent with them.

When shit gets spooky, I will call the fire department and tell them that there is smoke coming from where the whatzit is. Then I will observe what happens to them.

I will not collect meteorites.

If the last 3 guys went insane, I will not look, because I have pattern recognition skills.

[Cain]

I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

[chaotic neutral observer]

I will not use nuclear weapons to contain a pathogen of unknown origin until I have confirmed that it doesn't actually thrive on intense radiation.

If I discover that all but one or two members of a research or colonization mission have been killed by "mysterious forces", but that the survivors are not only unscathed, but thriving, I shall assume that the survivors are responsible for the death of the others, and act accordingly.

[Doktor Howl]

I will not use nuclear weapons to contain a pathogen of unknown origin until I have confirmed that it doesn't actually thrive on intense radiation.

If I discover that all but one or two members of a research or colonization mission have been killed by "mysterious forces", but that the survivors are not only unscathed, but thriving, I shall assume that the survivors are responsible for the death of the others, and act accordingly.

1.  In the face of unknown pathogens, I will use unreasonably large amounts of bleach, from orbit.  It's the only way to be sure.

2.  THAT is when you use the nukes.  Never trust a healthy person in a concentration camp.

[Doktor Howl]

I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

Send ONE. Just to fuck with the shifters.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Randomly bashing a keyboard, really fast, with an intense look of concentration on your face is a surefire means to breaking any strong encryption system

[Doktor Howl]

Randomly bashing a keyboard, really fast, with an intense look of concentration on your face is a surefire means to breaking any strong encryption system

I'll have you know that man has a Java certificate.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I will definitely spend people off in groups of two at maximum when facing a potentially shapeshifting or mind-alterting entity.

Send ONE. Just to fuck with the shifters.

I like this. I'm imagining the shapeshifter going, "shit, what now?"

[Hagtard Celine Dion Mustard]

1.  If my Antarctic expedition finds frozen bodies of an alien species, I will leave them where the fuck they are.  And I will leave.  And I will never tell nobody, nor will I leave a cryptic diary laying around.

2.  I will not join any research effort that involves being in a deep sea habitat.

3.  I will never, under any circumstances, investigate a derelict ship/spaceship of any kind.  I will blow it up and tell nobody.

4.  If my team reports that they have located an anomaly on the moon, I will tell the press they are crazy and arrange fatal accidents for everyone involved.

5.  If the engines involve shifting universes to bypass physics, I will have the researchers responsible shot and the records burned.

6.  Aliens are not on my side.  They're *aliens*.  Why does this have to be explained?  WTF is wrong with people?

7.  When agents from <acronym> arrive to look at the site, I will have them shot from ambush and blame it on the libertarians.

8.  When my old colleague shows up on my door after twenty years, babbling about some horror, I will call the police and have him beaten and removed.

9.  If the AI becomes self aware, I am throwing kitchen magnets on the housing until it shuts the hell up.  Also, air gaps.

10.  Why the fuck am I on a space station and there are no vacc suits?  Who the hell ordered this?

I feel like you would be really fun to play Fiasco with.

[Abbot Mythos]

I will move far away if the local zoo announces they are building a genetic crossbred/cloned dinosaur habitat.

[Abbot Mythos]

If on vacation at the shore, I will use the hotel pool when a great white shark is sighted off the beach.

[Cain]

If on vacation at the shore, I will use the hotel pool when a great white shark is sighted off the beach.

Pool's closed due to sharks.