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This forum needs some more true Christian sermons

Started by Jack Chick, April 05, 2005, 06:30:01 PM

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Jack Chick

April 05, 2005, 06:30:01 PM
I don't think this "Rev. Roger" ever went to seminary.

Great Teacher Largo

#1
April 05, 2005, 06:33:28 PM
Quote from: Jack ChickI don't think this "Rev. Roger" ever went to seminary.

If it makes you feel better, I actually am an ordained minister.
"Any sufficiently tentacled spheroid is indistinguishable from the Great Cthulhu." -- Watashi

"Never attribute to Cthulhu what can adequately be explained by Dagon." -- Miskatonic Razor

"Everything but Sterility can be inherited.  None of your direct ancestors died childless." -- Red Queen

Note to filmmakers of the future: bad dialog leads to anger, bad directing leads to hatred, shallow action sequences lead to suffering. Farming out a movie to a corporation of computer animators is a path to the dark side of filmmaking.

High Inquisitor of the LMNO Society of Discordians (LSD)

It is dark.  You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

This Poster is Owned and Operated by the Frobozz Magic Co., Ltd.

Jack Chick

#2
April 05, 2005, 06:46:55 PM
By what, the Unitarian church or the U.C.C.? Or are you one of those Pagan Anabaptists who has sex with his mule and worships a giant golden pitchfork and things he's going to be saved by having a shaggy hippy beard?

Horab Fibslager

#3
April 05, 2005, 10:21:25 PM
Quote from: Jack ChickBy what, the Unitarian church or the U.C.C.? Or are you one of those Pagan Anabaptists who has sex with his mule and worships a giant golden pitchfork and things he's going to be saved by having a shaggy hippy beard?

actually yes he is, how did you know?
Hell is other people.

Daven

#4
April 05, 2005, 10:25:05 PM
I'm an ordained minister, both with the Mormons and the ULC.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei

"My god carries a hammer.  Your god died nailed to a cross.  Any questions?"
"He's your god, they're your rules, YOU burn in hell."

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#5
April 05, 2005, 10:27:44 PM
Quote from: DavenI'm an ordained minister, both with the Mormons and the ULC.
Are you serious?  And what does ULC stand for?

Daven

#6
April 05, 2005, 10:31:10 PM
Yes, completely serious.

ULC = Universal Life Church.  A christian church that, frankly, doesn't care what you believe.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei

"My god carries a hammer.  Your god died nailed to a cross.  Any questions?"
"He's your god, they're your rules, YOU burn in hell."

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#7
April 05, 2005, 10:32:32 PM
Quote from: DavenYes, completely serious.

ULC = Universal Life Church.  A christian church that, frankly, doesn't care what you believe.
Now THAT's my kind of church, whatever god they pray to  :D

The Open Bar

#8
April 05, 2005, 10:35:31 PM
ULC?

this is a slightly flashier version of printing off the pdf pope card from this site.

(no offense intended to your good reverend ministerial selves of course.....)

Malaul

#9
April 05, 2005, 10:43:25 PM
Im ordained through them too
Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

Great Teacher Largo

#10
April 05, 2005, 11:02:54 PM
That's where I got my original ordination, too...
"Any sufficiently tentacled spheroid is indistinguishable from the Great Cthulhu." -- Watashi

"Never attribute to Cthulhu what can adequately be explained by Dagon." -- Miskatonic Razor

"Everything but Sterility can be inherited.  None of your direct ancestors died childless." -- Red Queen

Note to filmmakers of the future: bad dialog leads to anger, bad directing leads to hatred, shallow action sequences lead to suffering. Farming out a movie to a corporation of computer animators is a path to the dark side of filmmaking.

High Inquisitor of the LMNO Society of Discordians (LSD)

It is dark.  You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

This Poster is Owned and Operated by the Frobozz Magic Co., Ltd.

Chaplin_Sinatra_Fonzarell

#11
April 05, 2005, 11:32:13 PM
Being ordained by an instution? How insuffurably bourgeois.
Chaplin Sinatra Fonzarelli, G.G.L.F., C.L.F., L.F.L.F., R.M.S.T.A., R.P.C.V., N.C.c., T.R.R.R., W.I.T.C.H., W.P.P., V.P.D.F.Y.S., S.C.U.M., I.G.R.S.A.F.D.S.K.S.K.J.J.J.S.Y.Y.D.F.D.K.D.S.F.K.S.D.K.J.L.K.F.G.K.S.D.G.G.J.R.J.S.T.S and other various divisions of the Maude Senger cabal of the Pantheo-Anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, and President for Life of the Holy Empire of Ayatollah Discordiolla

img]http://www.dontyouwantmebaby.com/fark/bond_077_hasselhoff_animate.gif[/img]

Great Teacher Largo

#12
April 05, 2005, 11:34:20 PM
Quote from: Chaplin_Sinatra_FonzarellBeing ordained by an instution? How insuffurably bourgeois.

It's not that bad.  There are some fringe benefits.  Particularly if its a fringe group.
"Any sufficiently tentacled spheroid is indistinguishable from the Great Cthulhu." -- Watashi

"Never attribute to Cthulhu what can adequately be explained by Dagon." -- Miskatonic Razor

"Everything but Sterility can be inherited.  None of your direct ancestors died childless." -- Red Queen

Note to filmmakers of the future: bad dialog leads to anger, bad directing leads to hatred, shallow action sequences lead to suffering. Farming out a movie to a corporation of computer animators is a path to the dark side of filmmaking.

High Inquisitor of the LMNO Society of Discordians (LSD)

It is dark.  You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

This Poster is Owned and Operated by the Frobozz Magic Co., Ltd.

Finnyhaha

#13
April 06, 2005, 03:11:32 AM
So you can all do weddings and shizzle?
Bullshit makes the flowers grow.

Daven

#14
April 06, 2005, 03:18:05 AM
Quote from: FinnyhahaSo you can all do weddings and shizzle?

Yep.  All legal in every state, and they fought many battles to make sure.  All the individual has to do is register with the state and make sure that they are obeying the law in the local area.  

Marry, bury, baptise and preach.  Do it all.  Plus, I can incorporate as a church, and get tax exemption and take up collections.  Have to report it all to the mother church (in Modesto CA), but that's not a big deal.  

Hell, I can even pronounce you all Reverends too.

Their basic philosophy is that there are only three things that everyone needs:  Freedom, Food and Sex.  All else is window dressing.  They also believe that since you feel a call to the Ministry, that you are already ordained by God.  This is JUST the legal recognition so you can perform holy ordinences in the eyes of Ceasar.

Personally, while I take it seriously, there are many who think the ordination is about as valid and "special" as finding a prize in the Cracker Jack Box, or getting a pink colored piece of gum in Double Bubble wrapper.  Or as special as an Earl Scheib paint job.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei

"My god carries a hammer.  Your god died nailed to a cross.  Any questions?"
"He's your god, they're your rules, YOU burn in hell."
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