An open letter to those who speak the English language in daily capacity:
Fool,
Prefacing any question with "Let me ask you this:", or "My question is:", serves no purpose.
If you feel you need my permission to ask a question, you don't have it.
If you think I will not be able to distinguish an interrogative statement, you are no longer worthy of my time.
If you believe in filling the air with things coming out of your mouth, I'm headed outside, it stinks in here.
If you can't be bothered to talk clearly with me, I will take sadistic pleasure in how I return the favor
There is no courtesy, etiquette, or sophistication in the extra words.
Should a person never using such phrasing be reading, please disregard this. You at least have a chance of communicating efficiently, and I look forward to speaking English with you.
Posted in tandem to the outer wall of my Cube, PD forums, and other communication I can slip it into.
hey richter, can i ask you a question?
Did they spell speech wrong on the form too?
Quote from: Payne on December 05, 2007, 05:04:42 PM
Did they spell speech wrong on the form too?
:lulz:
I was wondering about that too...
Have you ever noticed how cubicle workers and enraged rants about diction go hand in hand?
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on December 05, 2007, 05:07:52 PM
Quote from: Payne on December 05, 2007, 05:04:42 PM
Did they spell speech wrong on the form too?
:lulz:
I was wondering about that too...
:eek: :lol:
Quote from: Nigel on December 05, 2007, 05:22:39 PM
Have you ever noticed how cubicle workers and enraged rants about diction go hand in hand?
Venting it here, I'm bound to be shown how silly it is. This improves the day.
Also, I was technically violating the conditions of my parole. I posted that before coffee.
I thought you had a dispenser surgically grafted to your arm like a super-IV.
Quote from: Nigel on December 05, 2007, 05:22:39 PM
Have you ever noticed how cubicle workers and enraged rants about diction go hand in hand?
Anyone working in a cubicle for an extended period, I think, would begin to see brevity and efficient use of language as a greater virtue than, say, clean underwear. Soon Richter will abandon all use of idioms and figurative speech, and grammatical errors inherent in certain spoken regional dialects will irritate him until he finally crashes his head through the cubicle wall, roars, and eats the poor soul who happened to be sitting in the next cubicle.
when someone asks me if they can ask a question I say no and stare at them. :|
Quote from: Richter on December 05, 2007, 03:04:55 PM
An open letter to those who speak the English language in daily capacity:
Fool,
Prefacing any question with "Let me ask you this:", or "My question is:", serves no purpose.
If you feel you need my permission to ask a question, you don't have it.
If you think I will not be able to distinguish an interrogative statement, you are no longer worthy of my time.
If you believe in filling the air with things coming out of your mouth, I'm headed outside, it stinks in here.
If you can't be bothered to talk clearly with me, I will take sadistic pleasure in how I return the favor
There is no courtesy, etiquette, or sophistication in the extra words.
Should a person never using such phrasing be reading, please disregard this. You at least have a chance of communicating efficiently, and I look forward to speaking English with you.
Posted in tandem to the outer wall of my Cube, PD forums, and other communication I can slip it into.
:mittens:
I would like this on a t-shirt plzthx.
Hey, can I say something here?
Quote from: Cainad on December 05, 2007, 05:38:46 PM
Anyone working in a cubicle for an extended period, I think, would begin to see brevity and efficient use of language as a greater virtue than, say, clean underwear. Soon Richter will abandon all use of idioms and figurative speech, and grammatical errors inherent in certain spoken regional dialects will irritate him until he finally crashes his head through the cubicle wall, roars, and eats the poor soul who happened to be sitting in the next cubicle.
That, at least, is par for the course here.
Still, I'm fond of idioms, entendre, puns, and poor grammar in mah spe-ach whenever possible, as long as it makes a point or is humorous.
Redundancy, especially with the accusational tone of some folk, is a K.A.M.F. offense.
Quote from: LMNO on December 05, 2007, 07:03:39 PM
Hey, can I say something here?
This is text format, I'm fairly certain that's impossible.
WHAT DO WE WANT?!
MAXIMUM LULZ EFFICIENCY IN SPEACH!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
NAOKPLZ!
Maybe it's an opportunity to broker an agreement.
"I will answer your question if you promise to never, ever speak to me again."
"Deal?"
RWHN: You sir, WIN.
Davedim: Feel free to print / display / distribute as you wish.
I was just ranting today on how trite and mundane most office smalltalk is.
Don't get me wrong--
A) it's important to exchange pleasantries with your coworkers, and
B) it's not necessary to exchange information Every Time you open your mouth,
but COME ON, do we have to have the exact same goddamn conversation
every Monday?
QuoteNumber One: How was your weekend?
Number Two: NOT LONG ENOUGH! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWWwwwwwoooeoeoeo
that's the worst offender, IMO. Doubly so if the person actually laughs at their own 'joke'.
We're packing up the office today to move to another office. So, everyone seems to think we're supposed to carry on small talk while we do it. To make matters worse, they're coming up with puns.
co-worker 1: We all have roles here.
co-worker 2: Yeah, I'm having mine with dinner.
Man, I'm dying inside.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 05, 2007, 08:04:11 PM
We're packing up the office today to move to another office. So, everyone seems to think we're supposed to carry on small talk while we do it. To make matters worse, they're coming up with puns.
co-worker 1: We all have roles here.
co-worker 2: Yeah, I'm having mine with dinner.
Man, I'm dying inside.
you DO realize this is a purgatory of your own creation, right?
Yes, yes I do.
Quote from: Richter on December 05, 2007, 03:04:55 PM
An open letter to those who speak the English language in daily capacity:
Fool,
Prefacing any question with "Let me ask you this:", or "My question is:", serves no purpose.
If you feel you need my permission to ask a question, you don't have it.
If you think I will not be able to distinguish an interrogative statement, you are no longer worthy of my time.
If you believe in filling the air with things coming out of your mouth, I'm headed outside, it stinks in here.
If you can't be bothered to talk clearly with me, I will take sadistic pleasure in how I return the favor
There is no courtesy, etiquette, or sophistication in the extra words.
Should a person never using such phrasing be reading, please disregard this. You at least have a chance of communicating efficiently, and I look forward to speaking English with you.
Posted in tandem to the outer wall of my Cube, PD forums, and other communication I can slip it into.
I'd like to amend this to also include the phrase "In all honesty..." or anything similar.
so....you're telling me that up until this point, you WEREN'T being honest with me?
on a separate but equal tangent:1
When people say "For all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes" I want to staple their mouth shut.
I'm also somewhat sensitive to the word Whom but I only ever correct other editors on it and really only because it's annoying to do so.
1 Eep, did that count as one of those annoying, otiose lead-ins?
Sequays are acceptale only in moderation, nevar as transportation.
heh, I used to sell those things.
hell, that was probably one of the LEAST odious products you used to sell.
When I had a cube job things like the way the chick in the next cube giggled would send me into a throbbing blood-tunnel rage.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 05, 2007, 08:39:16 PM
When people say "For all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes" I want to staple their mouth shut.
Oh merciful fuck. My roommate in college used to do that, and she was a fucking English major. I wanted to demand of her "DO YOU NOT EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING?! Have you THOUGHT about it?! What the fuck do you mean by 'for all intensive purposes' that doesn't even make fucking SENSE in the fucking CONTEXT oh good fucking christ my EARS!"
But instead I would just smile and nod. Because I am usually not overtly homicidal.
Also, saying "I could care less" does not make a valid point about the extreme tininess of your degree of caring. In fact, it does quite the opposite! Rawr!!
actually, it's "for all intentsive porpoises".
duh.
But its so much fun to begin an argument with "Riddle me this . . ."
Dammit.
ITT: Confess your buttons and get them pushed!
I HAET RICHTER!
HE'S ALL UP IN MY FACE, LIEK, ALL THE TIME!
Actually, I really really really hate it when people say things like "I'll try and do that".
Why is the 'and' in there? The correct way to say it is "I'll try TO do that".
I read it all the time, even by established authors.
(If it's in dialogue I will let it go, since assholes really do say it, but in NARRATION? C'mon!)
I really hate it when people say things like "WE SHUD NOOK IRAQ AND GIVE IT TO THE JOOOS!!"
does THAT count as an annoying convo lead-in?
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 05, 2007, 08:39:16 PM
on a separate but equal tangent:1
When people say "For all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes" I want to staple their mouth shut.
I'm also somewhat sensitive to the word Whom but I only ever correct other editors on it and really only because it's annoying to do so.
1 Eep, did that count as one of those annoying, otiose lead-ins?
When I was a kid, I thought that was the one way of saying/typing it. I always assumed everybody was saying "For all intensive purposes".
Quote from: Hoopla on December 05, 2007, 10:41:30 PM
But its so much fun to begin an argument with "Riddle me this . . ."
Dammit.
that's not really a question of if you can ask a question. i think it would work well in a piece of writing with the right context, or flamboyant use in a discussion/argument, though.
[queue death's rant in The Meaning of Life]
"Shut up! Shut up, you American. You always talk, you Americans. You talk and you talk and say 'let me tell you something' and 'riddle me this'. Well, you're dead now, so shut it!"
Quote from: triple zero on December 05, 2007, 11:10:10 PM
Quote from: Richter on December 05, 2007, 05:26:53 PM
Quote from: triple zero on December 05, 2007, 05:01:58 PM
hey richter, can i ask you a question?
Can you? :D
I ALREADY DID HAHAHAHAHA
so, what do you say?
:argh!: :lulz:
(Technically, you only asked if you were capable of speach. Self - answering question! HA!)
where my prepositions at?
the use of "like," "hella," changing "-er" words to "-a" without context or, really, ANY CAUSE WHATSOEVER.
"like, i'm hella down, foo'. where you at?"
these are my "peers." fuck.
Quote from: Idem on December 05, 2007, 11:50:17 PM
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 05, 2007, 08:39:16 PM
on a separate but equal tangent:1
When people say "For all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes" I want to staple their mouth shut.
I'm also somewhat sensitive to the word Whom but I only ever correct other editors on it and really only because it's annoying to do so.
1 Eep, did that count as one of those annoying, otiose lead-ins?
When I was a kid, I thought that was the one way of saying/typing it. I always assumed everybody was saying "For all intensive purposes".
can I tell you something?
in all fairness
to be honest
I only learned that it was For All Intents And Purposes less than 12 months ago
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 06, 2007, 12:06:20 AM
Quote from: Idem on December 05, 2007, 11:50:17 PM
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 05, 2007, 08:39:16 PM
on a separate but equal tangent:1
When people say "For all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes" I want to staple their mouth shut.
I'm also somewhat sensitive to the word Whom but I only ever correct other editors on it and really only because it's annoying to do so.
1 Eep, did that count as one of those annoying, otiose lead-ins?
When I was a kid, I thought that was the one way of saying/typing it. I always assumed everybody was saying "For all intensive purposes".
can I tell you something?
in all fairness
to be honest
I only learned that it was For All Intents And Purposes less than 12 months ago
Hell, I only learned when you told Cain a while back.
in all fairness, i can't really speak or write english. i just copypaste stuff from the internet.
i have no idea what it means, either.
Quote from: triple zero on December 06, 2007, 11:59:19 AM
in all fairness, i can't really speak or write english. i just copypaste stuff from the internet.
i have no idea what it means, either.
If anything, it gives you the
chance of capturing correct grammar.
Your method is superior to many english speakers, especially on the internet.
From what I've learned of other language, I can appreciate what a nightmare english is.
Acceptable seguays:
"Help!"
"Fire!"
"for example"
"Oh shit"
"Fuck"
Quote from: Richter on December 06, 2007, 01:03:15 PM
Quote from: triple zero on December 06, 2007, 11:59:19 AM
in all fairness, i can't really speak or write english. i just copypaste stuff from the internet.
i have no idea what it means, either.
If anything, it gives you the chance of capturing correct grammar.
Your method is superior to many english speakers, especially on the internet.
From what I've learned of other language, I can appreciate what a nightmare english is.
erior to many e anything, it gives yoned of other language, I can apprring correct gramirness, i can't re!!!!
my button is exaggeration.
Like when there are a few crumbs on the floor and my wife says "The floor is covered in crumbs."
Coincidentally, I think my wife's button is people who always think so darned literally.
We're quite a pair. :D
This doesn't explain how you got puns all over the forum.
Quote from: triple zero on December 06, 2007, 01:45:38 PM
Quote from: Richter on December 06, 2007, 01:03:15 PM
Quote from: triple zero on December 06, 2007, 11:59:19 AM
in all fairness, i can't really speak or write english. i just copypaste stuff from the internet.
i have no idea what it means, either.
If anything, it gives you the chance of capturing correct grammar.
Your method is superior to many english speakers, especially on the internet.
From what I've learned of other language, I can appreciate what a nightmare english is.
erior to many e anything, it gives yoned of other language, I can apprring correct gramirness, i can't re!!!!
Top Score.
yeah, I can't explain that one either.
I tend to start all my comments, "as was foretold by the prophecy..."
Quote from: LMNO on December 06, 2007, 03:24:00 PM
as was foretold by the prophecy... I tend to start all my comments, "as was foretold by the prophecy..."
fixt.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 06, 2007, 01:49:41 PM
my button is exaggeration.
Like when there are a few crumbs on the floor and my wife says "The floor is covered in crumbs."
Coincidentally, I think my wife's button is people who always think so darned literally.
We're quite a pair. :D
ah my god that reminds me of my pet peev for hotness hyperbole.
I have a friend who, when he is attracted to someone, always describes them as being "soooooo fucking hot". And often they are average looking. "Yo you should invite over so-and-so. She's sooooooooooooo fucking hot."
and in reality, she might look like this:
(http://home.snafu.de/tilman/clearwater1999/maggie2-6A.jpg)*
*image found by googling "average looking girl"
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 06, 2007, 03:38:32 PM
(http://home.snafu.de/tilman/clearwater1999/maggie2-6A.jpg)*
I Came!
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 06, 2007, 03:38:32 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 06, 2007, 01:49:41 PM
my button is exaggeration.
Like when there are a few crumbs on the floor and my wife says "The floor is covered in crumbs."
Coincidentally, I think my wife's button is people who always think so darned literally.
We're quite a pair. :D
ah my god that reminds me of my pet peev for hotness hyperbole.
I have a friend who, when he is attracted to someone, always describes them as being "soooooo fucking hot". And often they are average looking. "Yo you should invite over so-and-so. She's sooooooooooooo fucking hot."
and in reality, she might look like this:
(http://home.snafu.de/tilman/clearwater1999/maggie2-6A.jpg)*
*image found by googling "average looking girl"
Is that Nomad? Cause I do recall one time in my Yonks apartment Nomad describing a girl he was attracted to as "so hot that [he'd] eat her nasty, stinky shit."
Was it hyperbole? I don't want to know if he ever did.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 06, 2007, 03:38:32 PM
(http://home.snafu.de/tilman/clearwater1999/maggie2-6A.jpg)*
I think I just came in my pants
Quote from: LMNO on December 06, 2007, 04:08:01 PM
Quote from: Idem on December 06, 2007, 04:03:36 PM
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on December 06, 2007, 03:38:32 PM
(http://home.snafu.de/tilman/clearwater1999/maggie2-6A.jpg)*
I think I just came in her pants
Fixxxored.
and lmno would know because he was wearing them at the time
:rimshot:
[sing]
WHEEEEN YOUU'Re wearing the pance
Made for Females from France
THATSS AMOREEEE...
[/sing]
/
:hammer:
I'd Baguette!
Did you get them from the bou-lingerie?
Good one, Payne.
Also, you were right about my IV coffee dispenser, but it's broken.
I ran out of coffee last week, and my veins sucked it in out of deperation.
Not unlike a snake, Richter now has an IV-shaped lump moving through his body as his blood circulates.
It certainly keeps the day from getting boring, I'd imagine.
"Have a seat, won't you, Richter?"
"No, thanks, my machine is currently on my left butt cheek; it would be a bit painful. In a couple minutes, though, gladly!"
Thankfully, this only worked to my advantage in Cram's game.
Also: Addendum to the "Awkward Moments" disscussion form the Boston Meet-Up:
G.F.: "Can I do anything for you sweetie?"
R: "Call me Snake."
G.F.: :eek: