Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Cain on August 05, 2010, 01:12:03 AM

Title: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Cain on August 05, 2010, 01:12:03 AM
1.  Letting 99.9% of the world population die in a tragedy you knew was coming but chose not to tell them about is OK, so long as you feel really bad about it after the fact and let some token Tibetans on board (2012 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190080/))

2.  Killing is always bad and a tragedy, except when you have a mystical connection to nature, in which case your hypocrisy is excused because fuck designated villains, they don't count (Avatar).

3.  Letting animals not native to an ecosystem run amok is not only acceptable, but should be actively encouraged when people try to capture and transport them (Jurassic Park II)

4.  Destroying a business that employs hundreds of people is perfectly acceptable because you have personal issues with the owner (Oceans 11)

More to come later
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Doktor Howl on August 05, 2010, 01:34:28 AM
Utter incoherency in the story of your life and really bad clothing decisions are unimportant if the world slows down when you fight (Matrix, stolen from The Six Million Dollar Man).
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 01:43:43 AM
Quote from: Cain on August 05, 2010, 01:12:03 AM
1.  Letting 99.9% of the world population die in a tragedy you knew was coming but chose not to tell them about is OK, so long as you feel really bad about it after the fact and let some token Tibetans on board (2012 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190080/))

2.  Killing is always bad and a tragedy, except when you have a mystical connection to nature, in which case your hypocrisy is excused because fuck designated villains, they don't count (Avatar).

3.  Letting animals not native to an ecosystem run amok is not only acceptable, but should be actively encouraged when people try to capture and transport them (Jurassic Park II)

4.  Destroying a business that employs hundreds of people is perfectly acceptable because you have personal issues with the owner (Oceans 11)

More to come later

:lulz:

* He'll love you if you ditch your morals and become a slut. (Grease)

* Anyone who would let children maim, shrink, or possibly kill themselves is a horrible, horrible person. Unless they give you candy. (Willy Wonka)

* 50 bucks a pop. You take them into the back. Touch and go. They touch, they go. You can touch them but they can't touch you. Now, if they cum it's okay. If they take it out and cum all over you, call a bouncer. Unless he gives you a big tip. If he gives you a big tip, then it's okay! If you wanna last longer than a week, you'll give me a blow job. First I get you used to the money, then I make you swallow. (Showgirls)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 03:51:23 AM
You're 15. The Internet is in it's infancy, TCP Winsock isn't working for some reason, and you have just proven you will jerk off to any naked body, regardless of context. (Schindler's List)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 05, 2010, 03:56:53 AM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 03:51:23 AM
You're 15. The Internet is in it's infancy, TCP Winsock isn't working for some reason, and you have just proven you will jerk off to any naked body, regardless of context. (Schindler's List)

Damn.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 06:43:37 AM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 03:51:23 AM
You're 15. The Internet is in it's infancy, TCP Winsock isn't working for some reason, and you have just proven you will jerk off to any naked body, regardless of context. (Schindler's List)

:|



Seriously? Wasn't there at least ASCII porn or something back then?
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 05, 2010, 06:46:49 AM
Quote from: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 06:43:37 AM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 03:51:23 AM
You're 15. The Internet is in it's infancy, TCP Winsock isn't working for some reason, and you have just proven you will jerk off to any naked body, regardless of context. (Schindler's List)

:|



Seriously? Wasn't there at least ASCII porn or something back then?

Or, you know, like, use your imagination?
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Cain on August 05, 2010, 01:04:01 PM
5.  Violently resisting arrest to the point of mass murder is perfectly alright, even when you're guilty (Kingdom of Heaven)

6.  When you are a policeman and someone comes at you with a gun, shouting "die pig!" you are meant to meekly give in, just in case the gun isn't loaded.  Shooting them is evil. (Over the Edge)

7.  Wanting to make money off your own creations is evil, and you deserve to die in poverty for it (Iron Man 2)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Placid Dingo on August 05, 2010, 02:09:50 PM
Quote from: Cain on August 05, 2010, 01:04:01 PM
7.  Wanting to make money off your own creations is evil, and you deserve to die in poverty for it (Iron Man 2)

To be fair, he also ran around trying to kill everyone.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 03:12:26 PM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on August 05, 2010, 06:46:49 AM
Quote from: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 06:43:37 AM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 03:51:23 AM
You're 15. The Internet is in it's infancy, TCP Winsock isn't working for some reason, and you have just proven you will jerk off to any naked body, regardless of context. (Schindler's List)

:|



Seriously? Wasn't there at least ASCII porn or something back then?

Or, you know, like, use your imagination?

In regards to the first... there was ASCII porn, but the whole issue was if TCP Winsock wasn't working. Trumpet Winsock was the dialup, so when it didn't work, no internets.

Regarding the "use your imagination," I'd direct you to a previous thread I started called "Weird Porn."

That is all.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: hooplala on August 05, 2010, 05:12:07 PM
Quote from: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 01:43:43 AM

* Anyone who would let children maim, shrink, or possibly kill themselves is a horrible, horrible person. Unless they give you candy. (Willy Wonka)

Have you ever met any children?
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on August 05, 2010, 05:16:07 PM
Quote from: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 01:43:43 AM

* 50 bucks a pop. You take them into the back. Touch and go. They touch, they go. You can touch them but they can't touch you. Now, if they cum it's okay. If they take it out and cum all over you, call a bouncer. Unless he gives you a big tip. If he gives you a big tip, then it's okay! If you wanna last longer than a week, you'll give me a blow job. First I get you used to the money, then I make you swallow. (Showgirls)


According to my friend that's spent most of his working life in those kind of clubs... thats how many of them are run...

He's a manager now and has to fire at least one girl a week for breaking the rules and... wow do they sometimes break the rules  :aaa:
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Cain on August 05, 2010, 05:17:57 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on August 05, 2010, 05:12:07 PM
Quote from: DiscoUkulele on August 05, 2010, 01:43:43 AM

* Anyone who would let children maim, shrink, or possibly kill themselves is a horrible, horrible person. Unless they give you candy. (Willy Wonka)

Have you ever met any children?

This.  After yelling at the top of my voice for the 10th time that day to get out of the way of the car coming directly at the children down the road, the thought becomes appealing, especially if I'm not legally liable.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on August 05, 2010, 10:13:22 PM
Doesn't most of it come down too.....

"Show me the money" - Jerry Maguire

:|
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Thurnez Isa on August 05, 2010, 10:50:26 PM
9. You should love and accept people for who they are,

because that will turn them into a hot dude and you into a pretty princess
:? - (Like Every Disney Ever made)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 11:25:00 PM
Don't do drugs, don't try to get on television, Frank Armitage pimps out junkies for Wall Street bankers, and Shooter McGavin doesn't want you to eat refined sugar or red meat, and apparently doesn't think its a good idea to have orgasms. (Seriously, do I even need to tell you which movie I'm talking about?)

Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 05, 2010, 11:39:03 PM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 11:25:00 PM
Don't do drugs, don't try to get on television, Frank Armitage pimps out junkies for Wall Street bankers, and Shooter McGavin doesn't want you to eat refined sugar or red meat, and apparently doesn't think its a good idea to have orgasms. (Seriously, do I even need to tell you which movie I'm talking about?)



Yes. Cuz I seriously don't know.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Kurt Christ on August 06, 2010, 12:17:44 AM
Don't have premarital sex. Also, don't be black. (horror movies, especially of the slasher flick sub-genre)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Freeky on August 06, 2010, 12:32:00 AM
Quote from: Placid Dingo on August 05, 2010, 02:09:50 PM
Quote from: Cain on August 05, 2010, 01:04:01 PM
7.  Wanting to make money off your own creations is evil, and you deserve to die in poverty for it (Iron Man 2)

To be fair, he also ran around trying to kill everyone.

No, that was the son, which obviously means that he is just as evil and communist as his father was, so his murder was justified.


People who need blood transfusions are crazed psychopaths who will eventually just want to ikill you, so you should just not help them out. (Star Trek Nemesis)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Freeky on August 06, 2010, 12:49:43 AM
Also, acid trips will give you the self confidence to break a rigid patriarchal social system or whatever. (Alice in Wonderland)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 06, 2010, 12:50:05 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on August 05, 2010, 11:39:03 PM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 11:25:00 PM
Don't do drugs, don't try to get on television, Frank Armitage pimps out junkies for Wall Street bankers, and Shooter McGavin doesn't want you to eat refined sugar or red meat, and apparently doesn't think its a good idea to have orgasms. (Seriously, do I even need to tell you which movie I'm talking about?)



Yes. Cuz I seriously don't know.

Requiem for a Dream
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Juana on August 06, 2010, 12:51:43 AM
14. An honest cop will be hated and punished by everyone in his precinct except for his boss - maybe (American Gangster)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 06, 2010, 12:54:46 AM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 06, 2010, 12:50:05 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on August 05, 2010, 11:39:03 PM
Quote from: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 05, 2010, 11:25:00 PM
Don't do drugs, don't try to get on television, Frank Armitage pimps out junkies for Wall Street bankers, and Shooter McGavin doesn't want you to eat refined sugar or red meat, and apparently doesn't think its a good idea to have orgasms. (Seriously, do I even need to tell you which movie I'm talking about?)



Yes. Cuz I seriously don't know.

Requiem for a Dream


Putting on list of movies to watch.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Rumckle on August 06, 2010, 12:59:08 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on August 06, 2010, 12:51:43 AM
14. An honest cop will be hated and punished by everyone in his precinct except for his boss - maybe (American Gangster)

15. A cop who frames people, and is whacked out on coke, will get promoted to Captain (Bad Lieutenant)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on August 06, 2010, 01:31:40 AM
If you knock up a woman whose family eats mutated chickens you'll go home to the industrial district to dream about an embryo squishing singer with cheek tumors. And your baby will look like a horse fetus. (Eraserhead)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Cramulus on August 06, 2010, 01:46:22 AM
You shouldn't give a shit unless it will get you laid (Biodome)


You never know what's going to happen in a dance-off (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)











Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Cramulus on August 06, 2010, 01:47:30 AM
If you ever go back in time, you're going to need a haircut (Bambi)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: The Johnny on August 06, 2010, 04:46:52 AM
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on August 06, 2010, 01:31:40 AM
If you knock up a woman whose family eats mutated chickens you'll go home to the industrial district to dream about an embryo squishing singer with cheek tumors. And your baby will look like a horse fetus. (Eraserhead)

:lulz:
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: The Johnny on August 06, 2010, 04:53:03 AM

That water has feelings, can hear us and that it's QUaNtuMZ.

(-What the Bleep Do We Know!?)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Cramulus on August 06, 2010, 05:14:58 AM
The universe is random, impartial, and cruel. (Jumanji)


Wiccans are untrustworthy, and can change into giant snakes (Alladin)


Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: AFK on August 06, 2010, 02:49:13 PM
Comedians are perveted, psychopathic killers.  (every "serious" Robin Williams movie)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: I_Kicked_Kennedy on August 06, 2010, 03:55:43 PM
By excelling at mathematics, you are putting yourself at risk of being assaulted by Jews and Wall Street goons. Your best bet is to a drill a hole in your skull until your retarded. (Pi)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Kai on August 06, 2010, 04:25:46 PM
I think Cram is working semi-random now.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: LMNO on August 06, 2010, 04:31:33 PM
If you encounter an underling helping an investment firm with insider trading information, it is perfectly acceptable to tape his mouth shut and let him get raped by a gorilla until he starves to death. (Trading Places)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Iason Ouabache on August 08, 2010, 03:57:13 AM
Robots are people too!! (Blade Runner, AI, Bicentennial Man, I Robot, Heartbeeps, Short Circuit, batteries not included, Wall-E, Robocop, Inspector Gadget, Terminator, The Lake House)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Telarus on August 08, 2010, 04:50:02 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on August 06, 2010, 05:14:58 AM
The universe is random, impartial, and cruel. (Jumanji)


Wiccans are untrustworthy, and can change into giant snakes (Alladin)


:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Jasper on August 08, 2010, 06:43:19 AM
Never try to make retarded people smarter.  (Lawnmower Man)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Payne on August 08, 2010, 10:36:18 AM
How the fuck does Schwarznegger still have a career (of any kind)? [Hercules in New York, The Expendables]

Plot and pacing are worthless. Get yourself Big Names instead. [Shutter Island (and many more, just that movie in particular in my recent memory)]

Oddly enough, throwing money at problems doesn't make the problems go away. It seems to make the story WORSE [Star Wars Episodes "I", "II", "III"]
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Freeky on August 09, 2010, 09:33:16 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on August 08, 2010, 10:36:18 AM

Oddly enough, throwing money at problems doesn't make the problems go away. It seems to make the story WORSE [Star Wars Episodes "I", "II", "III"]

These movies never happened.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Requia ☣ on August 09, 2010, 11:37:04 PM
The solution to all of your problems is to get someone else to seduce a rich man for you.  (Cinderella)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Freeky on August 10, 2010, 06:40:38 AM
BOOBS ARE AWESOME. (most pr0n with wimminz in them)
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Iason Ouabache on August 10, 2010, 06:45:58 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on August 10, 2010, 06:40:38 AM
BOOBS ARE AWESOME. (most pr0n with wimminz in them)
I didn't need Hollywood to tell me that one.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Freeky on August 10, 2010, 06:47:09 AM
Quote from: Iason Ouabache on August 10, 2010, 06:45:58 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on August 10, 2010, 06:40:38 AM
BOOBS ARE AWESOME. (most pr0n with wimminz in them)
I didn't need Hollywood to tell me that one.

Well, no, but they certainly did a good job enfocring the lesson. Or whatever.
Title: Re: Moral lessons I learnt from Hollywood
Post by: Akara on August 10, 2010, 05:24:44 PM
Shopping will make me happy, classy, attractive... especially if I wasn't those things before! (a tone of chick flix)