On Planet Cramulus there is a race of white-furred monkey-like creatures with cat ears. They are skinny, walk on two legs, and have fabulous moustaches. They live in a tribal society which values leisure, games, and laying around. They weave awesome baskets. Many of them starve to death.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/APPLETALKBTCHES.jpg)
On planet lysergic, everyone looks like characters from the beatles yellow submarine, there are LSD trees everywhere, the water is made from bourbon which the inhabitants drink literally like water, the beaches are made from cocaine and the weed is legal.
Planet Eater of Clowns is populated mostly by faun-like creatures, except gangly, and with a tendency to scowl while grinning. They build their cities with a lot of stone stairways that lead into secluded overlooks and winding paths. It takes forever for them to get anywhere because they keep walking off toward whatever looks interesting.
Planet Sigmatic has no people. It is a planet that transforms into things and screws up other planets. It's hobbies include eating moons, intercepting space probes and trolling CETI. It's fueled by bloody-mindedness. Very eco-friendly in that respect.
Cudgel's World, so named for the trees, which are the sole multicellular lifeforms on the planet, on which grow cudgels for cudgeling. It has been settled by the Less Spiral Trading Company whom exports the cudgels across the galaxy.
On Planet Blight, 50% of the female population are redheaded nymphomaniacs with myopia. Everyone gets a free pass with said redheads, including said redheads, since they'll take what they want from you anyway, and generally it's better to not make them do it by force (unless you like getting knocked around a bit first. Different strokes and all, but proceed with caution). Work may be temporarily suspended if a redhead accosts you there for the same reason. The rest of the people look much as they do on Earth, except they lack excessive body hair and their BO smells vaguely like roses and whiskey.
Fossil fuels ran out long ago because the byproducts turned out to be THC fumes and poitin. It was a great time of intoxicated stupor and there were many tragic but painless deaths (due to intoxication), as well as psychotic random bird attacks. Now everything is run on geothermal energy and nuclear.
There is a notable minority of extraplanetary immigrants, who intended to colonize another world far off but got stuck. Currently most of them are employed as cabbies, but are working their way up the social ladder.
I LIKE THIS THREAD.
On Planet Saturnine, people shut the fuck up and pay attention. Gender is irrelevant and as a result people are forced to be more interesting. Alcohol is free and has no adverse physical effects. People meditate and massage each other more, and neither one is as scary because everyone starts doing it when they're a kid. People can get into positions of political power without studying law, and they actually want to, and when they get there they do interesting shit. Desire is honored. Pleasure is encouraged. People have spines. Rigorous applications are required for reproduction. Food is sufficient but not overabundant. The Singularity happened and was pretty great for everybody. Monogamy implodes. America stops being a douche and starts being sustainable, and everyone else follows suit, convinced that if a country as douchey as America can turn it around, anyone can. We narrowly avoid trashing the Earth, repatriate a fuckton of vital resources, and subsist happily ever after until the next Ice Age wipes most of us out, and then we get to start again with badass technology buried under the ice, like war machines and deathbots and orbital bombardment satellites and teleporters and neutron bombs and mobile bipedal armor and cryogenically frozen Japanese schoolgirls.
Also I sit on a throne all day and an endless train of redheads let me service them while I play video games, which I guess is Boy Heaven, but I'm pretty sure I would want the same thing if I were a girl, which I sometimes secretly am.
Quote from: saturnine on September 23, 2010, 07:52:59 AM
I LIKE THIS THREAD.
On Planet Saturnine, people shut the fuck up and pay attention. Gender is irrelevant and as a result people are forced to be more interesting. Alcohol is free and has no adverse physical effects. People meditate and massage each other more, and neither one is as scary because everyone starts doing it when they're a kid. People can get into positions of political power without studying law, and they actually want to, and when they get there they do interesting shit. Desire is honored. Pleasure is encouraged. People have spines. Rigorous applications are required for reproduction. Food is sufficient but not overabundant. The Singularity happened and was pretty great for everybody. Monogamy implodes. America stops being a douche and starts being sustainable, and everyone else follows suit, convinced that if a country as douchey as America can turn it around, anyone can. We narrowly avoid trashing the Earth, repatriate a fuckton of vital resources, and subsist happily ever after until the next Ice Age wipes most of us out, and then we get to start again with badass technology buried under the ice, like war machines and deathbots and orbital bombardment satellites and teleporters and neutron bombs and mobile bipedal armor and cryogenically frozen Japanese schoolgirls.
Also I sit on a throne all day and an endless train of redheads let me service them while I play video games, which I guess is Boy Heaven, but I'm pretty sure I would want the same thing if I were a girl, which I sometimes secretly am.
You would probably consistently lose said video games, but I'm glad that Planet Blight and Planet Saturnine have similar redhead policy.
We should open diplomatic and trade relations. Our redheads can abuse you if you start doing poorly at your videogame, thus resulting in an endless loop of videogame and redhead awesome.
/fetish
On planet Alty there are several species of mammal-insect hybrids (really hairy spiders with kitten faces, land-whales that move like catapilars, dragonfly sloths) who are all intelligent and fully conscious and capable of producing technology, but dont communicate well outside their own species.
Instead they wage long, bloody, adorable wars for no good reason other than they're bored and they like killing.
Some things just don't change no matter where you go.
Quote from: Alty on September 23, 2010, 10:26:26 AM
On planet Alty there are several species of mammal-insect hybrids (really hairy spiders with kitten faces, land-whales that move like catapilars, dragonfly sloths) who are all intelligent and fully conscious and capable of producing technology, but dont communicate well outside their own species.
Instead they wage long, bloody, adorable wars for no good reason other than they're bored and they like killing.
Some things just don't change no matter where you go.
:mittens:
On planet Vitriol all the continents are shaped to spell out the words "FUCK YOU" in letters 2000 miles high. This helps encourage a steady stream of outraged alien invasion forces because fighting amongst ourselves got boring after a while.
Planet RWHN is the funniest planet in the Universe. RWHN inhabitants have marvelous and impressive comedic talents. However, RWHN can be a deadly planet for non-RWHNians to visit. In fact there was a recent report of a crew from Earth trying to make peaceful contact with the planet. All 4 crew members died on the surface, unable to acclimate to the hilarity. One of the members managed to get a signal off before he perished, reporting that, "they've laughed their damned heads off."
...You mean I DON'T live on my own planet?! Oh man, my parents have been lying to me for YEARS.
Planet LMNO is ZALGO PORN.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on September 23, 2010, 01:00:33 PM
Planet RWHN is the funniest planet in the Universe. RWHN inhabitants have marvelous and impressive comedic talents. However, RWHN can be a deadly planet for non-RWHNians to visit. In fact there was a recent report of a crew from Earth trying to make peaceful contact with the planet. All 4 crew members died on the surface, unable to acclimate to the hilarity. One of the members managed to get a signal off before he perished, reporting that, "they've laughed their damned heads off."
Then suddenly headless species from Planet Lysergic came and enslaved planet RWHNS inhabitants and subjected them to a life of eternal punishment.
□□□□▓□◙₪₪₪₪∆□▓□₪▓▓▓□□□□□□□□□□□□□◙◙₪₪◙▓▓HE COMES□□□
▓▓▓▓▓□□BEHIND □□◙▓□▓□□◙▓₪₪□▓THE▓▓▓▓▓□□□▓
▓▓▓▓▓▓□□◙◙▓□▓₪◙□▓▓WALL...
On planet Ti there is only the simpliest forms of life. No flowers, no trees, no grass, nothing on the land.
:)
Quote from: Thurnez Isa on September 23, 2010, 11:21:38 PM
On planet Ti there is only the simpliest forms of life. No flowers, no trees, no grass, nothing on the land.
:)
The astronomers of Planet Blight have identified Planet Ti as the original destination of their extraplanetary cab driver population. Sterilization and terraforming teams have been dispatched to the Ti system in order to aid the cabbies in colonizing their original destination, for the ones that so chose to move on.
On Planet Freeky, it's dildoes. All the way down.
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on September 24, 2010, 03:37:54 AM
On Planet Freeky, it's dildoes. All the way down.
Down down down, to pussy town?
Quote from: Lysergic on September 24, 2010, 03:41:17 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on September 24, 2010, 03:37:54 AM
On Planet Freeky, it's dildoes. All the way down.
Down down down, to pussy town?
Well, it would be if it weren't inhabited by even more dildoes.
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on September 24, 2010, 03:42:19 AM
Quote from: Lysergic on September 24, 2010, 03:41:17 AM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on September 24, 2010, 03:37:54 AM
On Planet Freeky, it's dildoes. All the way down.
Down down down, to pussy town?
Well, it would be if it weren't inhabited by even more dildoes.
:lulz:
The planet Cainad is a perfectly uniform, smooth, white ceramic sphere. A peculiar combination of factors, including the planet's distance from its sun, its rotational speed around its axis, circulation of air about its surface, and internal heat convection keep the entire planet's surface between 65 and 72 degrees F (18 to 22 milliHertz, for those of you in Metrikistan).
The planet's surface is completely featureless, except for a small structure positioned at exactly 45 degrees North of the Cainadian equator. It is a barn-red ranch-style house of the kind that were popular in 1920s America.
Inside the house, there are no furnishings, nor even any interior walls: the whole inside of the house is one large room, the floor and walls being the same uniform, featureless white of the planet's surface.
In the center of this room there is a very comfortable winged leather armchair, next to which is a plain but well made wooden end table. Upon the table is set a reading lamp and a white coffee mug, full of coffee. In the chair sits a very ordinary-looking gentleman, dressed casually, reading a book with no visible title. He takes notice of you as you enter, but does not seem particularly surprised.
If you engage him in conversation, he makes polite chit-chat but will prefer to steer the conversation towards getting you to talk about yourself. He'll humor you for as long as you choose to stay, but ultimately he has nothing to say and nothing new to bring to the conversation. He can't even offer you a place to sit.
Then you get bored and leave, never to return.
Yeah, it's a pretty lame place.
it's beautiful, Cainad.
:)
I thought it sounded like the beginning of a really cool text based rpg. :)
If I were a god with an unlimited ability to make and shape stellar and planetary bodies, I'd make shit like this. Really odd, pointless planets that clearly have no natural origin.
And then I'd prod humanity's development of faster-than-light space travel along, just so they could see my creations and be confused.
Thanks, guys!
Quote from: Nast on September 24, 2010, 05:20:33 AM
I thought it sounded like the beginning of a really cool text based rpg. :)
That's probably where the inspiration for the descriptive style came from. :lol:
Quote from: Cainad on September 24, 2010, 05:21:19 AM
If I were a god with an unlimited ability to make and shape stellar and planetary bodies, I'd make shit like this. Really odd, pointless planets that clearly have no natural origin.
And then I'd prod humanity's development of faster-than-light space travel along, just so they could see my creations and be confused.
Sounds like a Star Trek episode. I'm thinking classic Trek.
YOU
freaks better copywrite this shit 'cuz some punk is scripting all this RIGHT NOW!!
The planet Cainad v2.0 is not a sphere, but a torus. A massive space donut made mostly of Earth-like silicate rocks, it whirls through space independent of any normal star system.
Illumination and heat on the planet is provided by a strange micro-star, a small but powerful and long-lived wad of nuclear fusion that perpetually yo-yos back and forth through the hole in the torus. The inner side of the torus is nearly always illuminated and is the warmest part of the planet, being closest to the micro-star, while the outer edge of the torus is in eternal Arctic winter.
Between these two climactic extremes are two rings of temperate weather on either side of the planet-torus, two completely separate biomes kept apart by the harsh environments between them. With the burnt desert on the inside of the torus and the huge freezing expanse on the outer edge, none of the life forms currently extant on the planet are able to cross into the other temperate 'ring', and they have grown and evolved out of their own primordial ooze completely independently of one another.
The planet iCainad 3G is a massive metal cube, the surface visibly pitted and scarred. The metal which comprises the bulk of the planet's mass is iron, but veins of other metals are plenty common, and the almost complete lack of oxygen in the (very thin) atmosphere means there is practically no rusting or tarnish. Ages upon ages of windstorms carrying metallic dust have scoured the surface to a polished metallic gleam.
Standing on the surface, you will see lots and lots of holes and rivulets cut into the surface, rather like the surface of bug-eaten wood when the bark has been stripped away, only much larger. You will find yourself being very careful about walking along the surface, since quakes and similar geologic activity are extremely common; whatever forces holds this planet in its cubic shape struggles eternally with the force of gravity trying to mush the corners down into a more sensible spherical shape. Occasionally this activity results in a beautiful but deadly volcanic eruption of molten metal, which plumes into the sky before rapidly cooling in the frigid atmosphere, becoming a shining statue of glittering metal.
If you delve down into the tunnels towards the planet's warm interior, you'll soon find something very strange: vast caverns, from the size of a living room to the size of the Empire State Building, full of metallic cave formations. Stalactites, stalagmites, etc, but the strange part is that every inch of surface in these caves is completely covered in glimmering crystalline scales. They have a distinctly organic look to them, and even show varied patternings of color, but they are entirely inorganic in composition, being mostly made of silicon.
Deeper down, the scales become more varied in color and size, and seem to shift about of their own volition. Occasionally, one will see a whole mass of scales clump itself together into an almost beetle-like shape and pull itself free from the cave wall, whereupon it scuttles off into some small hole where you cannot follow it, and the surrounding scales grow over the empty patch left behind.
If you go any deeper down, you'll know better than me what you'll find. No one ever comes back with stories from further down.
I predict that Cainad is going to do to this thread what Alphapance did to Surprise Me Eris thread.
If so, this thread is officially bookmarked.
The planet Daniac appears from space to be a mottled green sphere, about half the size of the planet Earth and perhaps one-sixth as dense. Standing upon the surface it seems to be a shell of frosted glass, mostly smooth but with visible irregularities. There are many cracks in this glassy surface, and if you find one big enough to enter you'll see the reason for the planet's greenish tint: underneath the crust, which is about a foot thick, lies a lush plant ecosystem.
The glassy exterior is a natural greenhouse, propped up by a massive network of vines and branches. The air inside is very warm and always at 100% humidity. Shielded from most harmful radiation by the glass and the atmosphere outside, the trees that act as the main structural columns go down literally for miles, although the greenery layer is only a few hundred feet thick. Deeper than that it is nearly pitch-dark; a cool, moist environment underneath the planet-spanning canopy. The local fauna are mostly insect- and lizard-like creatures, not too dissimilar from what one might find on Earth.
In this dark underlayer lives the second type of ecosystem, the fungal ecosystem. Tunnels big enough for a man to walk through criss-cross through the tough, leathery flesh which fills the gaps between the titanic tree trunks, providing the circulation of air and water for the upper layer and ensuring that some of the heat from the surface makes it down to the cold depths.
It is in these fungal tunnels that you find the ruins. Chunks of plastic-like material and other substances that are indigestible by the fungi or the local bacteria litter the tunnels. Some of these chunks are car-sized, other look suspiciously like the crumpled remains of plastic bottles. Nothing metallic or decomposable is to be found. Whoever it was that lived here, they did so very long ago.
:mittens:
Thanks for the compliments, guys. :) It feels nice to be writing little vignettes again. It's what I do best when writing fiction.
Subject to constant volcanic eruptions, planet Brotep is unbearably hostile terrain by human standards. Orbiting a magnetar and composed primarily of iron, planet Brotep undergoes periodic surges of electrical activity as a result of the tremendous magnetic flux.
"Life" on planet Brotep has its origins in ferrous crystals, which began to develop into more complex, ambulatory creatures. The dominant life-form is an insectoid lava beetle, which gathers balls of cooling magma to make its nest.
Planet Hovercat is populated by flying, angry-but-adorable felines, who are known to occasionally perch on visitor's shoulders and then eat their faces. Exceptions are made for catnip carrying visitors.
Here is what the people look and sound like on my planet:
http://7chan.org/fl/src/hey.swf
Planet Sig is afraid to eat that. :(
Planet RWHN is currently littered with spent Kleenex and empty bottles of orange juice do to a rhino virus pandemic.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on September 28, 2010, 07:48:45 PM
Planet RWHN is currently littered with spent Kleenex and empty bottles of orange juice do to a rhino virus pandemic.
Rhino virus? Does that make you horny?
Horny? Not so much. Phlegmy and mildly irritable? Yes.
Rhino? Horny?
Wow, you must be sick.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 28, 2010, 07:55:45 PM
Rhino? Horny?
Wow, you must be sick.
i think you hit it right on the nose...