Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt. Sometimes they are mad at Matt. Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.
I have tired of telling them I am not he; I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place. I've begun saving the contacts and replying.
Some Asshole: yo- that car was too close- it took me 10 minutes to back out today- please be more considerate in the future-
Me: Oh, sorry. Your car doesn't go sideways?
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:54:54 PM
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt. Sometimes they are mad at Matt. Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.
I have tired of telling them I am not he; I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place. I've begun saving the contacts and replying.
Yes. :fap:
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:54:54 PM
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt. Sometimes they are mad at Matt. Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.
I have tired of telling them I am not he; I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place. I've begun saving the contacts and replying.
Tell them that you ("Matt") have decided to chuck it all and move to Dobbstown, Malaysia, in search of spiritual peace.
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:55:27 PM
Some Asshole: yo- that car was too close- it took me 10 minutes to back out today- please be more considerate in the future-
Me: Oh, sorry. Your car doesn't go sideways?
:lol:
Post more texts. I will give you advice.
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
I too get texts from colorado, from a mexican guy who thinks i am his sister in law :? :? :?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 16, 2011, 09:56:06 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:54:54 PM
Ever since I got this phone, people from Colorado keep texting me and calling me Matt. Sometimes they are mad at Matt. Sometimes they bear good tidings for him.
I have tired of telling them I am not he; I have begun to use the opportunity to make the world a stranger place. I've begun saving the contacts and replying.
Tell them that you ("Matt") have decided to chuck it all and move to Dobbstown, Malaysia, in search of spiritual peace.
Just texted the car complainer.
"I've decided to move to Dobbstown, Malaysia in search of spiritual peace. Can I borrow your towel?"
Him: ? No
:lulz:
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
Quote from: The Fred ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on March 16, 2011, 10:01:14 PM
I too get texts from colorado, from a mexican guy who thinks i am his sister in law :? :? :?
Tell him you're concerned about Marty.
Don't explain a thing.
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:04:12 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
Ask for HIS number. :lulz:
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:04:12 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
Yes! This allows for expanding the hilarity. I recommend something like: Hey there, sorry to hear you split up with the boyfriend. But I would like to take this opportunity to just say I'd like to see you poon, I'd like to touch it soon, I would like to stir it up and eat it with a spoon.
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:04:12 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
"I seem to have deleted her number in a fit of impotent rage and self-pity. Do you have it?"
Answer the next 3 texts with "I yearn for you tragically".
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:07:43 PM
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:04:12 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
"I seem to have deleted her number in a fit of impotent rage and self-pity. Do you have it?"
And he replies, "Ah Spinks I love you and we need to hang out again real soon!"
Oh, I think his last name was Sphinx. That's what my caller ID is, apparently.
Ah, perfect. "I yearn for you tragically" is a great fit for that. Sent!
:D
Jeezis, this guy responds fast. sent me a number and said "And leave my name anonymous for now please :)"
So the question is, what do I send to the new number?
PAY DIRT! Now something worthy of it...
"I hear you're single again. You must have heard about the syphilis scare."
There is a chance that the new number has the actual saved contact of the person you're claiming to be, of course.
I yearn for you tragically has to be sent to her at some point, if not straight away
Quote from: Doktor Blight on March 16, 2011, 10:15:52 PM
"I hear you're single again. You must have heard about the syphilis scare."
Heheheh. Maybe... The goal is to make their lives STRANGE.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on March 16, 2011, 10:16:26 PM
There is a chance that the new number has the actual saved contact of the person you're claiming to be, of course.
I'd count on it. She is "the love of matt's life", apparently.
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:17:04 PM
I yearn for you tragically has to be sent to her at some point, if not straight away
Doubtless. Something about shrieking myself to sleep when I think about her...
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:18:34 PM
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:17:04 PM
I yearn for you tragically has to be sent to her at some point, if not straight away
Doubtless. Something about shrieking myself to sleep when I think about her...
You could prompt something by asking her how everything's going and then going from there.
Sent "Holy cow how are you? Word has it you split up."
Quote from: Doktor Blight on March 16, 2011, 10:07:07 PM
Quote from: Lies on March 16, 2011, 10:04:12 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 10:03:34 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 16, 2011, 09:59:46 PM
Different guy: Hey bro. Have you talked to Michelle lately
Me: Yes. Many discursive dialogues on dromaeosaurid dinosaurs like deinonychus and veliciraptor mongoliensis. Size of a dog. Very ferocious. All very extinct. Sad..
Seconds later: Well u heard the news? The love of your life single again :-)
(I'm thinking, what? That didn't seem weird at all?)
Me: Oh. Explain?
<waiting on reply>
Him: "They split and I thought u should know. They both decided it wasn't gonna work and its done. Ya better get ahold of her"
WHAT TO DO?
Better get ahold of her. Ask for her number.
Yes! This allows for expanding the hilarity. I recommend something like: Hey there, sorry to hear you split up with the boyfriend. But I would like to take this opportunity to just say I'd like to see you poon, I'd like to touch it soon, I would like to stir it up and eat it with a spoon.
:spittake:
How did I miss that?!? :crankey:
"I heard you broke up, I'm sorry to hear it... Can I get his number? I'm starting a club with all of your ex-boyfriends..."
Quote from: Luna on March 17, 2011, 01:26:09 AM
"I heard you broke up, I'm sorry to hear it... Can I get his number? I'm starting a club with all of your ex-boyfriends..."
:awesome:
Sig, it would be of your benefit under Lulz milk this for all it's worth for as long as possible.
I'm dying to hear her response
I'm guessing colorado springs.
all the crazies are there.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
:mittens:
Damn. So apparently whoever's number that really was, saw me coming a mile away.
...
"who is this"
"Matt"
"whatever"
"SPINKS!"
"whatever who is this"
At this point I sensed that they were onto me, and I decided to try another tack.
"A guy at XXXXXXXXXX said matt should call you about some breakup. I'm hoping to reach someone who can find him and get him to update his damn contacts."
"Holy shit man that's hilarious! I will indeed tell spinks to update his shit. And have fun in Malaysia."
Bastard. I didn't tell them that. I told the other asshole. I've been had. Oh well.
"Have fun in colorado."
They have not replied. :(
Fun while it lasted. I need more practice trolling. I never troll, doesn't come naturally to me. At least, not until I know someone well enough to know how to drive them mad without getting them angry enough to kill me.
Aw, I think you did brilliantly!
Although this might be a struggle, you should wait a week or two, and then text them again.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on March 17, 2011, 03:55:50 PM
Although this might be a struggle, you should wait a week or two, and then text them again.
Or provide the numbers to 'special friends' who can engage in further texting ;-)
Quote from: Ratatosk on March 17, 2011, 06:40:33 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on March 17, 2011, 03:55:50 PM
Although this might be a struggle, you should wait a week or two, and then text them again.
Or provide the numbers to 'special friends' who can engage in further texting ;-)
This.
TGRR,
Has unlimited texting.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 17, 2011, 06:53:15 PM
Quote from: Ratatosk on March 17, 2011, 06:40:33 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on March 17, 2011, 03:55:50 PM
Although this might be a struggle, you should wait a week or two, and then text them again.
Or provide the numbers to 'special friends' who can engage in further texting ;-)
This.
TGRR,
Has unlimited texting.
When we're not fighting... we think frighteningly alike. :horrormirth:
:lulz:
Quote from: Ratatosk on March 17, 2011, 06:58:33 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 17, 2011, 06:53:15 PM
Quote from: Ratatosk on March 17, 2011, 06:40:33 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on March 17, 2011, 03:55:50 PM
Although this might be a struggle, you should wait a week or two, and then text them again.
Or provide the numbers to 'special friends' who can engage in further texting ;-)
This.
TGRR,
Has unlimited texting.
When we're not fighting... we think frighteningly alike. :horrormirth:
:lulz:
This conflict is a necessity. Without it, humanity would be completely fucked. Well, more than it already is.
Ooh.
...Alright, if you who want the asshole's number, PM me. :lulz:
This should happen every single day.
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 18, 2011, 03:00:56 AM
Ooh.
...Alright, if you who want the asshole's number, PM me. :lulz:
Fuck that I want Michelle's number and I'm going to ask her....
1) why are you texting my guy pretending to me be?
2) You should have given Matt a second chance, the penis enlargement surgery had miraculous results.
Sent:
Pussy in my lap
bird in a sack
fur fur in my cap
fur fur in my cap
Hahah! Cant wait to see how this plays out. :D
Quote from: Subtract Eight! on March 18, 2011, 09:11:08 AM
This should happen every single day.
I think so too. :lol:
Quote from: Khara on March 18, 2011, 03:18:57 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 18, 2011, 03:00:56 AM
Ooh.
...Alright, if you who want the asshole's number, PM me. :lulz:
Fuck that I want Michelle's number and I'm going to ask her....
1) why are you texting my guy pretending to me be?
2) You should have given Matt a second chance, the penis enlargement surgery had miraculous results.
I'm starting to doubt the 'michelle' number was legit. Seemed like just some other dude.
Quote from: Sigmatic on March 18, 2011, 04:57:38 PM
I'm starting to doubt the 'michelle' number was legit. Seemed like just some other dude.
Well since my caller id is going to show up as Michelle, I can call and ask for my messages :lulz:
Hohoho! Interesting!
Check your inbox.
I will update as the humor in this continues....
"Who are you?"
"Fur fur in my cap."
Humor elongation much appreciatable.
saying words you know it's cause im so discordian
Quote from: Subtract Eight! on March 18, 2011, 09:57:36 PM
saying words you know it's cause im so discordian
Oh.
Never mind.
Exactly
Reply?
Quote from: Subtract Eight! on March 18, 2011, 10:45:09 PM
Exactly
Reply?
You're that guy who I'm supposed to be ignoring aren't you?
I think so.
Quote from: Subtract Eight! on March 18, 2011, 11:53:05 PM
I think so.
Oh. In that case, please continue being a jackass. I will refrain from commentary.
:miffed:
If people need more random numbers to txt, pm me.
Me: "so, I heard you're back on the market?"
Upon reply, I will reset my phone to taiwanese.