Chapter 1: Twid is an inconsiderate douche who hates you all
Alright, so here's the open submission unlimited family butthurt thread.
So, most of you will know from Open Bar what happened, but I will reiterate for posterity and give a little more background info.
So, yesterday was Thanksgiving, and during dessert time, my godmother/aunt's husband decided to say a bunch of offensive things, apparently in jest. For example loudly calling my other aunt a bitch to cheer her up because my heroin addicted cousin is in rehab. And calling my stepfather, who was not present btw, a fag because he owns 25 suits. All in jest. Also, some vaguely racist comments. All in jest.
Because he's such a funny guy. Funny guy called me a fag when I was 12, with no indication it was in jest, because I got my ear pierced. No one was present in the room except for me, him, and aforementioned cousin in rehab. I then told him he was more of a fag then me, and he slapped me upside the head and told me never to say that again. Did I mention that I'm bisexual?
Well, we openly ignored each other for a good long while and I started going bald so long hair was no longer an option. A couple of years later, it's ok to talk to me. Ok, so, I'm not going to be a douche to him or anything.
Well, we get to last night, and he's calling my stepfather a fag, and making hand motions and such, while talking to my 16 year old sister, (who later confided in me that she found his homophobic comments uncomfortable directed at stepdad or not.) so I vocally state that I'm going out for a smoke.
I say nothing, I go home, I wake up, see some homophobic shit online and text my aunt. So without further ado, I present you with Family Butthurt Theatre, text spelling errors kept accurate as much as possible.
I forget my original text but it went something like this:
Me: So, I've tolerated your husband for a long time now out of respect to you, but last night he went beyond my level of tolerance. I do not want to hear him call my aunt a bitch, and I don't want to hear him calling Nick a fag. Pass along to him if I hear him making homophobic or misogynistic comments in the future, there's going to be a problem. Also I think I heard some vaguely racist stuff in there so throw that on as well.
Whole day goes by. Then:
Her: Im shocked & sad, your text is very upsetting.. No need to worry about dealing with your uncles humor any longer. Just to remind you he was joking with your mom & sister about nicks closet. They were joking Kevin. But no need for you to worry I wont be around for a long long while if at all unless obligations warrant it. What you don't know about Richie is all he has done for the extended family. He even befriended your dad [my biological father] when no one else gave him the time of day.. Although I do agree some of his humor is off color & he pushes the envelop to long he is kidding. I take offensr to both you & him for doing this to me. You have you opinion but I hve to tell you, you took this way out of context. We have all gone thru some vey difficult times lately much of which you have no idea about. the grief I hve gone thru this past year taking care of stuff so no one else had to remains only with me. Yesterday was the first day in a few years that was actually a good day. Not so much anymore.
Me: Well sorry you feel that way. But i find his humor highly offensive and not at all funny. Don't worry about it. Ill excuse myself from this family if i have to Expect to listen to someone casually throw the word faggot around.
Her: Kevin you are dead wrong & very judgmental. I know how you feel. Donmt ever use me as an excuse to remove yourself from the family. If you remeber correctly which you wont because of your bias your mom & [Twidsister name redacted due to being a minor] startd the conversation & we were all laughing. They were just being silly.. [note, Twidsister later told me this is where she got uncomfortable]
Her: Just so you know one of our sons best freind is gay & our male cousin is married to a male we are happy for them that they now don't have to hide & live a life of tourment. Our daughters also have dear friends that gay as well.. So you see kevin u missed judged You took things out of context and you hurt people because u ddnt like someone joking around in a private home your mom and sister included.
Me: If mom and Twidsister are hurt they can tell me themselves. And you can talk about bias if you want but if you accept black people you don't say nigger now do you?
Me: So im sorry for hurting you but I don't expect ill be getting any apology for being offended by unacceptable language.
Her: Kevin I don't know wht happen to you or why u hve some much anger & hate in your heart but how is your mom going to feel when she hears this? [Judging from what she's said about the man herself....]
Me: If she has a problem with me speaking up and saying i don't like something offensive then she can tell me so.
Me: Ill give you that the way i phrased things was douchey and angry. So I will apologize for that. But not for pointing out something that I find objectionable.
Her: Kevin you caused bad feelings because you simply took things out of context. a lot of family is caught in the cross fire that is what is so sad. You are both inconsiderate of others feelings. Ritchie was kidding around trying to be silly he doesnt really think like that. People tht think like tht dont joke around like that. His best friend @ work is black & he would do anything for anyone that needed a hand and believe me he & me have done more than you will know.
Me: How am I supposed to know he doesnt think that way if he talks that way? If he doesn't feel that way why does he talk that way?
Her: same way comedians make their money black white and gay they make light of situations same way composers and rappers make their money I don't always agree and some of the lyrics is crass but these people don't feel that in their soul.. if richie really thought nick was gay he wouldn't of made fun of his closet and he was making fun of himself to because he only has one suit & must be a loser one way or another he likes nick & your mom and know terri [aunt called bitch] is goin thru a riugh time so he tries to tease her to make her laugh and she knows its because he cares for her & is worried for her [Terri's daughter indicated to me that Terri can't stand "short bus"- cousins words not Terri's]
Me: Well good for him then. I still find it objectionable though and im not going to pretend I don't. So yeah ill just avoid family functions from now on.
Her: don't blame that on me and don't use us as an excuse. U have your opinion that dosnt mean its right or that everyone else is wrong you don't like us that the heart of the matter and know I know.
Me: Not using it as an excuse. I don't like hearing that word. If its going to be used in a gathering I don't want to attend that gathering. Its for the same reasons that I don't listen to rap to use your example. If I don't want to hear something ill stay away from it.
Her: Life is way to short u picked a battle that caused a lot of pain to innocent people u said very strong fighting words kevin for what becase I don't lie a word me either if it was ment to hurt but it wasn't you took it too far and cause grief and angst shame on you both but more on you I thought you were a better person didn't realize you had so much hate in you. Im sorry for you.
Me: Yeah I did use strong fighting words. and I admitted that. But if youre going to continue to defend the use of said word were not going to see eye to eye [I was growing tired of the bullshit at this point]
Me: You know ritchie could just stop using that word and I could say hey thanks. Sorry I was a dick about it.
Her: Seriously kevin think about wht u r fight for and who is hurt here me an your mom your sister our family and the real fact that u hate us that is very very sad
Me: Actually I don't hate you but if you need to tell yourself that then feel free.
Her: you both are that's the point nd my kids your couins would never ever talk to or about you dad mom or nick or Twidsister or Midsister he way u talk about richie.
Her: D you know he and I gave our mortgage money twice to your mom because she needed it & you kids were young how she going to feel about waht u said to me and how you feel bout my family over a word you don't like tht your mom also said
Me: I would rather not make speculations about other peoples feelings like you are with me. Mom can tell me what she thinks. Im also pretty sure that we can agree At this point that we are not going to see eye to eye on this. Which is fine. We don't agree on something. That must mean I hate everyone though.
Her: you should speculte and consider others feelings they matter and not for nothing your mom sisters girlfriends [Villager was not present at Thanksgiving] feelings should come ahead of your own. Both you and riche are dispectful and inconsiderate. You both ruined the holidays and this I thought was going to be a peaceful holiday season for once in a long time for all of us. Shame on both of u
Me: Perhaps you should advise your husband to take other peoples feelings into consideration too. But you are speaking for a lot of people who can speak for themselves. One of which did actually tell me that ritchie was offending them. I advised them to tell him so. I would have myself as well but I wouldn't have been very diplomatic about it last night either.
Me: Yes yes shame on me. Im a bad hate filled nephew getting unnecessarily angry at slurs. If youll pardon me I have more people to chastize for minor things. [Patience gone]
Her: you came out swingin kevin with very strong words for what seriously for what kevin
Me: Id love to argue with you all night diane. I really would because I hate everyone but im trying to make dinner plans with my gay friend who id never call a fag.
Her: go for it.
While at dinner:
Host aunt: Hey kev what was up with those texts you sent diane?
Me, out loud: Oh for fuck's sake....
You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 07:44:43 AM
You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...
Oh good fucking GOD.
What a fucking moron. Seriously dude, you were fine. You admitted that your initial reaction was out of line and apologized for it. You were far more civil than I would have been. I would discuss it with the people who she claims are being hurt by your actions, and see if you can't get them to say that stand by you.
Phox,
SLM. SA.
Quote from: Doktor D. Jennifer Phox on November 24, 2012, 08:03:44 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 07:44:43 AM
You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...
Oh good fucking GOD.
What a fucking moron. Seriously dude, you were fine. You admitted that your initial reaction was out of line and apologized for it. You were far more civil than I would have been. I would discuss it with the people who she claims are being hurt by your actions, and see if you can't get them to say that stand by you.
Phox,
SLM. SA.
This fucking shit show of a family isn't going to change. I'll make peace for Marie's sake, and I'll come out of the closet if it helps ease their butthurt.
But fuck them. Roger once told me it doesn't cost anything to be polite. So I'll clear the air, to be polite. But you know.... after transcribing that, I do kinda hate my aunt now.
What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 24, 2012, 08:19:20 AM
What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?
When I was talking to Marie on the phone she was like, "Maybe you don't know some things because you're not around a lot" "Maybe I'm not around a lot for a reason."
And here's the fucked up thing. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like fighting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely patient most of the time (to the point where I'm too patient and end up exploding). I've had some blow outs where I was a huge fucking douche, but that was either because I held it in or I was hammered and someone decided to talk about something best talked about sober. And I've admitted those each time.
And I'm sorry, but you can't walk around wearing a progressive hat and then when you're at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by white, presumably heterosexual, family members take it off and be like, "but I usually wear this hat!" Well yeah, and maybe you should put it back on because I don't like your hairdo.
And, while an argument can be made that I have anger in my heart (I'd say more frustration that people forget they're bipedal), the fact that I even bothered to text her and carrying on, patiently, in a conversation that was obviously going nowhere from the get go, instead of throwing his plate in his face and flipping them all the bird and going "Eat shit and die suckers!" pretty much shows I don't have a lot of the hate.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 07:44:43 AM
You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...
I would hope so.
:cheers:
Also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGAJt-P9E1c
Also, I sent my cousin the link to this thread.
:waves:
Quote from: Net on November 24, 2012, 08:39:38 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 07:44:43 AM
You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...
I would hope so.
:cheers:
Also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGAJt-P9E1c
:lulz:
Thanks Net!
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 08:36:38 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 24, 2012, 08:19:20 AM
What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?
When I was talking to Marie on the phone she was like, "Maybe you don't know some things because you're not around a lot" "Maybe I'm not around a lot for a reason."
And here's the fucked up thing. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like fighting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely patient most of the time (to the point where I'm too patient and end up exploding). I've had some blow outs where I was a huge fucking douche, but that was either because I held it in or I was hammered and someone decided to talk about something best talked about sober. And I've admitted those each time.
And I'm sorry, but you can't walk around wearing a progressive hat and then when you're at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by white, presumably heterosexual, family members take it off and be like, "but I usually wear this hat!" Well yeah, and maybe you should put it back on because I don't like your hairdo.
in addition, "Oh it was just a joke, ha-ha!" is NOT an acceptable excuse. If it was a joke "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I was just joking around. Didn't mean to hurt any feelings. I won't do it again," is the right answer here. "Aww, c'mon, lighten up", "You're not gay/black/whatever, so why does it bother you?", or "You're just being an asshole, it was funny," are dick moves to say the least. To say more accurately, they are behavior that should not be tolerated at any cost. It costs nothing to be polite, but once someone has proven they do not deserve that courtesy, write them the fuck off.
You WERE polite. far more polite than we, your esteemed colleagues, would have been. People need to be called out on that sort of shit. If it's acceptable behind closed doors, then it's a short hop to being acceptable when one of "them" isn't around, even in public. Remember that shit with that Dog the Bounty Hunter guy?
Quote from: Doktor D. Jennifer Phox on November 24, 2012, 08:50:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 08:36:38 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on November 24, 2012, 08:19:20 AM
What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?
When I was talking to Marie on the phone she was like, "Maybe you don't know some things because you're not around a lot" "Maybe I'm not around a lot for a reason."
And here's the fucked up thing. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like fighting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely patient most of the time (to the point where I'm too patient and end up exploding). I've had some blow outs where I was a huge fucking douche, but that was either because I held it in or I was hammered and someone decided to talk about something best talked about sober. And I've admitted those each time.
And I'm sorry, but you can't walk around wearing a progressive hat and then when you're at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by white, presumably heterosexual, family members take it off and be like, "but I usually wear this hat!" Well yeah, and maybe you should put it back on because I don't like your hairdo.
in addition, "Oh it was just a joke, ha-ha!" is NOT an acceptable excuse. If it was a joke "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I was just joking around. Didn't mean to hurt any feelings. I won't do it again," is the right answer here. "Aww, c'mon, lighten up", "You're not gay/black/whatever, so why does it bother you?", or "You're just being an asshole, it was funny," are dick moves to say the least. To say more accurately, they are behavior that should not be tolerated at any cost. It costs nothing to be polite, but once someone has proven they do not deserve that courtesy, write them the fuck off.
You WERE polite. far more polite than we, your esteemed colleagues, would have been. People need to be called out on that sort of shit. If it's acceptable behind closed doors, then it's a short hop to being acceptable when one of "them" isn't around, even in public. Remember that shit with that Dog the Bounty Hunter guy?
Yep. And I think that's ultimately why I said something. Because it's like, this is some fucked up shit right here. Should I say something? Well, yes, it is fucked up shit after all.
And really, what Diane should have done was say something like, "Ah, yeah, I'll talk to him about it, but no need to threaten him. Chill out." Nope. Heel digging.
And there's a reason why they're called tokens. "I'm not [insert odious opinion here], see? I talk to this guy!"
Well, it's 4 am here and I am tired and have to not be such an angry hateful holiday ruiner with shame on him at some point today. So I'll be turning in, as I'm sure sleep deprivation isn't going to help smooth any of this over either.
:lulz:
Yeah, I was thinking that, too. There was, almost literally, "Some of my best friends are black!"
Tokenism: "excusing" bigots since 1970.
Gotta love the "your texts hurt a lot of innocent people" bit. No, ma'am, you, running around and bitching about Twid calling your husband on his bigoted bullshit could have stayed between him, you, and your husband. Instead, you've run to uninvolved members of the family and started a shitstorm in order to ensure that it wasn't just YOUR holiday season that got borked. Since Twid called your husband on his bullshit, you've gotta see how many people you can get pissed off at HIM.
I'm pissed off FOR you, man.
In case you need to hear it, you were right. You were right in a way most people don't have the balls to be right.
Wow, she was so far out of line it's actually pretty remarkable. I don't know what she's telling other people you said, but if I were in your shoes I would actually show them the conversation and let them make up their own minds. My guess is that she was getting defensive and going on the attack because she knows you're right.
Quite possibly.
And, yeah, apparently she just started forwarding my texts to Marie, and presumably everyone else too. Marie had no idea what was going on. She though Diane was trying to text someone else and was bungling it. I was thinking that last night too when I got to the crossfire thing. That's like saying that at high noon one cowboy decides to start shooting into the saloon as well and saying that they got in the way.
Especially since her entire premise for getting angry and attacking you seems to be her willful interpretation of "there's going to be a problem" as a threat of physical violence, which makes more sense if it came from someone she didn't know well, or someone she knew was a big fighter. Because other than that, you basically just said "I don't like hearing my aunt called a bitch or my uncle called a fag, and I don't like the racist stuff either, and I don't want to be around him if he's going to talk like that, it's offensive".
"BAWWWW BUT IT'S A JOKE AND YOU ARE A BAD PERSON FOR NOT LIKING IT AND PLUS GIANT OBLIGATION/GUILT TRIP HE HELPED YOUR MOM OUT WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE" is not, actually, a mature or reasonable response to that.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 24, 2012, 05:33:37 PM
Especially since her entire premise for getting angry and attacking you seems to be her willful interpretation of "there's going to be a problem" as a threat of physical violence, which makes more sense if it came from someone she didn't know well, or someone she knew was a big fighter. Because other than that, you basically just said "I don't like hearing my aunt called a bitch or my uncle called a fag, and I don't like the racist stuff either, and I don't want to be around him if he's going to talk like that, it's offensive".
"BAWWWW BUT IT'S A JOKE AND YOU ARE A BAD PERSON FOR NOT LIKING IT AND PLUS GIANT OBLIGATION/GUILT TRIP HE HELPED YOUR MOM OUT WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE" is not, actually, a mature or reasonable response to that.
Exactly. And I apologized for my wording pretty quickly.
Also:
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 24, 2012, 07:44:06 AM
Me: So im sorry for hurting you but I don't expect ill be getting any apology for being offended by unacceptable language.
BTW, I highly recommend the Profoundly Awkward moment method for dealing with horrible comments at gatherings... when the awful uncle says someone's a fag, cheerfully say "Fags are all right... the man I used to sleep with is one!" or when he calls your aunt a bitch, earnestly say "and every family has an asshole!"
Better yet, laughingly call him a cocksucker and watch him go ballistic. "I was just joking, why did you take that so seriously?"
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 24, 2012, 05:43:38 PM
BTW, I highly recommend the Profoundly Awkward moment method for dealing with horrible comments at gatherings... when the awful uncle says someone's a fag, cheerfully say "Fags are all right... the man I used to sleep with is one!" or when he calls your aunt a bitch, earnestly say "and every family has an asshole!"
Better yet, laughingly call him a cocksucker and watch him go ballistic. "I was just joking, why did you take that so seriously?"
Oh, it's been my hobby for quite some time to correct him. He's also SGitR. Examples:
Aunt: Your dad was my favorite Irishman
Nana: You're my favorite Irishman!
Him: He's not actually Irish though.
Me: How do you figure?
Him: You were born in the US.
Me: That didn't stop Ireland from giving me a passport.
Him: Doesn't matter.
Me: One of Ireland's presidents was born in New York
Him: Which one?
Me: Eamonn DeValera.
Him: I don't remember that. I read his biography.
Me: Must've skipped the first couple of chapters then. :roll:
Him: The first Thanksgiving was in 1642.
Me: Considering that Boston was founded in 1630, that's not possible. I'd probably say it was the 1620s.
Him: Google it! Hmmm.... 1621. You were close Kev. (if by close you mean I gave a range that the actual year fell in, yes I was close)
Him: (asking my sister) Do you know what year the Famine was? [pause] 1843.
Me: '47 [while recognizing that assigning a specific year to a gradual event is a mistake]
Sister: Ooooooooo
Sent Diane a text saying that I would like to clear the air but not yet.
I don't feel like it today. Cheerfully so.
Twidsister has given me permission to use her feelings as (limited) ammo, as of 10 min ago.
And by this, she means both Ritchie's abuse of my aunt and the use of the word faggot. I've been given approval to say that laughter is sometimes uncomfortable laughter and she is the source of that uncomfortable laughter.
Wow.
I'd have gone Chainsaw Billy right off the bat. Eventually you have to let family know the deal.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:37:37 AM
Wow.
I'd have gone Chainsaw Billy right off the bat. Eventually you have to let family know the deal.
I'm really not over the incident when I was twelve.
Nor should I be.
Even if I was entirely straight. No. It's time this shit was addressed, and better from her godson than anyone else.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:37:37 AM
Wow.
I'd have gone Chainsaw Billy right off the bat. Eventually you have to let family know the deal.
Yeah I'm kind of with you there.
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:23:38 AM
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
I'm putting it off.
I really am.
Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:28:17 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:23:38 AM
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
I'm putting it off.
I really am.
Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."
That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably. And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it. I'm done."
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:29:56 AM
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Fuck no! That was a grade A Guilt Trip and Apologist Fest that she used on you.
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:31:05 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:28:17 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:23:38 AM
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
I'm putting it off.
I really am.
Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."
That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably. And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it. I'm done."
I guess the part that hurts the most is that she is my godmother. And I have to. I hve to be ready to say the final fuck you. Especially if she is digging her heels in to support an unsupportable position, if only because that's her husband.
But what can I say?
I haven't hated anyone in my family, blood or no, except for this guy. And I don't hate easily.
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:32:08 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:29:56 AM
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Fuck no! That was a grade A Guilt Trip and Apologist Fest that she used on you.
I felt the guilt. I felt her trying to use it on me and my reaction was "pile on more fuck you"
I think part of the reason I'm ok with revisiting the Vatican is that I'm immune to that shit now.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:29:56 AM
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Ah, no.
Consider that what he said would have gotten him fired if he'd said it in most workplaces. That was some offensive shit, and your aunt was out of line too.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:34:47 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:31:05 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:28:17 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:23:38 AM
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
I'm putting it off.
I really am.
Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."
That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably. And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it. I'm done."
I guess the part that hurts the most is that she is my godmother. And I have to. I hve to be ready to say the final fuck you. Especially if she is digging her heels in to support an unsupportable position, if only because that's her husband.
But what can I say?
I haven't hated anyone in my family, blood or no, except for this guy. And I don't hate easily.
It's rough, hating and dismissing family. It doesn't get much easier, but at least if you're openly saying you're not going to deal with them anymore, you don't have to worry about dancing along some line that'll keep fights from happening. And YOU would be the one in this case doing all the dancing, as her husband isn't going to change his ways, and she isn't going to tell him off as badly as she does you.
It's worth a shot telling them both that your sis was very uncomfortable and was laughing because of her discomfort, because maybe they'll behave themselves at the next couple gatherings, though, before writing them off for good.
But you probably shouldn't listen to me, I'm not good at familying. :lulz:
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:36:39 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:32:08 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:29:56 AM
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Fuck no! That was a grade A Guilt Trip and Apologist Fest that she used on you.
I felt the guilt. I felt her trying to use it on me and my reaction was "pile on more fuck you"
I think part of the reason I'm ok with revisiting the Vatican is that I'm immune to that shit now.
Yeah, guilt trips are REALLY FUCKING INEFFECTIVE once you're aware it's happening. :lulz:
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:42:06 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:36:39 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:32:08 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:29:56 AM
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Fuck no! That was a grade A Guilt Trip and Apologist Fest that she used on you.
I felt the guilt. I felt her trying to use it on me and my reaction was "pile on more fuck you"
I think part of the reason I'm ok with revisiting the Vatican is that I'm immune to that shit now.
Yeah, guilt trips are REALLY FUCKING INEFFECTIVE once you're aware it's happening. :lulz:
For real though. It's ridiculous. The control is nuts.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 04:40:36 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:29:56 AM
I mean, am I bloody wrong? Am I biased?
Please tell me if I am.
Ah, no.
Consider that what he said would have gotten him fired if he'd said it in most workplaces. That was some offensive shit, and your aunt was out of line too.
You're absolutely right Nigel.
Thank you.
You just gave me a nuke, figuratively speaking. Because it's fucking true. If he said that shit at work, his ass would be on unemployment immediately.
Also I never ever said that his employer was the MBTA.
I've never even heard of that acronym. I just take the subway, whatever thats called.
But I guess he has his token so I can't say shit.
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
MBTA? :?
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 05:00:55 AM
MBTA? :?
Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority
aka
Twid's chauffeur.
:sexy suggestive eyebrows:
MB Transit A. Dammit.
www.mbta.com
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:03:30 AM
MB Transit A. Dammit.
www.mbta.com
Nope! I was right the first time! :banana:
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:07:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
I mean, thank the shit out of you but yeah.
If ANYONE said that shit at work.....
Yeah, you're done asshole.
So why is the dinner table different? I mean, aside from secret fags taking offense while angrily eating turkey (AND GETTING NO LEFT OVERS I might add!)
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:10:56 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:07:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
I mean, thank the shit out of you but yeah.
If ANYONE said that shit at work.....
Yeah, you're done asshole.
So why is the dinner table different? I mean, aside from secret fags taking offense while angrily eating turkey (AND GETTING NO LEFT OVERS I might add!)
Because it's Family, probably, and any shit talking can be done, even about your own family members, as long as you aren't saying it to their face. So it is in fact
you who was the dick, Twid. You are a Bad Person, having broken the rule about Not Causing Drama With The Person Who You Had a Problem With.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 05:14:30 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:10:56 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:07:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
I mean, thank the shit out of you but yeah.
If ANYONE said that shit at work.....
Yeah, you're done asshole.
So why is the dinner table different? I mean, aside from secret fags taking offense while angrily eating turkey (AND GETTING NO LEFT OVERS I might add!)
Because it's Family, probably, and any shit talking can be done, even about your own family members, as long as you aren't saying it to their face. So it is in fact you who was the dick, Twid. You are a Bad Person, having broken the rule about Not Causing Drama With The Person Who You Had a Problem With.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Here's the thing Freeky.
Every gathering, they say it to me.
I'm exactly like him. I'm exactly like him. I'm exactly like him.
I've never met him.
I walk like him. I talk like him. I think like him. I am him. Just a little more Irish. A little more immigrant. But I AM HIM.
Who is him?
Twid, how would your mother think about this whole thing?
Aunt, how would your father think about this whole thing?
How would your father think?
How would your father?
Your father?
Father?
Father?
Father?
Apparently I'm his clone. With a little bit of my dad's side. I walk like him. I talk like him. I think like him. CAN I TELL YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP LIKE HIM?
My mother's father died of cancer in 1979.
I was born in 1981.
My aunts can't help but comment, constantly, that I am exactly like him, with a touch of Raymond (my other grandfather).
Then shut the fuck up and listen to your father.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:22:08 AM
My mother's father died of cancer in 1979.
I was born in 1981.
My aunts can't help but comment, constantly, that I am exactly like him, with a touch of Raymond (my other grandfather).
Then shut the fuck up and listen to your father.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Running From Ghosts on November 29, 2012, 05:24:10 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:22:08 AM
My mother's father died of cancer in 1979.
I was born in 1981.
My aunts can't help but comment, constantly, that I am exactly like him, with a touch of Raymond (my other grandfather).
Then shut the fuck up and listen to your father.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
I gotta say Aucoq, that was very nice to type.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:10:56 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:07:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
I mean, thank the shit out of you but yeah.
If ANYONE said that shit at work.....
Yeah, you're done asshole.
So why is the dinner table different? I mean, aside from secret fags taking offense while angrily eating turkey (AND GETTING NO LEFT OVERS I might add!)
In my view, you Do Not Shit Talk at the dinner table. Calling people "bitch", "fag", etc. is absolutely not appropriate dinner table talk. But then, realize that my family background on my mom's side is Mormon, so it might be a little more strict than others. No negative talk at the dinner table, it sours digestion. Keep sweet.
But some things, IMO, the Mormons got right.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:19:46 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 05:14:30 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:10:56 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:07:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
I mean, thank the shit out of you but yeah.
If ANYONE said that shit at work.....
Yeah, you're done asshole.
So why is the dinner table different? I mean, aside from secret fags taking offense while angrily eating turkey (AND GETTING NO LEFT OVERS I might add!)
Because it's Family, probably, and any shit talking can be done, even about your own family members, as long as you aren't saying it to their face. So it is in fact you who was the dick, Twid. You are a Bad Person, having broken the rule about Not Causing Drama With The Person Who You Had a Problem With.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Here's the thing Freeky.
Every gathering, they say it to me.
I'm exactly like him. I'm exactly like him. I'm exactly like him.
I've never met him.
I walk like him. I talk like him. I think like him. I am him. Just a little more Irish. A little more immigrant. But I AM HIM.
Who is him?
Twid, how would your mother think about this whole thing?
Aunt, how would your father think about this whole thing?
How would your father think?
How would your father?
Your father?
Father?
Father?
Father?
Apparently I'm his clone. With a little bit of my dad's side. I walk like him. I talk like him. I think like him. CAN I TELL YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP LIKE HIM?
Just go for it and see what happens. :lol:
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:28:32 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 05:10:56 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 05:07:23 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:58:57 AM
Actually, seriously Nigel, you gave me an inarguable position.
You don't say fag at work. That's it. Story over.
Awesome! Glad I could be useful.
I mean, thank the shit out of you but yeah.
If ANYONE said that shit at work.....
Yeah, you're done asshole.
So why is the dinner table different? I mean, aside from secret fags taking offense while angrily eating turkey (AND GETTING NO LEFT OVERS I might add!)
In my view, you Do Not Shit Talk at the dinner table. Calling people "bitch", "fag", etc. is absolutely not appropriate dinner table talk. But then, realize that my family background on my mom's side is Mormon, so it might be a little more strict than others. No negative talk at the dinner table, it sours digestion. Keep sweet.
But some things, IMO, the Mormons got right.
It's not acceptable at my table.
I'm not exactly sure when my table went out of line with my mother's family, but there is no congruency.
And considering that I am tire of sitting back and waiting for someone else to do something....
Well, yeah.
I am ready to speak for my dead grandfather.
Because I'm pretty damn sure I know what he would say to me.
And I'm pretty damn sure I know what he would say to them.
He's been dead too long, and Diane's asshole husband has been tolerated too long.
Time to bring Buddy back to the table.
I really love the "What would your father think?" As a comeback. Especially because it sounds like they go on for ages with comparing you to him.
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 06:39:45 AM
I really love the "What would your father think?" As a comeback. Especially because it sounds like they go on for ages with comparing you to him.
I was talking to one of my cousins who used him as that sort of example. She told me to expect a lukewarm response.
Except, well, I've been hearing that I'm his goddamn reincarnation for years. So maybe it will work this time.
The more I hear about my grandfather the more I wish he were still alive. Partially because I think he would be an awesome dude to chill with, and partially because this arguement with Diane would have never happened because he would have said, "Richie, shut the fuck up or GTFO" and that would have been the end of it.
As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.
You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P
I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:00:07 AM
As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.
You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P
I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.
I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:04:34 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:00:07 AM
As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.
You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P
I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.
I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"
It reminds them of their own mortality and how things have changed and they aren't changing with 'em. Some day, that will be you. And that's the part that makes us bitchy. Because we know some day we're going to be arguing with our descendants and wondering what the fuck those bastards have been smoking.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:10:45 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:04:34 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:00:07 AM
As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.
You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P
I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.
I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"
It reminds them of their own mortality and how things have changed and they aren't changing with 'em. Some day, that will be you. And that's the part that makes us bitchy. Because we know some day we're going to be arguing with our descendants and wondering what the fuck those bastards have been smoking.
She actually made a pretty interesting argument-
Our generation will never be able to totally agree on anything. We're incapable of groupthink like theirs. We're too used to being plugged in. We're too selfish to agree with everyone else. And that's a good thing.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:16:42 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:10:45 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:04:34 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:00:07 AM
As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.
You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P
I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.
I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"
It reminds them of their own mortality and how things have changed and they aren't changing with 'em. Some day, that will be you. And that's the part that makes us bitchy. Because we know some day we're going to be arguing with our descendants and wondering what the fuck those bastards have been smoking.
She actually made a pretty interesting argument-
Our generation will never be able to totally agree on anything. We're incapable of groupthink like theirs. We're too used to being plugged in. We're too selfish to agree with everyone else. And that's a good thing.
That is pretty true. And it's something to keep in mind when dealing with relatives.
Wow Twid, I feel for ya... Family is a hard line to walk, but I think you're walking it well. I spent a decade completely out of touch with my family because I abandoned their religion. I was honest and sincere with them, but they couldn't handle it. I gotta say, after awhile the hole they left got filled up (horrifically, with the spags from here in some sense). In the past few years, though, they've come around. They finally realized that it was better to have me in their life, even if I didn't agree with their beliefs.
Stick to your ethics, stick to your guns. They will eventually realize that they want you as a part of their life, even if you're all grown up, making your own decisions and have the balls to disagree with them. Or if not, you have us and we're far more sophistically dysfunctional than most families out there! :lulz:
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:34:47 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:31:05 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:28:17 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:23:38 AM
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
I'm putting it off.
I really am.
Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."
That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably. And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it. I'm done."
I guess the part that hurts the most is that she is my godmother. And I have to. I hve to be ready to say the final fuck you. Especially if she is digging her heels in to support an unsupportable position, if only because that's her husband.
But what can I say?
I haven't hated anyone in my family, blood or no, except for this guy. And I don't hate easily.
I know I'm a few pages back, but, honestly, I don't even know my godparents. I'm pretty sure I know who they are but haven't had any contact since I was really young. My mom's dad died before I was born and after my grandmother died when I was 6, all the petty drama and in-fighting boiled over and the only living family (on my mom's side) that she keeps in contact with is a cousin and aunt. At one point when I was on rocky terms with my parents I tried reconnecting with her sister, but after the initial niceness, it turned into nasty jabs here and there about my mom from my aunt and cousins - and just because I was having problems with them at the time didn't mean I wanted to hear all her past drama dredged up. Then, what do you know, after I reconnected with my parents, stopped hearing from her. Whatever.
I've decided in my ripe old age of 27 that be it friends or family, the drama and negative energy just aren't worth it. I have enough friends and family in my life that do care about me and act like decent human beings that I don't need to go where I'm not wanted or deal with behavior I find repugnant. I certainly understand the desire to connect to family, but if you try, and they can't even muster up enough respect to hear you out or try to understand what the problem is, do you really want to call those people your family? I know it's hard, but I don't think you're out of line there and with the guilt-tripping and apologist remarks from your aunt, it just doesn't seem to be worth putting yourself through.
Good luck, man
Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on November 29, 2012, 06:01:44 PM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:34:47 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:31:05 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:28:17 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 29, 2012, 04:23:38 AM
Oohh, good luck Twid man.
I'm putting it off.
I really am.
Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."
That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably. And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it. I'm done."
I guess the part that hurts the most is that she is my godmother. And I have to. I hve to be ready to say the final fuck you. Especially if she is digging her heels in to support an unsupportable position, if only because that's her husband.
But what can I say?
I haven't hated anyone in my family, blood or no, except for this guy. And I don't hate easily.
I know I'm a few pages back, but, honestly, I don't even know my godparents. I'm pretty sure I know who they are but haven't had any contact since I was really young. My mom's dad died before I was born and after my grandmother died when I was 6, all the petty drama and in-fighting boiled over and the only living family (on my mom's side) that she keeps in contact with is a cousin and aunt. At one point when I was on rocky terms with my parents I tried reconnecting with her sister, but after the initial niceness, it turned into nasty jabs here and there about my mom from my aunt and cousins - and just because I was having problems with them at the time didn't mean I wanted to hear all her past drama dredged up. Then, what do you know, after I reconnected with my parents, stopped hearing from her. Whatever.
I've decided in my ripe old age of 27 that be it friends or family, the drama and negative energy just aren't worth it. I have enough friends and family in my life that do care about me and act like decent human beings that I don't need to go where I'm not wanted or deal with behavior I find repugnant. I certainly understand the desire to connect to family, but if you try, and they can't even muster up enough respect to hear you out or try to understand what the problem is, do you really want to call those people your family? I know it's hard, but I don't think you're out of line there and with the guilt-tripping and apologist remarks from your aunt, it just doesn't seem to be worth putting yourself through.
Good luck, man
Thanks Trippin.
Just got off the phone with my godmother. Understanding reached.
I don't expect to be hearing the word faggot in a family setting again.
Also, apparently one of my uncles was a switch hitter too.
I never knew.
Oh, also I got an apology.
Glad to hear it worked out, Twid.
Me too.
Twid
will see if he gets offended on xmas
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 03, 2012, 12:55:25 AM
Me too.
Twid
will see if he gets offended on xmas
If you do, you can always pull out something like:
"Hey, you all keep saying I'm so much like my grandfather... Would grandpa have put up with being disrespected by members of his own family? If he said he didn't want to hear something, would he REALLY have tolerated it being rubbed in his face again the very next time he saw somebody? I don't think so... and I won't put up with it in silence any more either. Stop."
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 02, 2012, 11:16:22 PM
Oh, also I got an apology.
:awesome:
Sounds like you just earned a whole lot of respect in your family... you're doing your grandpa proud!
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 03, 2012, 12:55:25 AM
Me too.
Twid
will see if he gets offended on xmas
Betcha anything that if you do, and you call it out, it stops immediately.
Sometimes stepping up is all it takes to earn their respect, and once you have their respect, even as a younger person, you now have the power to dole out The Shame.
Use it wisely.
Some words I learned from an older, wiser family member: "Well. I don't really think that's appropriate."
Makes grown men blush and apologize. My dad says I channel my grandmother.
Ooh... I like that.
Immediate shame no fuss.
Luna- i think at this point if i hear that particular word again or similar i can say "the resident faggot objects to the f word. Thank you and please redirect your tongues to pie tasting" its out there now. May as well use it. :lulz:
Though as a white male i may well use that for misogynist/racist comments. But i think i made the case that my generation and my sisters generation wont tolerate it. The difference is im a grown man and dont care about speaking up about it.
Twidsister was pretty instrumental in the this is not acceptable at all argument.
It's good to have backup!
Definitely. I also realize now that part of the butthurt was "jesus is kev going nuts?"
im a very quiet guy in person. Internet and/or booze changes that but irl im actually a shy and reserved kind of guy. No one in my extended family has seen me lash out before.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:16:42 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:10:45 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:04:34 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 29, 2012, 07:00:07 AM
As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.
You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P
I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.
I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"
It reminds them of their own mortality and how things have changed and they aren't changing with 'em. Some day, that will be you. And that's the part that makes us bitchy. Because we know some day we're going to be arguing with our descendants and wondering what the fuck those bastards have been smoking.
She actually made a pretty interesting argument-
Our generation will never be able to totally agree on anything. We're incapable of groupthink like theirs. We're too used to being plugged in. We're too selfish to agree with everyone else. And that's a good thing.
It is. When I analyze that, I think:
"never be able to totally agree on anything" = forced to live with a multiplicity of competing opinions within a single peer group.
"incapable of groupthink like theirs" = everyone must come to their own independent decisions and must rely on critical thinking skills rather than simply accepting the group norm
"too used to being plugged in" = more connected to a wider group of friends and family than recent past generations, have a stronger sense of our place in community and our responsibility within said community
"too selfish to agree with everyone else" = have a stronger sense of our own individually informed and developed sense of right and wrong, don't simply unquestionably agree with what has been dictated to us as right or wrong
Yeah, I would say that she's totally right, on all counts.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 03, 2012, 05:47:03 AM
Definitely. I also realize now that part of the butthurt was "jesus is kev going nuts?"
im a very quiet guy in person. Internet and/or booze changes that but irl im actually a shy and reserved kind of guy. No one in my extended family has seen me lash out before.
It's not bad to have that reputation, because then often people take you seriously when you do speak up.
My cousin is a smart cookie. And her support in all of this was very much appreciated.
I told her what was up with my crazy facebook check ins and what do you expect from someone who worships chaos. She said the worships chaos bit made her proud.
Hmmm. Maybe i should give her a pope card along with a xmas card.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 03, 2012, 06:31:41 AM
My cousin is a smart cookie. And her support in all of this was very much appreciated.
I told her what was up with my crazy facebook check ins and what do you expect from someone who worships chaos. She said the worships chaos bit made her proud.
Hmmm. Maybe i should give her a pope card along with a xmas card.
Awww that's cute!
:)
Yoodles, Eldest cousin of twiddledeedee here. Kev, seriously, could you come up with something normal for a name? I know I am chiming in a half-holiday too late but I've been busy with my own BS and my brother's BS and getting a kitten that tried to commit suicide by jumping off a desk. I'm glad you worked things out with Di to the point where you are comfy. Switch hitting uncle...if it is the uncle who took us bowling and ran off to Cali, did you ever hear the story of his flamingly gay friends coming to Buddy's funeral? One guy was wearing a bright red silk cape and carried a walking stick. My mother thought the cardinal was at the funeral.
And, you can be his reincarnation all you want but I am the kid that he always wanted (red head, named Mary, and saner than my namesake). Well, that last part is my own addition but I grew up hearing that he always wanted a daughter just like his wife and I was born a year after he passed so it must have been a sign and blah blah blah...why do you think I'm afraid of that family? I don't want to turn into my namesake. But, you can turn into Buddy. From what I hear, he was the bee's knees.
I might lose my dole benefits at the end of the month but we'll have to get together and behave like some sort of family soon. I promise not to make you drink so much that you puke all over a bar bathroom again. :cheers:
Mary! Yay!
So uh...
Two switch hitting uncles i guess then but i had my suspicions about him myself.
As for name- nephew twiddleton is a combination of a fake trolling character i came up with plus mockery of religious titles. And that was in fact a very pukey day. :oops:
Also that must have been one hell of a sight! Ill have to ask your mom about that.
TWO??? Heaven's to Betsy! Oldest Uncle or the one I won't speak of? It can't be the Captain, really?
The one we wont speak of. If the captain was it would be a huge surprise and more than a little amusing
Also you dont know that. ;)
but apparently he was with a dude when he died.
Welcome, Twidcousin!
^^^ That!
Well now...
Welcome aboard, purplefraggle!
Quote from: purplefraggle on December 08, 2012, 12:33:01 AM
One guy was wearing a bright red silk cape and carried a walking stick.
That sounds like my kind of guy! :lol:
Oh all the polar bears- a few of us decided to do a clone day and then one of the admins disabled the name change function :lulz:
Ohai thar, Twidcousin!
Catching up.
Twid, that guy went from "Ignorant moron you have to overlook" to "POS I wouldn't have in the same room with me" at "Funny guy called me a fag when I was 12, with no indication it was in jest, because I got my ear pierced. No one was present in the room except for me, him, and aforementioned cousin in rehab. I then told him he was more of a fag then me, and he slapped me upside the head and told me never to say that again."
Make him do it again. Beat his ass and then call the cops on him. Make sure they know he threw the first punch.
No, wait. That's all wrong. Boston is weird, they could still get you for fighting.
Get him on some cactus and drop him off someplace he's scared of. Worst ghetto you can find.
Fucker.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 08, 2012, 07:09:59 PM
Catching up.
Twid, that guy went from "Ignorant moron you have to overlook" to "POS I wouldn't have in the same room with me" at "Funny guy called me a fag when I was 12, with no indication it was in jest, because I got my ear pierced. No one was present in the room except for me, him, and aforementioned cousin in rehab. I then told him he was more of a fag then me, and he slapped me upside the head and told me never to say that again."
Make him do it again. Beat his ass and then call the cops on him. Make sure they know he threw the first punch.
No, wait. That's all wrong. Boston is weird, they could still get you for fighting.
Get him on some cactus and drop him off someplace he's scared of. Worst ghetto you can find.
Fucker.
I'm going to get very loud if it happens again, but I'm not going to provoke it. I'll see what Xmas is like, and take if from there.