1. Instead of topless bars, this country needs topless coffee shops. I mean, think about it...Instead of a roomful of drunk guys trying to paw the waitresses, you'll have a room full of hyped-up, jittery guys who are too busy looking at porn on the internet to bother the waitresses.
2. Fire the TSA and issue everyone a hard hat and a binky before they get on the plane. That way, those of us who aren't terrified of smudgy people don't have to get groped before we get on the plane. Wait. Scratch that. It occurs to me that the grope is free. Disregard this item.
3. Set up Facebook so that once someone logs on the second time, they can't go ANYWHERE ELSE on the internet, EVER. It would be like a honey trap for vapid one-line posters.
4. Make Dick Cheney ride around in a wheelchair modeled after Captain Pike's.
5. Make the age of eligibility for the draft begin at 35 and end at 65. We'd never get in another war again.
6. All speed limits should go up to 80MPH, including residential areas. ESPECIALLY residential areas. We need to inject a little Darwinism into our culture, and I can't think of a better way.
7. Put shop classes back in high school. Make home ec a mandatory class at least 3 years out of the K-12 system.
8. Allow illegals in, throw secessionists out.
9. Make Nigel the secretary of health & human services. Make me the secretary of education. Make LMNO the secretary of THE GAY BAR. Make ECH the secretary of the department of OH, WERE THOSE YOUR ICKLE FEEWINGS?
10. Outlaw the making of lists.
These actually WOULD be improvements.
OMFG, you're totally serious. :lulz:
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 03, 2012, 05:08:44 PM
These actually WOULD be improvements.
OMFG, you're totally serious. :lulz:
These are serious times.
And they call for SERIOUS MEASURES(TM).
Wasn't Pike's wheelchair operated by brainwaves? I'm trying to wrap my head around this... :lol:
Buenos Aires has topless coffee shops. No troll.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 03, 2012, 05:24:23 PM
Buenos Aires has topless coffee shops. No troll.
See? We're not the world leaders in ANYTHING anymore. Except obesity.
I like these.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 05:05:04 PM
7. Put shop classes back in high school. Make home ec a mandatory class at least 3 years out of the K-12 system.
Have an add for this: Make them both last at least a semester, the whole year would be better.
I had home ec and shop in 7th grade. For one 9-week period each. Barely enough time to learn anything.
put small arms training back in primary education, too.
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 03, 2012, 05:41:02 PM
put small arms training back in primary education, too.
I'd hold off until high school, but then yeah, they should have a rifle range in the basement of every high school.
and make pre mandatory. and none of that using pe time for health class. That should be another class entirely.
PE is no longer mandatory?!
I fucking hated pe. It was the class i hated the most.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on December 03, 2012, 05:51:58 PM
I fucking hated pe. It was the class i hated the most.
Part of the reason for formal education is to get you used to doing shit that you don't like.
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 03, 2012, 05:49:20 PM
PE is no longer mandatory?!
We only had to take one semester of PE when I was in high school. I took mine in 9th grade and never saw the coaches ever again.
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:08:45 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 03, 2012, 05:49:20 PM
PE is no longer mandatory?!
We only had to take one semester of PE when I was in high school. I took mine in 9th grade and never saw the coaches ever again.
That's pretty fucked up. Without PE class, there's no source of bitterness and life-long rage. This means less energy, and less energy means drones. That is in fact what is wrong with the 20-something generation...They have no stored up hatred to drive them on, and so they don't DO anything (in many cases). Unless you count spending 5 years playing
Zelda on Wii.
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Can you manage a Y membership? They're pretty cheap and they have everything you'd ever want to do, alone or in a group. Last I checked, a single membership ran $27/month after a $50 initiation fee.
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:22:01 PM
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Can you manage a Y membership? They're pretty cheap and they have everything you'd ever want to do, alone or in a group. Last I checked, a single membership ran $27/month after a $50 initiation fee.
You do not want to know how much my gym costs. Admittedly, my membership is abusable as fuck (all free classes, PT, transferrable membership), and I will take full advantage of that come the new year, and it's not like I'm spending the money on anything anyway...
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Shit, yes. This country has been going to the DOGS since people stopped wearing hats. PROPER hats, I mean, not some ballcap on sideways or any shit like that.
Fedoras or flat caps. OR GTFO.
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Cain has the correct worldview.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:26:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Shit, yes. This country has been going to the DOGS since people stopped wearing hats. PROPER hats, I mean, not some ballcap on sideways or any shit like that.
Fedoras or flat caps. OR GTFO.
Coincidentally, everyone in UK should have to wear stetsons. Big fucking stetsons :evil:
High school PE is why it took me so long to develop any joy in physical activity that wasn't hiking. :d And it was part of why I went to the fancy halfday high school I went to my senior year (which is admittedly one of the best things I did educationally in high school altogether).
Wool trench coats should be mandatory in every color but black.
People whose cellphones ring during moneys should be tossed off the top of the theater.
Big-ass beltbuckels - everyone should own one big enough to use as a plate in a tight situation.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on December 03, 2012, 06:37:24 PM
High school PE is why it took me so long to develop any joy in physical activity that wasn't hiking. :d And it was part of why I went to the fancy halfday high school I went to my senior year (which is admittedly one of the best things I did educationally in high school altogether).
Any child who hasn't had their brains smashed into the side of their skull by some hulking jock with a dodgeball...That child has missed something important.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:22:01 PM
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Can you manage a Y membership? They're pretty cheap and they have everything you'd ever want to do, alone or in a group. Last I checked, a single membership ran $27/month after a $50 initiation fee.
Sadly can't even do that. Everything wants whatever little money we get. Like our car that we've only had 6 months now needs to go in the shop. Think it's the transmission. Hoping it doesn't explode or something before we get taxes back, because there is no one to help us this time.
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:39:35 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:22:01 PM
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Can you manage a Y membership? They're pretty cheap and they have everything you'd ever want to do, alone or in a group. Last I checked, a single membership ran $27/month after a $50 initiation fee.
Sadly can't even do that. Everything wants whatever little money we get. Like our car that we've only had 6 months now needs to go in the shop. Think it's the transmission. Hoping it doesn't explode or something before we get taxes back, because there is no one to help us this time.
Yeah, that sucks. Being able to afford $27/month used to be a foregone conclusion. Now it's an exceptional case.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:26:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Shit, yes. This country has been going to the DOGS since people stopped wearing hats. PROPER hats, I mean, not some ballcap on sideways or any shit like that.
Fedoras or flat caps. OR GTFO.
Or trilbys or bowlers.
Quote from: The Waffler on December 03, 2012, 10:56:46 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:26:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Shit, yes. This country has been going to the DOGS since people stopped wearing hats. PROPER hats, I mean, not some ballcap on sideways or any shit like that.
Fedoras or flat caps. OR GTFO.
Or trilbys or bowlers.
NO FUCKING TRIBYS!!! THE FUCKING HIPSTERS RUINED THEM!!!!! WEARING THEM TOO BIG FOR THEIR HEADS AND CALLING THEM FEDORAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bowlers would be acceptable.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:22:01 PM
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Can you manage a Y membership? They're pretty cheap and they have everything you'd ever want to do, alone or in a group. Last I checked, a single membership ran $27/month after a $50 initiation fee.
The Y - or almost any gym - is worth every penny. :) I love fitness. But I hated PE. Most of it was standing around waiting for other people to do stuff anyway. What ever happened to the President's Council On Physical Fitness? My kids didn't have to do it, but it was mandatory for us from 4th grade up.
4th grade: Teacher takes everybody outside and says we're doing something called the "high jump". Bar is set to chest high according to your height. Can regular people even jump over something like that? Some people seem to actually be able to clear it or almost clear it. Maybe it's possible! Run. Jump. Knock bar down with stomach. Fall on ass. Everybody laughs - I could deal with that but the teacher yells at other kids for laughing. Makes it worse, like I'm a retard or a spazz or something.
5th grade: Fake sore throat and get out of PE as long as possible. But this year they do high jump last instead of first. Same shit - fall on ass, everybody laughs, teacher yells.
6th grade: My turn for high jump. "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS IT'S MANDATORY. YOU'RE NOT SICK. JUST DO IT OR BLAH BLAH BLAH." Walk to bar. Shove it out of the way with my hand and walk through. Glare at teacher. Go to office and listen to the principal do the "You can be anything you want in this world I wish I was your age and knew what I know now how come you don't TRYYYYYY?" speech.
How old are your kids? 'Cause we had it. I always walked the mile, just for spite. And because Fresno has some of the worst air in the country and EVERYBODY has asthma here, or damn near.
My daughter is 19 and my son is 21.
They might have made it easier in recent years...I can't see ANY of these chubby kids walking around jumping over a chest high bar.
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on December 03, 2012, 06:28:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:26:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Shit, yes. This country has been going to the DOGS since people stopped wearing hats. PROPER hats, I mean, not some ballcap on sideways or any shit like that.
Fedoras or flat caps. OR GTFO.
Coincidentally, everyone in UK should have to wear stetsons. Big fucking stetsons :evil:
I would take offense to this cultural appropriation. :argh!:
(but i'll sell some to you at a very reasonable cost, authentic TX ones...)
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 04, 2012, 12:08:07 AM
My daughter is 19 and my son is 21.
They might have made it easier in recent years...I can't see ANY of these chubby kids walking around jumping over a chest high bar.
They must've. I certainly don't remember having to jump over anything. We had stretching, running, push ups, and pull/trunk lifts. No leaping involved, and I distinctly remember it being President's.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on December 04, 2012, 12:16:26 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 04, 2012, 12:08:07 AM
My daughter is 19 and my son is 21.
They might have made it easier in recent years...I can't see ANY of these chubby kids walking around jumping over a chest high bar.
They must've. I certainly don't remember having to jump over anything. We had stretching, running, push ups, and pull/trunk lifts. No leaping involved, and I distinctly remember it being President's.
We had lots of jumping...there was a standing broad jump too.
I remember the "arm flex" (pull yourself up and hang on the bar as long as possible) being overhanded, pretty tough.
Huh. I bet, lol.
In the spirit of the OP, I suggest adding jumping back into the phsyical fitness tests. Except they have to leap over a vat of hydrocholoric acid.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 05:05:04 PM
1. Instead of topless bars, this country needs topless coffee shops. I mean, think about it...Instead of a roomful of drunk guys trying to paw the waitresses, you'll have a room full of hyped-up, jittery guys who are too busy looking at porn on the internet to bother the waitresses.
2. Fire the TSA and issue everyone a hard hat and a binky before they get on the plane. That way, those of us who aren't terrified of smudgy people don't have to get groped before we get on the plane. Wait. Scratch that. It occurs to me that the grope is free. Disregard this item.
3. Set up Facebook so that once someone logs on the second time, they can't go ANYWHERE ELSE on the internet, EVER. It would be like a honey trap for vapid one-line posters.
4. Make Dick Cheney ride around in a wheelchair modeled after Captain Pike's.
5. Make the age of eligibility for the draft begin at 35 and end at 65. We'd never get in another war again.
6. All speed limits should go up to 80MPH, including residential areas. ESPECIALLY residential areas. We need to inject a little Darwinism into our culture, and I can't think of a better way.
7. Put shop classes back in high school. Make home ec a mandatory class at least 3 years out of the K-12 system.
8. Allow illegals in, throw secessionists out.
9. Make Nigel the secretary of health & human services. Make me the secretary of education. Make LMNO the secretary of THE GAY BAR. Make ECH the secretary of the department of OH, WERE THOSE YOUR ICKLE FEEWINGS?
10. Outlaw the making of lists.
THIS IS BRILLIANT
Someone put this man in charge, immediately!
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on December 04, 2012, 12:32:20 AM
Huh. I bet, lol.
In the spirit of the OP, I suggest adding jumping back into the phsyical fitness tests. Except they have to leap over a vat of hydrocholoric acid.
That's just brutal.
Dog poo will do. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:22:01 PM
Quote from: Sita on December 03, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
I loved PE while we had it.
It was the only thing in school that brought me out of myself and made me feel good. Now that I think about it, it's not surprising that as soon as I no longer had that my self esteem plummeted and the weight piled on.
Can you manage a Y membership? They're pretty cheap and they have everything you'd ever want to do, alone or in a group. Last I checked, a single membership ran $27/month after a $50 initiation fee.
Community centers are also awesome, and often will waive fees for low income residents.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 03, 2012, 05:24:23 PM
Buenos Aires has topless coffee shops. No troll.
Maine had one but it burned down. And having stopped there once I can assure you that was an improvement.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on December 04, 2012, 07:28:31 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 03, 2012, 05:24:23 PM
Buenos Aires has topless coffee shops. No troll.
Maine had one but it burned down. And having stopped there once I can assure you that was an improvement.
:lulz:
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on December 04, 2012, 12:32:20 AM
Huh. I bet, lol.
In the spirit of the OP, I suggest adding jumping back into the phsyical fitness tests. Except they have to leap over a vat of hydrocholoric acid.
I earned my college PE credits via one quarter of preparing to climb a mountain and another quarter of more preparing and actually climbing St. Helens.
At base camp, our teacher bivouacked in the snow for no good reason (fucking showoff) while we passed around a flask of whiskey and a joint and slept in tents.
:ECH:
Bismark once said that politics are like sausages. It doesn't pay to closely examine what goes into them.
I have an addition to that:
Warfare is the reverse. It doesn't pay to closely examine what comes out of it.
Quote from: Net on December 05, 2012, 12:15:54 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on December 04, 2012, 12:32:20 AM
Huh. I bet, lol.
In the spirit of the OP, I suggest adding jumping back into the phsyical fitness tests. Except they have to leap over a vat of hydrocholoric acid.
I earned my college PE credits via one quarter of preparing to climb a mountain and another quarter of more preparing and actually climbing St. Helens.
At base camp, our teacher bivouacked in the snow for no good reason (fucking showoff) while we passed around a flask of whiskey and a joint and slept in tents.
:ECH:
I think you win. I just took archery and tried not to thwap the hell out of my arm.
I don't like that mountain. When I was there, it made weird noises neither of the geologists of my acquiantance, one of whom has a Ph.d in the subject, have been able to explain to me.
PE (or Ergonomics and Motion, as it's called for music/dance/drama students) is mandatory from 1st through 13th grades in Norway.
I'm fine with that, except I think it should be less competitive and graded pass/not pass instead of 1-6 (F-A).
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 03, 2012, 06:26:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 03, 2012, 06:23:54 PM
Everyone has to wear a fedora hat. No exceptions.
Shit, yes. This country has been going to the DOGS since people stopped wearing hats. PROPER hats, I mean, not some ballcap on sideways or any shit like that.
Fedoras or flat caps. OR GTFO.
Women too. And gloves. FFS.
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pDUnZl-rVOs/T6Q_j0d-ZDI/AAAAAAAAAdk/SrRwRIarQ2M/s1600/thin_man.jpg)
the thing is. Do we want collared shirts ties and jackets to come back?
Quote from: H0list on December 05, 2012, 06:11:19 PM
the thing is. Do we want collared shirts ties and jackets to come back?
No.
Yes. For everyone.
im disappointed that we're not all wearing shiny synthetic one piece jumpsuits, yet.
Collared shirts (no button-down collars), Jackets when temperate, ties optional.
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 05, 2012, 07:36:53 PM
im disappointed that we're not all wearing shiny synthetic one piece jumpsuits, yet.
Uhhh....McDonald's. Cheetos. Mountain Dew. America
(TM).
Ippie- im not. Actually i never ever really got that. People from the future have strange fashion sense and i think thats why we keep them there.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 05, 2012, 07:51:23 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 05, 2012, 07:36:53 PM
im disappointed that we're not all wearing shiny synthetic one piece jumpsuits, yet.
Uhhh....McDonald's. Cheetos. Mountain Dew. America(TM).
whu?
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 05, 2012, 07:37:11 PM
Collared shirts (no button-down collars), Jackets when temperate, ties optional.
Blasphemer. The only acceptable collared shirts are those with insanely ugly "Hawaiian" prints on them. All others are SACRILEGE and a form of SIN that cannot be countenanced.
You see my avatar? That's BEFORE the Truth was revealed to me. Consult the Book of Richterian Wisdom. T-shirts or GTFO. And ties are a Satanic symbol. Wear one in Arizona and we'll make your eyes bleed, if you don't suffocate first. The Sun God takes no prisoners.
REPENT, FOOLS!
THERE'S STILL TIME! TOO LATE! YOU'RE GONNA BURN!
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on December 05, 2012, 07:51:23 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on December 05, 2012, 07:36:53 PM
im disappointed that we're not all wearing shiny synthetic one piece jumpsuits, yet.
Uhhh....McDonald's. Cheetos. Mountain Dew. America(TM).
Yep. We have a CULTURAL cheesy synthetic jumpsuit.