Roger, this is my latest OK Cupid exchange with an eligible hottie. What should I say?
Me:
QuoteYour profile is so compellingly existential! We should gaze into the abyss together. To say yes, stand in a hallway. Pick up a shoe, and then drop it. Cry.
Him:
QuoteOk.i did it.yea that felt good
Me:
QuoteI'm all about facilitating catharsis.
Him:
QuoteSounds great.is it nap time yet?
Me:
QuotePotato.
Him:
QuoteI say potato
It's pronounced different
Me:
QuoteHow about the other nightshades?
Him:
QuoteSure.whatever works
NOW WHAT?
brb, idiots
I'm gonna have fun with this.
I had a good one from a guy but he turned out to have MS so I didn't feel right unleashing the wrath upon him.
Dear <insert name>,
While I love nothing more than abyss gazing, dadaistic behavior, and crying for no reason other than the monumental load of angst riding across my broken & battered shoulders, I feel that your unorthodox way of pronouncing "potato" is unfortunate and a deal-killer.
You see, way back when we started this company, we decided on some core values that would ensure our position as world leaders in the OKC industry. One of those values is the use of the English language, which is non-negotiable and most definitely non-subjective. Your flagrant abuse of the language makes the Queen of England cry, and she seems like such a nice old lady.
No, your willingness to abuse the elderly in such a manner speaks volumes with respect to your character, and I feel that you and I are thus incompatible. If I may offer some advice, though, for your on-going search for someone emo enough to suit you, perhaps you could go hang out at the local mental hospital, or perhaps the hipster coffee & wine bar of your choice.
So while it may be "nap time", it is not the nap you were expecting. It is me, sleeping peacefully, while you wank into your happy sock until dawn, weeping miserably because yet another woman has seen you for what you are, and refuses to get on the tallbike with you.
I do hope we can remain friends. We can talk about the abyss, now and then...But only online. People like you put me right up a fucking tree in person, and I have enough legal bills as it is.
Love & Nightshades,
NIGEL
BRILLIANT
SENT!
This is the most adorable thing ever.
"happy sock" :lulz:
Now I want to make a bad, dabby painting of happy little socks. And Jergens and a couple of battered jack mags.
Quote from: stelz on April 19, 2013, 11:14:14 PM
"happy sock" :lulz:
Now I want to make a bad, dabby painting of happy little socks. And Jergens and a couple of battered jack mags.
You could make a LIVING off that.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 19, 2013, 11:22:51 PM
Quote from: stelz on April 19, 2013, 11:14:14 PM
"happy sock" :lulz:
Now I want to make a bad, dabby painting of happy little socks. And Jergens and a couple of battered jack mags.
You could make a LIVING off that.
Nigel, I'm the kind of person who would actually try to do that. :lol:
*goes to inventory art supplies*
Quote from: stelz on April 19, 2013, 11:28:36 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 19, 2013, 11:22:51 PM
Quote from: stelz on April 19, 2013, 11:14:14 PM
"happy sock" :lulz:
Now I want to make a bad, dabby painting of happy little socks. And Jergens and a couple of battered jack mags.
You could make a LIVING off that.
Nigel, I'm the kind of person who would actually try to do that. :lol:
*goes to inventory art supplies*
DO IT DO IT DO IT.
nicepeeps says: 4u
Quotehello,
my name is rich..my friends call me rich..and my enemies call me dick ...its all good...smiling..
great pictures..love the energy you have for the beauty of life's simple offerings.. but are you really into outdoors?..love it...
I realize I can be a little over wealming at first glance...my shear size and muscles are amazing...hahaha....just asking for to be a friend first..ok is kissing ok..smiling ...just looking for a partner of friendship that will become a partner of life to explore everything this environment has to offer ... but asking for you to get to really know me and you will see how great my shuffleboard skills are before not considering me.....hahaha
have a great day
cheers
rich
I shall be in my office tomorrow, ON SATURDAY. I shall harness the rage and hate of being in my office ON SATURDAY, and write appropriate responses.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 20, 2013, 05:14:27 AM
I shall be in my office tomorrow, ON SATURDAY. I shall harness the rage and hate of being in my office ON SATURDAY, and write appropriate responses.
Gee, Roger, you must be a Good American and Truly Dedicated to Your Job to go to work on a Saturday!
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 20, 2013, 05:25:40 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 20, 2013, 05:14:27 AM
I shall be in my office tomorrow, ON SATURDAY. I shall harness the rage and hate of being in my office ON SATURDAY, and write appropriate responses.
Gee, Roger, you must be a Good American and Truly Dedicated to Your Job to go to work on a Saturday!
Well, no. It's more that A) I'm on salary, and B) Confined space entry requires that I be on site.
And, you know, MAD SCIENCE.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 05:11:03 AM
nicepeeps says: 4u
Quotehello,
my name is rich..my friends call me rich..and my enemies call me dick ...its all good...smiling..
great pictures..love the energy you have for the beauty of life's simple offerings.. but are you really into outdoors?..love it...
I realize I can be a little over wealming at first glance...my shear size and muscles are amazing...hahaha....just asking for to be a friend first..ok is kissing ok..smiling ...just looking for a partner of friendship that will become a partner of life to explore everything this environment has to offer ... but asking for you to get to really know me and you will see how great my shuffleboard skills are before not considering me.....hahaha
have a great day
cheers
rich
Admiral Ackbar says it's a trap. This dude sounds like he's a few bricks shy of a picnic.
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:02:23 AM
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
. . . maybe they smell like cat pee?
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:02:23 AM
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
I'M
A MODEL
YOU KNOW
WHAT I
MEAN?
AND I DO
MY LITTLE
TURN ON
THE CATWALK
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 20, 2013, 05:50:39 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 05:11:03 AM
nicepeeps says: 4u
Quotehello,
my name is rich..my friends call me rich..and my enemies call me dick ...its all good...smiling..
great pictures..love the energy you have for the beauty of life's simple offerings.. but are you really into outdoors?..love it...
I realize I can be a little over wealming at first glance...my shear size and muscles are amazing...hahaha....just asking for to be a friend first..ok is kissing ok..smiling ...just looking for a partner of friendship that will become a partner of life to explore everything this environment has to offer ... but asking for you to get to really know me and you will see how great my shuffleboard skills are before not considering me.....hahaha
have a great day
cheers
rich
Admiral Ackbar says it's a trap. This dude sounds like he's a few bricks shy of a picnic.
That's true of 2/3 of the messages I receive, only more so.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 20, 2013, 06:03:34 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:02:23 AM
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
I'M
A MODEL
YOU KNOW
WHAT I
MEAN?
AND I DO
MY LITTLE
TURN ON
THE CATWALK
THIS IS AMAZING.
He's all about it. I should have used Roger™ years ago!
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 20, 2013, 06:03:23 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:02:23 AM
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
. . . maybe they smell like cat pee?
:lulz:
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:09:31 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 20, 2013, 06:03:34 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:02:23 AM
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
I'M
A MODEL
YOU KNOW
WHAT I
MEAN?
AND I DO
MY LITTLE
TURN ON
THE CATWALK
THIS IS AMAZING.
He's all about it. I should have used Roger™ years ago!
Um, actually, you did. 2 years ago, in a thread very much like this one.
Only I wrote your profile, and profiles for a bunch of other people, most of whom got big hits from it.
I should do that again.
Post profile questions, and teh LOOOOVE DOKTOR will hook your shit up.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 20, 2013, 06:11:31 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:09:31 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 20, 2013, 06:03:34 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 06:02:23 AM
Iiii do not even understand this... the guy I sent that to wants to be my text buddy now.
:?
Roger's feminine wiles work so much better than my own.
I'M
A MODEL
YOU KNOW
WHAT I
MEAN?
AND I DO
MY LITTLE
TURN ON
THE CATWALK
THIS IS AMAZING.
He's all about it. I should have used Roger™ years ago!
Um, actually, you did. 2 years ago, in a thread very much like this one.
Only I wrote your profile, and profiles for a bunch of other people, most of whom got big hits from it.
I should do that again.
Post profile questions, and teh LOOOOVE DOKTOR will hook your shit up.
Oh, the profiles were AMAZING.
But actually using personalized responses to their messages, written by you... FUCKING PRICELESS.
I have an OKC account for looking at the spags who are completely incompatible with me and laughing.
it's a blank profile...
Quote from: Pixie on April 20, 2013, 11:16:48 AM
I have an OKC account for looking at the spags who are completely incompatible with me and laughing.
it's a blank profile...
Post the questions.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 05:11:03 AM
nicepeeps says: 4u
Quotehello,
my name is rich..my friends call me rich..and my enemies call me dick ...its all good...smiling..
great pictures..love the energy you have for the beauty of life's simple offerings.. but are you really into outdoors?..love it...
I realize I can be a little over wealming at first glance...my shear size and muscles are amazing...hahaha....just asking for to be a friend first..ok is kissing ok..smiling ...just looking for a partner of friendship that will become a partner of life to explore everything this environment has to offer ... but asking for you to get to really know me and you will see how great my shuffleboard skills are before not considering me.....hahaha
have a great day
cheers
rich
Dear Rich,
I am ever so glad to hear that you are freakishly muscular. I cannot abide a sloppy man. I, too, am a bit of a fanatic for physical conditioning...In fact, I am known in certain parts of Portland as The Queen of Transverse Abdominal Exercises. I can now in fact fire gametes out of my ovaries with killing force. Well, they're not so much "gametes" as "genetic ball bearings".
However, based on your use of spelling, punctuation, and grammar, I have to ask you if you use performance enhancers alongside your workout. It's not only
cheating, it also causes all manner of brain damage, which leads to things like excessive use of elipses. Remember, elipses may be
cool, but they are no susbstitute for actual thinking.
As far as shuffleboard goes, are you playing by the wimp rules, or Tucson rules, in which a street urchin is used as a puck, and the "paddles" are illegal Argentinian cattle prods? I'm afraid I have to know this before we go any farther.
Interested so far,
Nigel
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 05:08:20 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 19, 2013, 11:47:29 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 19, 2013, 10:53:55 PM
BRILLIANT
SENT!
More hipsters, pls.
I've got The Holies™.
MrBlueEyes6900 says,
QuoteSup baby
Mr Blue Eyes,
Well, you are obviously a past-master at verbal seduction. The elegance of your prose speaks volumes. I have in fact torn down my poster of William Shakespeare, and put a printout of your post in it's place. You, sir, are a fucking literary GENIUS, and the idea of you eventually dying without passing those genes on makes me weep for the future of mankind.
And while I can't help with that, having had all of my "plumbing" replaced with schedule 80 PVC, I can instead suggest that you set up a cot and a 55 gallon barrel of Jergens at the local sperm bank, and get busy.
Do it for the future.
My sincerest admiration,
Nigel
:lulz: These are fantastic. They give me a reason to not summarily delete the idiotic messages I get.
I'll post responses, if any.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 20, 2013, 05:44:48 PM
:lulz: These are fantastic. They give me a reason to not summarily delete the idiotic messages I get.
I'll post responses, if any.
Looking forward to it.
Yes, responses! :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
I will need to update my OKCupid profile when I move to Switzerland. I may call upon your assistance in the near future, Roger.
Quote from: Cain on April 20, 2013, 06:33:56 PM
I will need to update my OKCupid profile when I move to Switzerland. I may call upon your assistance in the near future, Roger.
We aim to please.
These letters aren't even for me, and I'm swooning a little bit. :oops:
So far, the only person who has responded is my new friend the existentialist. :lulz: He says he loves the letter, it was brilliantly written, and the happy sock line was genius.
He could actually be alright... :?
Nah. OKC.
This is him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHr3hKRe0BA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HirBduKGeNM
We've been chatting. He's alright, artsy, maybe reasonably smart but with low self-esteem.
Which means it would be irresponsible of me to go there, I would wreck him.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 21, 2013, 05:32:59 PM
This is him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHr3hKRe0BA
I may have to do my response over.
Seriously.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 21, 2013, 05:35:37 PM
We've been chatting. He's alright, artsy, maybe reasonably smart but with low self-esteem.
Which means it would be irresponsible of me to go there, I would wreck him.
I admire your restraint. Save your
wrath love for the hipsters, Nigel!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 21, 2013, 10:46:17 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 21, 2013, 05:32:59 PM
This is him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHr3hKRe0BA
I may have to do my response over.
Seriously.
I am 100% in favor of this.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 22, 2013, 09:34:02 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 21, 2013, 05:35:37 PM
We've been chatting. He's alright, artsy, maybe reasonably smart but with low self-esteem.
Which means it would be irresponsible of me to go there, I would wreck him.
I admire your restraint. Save your wrath love for the hipsters, Nigel!
Too late.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 22, 2013, 05:28:39 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 21, 2013, 10:46:17 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 21, 2013, 05:32:59 PM
This is him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHr3hKRe0BA
I may have to do my response over.
Seriously.
I am 100% in favor of this.
Dear Worm,
I am uncertain as to what that video was supposed to be, but I will say that it had a profound influence on me. Spefically, the influence to suggest that you seek medical attention, and perhaps wear a hockey helmet when you don't have direct supervision.
You know, it's things like this that give art a bad name. "Performance Art", for the most part, is sort of the retarded child of Yoko Ono and John Lennon, and if I were in charge of things, the critique of performance "art" would involve scorpions and big shitty sticks.
I remain curious, though, as to what was running through your head when you decided that would be a good idea? Old Ronald Reagan lightbulb commercials? Soupy Sales' festering corpse? Or perhaps just a low buzzing noise?
At some point in everyone's life there comes an urge to publicly shove your reproductive organs into the sausage grinder...and, like politics, sausages may be nice, but nobody wants to see how they get made. This is basically what you have done.
The above video ruined my day. I am still cringing at the notion of what sort of mental processes determined that as "art" in some way. Art is
work, and THAT was just
silly. It is the artistic equivalent of changing batteries in a flashlight and then proclaiming yourself an electrical engineer.
The only rational explanation for that video is that you're trying out for a part in Fatboy Slim's next abortion. If that's the case, I wish you luck, and I hope it doesn't lead to you working the Renn Fair, eating mud pies or whatever the hell it is that You People do.
- Nigel
:lulz: If he liked the last one, he'll LOVE that.
Roger is like CYRANO, only with shitty sticks, sausage grinders and Fatboy Slim's next abortion. :lulz:
Quote from: stelz on April 22, 2013, 07:29:13 PM
Roger is like CYRANO, only with shitty sticks, sausage grinders and Fatboy Slim's next abortion. :lulz:
And my nose isn't quite THAT big.
MOAR. MY NEED IS MOAR.
I have a lot of stress to toss out, here.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 22, 2013, 05:29:44 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 22, 2013, 09:34:02 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 21, 2013, 05:35:37 PM
We've been chatting. He's alright, artsy, maybe reasonably smart but with low self-esteem.
Which means it would be irresponsible of me to go there, I would wreck him.
I admire your restraint. Save your wrath love for the hipsters, Nigel!
Too late.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
For some reason, nobody's replying. :?
Maybe I need you to write me a new profile.
OH HERE'S A LIVE ONE:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lets-party-on?cf=messages
QuoteWhat does your spiritual advisor tell you about live money and more
What you mean his head is full of bees
For those who are internet-impaired, here are the contents of his profile:
You're visiting lets-party-on
What I'm doing with my life
I'm trying to make my life better and full filling to the fullest
I'm really good at
Cooking , baking, singing landscaping, I'm a really good listener for women
The first things people usually notice about me
I look younger than I am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Favorite books Stephen king , food is pizza movie super troopers I love all kinds of music I'm not picky
The six things I could never do without
1.Water ,Friends ,Music Family Life itself, my cell phone
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How I can improve my life and make it better .And to buy my own place. And make things better
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm watching a movie on TV and relaxing
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
I love to clean house I love to dance to music and get my grove on .
I'm looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 28–48
Near me
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners, long-distance penpals, casual sex
You should message me if
You want to know more about me ,or if you have any other questions
I wonder if he's selectively deaf towards men. Like, when guys talk, he just hears grunting and farts. That would be a weird mutant power to have.
How can people notice he looks younger as he is as the first thing about him? BEEP BOOP DOES NOT COMPUTE. REDO ERROR FROM START.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 23, 2013, 01:38:16 AM
OH HERE'S A LIVE ONE:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lets-party-on?cf=messages
QuoteWhat does your spiritual advisor tell you about live money and more
What you mean his head is full of bees
This is my third attempt. Hotkeys keep eating my posts. I hate this laptop so much my dick is hard.
Dear Mr Midlife Crisis,
What I mean by "his head is full of bees" is sort of like "his head is full of malice, broken glass, and petrified old prophylactics", only more aggressively so. He is a bad person on just about every level, but so were just about all the old testament prophets (Samuel? HELLO!).
I don't understand what you mean by "live money and more", unless you meant "life, money, and more", in which case it's what he HASN'T said. I swear to God, he never shuts up when he gets a case of the holies.
"Money" is something that he should have, apparently. It is the root of all evil, and he wishes to selflessly take the evil onto himself, so we should send him all the filthy lucre that is currently or in the future staining our souls. Life seems to annoy him. On hearing of the possibility of life on Mars, he shot his television with some ridiculously large handgun and fucked off into the desert for 3 weeks. He does that fairly often.
And "other"? Christ on a barstool, that assmonkey has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and he's more than happy to bray it (and a gallon of spittle) into your horrified face. In public. With people watching. This is precisely why I chose a holy man that lives 2000 miles away, and only visit him once a decade. Last time I went down, he was in the throes of benzodiazapam withdrawal, and had decided to alleviate it by pouring bourbon down himself. I told him it was a bad idea, but he wasn't listening, he was screaming out the window at some tea party slob, while my horrified (then) boyfriend drove. Then he puked out the window and had some kind of fit.
He doesn't have good ideas, he just has holiness. Specifically, you feel much more glad to be alive when you leave his presence.
If you have any specific questions, I shall be happy to pass them on, but caveat emptor, if you catch my drift.
- Nigel
That's fucking beautiful. :lulz:
I'd have just asked him about the goddamn trees. He said "I love to dance to music and get my grove on."
Quote from: Cain on April 23, 2013, 03:28:17 AM
How can people notice he looks younger as he is as the first thing about him? BEEP BOOP DOES NOT COMPUTE. REDO ERROR FROM START.
THANK YOU! I was wondering the same thing.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 23, 2013, 03:03:26 AM
I wonder if he's selectively deaf towards men. Like, when guys talk, he just hears grunting and farts. That would be a weird mutant power to have.
Quote from: Cain on April 23, 2013, 03:28:17 AM
How can people notice he looks younger as he is as the first thing about him? BEEP BOOP DOES NOT COMPUTE. REDO ERROR FROM START.
Quote from: stelz on April 23, 2013, 04:35:47 AM
I'd have just asked him about the goddamn trees. He said "I love to dance to music and get my grove on."
:lulz: All of these thoughts also passed through my head in a glorious crescendo of WTFLOL.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 23, 2013, 04:15:11 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 23, 2013, 01:38:16 AM
OH HERE'S A LIVE ONE:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lets-party-on?cf=messages
QuoteWhat does your spiritual advisor tell you about live money and more
What you mean his head is full of bees
This is my third attempt. Hotkeys keep eating my posts. I hate this laptop so much my dick is hard.
Dear Mr Midlife Crisis,
What I mean by "his head is full of bees" is sort of like "his head is full of malice, broken glass, and petrified old prophylactics", only more aggressively so. He is a bad person on just about every level, but so were just about all the old testament prophets (Samuel? HELLO!).
I don't understand what you mean by "live money and more", unless you meant "life, money, and more", in which case it's what he HASN'T said. I swear to God, he never shuts up when he gets a case of the holies.
"Money" is something that he should have, apparently. It is the root of all evil, and he wishes to selflessly take the evil onto himself, so we should send him all the filthy lucre that is currently or in the future staining our souls. Life seems to annoy him. On hearing of the possibility of life on Mars, he shot his television with some ridiculously large handgun and fucked off into the desert for 3 weeks. He does that fairly often.
And "other"? Christ on a barstool, that assmonkey has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and he's more than happy to bray it (and a gallon of spittle) into your horrified face. In public. With people watching. This is precisely why I chose a holy man that lives 2000 miles away, and only visit him once a decade. Last time I went down, he was in the throes of benzodiazapam withdrawal, and had decided to alleviate it by pouring bourbon down himself. I told him it was a bad idea, but he wasn't listening, he was screaming out the window at some tea party slob, while my horrified (then) boyfriend drove. Then he puked out the window and had some kind of fit.
He doesn't have good ideas, he just has holiness. Specifically, you feel much more glad to be alive when you leave his presence.
If you have any specific questions, I shall be happy to pass them on, but caveat emptor, if you catch my drift.
- Nigel
:lulz: Oh this is gonna be good. :lulz:
Quote from: stelz on April 23, 2013, 04:35:47 AM
That's fucking beautiful. :lulz:
I'd have just asked him about the goddamn trees. He said "I love to dance to music and get my grove on."
If he tells you he's a pagan, ask if he's on TCC. It could be EBS or C_A in disguise or something.
IIRC, everybody at that site is stated to be at least "30% enemy", even if the computer spits them out as a "match".
BURN IT.
I am concerned that "lets-party-on" is ACTUALLY RETARDED, because he replied to
that with this;
QuoteSon how did you get in touch with him what is your nature to him have you seeked his wisdom or so for years and does it work tell me more about you what are you in for this world to conquer and what is your goal you want to do before to long.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 23, 2013, 11:56:25 PM
I am concerned that "lets-party-on" is ACTUALLY RETARDED, because he replied to that with this;
QuoteSon how did you get in touch with him what is your nature to him have you seeked his wisdom or so for years and does it work tell me more about you what are you in for this world to conquer and what is your goal you want to do before to long.
I feel kinda bad about this.
But not bad enough to stop. Check this space tomorrow morning.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 24, 2013, 12:18:35 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 23, 2013, 11:56:25 PM
I am concerned that "lets-party-on" is ACTUALLY RETARDED, because he replied to that with this;
QuoteSon how did you get in touch with him what is your nature to him have you seeked his wisdom or so for years and does it work tell me more about you what are you in for this world to conquer and what is your goal you want to do before to long.
I feel kinda bad about this.
But not bad enough to stop. Check this space tomorrow morning.
:hammer:
If there's any spare HOLY around, I actually got one of these:
Quoteso, since when are models on this site?
I'm not even joking.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 24, 2013, 10:54:52 PM
If there's any spare HOLY around, I actually got one of these:
Quoteso, since when are models on this site?
I'm not even joking.
:lulz: Wow.
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
Quote from: stelz on April 23, 2013, 07:51:10 PM
IIRC, everybody at that site is stated to be at least "30% enemy", even if the computer spits them out as a "match".
BURN IT.
Really? I'm sure I had lots of people who were only 5% enemy. You know, as I'm fairly laid back and all.
But I haven't really been on it in the past 18 months.
Quote from: stelz on April 23, 2013, 07:51:10 PM
IIRC, everybody at that site is stated to be at least "30% enemy", even if the computer spits them out as a "match".
BURN IT.
Dunno where you heard that, it isn't true.
It's the way the matches came back when we were trolling there.
Then again, on my profile I typed ALL CAPS and said my dog dug up my other dog that died and ate it. :lol:
Quote from: stelz on April 25, 2013, 06:31:16 PM
It's the way the matches came back when we were trolling there.
Then again, on my profile I typed ALL CAPS and said my dog dug up my other dog that died and ate it. :lol:
That was an AMAZING profile!
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 08:12:06 PM
Quote from: stelz on April 25, 2013, 06:31:16 PM
It's the way the matches came back when we were trolling there.
Then again, on my profile I typed ALL CAPS and said my dog dug up my other dog that died and ate it. :lol:
That was an AMAZING profile!
It's still there, I just checked. And people are still PMing her.
If anybody wants to take it over, shoot me a PM and I'll send the login and password. :lulz:
Best PM:
(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y137/Stella01904/die_zpsce999517.jpg)
Sweet jesus. :lulz:
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Quote from: Pixie on April 26, 2013, 01:00:16 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Will write both tomorrow. After dealing with the fire department & OSHA. And just before seppeku.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 02:52:04 AM
Quote from: Pixie on April 26, 2013, 01:00:16 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Will write both tomorrow. After dealing with the fire department & OSHA. And just before seppeku.
Ummmm :eek:
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 04:39:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 02:52:04 AM
Quote from: Pixie on April 26, 2013, 01:00:16 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Will write both tomorrow. After dealing with the fire department & OSHA. And just before seppeku.
Ummmm :eek:
It's a little busy.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 05:44:58 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 04:39:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 02:52:04 AM
Quote from: Pixie on April 26, 2013, 01:00:16 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Will write both tomorrow. After dealing with the fire department & OSHA. And just before seppeku.
Ummmm :eek:
It's a little busy.
As I mentioned in PM, I am slightly worried that this place is an actual, literal deathtrap.
Please don't get blown up.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 05:49:03 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 05:44:58 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 04:39:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 02:52:04 AM
Quote from: Pixie on April 26, 2013, 01:00:16 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Will write both tomorrow. After dealing with the fire department & OSHA. And just before seppeku.
Ummmm :eek:
It's a little busy.
As I mentioned in PM, I am slightly worried that this place is an actual, literal deathtrap.
Please don't get blown up.
I will be fine. Right now, we have half the fire department and 6 OSHA guys here
practicing an evacuation of an injured man from a confined space entry.
I had three of them, the hazmat rescue team, all say to me "Wow, I'm glad I don't work here."
Too tired to do these profiles now. I'm going to take a nap. Later.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 05:52:02 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 05:49:03 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 05:44:58 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 04:39:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 02:52:04 AM
Quote from: Pixie on April 26, 2013, 01:00:16 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 25, 2013, 05:22:43 PM
So Roger, I know that you are currently swamped at work but I think it's time my OK Cupid profile got an overhaul. So, if you're game, when you have time, will you write me a new one?
The categories are:
My self-summary
What I'm doing with my life
I'm really good at
The first thing people usually notice about me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
You should message me if
You write it, I post it.
Hilarity ensues.
my profile is blank. needs ROGER.
Will write both tomorrow. After dealing with the fire department & OSHA. And just before seppeku.
Ummmm :eek:
It's a little busy.
As I mentioned in PM, I am slightly worried that this place is an actual, literal deathtrap.
Please don't get blown up.
I will be fine. Right now, we have half the fire department and 6 OSHA guys here practicing an evacuation of an injured man from a confined space entry.
I had three of them, the hazmat rescue team, all say to me "Wow, I'm glad I don't work here."
:x :x :x
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 06:04:33 PM
Too tired to do these profiles now. I'm going to take a nap. Later.
Sleep well! You earned it.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 26, 2013, 09:33:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2013, 06:04:33 PM
Too tired to do these profiles now. I'm going to take a nap. Later.
Sleep well! You earned it.
Can't, yet.
Shit keeps going. This place is like some demonic Energizer Bunny.
I never liked that pink fucker. :argh!:
ROGER I NEED YOU!
QuoteI caught you a delicious bass and im holding it. Hopefully this doesn't turn on the Tuscan guy. Hi, I've been called Paul once or twice in my life. This Paul guy kinda likes the mime look. If you want ro know more then tou know what to do. Luap
And then we have the minimalist, whose username is also his phone number:
QuoteHi
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 05, 2013, 06:01:31 AM
ROGER I NEED YOU!
QuoteI caught you a delicious bass and im holding it. Hopefully this doesn't turn on the Tuscan guy. Hi, I've been called Paul once or twice in my life. This Paul guy kinda likes the mime look. If you want ro know more then tou know what to do. Luap
And then we have the minimalist, whose username is also his phone number:
QuoteHi
Tuscan? You know some Italian?
I'll come up with something tomorrow.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 05, 2013, 06:42:17 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 05, 2013, 06:01:31 AM
ROGER I NEED YOU!
QuoteI caught you a delicious bass and im holding it. Hopefully this doesn't turn on the Tuscan guy. Hi, I've been called Paul once or twice in my life. This Paul guy kinda likes the mime look. If you want ro know more then tou know what to do. Luap
And then we have the minimalist, whose username is also his phone number:
QuoteHi
Tuscan? You know some Italian?
I'll come up with something tomorrow.
:lulz: Awesome.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have this in my profile:
QuoteYou should message me if
You want to receive a personalized response from my Spiritual Advisor. He's a guy who lives in Tucson and his head is full of bees, and I'm having him write my responses for a while. Because why not?
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 05, 2013, 07:49:33 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 05, 2013, 06:42:17 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 05, 2013, 06:01:31 AM
ROGER I NEED YOU!
QuoteI caught you a delicious bass and im holding it. Hopefully this doesn't turn on the Tuscan guy. Hi, I've been called Paul once or twice in my life. This Paul guy kinda likes the mime look. If you want ro know more then tou know what to do. Luap
And then we have the minimalist, whose username is also his phone number:
QuoteHi
Tuscan? You know some Italian?
I'll come up with something tomorrow.
:lulz: Awesome.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have this in my profile:
QuoteYou should message me if
You want to receive a personalized response from my Spiritual Advisor. He's a guy who lives in Tucson and his head is full of bees, and I'm having him write my responses for a while. Because why not?
Write message, switch it though google translate and back again from italian, hilarity ensues.
I LOVE YOU ALL!
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on April 23, 2013, 04:15:11 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 23, 2013, 01:38:16 AM
OH HERE'S A LIVE ONE:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lets-party-on?cf=messages
QuoteWhat does your spiritual advisor tell you about live money and more
What you mean his head is full of bees
This is my third attempt. Hotkeys keep eating my posts. I hate this laptop so much my dick is hard.
Dear Mr Midlife Crisis,
What I mean by "his head is full of bees" is sort of like "his head is full of malice, broken glass, and petrified old prophylactics", only more aggressively so. He is a bad person on just about every level, but so were just about all the old testament prophets (Samuel? HELLO!).
I don't understand what you mean by "live money and more", unless you meant "life, money, and more", in which case it's what he HASN'T said. I swear to God, he never shuts up when he gets a case of the holies.
"Money" is something that he should have, apparently. It is the root of all evil, and he wishes to selflessly take the evil onto himself, so we should send him all the filthy lucre that is currently or in the future staining our souls. Life seems to annoy him. On hearing of the possibility of life on Mars, he shot his television with some ridiculously large handgun and fucked off into the desert for 3 weeks. He does that fairly often.
And "other"? Christ on a barstool, that assmonkey has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and he's more than happy to bray it (and a gallon of spittle) into your horrified face. In public. With people watching. This is precisely why I chose a holy man that lives 2000 miles away, and only visit him once a decade. Last time I went down, he was in the throes of benzodiazapam withdrawal, and had decided to alleviate it by pouring bourbon down himself. I told him it was a bad idea, but he wasn't listening, he was screaming out the window at some tea party slob, while my horrified (then) boyfriend drove. Then he puked out the window and had some kind of fit.
He doesn't have good ideas, he just has holiness. Specifically, you feel much more glad to be alive when you leave his presence.
If you have any specific questions, I shall be happy to pass them on, but caveat emptor, if you catch my drift.
- Nigel
Good times.
It might be time to revive my profile, and this thread. :lulz:
Quote from: Nigel's Red Velveteen Skinmeat Snacks on January 22, 2014, 10:03:45 PM
It might be time to revive my profile, and this thread. :lulz:
I'm down. Bored to tears, these days.